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Mals success 1 year later


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Well I am here to finally write my success story.  First of all I want to thank everyone here and you know who you are that helped me through one of the toughest journies of my life.  I could not have done it without the help and support of this site.  God knows where I would have ended up without this help.

 

It all started on Dec. 29, 2007.  I was involved in a trauma accident from being thrown from one of my young horses.  I broke many of my ribs, fractured my back and had punctured the fluid sac around my lung.  I had a hospital stay of 8 days and many meds that had been given to me for the trauma and pain along with a blood transfusion.  I had no idea what I was in for.  Thought oh a few broken bones will heal in time and that will be the end of it.  WRONG!  I found myself by the end of February not sleeping, stopping pain meds because my stomach was so messed up from them.  All of this I did per Dr.'s orders.  My last meds given to me was prilosec OTC.  Within one hour of taking them I was coming out of my skin, unable to sit still, unable to relax and unable to sleep for 8 days before they told me to take Ativan.  It did not help if anything it made it worse.  The next pill they told me to take was xanax.  Mind you I was so sick and was hoping this would stop the shaking and give my body some rest.  It did!  I have to say though that I never felt good on it.  They prescribed .5 4X daily.  I had no idea what I was in for.  So this is the beginning of my 1 1/2 year long journey to hell and back.

 

The date was 2/20/08 and I continued until 5/3/08 when I started my taper after being dumped by Dr.'s that did not know what to do for me and refered me over to a Psych Dr. to manage me.  I had no idea what they were talking about.  I did as they told me and now they did not know what to do with me.  GREAT!!  I was in the dark!  No knowledge of what to do next.  I knew I needed to get off of this but did not know how.  That is when god came and directed me to Benzo Buddies.  How else could I have found this site.  I had no previous problems before all of this.  I was so sick and unstable by this time but I found the site and all the angels (that is what I call them) that offered support and help for me.  On May 3 I started my taper and forged ahead until July 29, 2008 the day that I became BENZO FREE!.  I will be one year free this week and I am great!!  Was this easy?? Hell NO!!  I do believe I have been to hell and back but I never stopped believing that I would get well.  Had my doubts at times but always new I had to keep moving forward no matter how bad I felt.  On those bad days that is when everyone came to my rescue and cheered me on.  They believed in me and I had to believe in myself.  I have never been so sick in my life and it has been the hardest thing that I have everdone.  I am so lucky to have made it!  It is a fact that it is one of the hardest drugs to come off of.  But it can be done.  My taper was the hardest for me and once free of the drug I started to feel better.  It did not happen overnite but I could see the progress that I was making and it gave me the determination and the strength to move forward.  I had many waves but as time moved on my days would get better and better.  I had times that I would notice considerable improvements.  First it was just being off the pills second it was 3 months off, the next improvement was 6 months and then finally at 8 months off I knew I was getting ahead of this journey.  By 10 months off I was pretty good but still feeling waves with mild sensations and now at almost 12 months off I may still get a few palpitations and some restless nights but other than that I do believe I am good to go.  My life is great again and I am back and I survived this with all the ups and downs with my family.  It did do a number on them.  WE are all good and getting better every day.  I don't know why we are meant to have to take this journey but these are the cards that we are dealt with.  I have learned so much about life, about me and what really matters to me. " It is what it is " this is my new motto and it is going to keep me in check and keep me real.  I made it and I want everyone else to know that no matter how bad it gets you can make it too.  Please feel free to read my blog.  It describes most of my journey.  I would advise everyone to keep a journal. It helped me to see a pattern of good days and bad days.  I have come so far.  I was so sick at times I thought I would die.  Wow what a difference a year makes.  My thoughts and prayers are with everyone that has to go through this.  My hope is for everyone to be granted the strength to get throught this journey!  You can do it!!  Special love and prayers to my 2 special angels that found me on this site and helped me through this.  Patty and Keith I love you both and I will never forget you ever.  You are my heroes!!

 

mal :smitten:

 

aka Mary Anne

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Thank you mal,

 

What a powerful story, the story of your life that was forever changed when you were thrown from your horse.  You fought hard, you deserve every happiness that life has in store for you.  Thank you again for sharing your success, and for giving those still suffering hope.

 

Pam :smitten:

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Thank you for taking the time to post your story after one year off, Mal.  :smitten:  You know how much everyone on this journey needs the hope that someone like yourself can give by sharing what you went through and how you are now.  :thumbsup:

 

For anyone who wants to scan Mal's blog, here's a link:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=8634.0

 

I also want to take this opportunity to thank you for staying around and continuing to support others who are still tapering and healing.  :mybuddy:  As you know, most people seem to just drift away once they feel better.  ;)  I'm so glad you aren't "most people".

 

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Well, I have tears in my eyes after reading your 'success' story.  We have talked many times about how we couldn't wait to post here so we can give hope to others.  It also means you are healed.  Yes, this has been a journey of a lifetime but one that is conquerable.  I hope I am the next one to post here......it should be soon.  Love you, mal.

 

Patty  xoxoxox

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Mary Anne,  :mybuddy:

 

Thank you so much for posting this!! :yippee: I am so happy you are doing so well! :yippee:  As Beeper also mentioned, thank you so much for being here for others!!

 

T2 :smitten:

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Thanks everyone!  I hope this helps others to see that there is an end to all this madness!

 

Sometimes I think it is time to move on but then it hits me, if I can help just one more person or respond to get that person through one more day than I need to stick around.  It would be hard to walk away from here and never look back.  This is a chapter in my life and I think I will probably always be checking in to make sure everyone has made it one more day.  I know there are plenty of new faces that come aboard and I know this site would probably do fine without me but if you don't mind I think I will stick around. 

 

Mary Anne

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Thanks everyone!  I hope this helps others to see that there is an end to all this madness!

 

Sometimes I think it is time to move on but then it hits me, if I can help just one more person or respond to get that person through one more day than I need to stick around.  It would be hard to walk away from here and never look back.  This is a chapter in my life and I think I will probably always be checking in to make sure everyone has made it one more day.  I know there are plenty of new faces that come aboard and I know this site would probably do fine without me but if you don't mind I think I will stick around. 

 

Mary Anne

 

Hi Mary Anne,

 

It's one thing for newbies to read success stories, but to interact with those of us who have made it through really helps them.  When I was still so sick, I remember Jenilyn posting about how good life was for her now.  I doubted her existence because I didn't see how it was possible to heal.  One of the reasons I'm still here is to help people hang on to hope, let them see it's possible.  Thank you for being here too.

 

Pam

 

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You helped me make it through today :)

 

WE would love it if you would stick around. You are truly an inspiration to me.

One year for me will be the beginning of September. I hope to be posting here sometime after that.

I will probably frequent you blog as it really helps.

 

Thanks Mary Ann.

 

Tanya xoxo

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Thanks everyone!  I hope this helps others to see that there is an end to all this madness!

 

Sometimes I think it is time to move on but then it hits me, if I can help just one more person or respond to get that person through one more day than I need to stick around.  It would be hard to walk away from here and never look back.  This is a chapter in my life and I think I will probably always be checking in to make sure everyone has made it one more day.  I know there are plenty of new faces that come aboard and I know this site would probably do fine without me but if you don't mind I think I will stick around. 

 

Mary Anne

 

This is how I feel also.  I had such good people to help me when I got here, I know what being around to help others means.  Sometimes it just takes a word or two saying "I'm thinking of you" to help someone feel just a little bit better!  :)

 

Please do stick around!  Having all great buddies around that we've made here is one of the most positive things to come out of this experience!    :mybuddy:

 

 

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Dear Mary Ann:

 

Thank you for posting your success story.  It gives me hope that by next Christmas I will be posting mine.  I hope you will stick around it is so good when I am feeling down to log in and find a message of encouragement on my blog from someone who has survived and recovered. 

 

ntw

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It is interesting and encouraging to read that after one year you are so much better.  I am 6 months out and have had  a "not so good" month.  BUT I do know that this will pass. 

 

I, too, find it impossible to totally leave this site.  I don't post nearly as much as I did, but I do come around a couple times a week.  I need to "pay it forward".  To help just that one person for just that one moment ;)

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Well done Mary anne- so thrilled you have made it through.  Reading this today has helped me get through another day of what seems a never ending journey.  Having fast tapered (3 weeks) off 1mg lorazepam I am still in this nightmare almost 2 years later. One day my body has to remember what to do im sure!

Would love you to hang around - those who have made it are an inspiration to those of us who are fighting our way there!

love spring

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Thank you so much! And thank you for being here and supporting me and so many others. You, Patty, and Keith immediately put me at ease and handed me back my courage to get off xanax. Your story brought tears to my eyes, especially where you write "they didn't know what to do with me". You are so courageous... and i'm glad you are here to help others get free of this. I'm happy that you are healing and are happy. This truly brings alot of hope for me and others.

 

xx

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Hi Mal, sounds like we started our "little adventures" the same way  :o ..I am so happy to know that you feeling so well ;D:yippee:....I am right behind you! I hope! :yippee:

 

Much Love, WW :smitten:

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Mal,

 

Your story is very inspirational.  I am glad you were able to get through what sounds like the roughest part of your life. I am only halfway through my journey and I need to read stories like yours to help me keep on truckin'.  It is easier to get through the darkness when you know someone has already taken the journey and made it to the other side.  Thanks again for your story and please stick around...to help those of us...that are still on the journey.  Hopefully, we all meet you on the other side.

 

 

Tim

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  • 2 weeks later...

Mal,

 

Thank you for sharing! I look here regularly and am so glad to see a new success post.  I'm at month 8 and feeling much, much better than I did; you give me hope that maybe I might be coming to the end of my journey.

 

Please stick around; we need you!

 

ginger

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Hi Mal,

I'm sooooo glad you feel so great! I know you had a hard time. It's so good that you are back to enjoying all you have in your life. Kel

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  • 3 weeks later...

thank you. I get tears in my eyes when i read these stories because it gives me hope that what seems neverending and impossible and so very painful on so many different levels IS possible.

Thank you.

"Keep the faith"

Steph

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  • 5 months later...

Sometimes I think it is time to move on but then it hits me, if I can help just one more person or respond to get that person through one more day than I need to stick around.  It would be hard to walk away from here and never look back.  This is a chapter in my life and I think I will probably always be checking in to make sure everyone has made it one more day.  I know there are plenty of new faces that come aboard and I know this site would probably do fine without me but if you don't mind I think I will stick around. 

 

Mary Anne

 

 

  Mary Anne,  :) God bless you!  I am healed too, though you couldn't have described it any better. The need to stay close and reassure others.

  I wish you the best of happiness and joy in your life.

 

Shelly :smitten:

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks SDM!!! I am doing really good and living life but I did get a pretty good hit at 18 months off and it lasted a couple of weeks.  Since that hit my physical symptoms are gone and for about a week my emotions were at an all time high!!  Totally over emotional!!!  I appear to be good again.  Wouldn't it be nice if 19 months would be the mark of the end of a long journey.  Hoping everyone is moving along and don't ever give up hope!!

 

mal

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Thanks SDM!!! I am doing really good and living life but I did get a pretty good hit at 18 months off and it lasted a couple of weeks.  Since that hit my physical symptoms are gone and for about a week my emotions were at an all time high!!  Totally over emotional!!!  I appear to be good again.  Wouldn't it be nice if 19 months would be the mark of the end of a long journey.  Hoping everyone is moving along and don't ever give up hope!!

 

mal

 

I am praying for you girl. I see you as the girl who escaped from Alcatraz. You escaped from the prison , but now you are swimming through the waters, almost to the other side.

 

You healing and making it to 100%, gives us hope.

 

Tanya

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