18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Buddie]]

Hi everyone!

Today was a toughie. Went to my granddaughter's first soccer game of the season.  I felt so sick and detached.  I'm very depressed because I have never had a window in 11 months, except for a few evenings when the symptoms decrease from the horrifying level to the just plain lousy level.

I haven't suffered the number and severity of symptoms many of you brave warriors have.  I just feel so crummy all the time, sick to my stomach, anxiety through the roof, pulsatile tinnitus, 4am cortisol wake up calls every morning, drugged/drunk feeling.  Nothing has changed in 11 months.  Any "improvements" I detect are just me making up stories in my own head to give myself [...] that I'm not permanently damaged goods.

I could not bear the thought of living the rest of my [...] like this.  I'm trying to take one day at a time, but the days just keep bleeding together in this ugly same state.  I'm sorry for being such a downer on the new thread.  Did anyone else never get any windows at 11 months out?  I just need a little ray of [...].

Love, [...]

[...], that sounds [...] severe to me.  And, no, you won't have to live your whole [...] like this.  You just have to hold out and survive until you're healed.  And that will def'ly happen.  one foot in front of the other.  you can only do your best.

[[Buddie]]

[...],

Thanks for starting this thread. I [...] you're right that the third time is the charm. You sound good. Glad you're having some better days.

I've been on the [...] all day. Trying to sleep while in pain. Doesn't work very well.  Legs still sting & are worse today. I ice them every couple of hours which gives me a little relief. New sx hit today. Feels like I got kiced in the ribs. Like I have a broken rib. Last week this was on the right side now it's on the left. 

Green, glad you're off the couch today. [...] this is a new beginning of healing.

[...], wow, your symptoms sound horrible. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Just know it will get better. Concentrate on just making it through one day at a time. That's what I do.

[...] - those headaches have to be hell. Glad you got a little break.

[...] - sorry you're on the couch again. A least you're getting some sun breaks. I can tell you're healing little by little. Tomorrow will be a better day.

[...] - I am at 21.5 months. My symptoms got worse starting at 15 months. Stinging Kegs & severe body pain. I've never has panic attacks before or during w/d. That must be really scary. Since our entire central nervous system is effected, I can see how panic attacks can happen. [...] they go away soon.  Others have said they started to really heal at 23 months.

[...] - pain with your teeth has to be awful. I [...] they can find a solution for you soon.

[...], a lot of us have had the rib pain.  HH had it bad right before she healed.  Let's [...] it's a sign of healing. 

I have to say month 22 has been a tough month for me, all physical, very hard.  but I'm hoping it's a sign of healing, I really believe it is.  Yes, today was a break, things lightened up.  I have high hopes we will all see some real improvement in the next two months.   

[[Buddie]]

Finally!i was looking for a group beyond 18 mths.  [...] at 22 mths since last benzo.
Did anyone get new symptoms 16 mths..thats when my first panic attack.started...it was isolated to one place, and situation. Then at mth 20_ 21 it started at other stores. So it got worse.
I didnt have panic before this. Will it go away?

....[...]....you are not alone with this sx. I think it has been almost a universal pattern in this group to get a very tough long wave with new and/or returning sx late in year 2. I had a 3 plus month long wave from month 17- 20.5... I felt like I was right back in acute the entire 3 + months. I also developed a new sx..  reflux ....At month 22 things are much better.  Still with sx but much better. I just read a post on another thread about someone getting thier first panic attack at month 19. Nothing is out of the question in w/d
     Hold on and keep going. Do whatever has been keeping you going this long. It will get better.  This will end....
      Wishing you some better days soon..    [...]

[[Buddie]]

[...]....everything that Green said. I developed chest/back and rib pain in month 21.  Still 'working' with it. So far the only things that help it are my stand by Epsome salts hot bath soaks and sometimes Arnica helps temporarily.
     I have to agree with Green....the second half of year 2 seems to be all about physical. I haven't felt this beat up in the entire 22 months since my jump, but the mental stuff is about 85% better .  .consistently.  now if I could just do some of the things my mind wants to do....like put in an entire 12 hour day without needing a nap at 4pm, or shopping AND putting my patio away for the season, or going to a movie with my grandsons AND cooking dinner....
      You do sound in the thick of physical misery.  I wish you felt better....you will feel better....go easy until things start start easing up and do t push it too hard when they do.
       Thinking of you [...].  [...] you get some rest.  [...]

[[Buddie]]

[...]....teeth pain and pressure is bad....some days I cry....it's extreme tightness....I'm confused as to having extracted root canal before jumping....pain was bad....another surgery pain bad...then I jumped off clonazepam ...due to a doctor telling me that benzo can cause teeth disorder...and since I was waking up with lock jaw during sleep while on clonazepam ...I figured it was benzo related..due to tooth issues started seven days after running out of clonazepam .....but sad to say only locked jaw has stopped...teeth pain so bad some days I cry....taste is bad I have very high inflammation in extracted tooth site...and also in salivary glands....had the salivary gland biospy...inflammation in mouth is high for sjogrens ...burning mouth is bad but not everyday...I just have muscle tightness issues all over ...it likes to jump ....mouth and face and stomach is the worst for muscle tightness..ugh
Going to another root canal specialist monday....to talk about inflammation...to make sure it's not something from extracted root canal...then followingnweek I go back to rheum. Doc...
I wish I could relieve mouth and jaw tightness...
Sorry everyone for such a long text....
Everyone have a good evening....[...]

......Texas....I have read other posters on the general board complain of on going tooth pain. I wonder if it's a version of the head pressure that so many of us get. You have suffered it for a long time...I used a mouth gaurd during acute to help relieve jaw grinding  and it did help.
  ..I have to say that the dry mouth over time is a classic sx of Sojgrens ....I don't know how they treat it.
     This is so hard and you have come a long way....I [...] the dental pain responds to something . I can't imagine 2 years of dental pain. Did you say in another post here that your burning mouth was a sx before you went on benzos? ....
        I [...] things are easier for you tomorrow ....[...]

[[Buddie]]

Thank you [...] and Green. You always find a way to make me feel better.

[...]

[[Buddie]]

Okay...I know my mini depression was from brain chemical changes caused by the visual aura/migraine that just showed.  Just drank coffee w Tylenol and aspirin.  Waiting for vision to come back to normal.

......Sheesh! ....[...].  this just has to be your 'bad before the good' stint...  Coffee and tylenol should do it...lol....plus the hot bath. Did your vision recover? ..  When oh when will modern medicine find the answers to the common cold and migraines. I hate it that you are continuously waltzing a headache around the dance floor. .   Wishing you a much better day tomorrow.  Thinking of you [...]... .[...]

[[Buddie]]

Hi everyone,

Here to join you all in our new home. Don't feel like I can type much as I'm so sick. This is so depressing, I'm with you [...]. This feels like I've CT off something. Also had a panic last night 

[[Buddie]]

Hi [...] ... sorry you are so far in the soup ... and the panic stuff sure doesn't make things any easier ...

Hang on ... this too shall pass ... one day at a time ... I know you feel terrible right now ... and you have come a long way with your steadfastness and compassion ...

It will not always be like this ... although it may sure feel like it right now ...

Is the weather good enough to sit in your garden with a cup of tea this afternoon? ...

You are doing well ... keep going ... 

[[Buddie]]

Well ... haven't had a crazy dream cycle like that in a while ... spent the whole night searching for ways through a house ... riding buses speeding down streets ... hanging onto the back of some kind of truck looking for the house I had to search ... phew ...

Took me over an hour to "land" after I woke up ...

Not too lousy of a day ... got the heavy sinus and throat congestion ... otherwise sort of okay ...

Had a long bout of "is this as good as it gets" this morning ... a rather pointless exercise ... those thoughts finally left after they were ignored for a while ...

[...] we all have a decent day ... we need one ... 

Did someone rescue [...] from his bubbles? ...