Bad anxiety after quitting klonopin in May

I have a long rant for you guys.... sorry...

I just want to tell it to people who actually understand whats happening with me.

Sorry if its a bit disorganized, I'm tired but not sleepy and I've been having trouble keeping my thoughts in order anyway

So I took my last pill in the beginning of May. I did surprisingly well, I did have withdrawal symptoms but they continued to get better as they had been doing as I did my bet to taper as slowly as I could. I did better and better and felt GREAT for about a month.

Now I've seemed to just have... crashed.

To be honest the emotional/psychological withdrawal problems got worse as my physical symptoms got better. I've been feeling pretty bad, mentally, this whole time but I had a big drive in me for quite some time. I felt very determined and hopeful. But as I felt worse and worse that little fire seemed to go out. It was a feeling of, I worked so hard to get a hold on my anxiety and get rid of this pill and now that I've done all that I'm back where I started. My anxiety is almost as bad as it was when I first started having panic attacks and I just feel like I've been run into the ground. I feel like all I have is wreckage to sort through and try to rebuild but I'm tired, I know I can do it i know I WILL do it it's just overwhelming. I'm not sure how I will get myself together. One day at a time I suppose?

Is this all normal? My anxiety was fine for a month now it's back with a vengeance.

I had a panic attack on July 3rd. I was with my cousin at her cousins' house. I guess I was nervous to be around people, I've got a bit of social anxiety going on but I didn't think I'd have a panic attack! It was being around people and smoking a little weed I guess its a bad combination for me.*** I was so embarrassed I kept telling Erica that I was sorry, it hadn't happened in a long time. I shouldn't have felt so bad she's my closest family member and I know she loves me, she took such good care of me. I just thought I was done with all of this. On the bright side, I handled it really well. I handled all these overwhelming feelings quietly with really great composure considering how awful I felt. I should feel more proud of myself but there's this frustration in the way, I can't believe I'm having to deal with this again. And so suddenly!

All of a sudden I have a noticeable amount of anxiety going on just about every day! And.. other things. I'm irritable, I get headaches, trouble sleeping, trouble communicating, and I'm afraid I've started to feel somewhat depressed. I feel that there is a normal amount of depression in the life of anyone who is conscious of the world around them but this is a little heavier, definitely related to the anxiety and all that...

My dad just got deployed to Iraq, he left last week. It's stressful at home whenever he leaves but its different now, I'm an adult, my brother is a teenager, he walks all over my mom who treats me like a kid. I try to help her with him but she acts like I'm a little girl still. She doesn't want to face the problem, she gives in to her anxiety. His behavior affects me too. Sometimes I feel so bad I feel like I can't stand it here. I must pick myself up and be strong, I know I can, I just can't shake these bad feelings. I'm fighting a lot with my boyfriend too. We're both under stress. I feel like everytime I get up theres something new to knock me down. Of course, not getting back up is never an option. It's just... tiring.

***I've never had trouble with smoking weed, really. When I first started it would kick my anxiety up a bit but never bothered me enough to discourage me from smoking. Actually since it helped me feel very calm I really enjoyed working with my breathing to calm my nerves those first few times I smoked. It was very therapeutic. Really turned my life around. It was amazingly helpful while I was tapering, it made me feel completely better. I could go from having the worst day to feeling just fine. Really evened me out and cheered me up. Still, as I took less and less klonopin I could feel that it was kicking my anxiety up again. The less klonopin I took the more sensitive to weed I felt. It was really troublesome though until just recently. It's definitely a problem now.

The panic attack on the 3rd was the cherry on top. I waited a couple of days to smoke again and I've been trying to figure out what dose is best for me, if any. Low-grade is terrible for me, doesn't matter how little I smoke. Unfortunately while good cannabis doesn't give me anxiety I still don't even feel that it evens me out. I'm taking a break for a few days, if I still feel bad (or feel nothing) when I smoke after that I'm just gonna have to accept that I can't do it right now. I feel cheated, my medicine doesn't work any more. But I'm a smart girl and I just gotta look at these days as a time to rebuild and improve myself. Sobriety is always good for the soul when it needs to center.

Also, the US government gives us health insurance whenever we give them our dad so thankfully I will be able to see a counselor that I can talk to. I didn't want to go back to therapy even if it didn't involve prescriptions but I feel like I really need it now. I think it'll help me 

Has anyone else experienced bad anxiety after quitting their benzo? I mean, I'm sure someone has... It's just surprising how bad it is! I thought I'd do better than this  And the depression... is that normal? normalish?  I hope this wasnt long and annoying, i feel very selfconscious about my posts... I just want to make contact with other ppl who have felt bad too.... 

love lisa <3

Hello Lisa,

Welcome to BenzoBuddies, congratulations on getting off the Klonopin.  I think it's quite normal to feel anxious after quitting the benzo's, even though it took awhile for you to feel this way.  It's great you were able to handle the panic attack on July 3rd, it sounds like you were able to work your way through it.

Your body is still healing, so the anxiety and depression are normal symptoms.  Since you don't seem to be reacting well to the cannabis, it might be a good idea to abstain from it.  There are many natural methods for dealing with your anxiety, you can find them here on the forum by doing a search in the upper right hand corner. 

Have you had a chance to read the Ashton Manual, it's very helpful because it describes many of our symptoms and offers help in dealing with them.  The link is:

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/index.htm 

We're very glad you've found us, hopefully we can help you with your symptoms and offer some support for your continued healing.  It sounds like you have some stressful situations you're dealing with at the moment but I can tell you have a strong spirit, you're going to get through this. 

Pam

Hi Lisa,

Yes, it is very normal to get hit pretty hard after being off awhile.  For most of us on this forum it can take months for our GABA receptors to heal.  Just keep taking it day by day and you will eventually heal.  I would in no way smoke weed until you know you are completely healed from the benzo.  The irritibility/agression was one of my worst symptoms.  Please do read the Ashton Manual as Pam suggested.  There is so much useful info there.  Congratulations on being benzo-free.

Patty  xo

Thanks for the support pam & patty

I will definitely read the Ashton Manual, I think I looked at it a while back and it definitely will be very helpful for me.

thanks again 

Hey Lisa,

I was on a low dose of Klonopin for a very short time compared to you, and anxiety was the most debilitating withdrawal symptom I had.....still have it to a degree 120 days after quitting. Yesterday it hit me out of the blue while shopping at the grocery store. I am able to battle it, but it still sucks. And I NEVER had it prior to Klonopin. It does get better, and I can pretty much do what I want and go where I want without worry. You will get past this. Good luck.