Jump to content

Long term benzo user, now free for over a year and doing well!!! You can too!!!


[Si...]

Recommended Posts

If I could make a suggestion, to everyone that's reading any of this stuff, please stop taking all pharm medicines and go herbal.

The meds are keeping people's brains from healing. They tried to put me on seroquel for the withdrawal at the rehab. Seroquel is rat poison.

I refused all meds. I got better fast. I refused any pain meds, even though they could have made it more cushy for me.

I sat alone in the cafeteria there and picked apart each meal until it was only meat, fruit and vegetables. The women there made many jans at me for it, thinking I was doing it to lose weight. Then, because I am already thin, they spread rumors about me having an eating disorder, and the staff then got involved with both my eating and the fact that I wasn't being social. At all.

It was like being in a weird/twisted version of high school.

Back to the main idea, please stop taking pharm meds and please try to pay attention to what you're eating.

Food is medicine, and food can also be drugs. There's a flip side to everything.

I'm not trying to sell anything, but I had two things that really helped me on occasion with anxiety through all of this mess.

I made sure to NOT BECOME DEPENDENT on these tthings, and only used then when absolutely needed.

I used Valerian root tincture on occasion and stress and anxiety management by Zen Life Supplements.

When I absolutely needed means, when I had to go to my cousin's funeral. That's a perfect example.

You don't want it to be an every day thing.

You are all capable of so much. Humans are incredible beings, but we get so beat down and limited and often forget our full potential after being apart of a jilted society and life for so long.

Take this time of suffering and learn from it. Take this time of suffering to transition and build up a better you. You can make it.

There is a native American story called Snake Medicine, (they believe every animal has a lesson for us), and in snake medicine the snake teaches us to unhinge our jaw and swallow our problems whole. Snake also teaches us, that there is transformation through pain and suffering, in the same way that they molt their skin.

It's gonna be a long road for some, but you'll be reborn in a way afterward.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

It is now 1 year and seven months since I've been home and off of Klonopin, and I would say I'm 90 percent better :) I am fully functional, and am living a better and more fulfilling life than I had ever before. I am a better person after the withdrawal. i changed my life in ways to help aid during my struggles, and I have kept up with those habits.

 

You don't deserve to suffer for a doctor's paycheck. (they get paid extra for prescribing these medicines)

 

Sickness,

Thanks for posting your story. Your progress after being on K for so long provides a lot of hope.  Out of curiosity- how is your short-term memory now?

 

I agree with your comment about physicians being compensated, at least p-docs, for writing scripts. How do you think the model works- I don't think they receive rebates for generic drugs. It is probably not direct comp but lot of perks.

 

My dilemma now is whether to see a therapist to help with anxiety issues but I don't understand their model either- CBT issupposedly a standard but I once saw a therapist who said "I will work woth your physician as a team" which suggests his long term goal is to go the medicine route.  I don't think they receive fees from the prescriber but I can't imagine they are completely unbiased.

 

It is interesting that there are no physicians on this board- I would not say "none" but I doubt you will find more than 10 out of 15,000 members. Maybe I am wrong.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I first left the rehab, my memory period was nearly erased. I had amnesia. I could not remember where I lived, I did not know my house was mine, or remember certain people, places or things. It took me months to start receiving pieces back.

I remember painful memories now and have to remove them freshly all over again without the aid of a medication. It is difficult, but the grieving process is an important part of the human experience. We aren't supposed to cover our wounds. We need to face them to truly heal so then we can face more and endure them. Life is painful. It's all a part of the trail. It can't all be pleasant.

I think that we as a culture try to escape this reality.

My short term memory is good. I have some minor issue with it here and there, but that also runs in my family with age. Every once in awhile I'll catch myself forgetting something, a word or an address, but not any worse than before the medication.

My recall functioning is fine, and I exercise it daily through vigorous activities for the mind.

I am able to study and memorize things when learning. I started brushing up on two foreign languages and returned back to school (online of course), and have published one book and am working on three more since I've been home. It hasnt even been two years yet. I can't wait to see what I'm capable of producing in 5.

My brain was not fully fully formed when they started me on this medicine. I was a 19 year old woman. I was 27 when I got off of them.

The fact that I can still function at all after such abuse is astounding to me, and I am grateful for it and will not abuse the blessing.

My brain is still healing, yes. My symptoms from the withdrawal gone? Yes. I also believe every one can heal if they work for it.

As for the doctors getting paid more, I know for a fact they do, as I have close friends that are psychiatrists and psychologists.

We did notice a trend in doctors that were a part of family practice centers and the like dulling them out for every trivial concern like candy. They profit on other's suffering. It's quite obvious.

Doctors aren't dumb. They go to school and they learn that a 19 year old woman should not be on a benzo for a decade during possibly the most important time in the building of her life. Benzos are only supposed to be prescribed short term.

Did they prescribe them any way to me? Totally. Did they want any parts in weaning me off by tapering the proper way? No way. They wouldn't touch my case.

I was never once told of the dangers of benzos, or the possible fatality of the withdrawal. Nothing. I learned myself.

As for your anxiety, have you looked into alternative healing? Don't get into psych meds. It's messy, and the knowledge doctors have on these drugs is more limited than anyone will admit.

I have panic attacks, but I use breathing exercises now, meditation and self talk. I also use CBT and pieces of concepts used in DBT, such as mindfulness.

My anxiety spells don't even go into full blown attack like they did when I was both beginning and on clonopin. I believe the medication made my anxieties amplified over time, as well as started to reshape my actual personality.

My social anxiety is pretty awful now needless to say, but that's my own fault for expecting a medicine to take that away from me. Now I'm back at square one, learning to do things all over again.

I am able to do things I was once too scared to do on my own now and without any medicine at all, which is a very great feeling.

Five months ago, I got on stage in front of a crowd of easily over one hundred people, and I felt fine. I coikd neber do this wither sober or unmedicated before. Of course a little nervous at first, but then all fine.

The body is an amazing thing.

I look back at my journals from the start of all of this. How I couldn't remember my own possessions. Paintings and clothing. All sorts of things.

And now I see how I remember everything now in more recent entries. How far I've come and how much I've progressed.

All of the signs of the brain healing. The fact that I can remember again means my brain IS healing itself.

And it keeps getting better every day.

It is never too late to heal. You're never destroyed. Even people with wet brain can repair to some extent.

It's all what you're putting inside of yourself and doing for yourself.

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I feel as though a huge part of recovery from this insidious medication is gaining the courage to face that initial event in life that turned us over to doctors at our weakest points.

The majority of us were prescribed or sought out benzos for one sole reason: to forget.

We needed to forget, and doctors at our most vulnerable times held out a devils handshake type of option, and we took it, never realizing the full weight of what we had signed up for until it was too late.

I often wonder how often this occurs with all other psych meds?

What truly sickens me, is that I had mentioned I didn't have the cash to afford a doctor that would taper me off properly, but I could certainly afford one to dull me out the things for the duration. They would have kept me on them if I would have wanted it.

Just venting :)

I am grateful that I am doing so well and this experience has been life changing for me for the better.

I believe that everyone had the capactiy to heal and to experience a new life afterward.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

JACD,

Everyone's healing time is different. As well as symptoms. I feel like healing really begins if you are no longer damaging your vessel.

How have you been eating/what have you been eating?

I do the SCD diet and have noticed wonders. Lots of protein, no grains at all, no refined sugars, and cheese only once a week. Fruits every other day and only cooked, and all veggies besides potatoes or other starchy things. It helped me so much. The chicken soup and bone soup were both cost efficient and soothing.

 

Lots of water. TONS of water. Put pink salt in your water to help your body use it better.

 

Exercise is important. In the rehab when I was sicker than a dog, they made us go to the gym and do some kind of exercise every day. I started playing volley ball, and it helped me so very much. Even when I was hallucinating, the sweat and just movement helped me.

Now I hike often and I walk every where. Sometimes I do yoga stretches and light weights for my arms.

 

Keep yourself busy and distracted. I know you don't feel like doing much of anything, but it really all aids.

 

I started feeling better about 6 or seven months out. I didn't feel super functional until over a year. It takes a while but dont' focus on the losses, focus on the gains.

 

I suggest keeping a "grateful journal". Write down all of the positive things you've witnessed each month. And also all of the things for which you are thankful. This helps during the really bad days. A journal habit can be very helpful. Write yourself out of the illness.

 

Above all things, keep POSITIVE!!! Your immune system depends on it.

 

If you smoke, stop. If you're drinking or using drugs, that's dumb.

 

Hang in there, dude and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm on here once a week and will always respond.

 

 

Hi Sick Ness,

 

Sorry it took so long to write back! I stopped posting for a while.

 

Yes, everything you said, I totally agree with and do myself too!

 

I have journals going back 24 months now, and it helps so much to chart progress. Writing it all down really helps.We really do have healing patterns. It does have 'order' to it..but I could only see it after looking back on it, from the journals.

 

It seems random, but it's not.But it's hard to see it unless you write it down as it happens and look back on it.

 

Hope you'll come back and check in again..

 

Take care

 

JACD

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sick ness,

I see that you have not been on in awhile but I read through all of your posts for two reasons. I have pushed through the hell of a slow klonopin taper to find out now I can't tolerate stirring things up with am ambien taper.

So yes,I'm need to dig in again. But I do fantasize about a raid taper in detox. I need someone to tell me I am not dying just as you said. I could do it for myself with klonopin because I then went to sleep at night with ambien. Now all do the I will die from this got triggered again.

 

So if you come back send me a PM. I am doing a sugar detox and pushing more walking and yoga. I was starting to lose my ability to walk again, glad that you posted about that! I just pretend. I don't want to surrender my independence again if I can Help it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just got on benzo buddies and you are my first success story read. I am only 3 months into the taper process of 3mg of Ativan per day.  Symptoms are horrible and some days I think I can't make it. And you are right. No one understands that hasn't been through it. You are an inspiration that I needed today. Thanks for sharing.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This one really Hit Home

 

I still cant accept some of what happens in those detox facilities , Like when you said that you got desperate and when they checked on you they told that you was having cravings for a drug or alcohol, and treat you bad, like if u deserve to be treated bad for been suffering . its so F-up

 

On some facilities i had been , If you started to become kinda desperate with your symptoms, Even if you was not agressive and only needed words or someone to talk and calm you down for you to cope with that moment of despair, NO, If you act like that you would receive or beein pushed a injection of antipsichotics like haldol or whatever they decided, and if you refused that you would be tied up and they would push you the medication anyway you accepting or not , i was already aware of that , so on those facilitys i would not make anything to something like that occur with me .

 

Anyway on many facilities i had been , Like the first one , you was not allowed to refuse the medications , so if u didnt wanted to take it you would have to make it on your own , praying for not beein caught dropping or not taking it . if this happend , you would be punished and they would force injections of a strong antipsichotic or whatever on you ( its not a fairy tale , its true )

 

I SAW MANY REPULSIVE THINGS ON THOSE FACILITIES THAT I DIDNT WANTED TO SEE , AND DINDT WANTED HAPPENING TO ME ON TO ANYONE .

 

Myself passed tough many bad reactions from drugs And was treated very bad inside of them with no help with the reactions from the medications And more .

 

On those facilitys i seen many cases , ridiculous cases , like the parents of a boy , dropped him there , because they found a joint N he was not going to the school everyday, and they put him there for him to change that behavior, And some cases like, the father of a girl dropped her in there because he discovered that she was having relations with many boys , sleeping on their house,And wanting to live with one of them, silly things like that, I know that u cant belive in all what people says, like maybe there was other problems ,But when u think of it you see that was silly problems involved

 

And i saw those 2 beein higly medicated because their parents put them as inpatient , and at this facility they would push medications on anyone , and make them go to the meetings , like if this was going to brainwash and change them as person and behavior .

 

Those parents didnt know what they where making those "Kids" experience inside those faciltys, And making their sons been drugged up by this legal prescribed drugs , thinking that when they got out they would be wonderful, I bet and know the for most of them the Result was Nothing wonderful.

 

I bet THat many here that had been trough a Detox facility have stories to tell About it .

 

Sickness , Thankyou Very Much for your encouraging post ! im 9 months recoveryng And i Still dont see a way out ,Im in a very bad situation , But a real story like that makes me keep going , Even thinking That i Lost it . There is something Inside me that makes me Keep going , I dont know What it is That Makes me keep Going , I really dont know what It is , But your encouragement makes it stonger , Congratulations after all girl, For making Trough it

 

Consider yourself a winner

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anyone that has nay questions or needs any support feel free to inbox me. I check up weekly usually to he others get by. It's a sick thing and nothing anyone should go through alone.

Also, I'd like it to be noted that these things are only my opinions due to what Ive experienced personally and have been through. I am not a doctor, nor am I pretending to impersonate one. I am simply giving an example of what has helped me heal, and I have the ability, time and want to reach out to others that are going through this situation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have just started this process and your story, even though it made me cry, gives me so much hope for the future because you are right. I feel sometimes like I am dying. I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I started on Klonipan as well for anxiety and took them for five years. I am only six weeks into withdrawing and am scared to death. I am so glad I found this forum. Thanks again and congrats. Enjoy your life. You deserve it!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

Hello SN,

 

I read where you did the SCD diet. I just started it yesterday. Do you feel that it helped you?  It seems you were happy with results. How soon was it before until you noticed improvement and how long were you on it?  Do you still eat  by the SCD? Congratulations on being healed and living the good life. I'm almost there...except for my IBS symptoms.

 

Thank you!  Val

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 years later...
×
×
  • Create New...