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Long term benzo user, now free for over a year and doing well!!! You can too!!!


[Si...]

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I was prescribed and taking multiple dosages of Klonopin and Ambien for ten years, and I had stayed on them for the last two of those years because I was terrified of the withdrawal. I didn't have enough money for a proper doctor to taper me off the right way, so I went with what I thought was my next safest option: going to a rehab with a medical team and doctor on site. I do not recommend rehab for this type of withdrawal ever, if you can help it. But, if you don't have any other options, it is safer than going through the withdrawal at home.

 

Plus sides of going through the beginning stages of withdrawal in a rehab facility: There was a medical team there, so any time I had a horrific withdrawal symptom during that first month, someone was right there to make sure I wasn't dying, which was one of my biggest fears both before and during the withdrawal.

 

Cons of going through the withdrawal in a rehab facility: Nobody understood that I was in excruciating pain and hallucinating, because the staff are very under educated about benzo withdrawal. I was treated like an addict. I was yelled at and called a scumbag. When i told them I was prescribed my medicine, they asked me if I had ever had more than three drinks and enjoyed myself, and I said yes. Then, they called me and addict and tried to brainwash me and corrode my ego. No one there knew what I was going through at all. Whenever I spoke up about any of the horrifying things I was experiencing, I was told that I was going through cravings and that it all was just a part of my horrible disease. They thought that I was just over dramatizing my symptoms to try and get more phenobarbital. It was terribly infuriating. The days I needed to rest in bed, they told me that I could not, and I was forced to sit in the ongoing and daily AA/NA meetings while in my withdrawal agony.

I was taken off of ten years of benzos in one week, and I was flung into a nightmarish series of symptoms from abrupt withdrawal.

 

After I left the rehab, I was still going through the loops, but every here and there I would have a day where I felt a little more clear. Those days were the signs of my brain healing itself, and really all that kept me going.

 

The withdrawal was a living nightmare. i couldn't eat or sleep. I had powerful hallucinations and dreams and the overwhelming feelings of impending death. i was lucky to have never had a seizure while there, or at all through the process. I wanted to die. I felt like I was dying. I was so sick, and I swore up and down that I'd never get better, and that I would be stuck like that forever.

 

I used to get on Benzo Buddies when i came home from rehab, and I used to cry when I read the success stories, because I was certain that I destroyed my life and my brain. I was certain that I wouldn't be able to pull through, and that I'd end up some sort of vegetable. I was so scared, and alone and sad. No one knew what I was experiencing, and it was like I was speaking a different language whenever I tried to speak about it to anyone.

 

I continued to suffer for months after I returned home, and during that time, I really found out who my true friends were, and I stopped smoking. I also stopped eating gluten and excessive sugars, which helped immensely in the process.

 

It is now 1 year and seven months since I've been home and off of Klonopin, and I would say I'm 90 percent better :) I am fully functional, and am living a better and more fulfilling life than I had ever before. I am a better person after the withdrawal. i changed my life in ways to help aid during my struggles, and I have kept up with those habits.

 

I am writing to you, dear reader, because I want you to know that I've been there. That I understand and acknowledge the pain and the suffering incorporated with this horrible withdrawal and medicine. I understand and acknowledge the pain and suffering YOU are going through.

 

Yes, it's going to be terrible for a little bit, but you CAN do it and you WILL be able to live a normal life again. The pain and horror are only temporary, and you will make it to the light again. Just hang in there. Just keep on going. An entire new world waits for you, and you will no longer be physically dependent on a pill.

 

I was prescribed this medication for panic attacks associated with PTSD, and I am now learning how to treat my anxiety in a different way. You don't need this sick medicine to rule your life. You don't deserve to suffer for a doctor's paycheck. (they get paid extra for prescribing these medicines)

 

You can make it !!! I write today, so then you might have hope for a better tomorrow. Take it one day at a time, and stay strong.

 

Take care, and all the love in the world, fellow venturers. Rest your weary head to rest and know that there is peace.

 

 

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Thanks for that very well written and powerful success story.

I am sure many people shall find it as inspiring as I do. Walking through month nine here and determined to get better and write a success story too.

Well done Sick Ness. :thumbsup:

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Thank You Sick Ness. As a fellow long-term user, your story really hits home. Before I found BB's I was detoxed in a similar fashion as you were. I was misdiagnosed, misunderstood, and disrespected, in my most vulnerable moment and at the weakest point in my life. I feel your pain. Your story gives me the extra push to finish this long drawn out affair.

 

So happy to see a success story from a fellow long term user...Thank You.

tryinhard

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Thank you for the inspiring success story! It is reassuring to read of healing after extreme illness. Thank you for taking the time to remind us that this is a temporary state.

Blessings to you as you find your new full life.

 

Warmly,

 

Carita :smitten:

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Thank you for your powerful story and congratulations on living drug free.

 

Your story came at the right time as no one had posted one for a while.

 

I am just over 4.5 months off and getting better slowly. I am hoping to post here soon as am a short term user.

 

Benzofree001

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Hi Sick Ness,

 

What a horrible experience in detox! Before, I could only imagine what went on in the facilities but, now, with your vivid descriptions, I just don't have words. It is truly despicable to treat people the way they do...it reminds me of the horror stories from the insane asylums...UNBELIEVEABLE! I don't believe true addicts should be treated that way, let alone accidental addicts. I had several psychology classes in college and upon reading the textbooks, cover to cover, realized, they were indoctrinating the students. I was so disappointed, I removed myself from the degree program. Since they've let regular doctors prescribe psych meds, the entire medical community has become corrupt. Whatever happened to the Hippocratic Oath? I'm so sad for anyone that needs help from them...

 

But, I'm so happy for you! This website is proof the corruption can't get to everyone.  :)

 

Have a wonderfully happy, healthy life! Hugs to you...

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Sick Ness-wonderful that you have your life back and it sounds like it is better than ever.  I am a bit behind you and can feel some things improving but you know how it is.  The things I have left are crappy as hell.  Go live your life sir!!! :thumbsup: 
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Your story is very inspirational.  I can't imagine the suffering you went through, but I hope the one silver lining you can take from it is to enjoy your life even more now.  It's so frustrating how many doctors out there are willing to prescribe benzos but have no clue how dangerous they are or how to properly get people off of them.  Just yesterday my doctor wanted me to try doing the phenobarbital thing when we've already tried that and it didn't work, not to mention it interacts with other medications I take.  He tells me "If someone is on heroin you give them methadone or Suboxone, if someone is on alcohol you give them Valium, so if someone is on Valium you give them phenobarbital to get them clean." Got me  :idiot:  I started liquid tapering after 6 months of benzo use and worry about protracted withdrawal, so hearing that you're doing well after a year and a half makes me feel better.  Thank you for your story and compassion.  We all deserve better than this nightmare of being stuck on benzos.
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Thank you very much, Sick Ness, and I'm sorry that you were so abused in rehab. It's truly sad that even after decades of people going through such terrible withdrawals, we are still treated with suspicion and contempt a lot of times. I'm still floored that there's little understanding about the process of healing from benzos.

 

Live a wonderful life, and all the best to you!!!

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Hello

Thanks so much for writing your story.

I wish you a very happy life

and thanks for giving so much hope to those of us who are still going through this.

Lib  :thumbsup:

 

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Sick Ness, I'm so sorry that you were so mis-treated in the detox centre but you made it to the other side and you sound full of life and hopeful. Your story gives us long time users much hope to complete the journey. Well done... I wish you good health , happiness and a wonderful life 😊
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I came on to get inspiration...hope...thank you for sharing. I got a little emotional reading your story and I'm so sorry for how you were treated. I'm also 3 months behind you and healing process and I will say the most debilitating symptom I have is dizziness and disequilibrium. Did you have to deal with either though sometimes? I'm so glad that you are fully functional and that life is treating you so well. It brings me great joy to know that people can have normal lives again. Take care and please feel free to stop by and give some of us hope and encouragement that really can use it.
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  Thank you so much for giving us hope.  I am a long time user also, DR. prescribed and am still tapering and am very sick.  I still have so long to go its very scary and depressing but you have given me some much needed boost.  So sorry you went through what you did.  They still keep prescribing this poison also.  God Bless and be well and live a great life now. 
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Sick Ness--thank you for taking the time from your new drug-free life to come back and write such a compelling and inspiring story.  I just hate it that people get treated with such contempt in rehab when they so desperately need kindness and compassion.  It's criminal.
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  • 3 weeks later...

Thank you so much for your encouraging post! I am so glad you are doing well and sorry for what you had to go through.

I was struck as to your description of rehab. How awful it must have been to go off the medication so rapidly - that on top of that you had to endure such abuse is horrifying. You mentioned that you felt that actual addicts shouldn't be treated that way- I completely agree. It sounds like people were not treated as individuals where you were. I used to work with a lot of addicts ( clients, not coworkers  although statistically a few of them too probably  :)) and was hard to see good people struggle through multiple rehab attempts. Easy to understand why if they were treated like that. And the idea that someone who is physically dependent on medication due to long term use would be treated as if addict is terrible. I know that there are some who believe anyone who needs assistance to discontinue long term use of a medication is an addict- I don't agree and think most of us would not have agreed to long  term use of benzos had we known then what we know now. One would think that treatment would be tailored to the patient and it sounds like that was far from what happened in your case. That you continued to go without any medication after such a detox is quite amazing!

I am new to the forum and your post helped me a lot. I recently started a pretty fast taper after 10 yrs of being prescribed 4mg Xanax a day. I knew that it was important never to abruptly stop taking it, but had no idea as to the difficulties involved when tapering off and beyond. I did feel pretty crappy after forgetting to bring my medication on a trip once and occasionally when I forgot to refill rx. I was concerned about being "stuck" on this medication after that and shared concerns with my dr. He told me that he would taper me off very slowly- likely over a period of months- but that it should be done during a time where I was under less stress. He retired recently and my new dr happily started me on taper right away. Unfortunately it has been too rapid and I was ill prepared for my life to be turned upside down.

I know some members have gone through hospitalized detox and I am wondering , especially after reading about your experience, how it would be helpful to someone who was not abusing the medication in comparison to the slow taper plans reccomended here? When I told my new dr that I was having debilitating withdrawl effects and thought we were going too fast, she mentioned that some people have to go through a hospitalized detox. It felt like she was telling me that if I couldn't taper at her pace that I would have to go into detox. I don't have any idea how that would be appropriate for me and am sorry you had to go through it.

It is clear to me that even when I am completely benzo free, there is still a long road ahead of me. It is reassuring to hear how well you are doing. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

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To: Loving Mother.

I went through the dizziness and equilibrium while at rehabilitation. No one understood that I couldn't see right, and felt like I was moving though I was standing still.

I had to train myself, especially when the hallucinations started in with everything. I had to put my hand on a wall, even if I couldn't see the wall all the way,  because I knew the wall wasn't wobbling or moving, so I just followed it with my hand. When you can't trust much of anything, trust Science. It's the best advice I have. Be prepared for things to not make sense and have to rely on what you can remember.

When we had to walk outside was when it got tricky for me. It was in the dead of winter on top of a mountain, and it was icy and snowy.

I fell multiple times, and many of the girls there were inner city hood chicks and couldn't be bothered to help me. Honestly, I was half afraid to ask anyone for help. Some of the people that were there were coming from prison.

 

 

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Thank you for saying this: "Yes, it's going to be terrible for a little bit, but you CAN do it and you WILL be able to live a normal life again".  I needed to read that today.
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Hi Sick ness

 

When do you think your symptoms got 'better'?

Or when did you start to see some change for the better?

 

8 mo? 12 ? 14 ?

 

I'm 11 months and still sick with the dizzy and benzo flu and anxiety and DP/DR..

 

Any time table for your healing?

 

When did it start to get 'less bad' or even good?

 

Thanks!

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  • 3 weeks later...

JACD,

Everyone's healing time is different. As well as symptoms. I feel like healing really begins if you are no longer damaging your vessel.

How have you been eating/what have you been eating?

I do the SCD diet and have noticed wonders. Lots of protein, no grains at all, no refined sugars, and cheese only once a week. Fruits every other day and only cooked, and all veggies besides potatoes or other starchy things. It helped me so much. The chicken soup and bone soup were both cost efficient and soothing.

 

Lots of water. TONS of water. Put pink salt in your water to help your body use it better.

 

Exercise is important. In the rehab when I was sicker than a dog, they made us go to the gym and do some kind of exercise every day. I started playing volley ball, and it helped me so very much. Even when I was hallucinating, the sweat and just movement helped me.

Now I hike often and I walk every where. Sometimes I do yoga stretches and light weights for my arms.

 

Keep yourself busy and distracted. I know you don't feel like doing much of anything, but it really all aids.

 

I started feeling better about 6 or seven months out. I didn't feel super functional until over a year. It takes a while but dont' focus on the losses, focus on the gains.

 

I suggest keeping a "grateful journal". Write down all of the positive things you've witnessed each month. And also all of the things for which you are thankful. This helps during the really bad days. A journal habit can be very helpful. Write yourself out of the illness.

 

Above all things, keep POSITIVE!!! Your immune system depends on it.

 

If you smoke, stop. If you're drinking or using drugs, that's dumb.

 

Hang in there, dude and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm on here once a week and will always respond.

 

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