Author Topic: Long term benzo user, now free for over a year and doing well!!! You can too!!!  (Read 7951 times)

[Buddie]

Thank you for saying this: "Yes, it's going to be terrible for a little bit, but you CAN do it and you WILL be able to live a normal life again".  I needed to read that today.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...] Giraffe,
It will pass. Just hang in there and keep holding on.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Thanks for the encouragement, Glad to hear from someone who is feeling better. Gives me hope.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Hi [...]

When do you think your symptoms got 'better'?
Or when did you start to see some change for the better?

8 mo? 12 ? 14 ?

I'm 11 months and still [...] with the dizzy and benzo flu and anxiety and DP/DR..

Any time table for your healing?

When did it start to get 'less bad' or even good?

Thanks!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...],
Everyone's healing time is different. As well as symptoms. I feel like healing really begins if you are no longer damaging your vessel.
How have you been eating/what have you been eating?
I do the SCD diet and have noticed wonders. Lots of protein, no grains at all, no refined sugars, and cheese only once a week. Fruits every other day and only cooked, and all veggies besides potatoes or other starchy things. It helped me so much. The chicken soup and bone soup were both cost efficient and soothing.

Lots of water. TONS of water. Put pink salt in your water to help your body use it better.

Exercise is important. In the rehab when I was sicker than a dog, they made us go to the gym and do some kind of exercise every day. I started playing volley ball, and it helped me so very much. Even when I was hallucinating, the sweat and just movement helped me.
Now I hike often and I walk every where. Sometimes I do yoga stretches and light weights for my arms.

Keep yourself busy and distracted. I know you don't feel like doing much of anything, but it really all aids.

I started feeling better about 6 or seven months out. I didn't feel super functional until over a year. It takes a while but dont' focus on the losses, focus on the gains.

I suggest keeping a "grateful journal". Write down all of the positive things you've witnessed each month. And also all of the things for which you are thankful. This helps during the really bad days. A journal habit can be very helpful. Write yourself out of the illness.

Above all things, keep POSITIVE!!! Your immune system depends on it.

If you smoke, stop. If you're drinking or using drugs, that's dumb.

Hang in there, dude and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm on here once a week and will always respond.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

So inspirational, thank you  :thumbsup: :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

If I could make a suggestion, to everyone that's reading any of this stuff, please stop taking all pharm medicines and go herbal.
The meds are keeping people's brains from healing. They tried to put me on seroquel for the withdrawal at the rehab. Seroquel is rat poison.
I refused all meds. I got better fast. I refused any pain meds, even though they could have made it more cushy for me.
I sat alone in the cafeteria there and picked apart each meal until it was only meat, fruit and vegetables. The women there made many jans at me for it, thinking I was doing it to lose weight. Then, because I am already thin, they spread rumors about me having an eating disorder, and the staff then got involved with both my eating and the fact that I wasn't being social. At all.
It was like being in a weird/twisted version of high school.
Back to the main idea, please stop taking pharm meds and please try to pay attention to what you're eating.
Food is medicine, and food can also be drugs. There's a flip side to everything.
I'm not trying to sell anything, but I had two things that really helped me on occasion with anxiety through all of this mess.
I made sure to NOT BECOME DEPENDENT on these tthings, and only used then when absolutely needed.
I used Valerian root tincture on occasion and stress and anxiety management by Zen Life Supplements.
When I absolutely needed means, when I had to go to my cousin's funeral. That's a perfect example.
You don't want it to be an every day thing.
You are all capable of so much. Humans are incredible beings, but we get so beat down and limited and often forget our full potential after being apart of a jilted society and life for so long.
Take this time of suffering and learn from it. Take this time of suffering to transition and build up a better you. You can make it.
There is a native American story called Snake Medicine, (they believe every animal has a lesson for us), and in snake medicine the snake teaches us to unhinge our jaw and swallow our problems whole. Snake also teaches us, that there is transformation through pain and suffering, in the same way that they molt their skin.
It's gonna be a long road for some, but you'll be reborn in a way afterward.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]


It is now 1 year and seven months since I've been home and off of Klonopin, and I would say I'm 90 percent better :) I am fully functional, and am living a better and more fulfilling life than I had ever before. I am a better person after the withdrawal. i changed my life in ways to help aid during my struggles, and I have kept up with those habits.

You don't deserve to suffer for a doctor's paycheck. (they get paid extra for prescribing these medicines)

[...],
Thanks for posting your story. Your progress after being on K for so long provides a lot of hope.  Out of curiosity- how is your short-term memory now?

I agree with your comment about physicians being compensated, at least p-docs, for writing scripts. How do you think the model works- I don't think they receive rebates for generic drugs. It is probably not direct comp but lot of perks.

My dilemma now is whether to see a therapist to help with anxiety issues but I don't understand their model either- CBT issupposedly a standard but I once saw a therapist who said "I will work woth your physician as a team" which suggests his long term goal is to go the medicine route.  I don't think they receive fees from the prescriber but I can't imagine they are completely unbiased.

It is interesting that there are no physicians on this board- I would not say "none" but I doubt you will find more than 10 out of 15,000 members. Maybe I am wrong.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

When I first left the rehab, my memory period was nearly erased. I had amnesia. I could not remember where I lived, I did not know my house was mine, or remember certain people, places or things. It took me months to start receiving pieces back.
I remember painful memories now and have to remove them freshly all over again without the aid of a medication. It is difficult, but the grieving process is an important part of the human experience. We aren't supposed to cover our wounds. We need to face them to truly heal so then we can face more and endure them. Life is painful. It's all a part of the trail. It can't all be pleasant.
I think that we as a culture try to escape this reality.
My short term memory is good. I have some minor issue with it here and there, but that also runs in my family with age. Every once in awhile I'll catch myself forgetting something, a word or an address, but not any worse than before the medication.
My recall functioning is fine, and I exercise it daily through vigorous activities for the mind.
I am able to study and memorize things when learning. I started brushing up on two foreign languages and returned back to school (online of course), and have published one book and am working on three more since I've been home. It hasnt even been two years yet. I can't wait to see what I'm capable of producing in 5.
My brain was not fully fully formed when they started me on this medicine. I was a 19 year old woman. I was 27 when I got off of them.
The fact that I can still function at all after such abuse is astounding to me, and I am grateful for it and will not abuse the blessing.
My brain is still healing, yes. My symptoms from the withdrawal gone? Yes. I also believe every one can heal if they work for it.
As for the doctors getting paid more, I know for a fact they do, as I have close friends that are psychiatrists and psychologists.
We did notice a trend in doctors that were a part of family practice centers and the like dulling them out for every trivial concern like candy. They profit on other's suffering. It's quite obvious.
Doctors aren't dumb. They go to school and they learn that a 19 year old woman should not be on a benzo for a decade during possibly the most important time in the building of her life. Benzos are only supposed to be prescribed short term.
Did they prescribe them any way to me? Totally. Did they want any parts in weaning me off by tapering the proper way? No way. They wouldn't touch my case.
I was never once told of the dangers of benzos, or the possible fatality of the withdrawal. Nothing. I learned myself.
As for your anxiety, have you looked into alternative healing? Don't get into psych meds. It's messy, and the knowledge doctors have on these drugs is more limited than anyone will admit.
I have panic attacks, but I use breathing exercises now, meditation and self talk. I also use CBT and pieces of concepts used in DBT, such as mindfulness.
My anxiety spells don't even go into full blown attack like they did when I was both beginning and on clonopin. I believe the medication made my anxieties amplified over time, as well as started to reshape my actual personality.
My social anxiety is pretty awful now needless to say, but that's my own fault for expecting a medicine to take that away from me. Now I'm back at square one, learning to do things all over again.
I am able to do things I was once too scared to do on my own now and without any medicine at all, which is a very great feeling.
Five months ago, I got on stage in front of a crowd of easily over one hundred people, and I felt fine. I coikd neber do this wither sober or unmedicated before. Of course a little nervous at first, but then all fine.
The body is an amazing thing.
I look back at my journals from the start of all of this. How I couldn't remember my own possessions. Paintings and clothing. All sorts of things.
And now I see how I remember everything now in more recent entries. How far I've come and how much I've progressed.
All of the signs of the brain healing. The fact that I can remember again means my brain IS healing itself.
And it keeps getting better every day.
It is never too late to heal. You're never destroyed. Even people with wet brain can repair to some extent.
It's all what you're putting inside of yourself and doing for yourself.



Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]


I feel as though a huge part of recovery from this insidious medication is gaining the courage to face that initial event in life that turned us over to doctors at our weakest points.
The majority of us were prescribed or sought out benzos for one sole reason: to forget.
We needed to forget, and doctors at our most vulnerable times held out a devils handshake type of option, and we took it, never realizing the full weight of what we had signed up for until it was too late.
I often wonder how often this occurs with all other psych meds?
What truly sickens me, is that I had mentioned I didn't have the cash to afford a doctor that would taper me off properly, but I could certainly afford one to dull me out the things for the duration. They would have kept me on them if I would have wanted it.
Just venting :)
I am grateful that I am doing so well and this experience has been life changing for me for the better.
I believe that everyone had the capactiy to heal and to experience a new life afterward.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.