11 months out,solving the symptoms puzzle: what is benzo related and what isn't?

Hey folks!

 

 

I am 11 months out and feeling bloody fantastic. For those of you who have not been following my story you can  read a bit here http://benzobuddies.org/about-us/meet-the-team/

 

I have to say that going on an SSRI was by far the best decision I made post w/d. My depression was so severe that I had no other choice. You can read about that difficult decision here http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=136624.0

 

Now that the depression is out of the way, I am fully functional. What does that mean? Well I am working in my field, I am volunteering, I socialize all the time, I ride my bike everywhere, I laugh a lot, I eat well, I drink wine! I make plans and keep them, I have loads of energy and I love my life. I honestly feel better than I ever have before in my adult life.

 

What changed? Well I think it was a combination of things. When I was in w.d, I felt so horrible that I was desperate for anything to grasp onto that would make me feel better. A relaxing tea, adrenal support, special diet, probiotics, herbs, massages etc etc. On occasion these things helped. But I wanted to be that person who stopped eating gluten or dairy for example, or took an herb that magically made everything better. I was looking for a fix. Unfortunately I now know in hindsight, the only thing that worked, was time.

 

I was busy trying to solve my physical and mental pain without letting the root of the problem (healing from benzo w/d) to take place first. I didn;t trust that it ever would. How can you when you feel miserable everyday for years of your life? However now that I feel better and the root of the problem is no longer a problem , it is much easier to tell what's what. And to tell if something I am trying is working. Before my symptoms were all related to benzo w/d and therefore unpredictable and unstable.  Sure I probably had food allergies or tired adrenals, but fixing them in w/d just wasn;t going to happen.

 

For example, Now that I am good, I had my food allergies tested and cut out the offending foods. Within 2 days I felt better than I had in years. I tried food allergy testing 3 times in w/d and I cut out the foods and it NEVER made a difference. This time, without w/d in the background , it worked.  I upped my probiotics to fix my GI tract, and it made me feel fantastic, instantly! I started taking vitamins and I could feel a good reaction or a bad reaction right away. Before in w/d, I could never tell if I was having a bad reaction or it was just a coincidence , and w/d was just really bad that day. All that to say, it is so hard to decipher what is what in w/d. ANd even harder to do fine tuning on your health with positive results when you are competing with the mother of all monsters, benzo w/d.

 

I feel really amazing. I actually love my life. I am healed. I survived. So can you.  If I could go back and give a piece of advice to my younger benzo w/d self. I would say this "Relax, everything is going to work out.Don't worry too much about the symptoms and don;t try too hard to fix them no matter how horrible they are. Just get through it and know that on the other side of this, there is true healing waiting to happen. I promise you feel as good as you did when you were a kid."

 

Here is one thing though i did not expect. I thought , when I am feeling better I will just be so busy enjoying and living life. However, I feel so good now, after feeling so horrible for so long that it is hard to trust it. I keep thinking, when is the other shoe going to drop? But the further I am post w/d, the better I feel , the less I worry about it and start to trust it.

 

You will get there, I promise. I have no stomach pain, no dizziness and depression. All things that crippled me in w/d. You will get there and when you do, you will be able to figure out what is benzo w/d, what are the after effects of w/d in recovery and what isn;t benzo related. Right now it is too hard to tell. SO don;t be too hard on yourself because you can;t figure out what is "really" wrong with you. Benzo w/d is wrong with you. Get that out of the way first and then go out and start living you best life and start healing you body and soul from this traumatic experience.

 

Much love, Alabama. xoxo

 

 

 

Nice read Alabama.  So happy to see your improving all the time.

Alabama this is great! I'm so happy for you and to feel this good on 11 months out is a miracle! Keep going, live life to the fullest and stop by to check on us once and a while!!!

 

Many blessings!!!  :angel:

 

http://www.fromcakes2crumbs.co.uk/_Media/congratulations-cake_med_hr.jpeg

Sounds like life is coming back to you!  You are an inspiration to us to keep moving along in our fight.

 

Sweet pea

So beautiful. I'm holding you to this!

 

" everything is going to work out.Don't worry too much about the symptoms and don;t try too hard to fix them no matter how horrible they are. Just get through it and know that on the other side of this, there is true healing waiting to happen. I promise you feel as good as you did when you were a kid."

alabama, I am so happy to hear how well you are doing.

I'm so glad you're healed, alabama, and thanks so much for the inspiration!!!

Wow!!! This is a wonderful success story!!!, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

A lot of good advice & wisdom & a boatload of inspiration in your success  story alabamawerle.

Thanks & congratulations! 

This is so great to read, Alabama!  I've been following your story all along and saw that even with the great doctor you had, you were still having a terrible time.  It's wonderful to read this happy ending.

Hi Bama!

 

Your story is great! It gives us hope!

 

 

Hi Alabama,

I am SO glad to hear life is good for you after all you have been through. Like JACD said, your story gives us hope, because we know it was a long road. Much love and continued success to you and for you!

SC

Congratulations, Bama!  Wishing you many years of happiness and success. 

Great to hear you're doing so well, Bama,

 

Thank your for sharing and enjoy your days to the fullest 

Thank you for your story. Very well written. Gives me hope  :)

I'm so happy for you Bama!  Gives me hope.

 

 

Thank you all!!  :smitten: :smitten:

This is just what I needed today...thank you! Encouraging and inspirational! It is so good to read how well you are doing.

Live your beautiful life!

 

With gratitude,

 

Carita

I have three part time jobs! All jobs that I love. I am so busy and exhausted for all the right reasons and not because of benzos. I never even think the word anymore. It's like it didn't happen. And by the way normal exhaustion feels NOTHING like benzo , depression exhaustion. Not even comparable. It's a walk in the park.

 

Well I never................... 

 

I have three part time jobs! All jobs that I love. I am so busy and exhausted for all the right reasons and not because of benzos. I never even think the word anymore. It's like it didn't happen. And by the way normal exhaustion feels NOTHING like benzo , depression exhaustion. Not even comparable. It's a walk in the park.

 

Well I never................... 

 

You sound full of life and happy, Bama.

You've been through hell with this crap and I'm so glad it feels like it never even happened. It's int he past, finally!

 

It's also very encouraging for so many people, including myself. So, thank you.

You've been so helpful to everyone here.  Thanks for the great posts.  So glad to hear you're doing so well.  You deserve a great life and I'm so glad to hear you're getting it.

Hey Bama

 

I love your post.

 

I'm 11 months too. But I still feel bad most days..

 

One of my main symptoms is Anxiety and Depression too.

 

I've been given Lexapro 10mg.But I'm waiting. Like you I don't trust taking a drug again.

 

But maybe it would help?

 

I go through the same thing asking what is Benzo WD and what is me? I'm trying to eat this, or don't eat that, and on and on and I too feel like time is the only thing that works.

 

I just want some kind of 'band aid' in the mean time so I can function while I heal.

 

I am agoraphobic because if this , I haven't left my street in a year and I'm scared and depressed about it.

 

That's why I think about trying the Lexapro. Just so I can GET OUT OF HERE once in a while..

 

I know it won't stop my benzo sick wd's but at least maybe I can do something in the mean time...

 

Instead of just being a prisoner while I wait to heal.

 

What do you think?

Inspiring story, thank you for posting this.

I am one year Benzo Free!

 

Here are some things I know for sure

 

1. Everything has to be done sequentially. There are no steps you can skip.

2. There are no band-aid solutions. None. Stop looking for them It's a waste of time.

3. Time does heal.

4. Not everything is benzo related

5. Not all drugs are evil

6. Not all doctors are evil

7. Sometimes you have to take 1 step backwards to go 2 steps forwards.

8. Sometime holding is the best thing you can do.

9. It's ok to updose

10. Every single person in w/d will have their own unique experience

11. While doing research is a good idea to educate yourself. There IS such a thing as doing too much research.

12. Obsessing about food, symptoms, medications is not helpful in the slightest. If you feel yourself doing this. Stop.

13. When your brain heals, your body heals. Period. What's left over is the aftermath and will need you attention then. Not now.

14. Being gentle to yourself can't hurt you

15. It's only an opinion on BB, not fact.

16. You are stronger than you think

17. Just when it can't get worse it will get way worse. Benzo w/d can be brutal.

18. Manage your symptoms don't try to control them. You are not in control. You have to let go.

19. Everyone is scared and that's ok. We are supposed to be

20. You are not weak. Benzos have made you weak. You have been temporarily disabled. This is a brain injury so treat it as such. And don't believe anyone who says it isn't. This is real. Benzo w/d is real. But it will not define you. You will leave it behind one day. I promise.

 

 

I am now 1 year free. I have healed so much. As many of you know at 4 months out I had to go on an antidepressant and it saved my life. I was in w/d for almost 3 years until I jumped. That's a long time. I had to w/d from many medications. The depression, battle fatigue and PTSD was so bad I needed help. I am so grateful to Celexa. It saved my life. I will w/d from it in a year or two, but until then, I am happy being stable, functional and happy.

 

For me my most predominant symptom was my stomach.It is what got me in theis mess with benzos and it will be that last thing I deal with in this mess. It was severe during w/d and worse post jump. However It feels fine now so I have decided to w/d from PPI's. and H2 blockers which I have been on and off for the past 5 years. I hated taking these drugs knowing the dangers and potential nutritional deficiencies, but without them I couldn;t eat at all, so I accepted the risks.

 

Well like clockwork,  I have nutritional deficiencies because of them and I need to now stop taking them. I know I would like to cold turkey them but as with everything in w/d slow and steady wins the race. I need an IV of Iron. I need to take large doses of Vit D and Vit b12. But I can handle them now. I have been deficient for years, but I could not get treatment until my body could handle it. Like I said, everything has to be done sequentially. I still have to go slow with the supplements because too much too fast can set me back. But as long as I am going forward I am winning.

 

My body is still hypersensitive but I lead a normal life. But I also know that it is a delicate balance. If I push too hard I will set myself back. I had 3 part time jobs and I had to give one up. It was too much and I was starting to not be able to recover the next day after a good nights sleep. I was losing weight, I was stressed, I was getting tummy aches and I was exhausted. Being borderline anemic and low in vit b12 and d makes anyone exhausted. So I was having a normal problem. Only my normal problem can set me back to a place I do not want to go. SO I have to be careful and listen to the warning signs.

 

I am in recovery. I have not recovered. But I am so much better than I used to be. I am finally me.

 

Bama.xoxoxoxo

Hey Bama!

 

I'm so glad to read you're doing so much better.

Sorry to hear about the stress about the job. But you did the right thing.

 

I'm hoping you will be able to take all the supplements you need without problems and also to taper off the ones you want to get rid of.

 

So good to read your post. Thank you.

 

I'm one week out! And I'm hoping to get better each month and join you in starting to participate in nice things again.

 

Many hugs

 

Moo