This is my story

My story with the benzodiazepines is starting in the late 1997 after a period of alcohol and marijuana abuse and a post-traumatic stress disorder. I can’t remember how i start to take 7 milligrams on day but remember in this time, no one from doctors talking with me about the benzodiazepines withdrawal and the thinks like this. 

I take 7 milligrams of Lorazepam (Ativan) for 17 years without stopping never. in the middle of those years I’m trying to  stop taking Lorazepam with completely failure. 2 rapid detoxes are show me  that this is the wrong way, but I never know the truth about the benzodiazepines and in never try to learn to much about this. I was been a strong healthy and energy guy and never felt the necessity to stop taking Loram … maybe because I’m never think that benzos can kill me…

 

Lately maybe in the 2010 are starting some problems on my live. I felt the paradoxial  problems of the benzodiazepines, implication on my energy of life in general and gravity of loram mixing with alcohol and the other medicine . Anyway I’m never thing to stop benzos again in my live.  I failed 2 times to stop benzos and I suffer so much, so I has been terrorized to trying again this way,

 

Never say never!

 

So I swore to never stop taking bezos but…

In the spring of 2013 i was victim of the terrible car incident and I’m stay on coma for a month. After waking i don’t have the terrible things and problems of the acute benzo withdrawal.. but i have many other problems from a multiple trauma  with cerebral commotion and  considerable bowel resection. Without knowing nothing about my dependence, the medics save my live and in the same way save me from benzos, but no from the benzo withdrawal problems. Day after day i continue to suffer boy I’m never make the difference from benzos and my trauma problems. For me after 2 month are starting sleep problems, fatigue,  and the continuous diarrhea. Diarrhea seems to me and my doctor from bowel resection and trauma and many of them takin me so much about long time takin bowel and body to recover from this type of trauma. Days passed and I healed instead become increasingly worse. Some days i read something surfing on the Internet,, i read something about the Ashton manual and many benzodiazepine stories. I found solace in the manual because I was suffering more and no one understood why my trauma still had consequences such a restless leg insomnia etc.

Surfing on the web i find the benzobudies forum and maybe starting the new page of my live…

 

 

My English is very poor and i find many difficulties talking about and make present my problems on the forum, I’m shore you understand me, this is not my mother tongue and i thing in the other language 

 

Step by step my symptoms are starting kill me. Anxiety, seizure, depression, fatigue, restless leg, panic attacks element of social phobia, obsession, thinking am going crazy and I’m going to death every moment a day, insomnia and fear of everything on my live. The worse and severe problems for my  are anxiety health, anxiety and panic attacks. The panic attacks has been the most bed experience on by all live. Fear from the death, from everything. This symptoms are destroyed mu live specially on the month 8,9,10,11! Worsening and worsening in progression and my live seems to finish in the bed way possible. I was the most desperate man one the world. I have difficulties ant i have no word to tell y my suffering history. Mu live was implicated, my Sun and Mu Wife. My all family, All these people helped me in thousand days and night of difficulties, helped me understand me, support me, listening to me and doing many many thinks make my live easer. After 1 year my symptoms are starting to disappear and specially anxiety and insomnia. I’m taking trazodone for 5-6 month bot with no more positive effects. Anyway i thin that other thong helped me to win the war with benzos.

 

For many month i read the success story on the forum and I’m get more hope inside of them people story. Time to time i hope to came e day in the live for me to write my success story. The most of time i was very desperate and think that never came day to write e success story for me but…

 

I have thousand fears on those days,,, on those terrible days, I was been cold turkey from 7 mg of lorazepam and this is not easy way to ride… Fear to eat foot and to drink coffee, dear to make wrong things, fatigue obsessions, anxiety and insomnia has been the everyday of my live in this time. But slowly, living, walking and loving it was the only way to make. My wonderful wife and my best friend who work with me, helped me so so much and I dedicate them this victory. Thanks from deep of my heart.

 

This forum and friends member who help me very much on bed moments. Thanks to ALL. Specially megan918, heyjude5050 and sometime parker, Thanks.

 

I’m 100 % healed! You to can do! I was lost and desperate and i'm here to tell you: don’t trust the lies of your benzo brain…. The time you healing will come for Sure, Trust me please. If I’m done and you can do.

I’m very very well, just hang one and don’t give up. Working, walking and living every moment is and you healing. I read this menu time ago from the others ii m here today to write for you. I love u best just hang one.

 

BAFTJAR

 

Congratulations to you Baftjar!  You've been through a lot but have proved that no matter how bad it can get, there is recovery up ahead. Enjoy your wellness and your medication free life.

 

pianogirl 

That is an amazing story. You are very strong. Congratulations on your success !

Dear Baftjar,

    Your story is inspiring! Thank you for writing. I wish you well.

 

Warmly,

 

Carita

 

Congratulations, what a wonderful story!

Congratulations baftjar! So glad you're healed! What a blessing!!

Wow Baftjar! What a boost this has given me! Thanks so much for returning to share your story, you are an inspiration for all of us

 

tryinhard

 

Thank you baftjar for sharing your success story.

That is a very powerful story and most encouraging.

Congratulations!!! Excellent you did it enjoy your life.

Thanks for sharing your story, Baftjar!

Congratulations Baftjar

 

You have been through such a lot, thank you for posting your story, it is so inspirational.

 

I wish you the very best, have a wonderful life

 

Magrita

What a wonderful story you've shared with us, Baftjar! Congratulations! Enjoy your healthy, happy life!

This was an amazing read!!!! You have such a testimony! You're healed!!! My God! Thank you for coming back and sharing your story!!!

 

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

What a wonderful and inspiring story.  Thank you so much for sharing.  And please, no need to apologize for your English!  Remember you are probably at least one language ahead of most of us here and your story came through loud and clear!

Glad your well now enjoy the rest of a benzo free life !😊

Great success story, thank you.....wish you well.

I truly wish you the best. Going through such difficulties and coming back your life is beautiful to read. Enjoy your life and enjoy each and every day. God Bless you!

 

Leo

I go back to this forum from time to time because I think this story needs people who fight with benzodiazepines. It's been 4 years since I've stopped benzodiazepines and a couple of years I've been completely healed. Life stems alike with its problems and beauties. It's a lot of times without benzodiazepines. I often think that it has been the case for the intake of benzodiazepines. I'm here today better than ever. Within us are also the healing and the disturbances and illnesses. In this forum I told something I did not know before: I really am stronger than I thought.

Stay strong! Healing one day comes!

What a beautiful, inspiring story!  Thank you for coming back - it's so reassuring to know that people continue to heal after this nightmare.  I wish you the very best.

What an incredible story! BAftjar, you are a warrior and champion of courage and hope! You have truly emerged into the light in spite of your circumstances. This is exactly what I am tying to achieve, but I cannot do it with my complete faith and trust in God. Unfortunately, my family is not very supportive; so my only source of hope is my unrelenting faith in God that is keeping me alive and well! Praise the Lord! Much healing, peace, and happiness your way!

Thank you baftjar for coming back and checking in.  So happy you are healed and living a full life once again!!

Hi baftjar,

Congratulation on a very inspiring and uplifting post. Wow! 7 mg ativan daily for 17 years is a huge cumulative dose.

You must be a very tough person to recover so fast.

 

Do you have any lingering sxs? And could you resume your work?

 

Thanks a lot for coming back to encourage us.

I wish you a happy life...and be blessed!

FS

 

Hi baftjar,

Thank you so much for coming back to update us on how well you're doing. It's a great story of overcoming major obstacles. Very inspiring indeed!

 

All the best to you! 

An amazing story, baftjar!!!

 

You dealt with huge blows but somehow you kept on. It's great that you had some support, but YOU YOURSELF walked the journey. Everyone walks their individual journeys, and we can't give our symptoms away to anyone and have relief. The symptoms are with us 24-7 until they aren't.

 

I'm so, so glad you hung in there and came back to let us know of the great world beyond our symptoms. That's all I see right now are my symptoms. It'll be wonderful to think of new things! I'm hoping to get there someday, when, I don't know.

 

CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU!!! WELL DONE!!!  :thumbsup:

Baftjar,

Thank you so much for coming back and posting your success story. This is very inspiring to all of us who are still suffering from various withdrawal symptoms.

 

Congratulations and may you have peace, health and joy for the rest of your life.