5 MONTH UPDATE...LOOKING FOR HELP

I'm writing this to find some reassurance as well as update those that have messaged me with concern that I haven't been posting. I'm not well, I haven't been for a while, I'm not seeing progress, it only seems to be getting worse. I realize I'm early on, but keep in mind it's been about 18 months of suffering for me already due to reinstatement, so I'm more than a little weary and hopeless. I've been avoiding the forum, it's a great place, but is not good for my mind at the moment since it seems to just grab anything and spin it up into repeating thoughts of negativity hopelessness and despair that twists unabated every single waking hour.

 

Where I'm at: I'm sitting here writing this covered in sweat, not because I'm hot, but because my body just thinks it is, I alternate between this and cold chills. I'm buzzing all over, mostly in my legs. I can barely see the screen, its like looking through uneven glass, all I can really see is the computer screen but there is a strange splotchy blurryness to it that I have only found described on dp/dr websites, everything else is a black type of tunnel vision, its as if my brain can no longer process light and blend it properly. In the dark areas I see all kinds of colored static and strange lights, also if I move my head there are glowing or black shadowy residual images of whatever I am looking at. I see all kinds of sparks, shapes, patterns and flashing whether my eyes are open or closed, when I look at the floor it looks bent up towards me or too close, I feel shorter than I am due to my perspective being warped, also, every thing is slanted to the right, except me, sometimes things flex and warp as I move my head, and others its as if my vision is a handheld video from a camera, this eye stuff is all mostly constant 24/7.

*These images help me to illustrate some of the visuals*

Daily sight, without added disturbances

http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j70/Flick_Starz/depersonalization_disorder_by_bdoguitar-d63hzd1_zps0ldj9mau.png

Static in dark and with eyes closed (not this extreme, but close) http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j70/Flick_Starz/visual-dark_zpsbkt548lv.jpg

 

My eyes are heavy and feel dry, yet they aren't dry at all, they water regularly. My face is squeezing, I think others describe this as pressure, but this isn't pressure, it feels like my skin is being sucked into my bone and pulling inward trying to suffocate me, I also get this on my throat, which literally tightens my canal and makes sucking sounds when I breathe, feels like I'm being strangled. I throw up stomach contents into my mouth once every 10 minutes, my throat is raw from being burned with stomach acid so repeatedly every day despite the fact I'm on Prevacid. My stomach is in a constant knot and my stomach and bowels are distended to the point I can't suck in, this is all made 10 times worse by eating or drinking anything.

 

My entire upper body rocks visibly back and forth and side to side, sometimes in small circles all day, when it gets really bad I feel like I am doing flips or in an earthquake or falling backwards. Laying down is no help, neither is closing my eyes, as my eyes are constantly darting around or doing circles and unable to focus on a single point. My entire left side is a strange kind of numb that is not in sync with my right side, it feels dead, and not my own, my left arm is the worst and most disconcerting (probably because I am left handed) it feels like a useless club, an afterthought, wrongly attached to my body from a donor. All movement is clumsy and shaky, there is no smooth action, its as if I am trying to flop around a limp crash test dummy of a body.

 

All my muscles shake and twitch uncontrollably at random, sometimes slow and pulsing, sometimes incredibly fast. My joints all pop and crack and ache all day. My left ear rings so loud it hurts my ear as loud sound would, sometimes it changes pitches so rapidly it makes me feel like I am flipping, when this combines with the vertigo I can't find my proper place in my own body its so disorienting. My other ear rings too, but not as loud. There is a pressure and thumping in my ears to and I am sensitive to any sudden or high pitched sound, it hurts to hear and sends an electrical pulse through my entire body that is incredibly uncomfortable.

 

I have trouble walking, my legs don't feel right, they are rigid and feel useless and uneven. I have all sorts of burning stabbing bruising cramping twisting pulling tingling hot cold stinging ripping electrical sensations all over my body, none of which I have ever felt most of which I can't even properly describe, anywhere, at any time, usually in the morning, but sometimes all day. My brain is mush. I still can't follow tv, I just sit and stare blankly at it, hoping to one day absorb something. My mind is a black hole, I have no recollection of who I was or how it felt to be me, or real. Everything feels so far away, including things in the room with me, the outside world doesn't even exist, I know its there, but I can't even comprehend it. My mind is just a spinning obsessive swirling vortex that is consumes with my condition. Yesterday is a million miles away, and tomorrow, writing this will be as well. I am never present, yet the present is the only time I'm able to hold on to. Some of the things my mind have been doing are unexplainable, as in its so strange I can't describe it even to myself (hard to even explain) I have random memories with no purpose darting in and out all day, mostly from long ago, but they are only flashes, they don't stay in tact (its like trying to remember spotty fuzzy dreams, but my whole mind and memory is like that)

 

Every day is horrible, waking is the worst. I when I wake up I feel as if I am in a massive electrical storm and am spinning and flipping and falling and my body is rigid and twisted numb and detached, yet painful all over, my mind is out of control and confused spitting all kinds of random thoughts and images at me that are not my own. It is the most horrible feeling I can imagine, especially just coming out of sleep. I look forward to going to bed, as it's my only relief, yet dread the second I wake up. This brain dump is only half of my symptoms, these just happen to be the ones bothering me the most at the moment.

 

Every day is a living nightmare I spend sitting on the couch clutching a pillow in a strange and totally uncomfortable tense malfunctioning body. No part of me has been spared, mind, body or soul. Just typing this has sapped all my energy and brain power for the day. This all feels so permanent, there are no fluctuations, no ebb or flow, not a single thing has changed, new things have cropped up, but I can't think of anything that has stopped aside from the 6 months of daily repeated soul spilling sobbing attacks that started after reinstatement.

 

According to medicine, I am perfectly healthy (which I am grateful for, although I can't enjoy it) I never even had a twinge of any of this my entire life, I was a thrill seeker, no anxiety, so physical issues, not a single care. I originally took benzos for no reason at all for a couple months, I had no idea this was even possible. I used to be a social, outward, creative, physically strong person. Now I can barely walk to the bathroom and haven't left my house in a year and a half.

 

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that this is what is truly wrong with me and trying to trust that I can heal. Every single day I want to pour drugs down my throat to make it stop, yet somehow every day I haven't for five months now. I went into this with nothing left in my strength from my last CT, now I am so weary the slightest breeze might knock me over. I'm hoping it gets to a tolerable point soon. I don't expect to be healed, but I need some hope and relief.

 

Sorry this is so long, I've been a prisoner in my own mind for so long now, I barely speak anymore, I miss my friends, I miss just casually sitting on the couch, or surfing the web, or watching a documentary, or going outside and actually FEELING the world without it all feeling strange, or off or, separate.

 

Thanks for reading, I would appreciate any replies from those that can relate, and even moreso from those that can relate and have gotten some degree better from at where I was. Providing timelines would be helpful too, I know we are all individual, but even just for my own personal hope, hearing that it got a little better at 6 months etc...helps me push forward.

 

Holding on for dear life.

 

-Mike       

Mike, I'm so sorry to hear how terribly you're suffering. It sounds dreadfully difficult to endure. The strength it has taken to keep moving forward towards healing is evident in your words. Nurture that hope that better days ahead in any way you can.

 

I too have had a very long journey. I've been in some form of wd since 4/13 and I'm 6 days from 8 months. I went into a miserable wave (adding to my baseline misery) from about month 5.5 to about month 7. Then things started to improve and I realized for the first time since 11/12 that I was no longer living a life of "quiet desperation." Your recovery will happen. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep breathing. We're all pulling for you.

Mike, I'm really sorry that you have it so hard. But i can just tell from your writing that your a lot stronger than you realize. We all realize from this nightmare that its all about the passage of time and doing what we can to survive. And you will heal and when you do, your going to experience life in a new and beautiful way.

 

I am 9 mos off now and so much better than i was at 5 mos. It gets better very gradually, but it does happen. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and do what you can to make the time pass. I hope you turn that corner soon.

Mike-I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. Please try to hold onto hope and knowing that tomorrow is another day towards healing. You are a wonderful writer and after reading your post I know that you will heal in time.

 

I am praying for you!!

XO Fran

Thanks guys, I keep trying to distract, but its nearly impossible. Not being able to watch tv is killing me, I can sometimes play simple games on my phone or xbox, although they only serve to distract 1/4 of all that is going on and for very short periods. I have tried meditation but I cannot even follow the guides voice or sentences and apply it. My mind is racing too fast and out of control. I can't be too active as its hard to walk and the dizziness really gets me. I want to distract so bad, I know it would help, but so far I've been unable to find anything sufficient. My brain and body just keep getting in the way. At the moment its just white knuckle suffering through every day waiting til I can drug myself to sleep 

Hang in there! I remember not being able to concentrate on anything to save my life. I couldn't watch tv, couldn't focus on work, I couldn't even focus on driving! However, I had a horrible wave at 5-6 months too! It was awful! I have vision problems too right now. And my newest symptom is numbness in my face. But you'll get through this. I know it's hard but you should try to do things that make you happy. I think during times like these we have to do some major soul searching to get through it. I have faith that you'll get through this.. Going through this for 5 months or more makes you such a strong person! We are all going to be warriors after this! Not many people understand the mental and physical torture we go through! I'm sure this is a blessing in disguise. I know it is.

Hi CP,

 

I've actually thought about you occasionally and have wondered how you were doing. Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. A lot of wish we had never even heard of a benzo. I just passed 15 months off and it's still tough for me, but I think I'm slowly getting better. I actually felt almost fully healed around 5-6 months off, but I started binge drinking again. That wasn't too bad until I got the flu after binge drinking one night. That plunged me back into hell. Slowly trying to get myself back on track. Hoping you start seeing some improvement soon!

Mike ? sounds like you are licking the streets off hell like I did.....but I can

assure you its temporary. honestly....

 

In regards to timing...it seems to go in six month cycles from what I've

experienced , some of my cold turkey friends do agree...

 

I used to drink gallons of ginger tea, fresh one cut in slices..

bring to the boil...after ten minutes put honey and some cayenne pepper,

works wonders...

 

I couldn't join BB until I was seven months off, I was in such a mess...

was a lurker when I went through hell.....

 

In my case a lot of sxs left between 9-12 months off....another turning point

was around 18 ....so you see it can be a drag, a painful journey but it does get

better.....it is temporary...

 

If it wasn' for nerve pain, head pressure etc. ...I would have recovered by now...

in my case its like a neurological injury which takes time to heal....

 

How do I know ? cuz I can feel it....I've accepted and no longer look

for answers....cuz there is no logic to this crap....

 

Stay strong Mike....keep going...those of us who went through real hell

deserve a medal.

 

 

 

 

 

Mike ? sounds like you are licking the streets off hell like I did.....but I can

assure you its temporary. honestly....

 

In regards to timing...it seems to go in six month cycles from what I've

experienced , some of my cold turkey friends do agree...

 

I used to drink gallons of ginger tea, fresh one cut in slices..

bring to the boil...after ten minutes put honey and some cayenne pepper,

works wonders...

 

I couldn't join BB until I was seven months off, I was in such a mess...

was a lurker when I went through hell.....

 

In my case a lot of sxs left between 9-12 months off....another turning point

was around 18 ....so you see it can be a drag, a painful journey but it does get

better.....it is temporary...

 

If it wasn' for nerve pain, head pressure etc. ...I would have recovered by now...

in my case its like a neurological injury which takes time to heal....

 

How do I know ? cuz I can feel it....I've accepted and no longer look

for answers....cuz there is no logic to this crap....

 

Stay strong Mike....keep going...those of us who went through real hell

deserve a medal.

 

Thanks Claudia, means a lot coming from you. I know how hard you have battled and still continue to. One thing I haven't lost from my memory is that you were the first one to greet me when I joined over 14 months ago, your picture was what I am assuming was you dancing I think. It meant a lot and began what would be my clinging to this site and its amazing members for hope and strength after finally figuring out what was wrong with me. This site has saved my life more than once, I just hope I can make it to a point where I can pay it forward.

 

 

Just looked, you were the only one to greet me, besides Magrita. Here it is lol

 

Hello CrazyPants,

sounds to me like you have decided to go for a new start in your Life,

i believe you will succeed. it won't be easy but you will get plenty of support here.

Benzo wd can be like dancing with the devil, but won't last forever. i am keeping

my fingers cross for the appointment, lets hope the neurologist is a good one.

warm welcome

claudia

Hi CP.  I'm 5 months + out like you.  That second photo is exactly what I see, but to be honest I think I was born that way - although this withdrawal makes it much worse.  All we can do is wait for this crap to end, but everybody here says it does.  Bad as I feel now, I felt worse during my taper.  Seems to range from crappy to horrible and around and around it goes.  Just hang in there.  We quit the same time - so we'll just get better little by little.  Thanks again for that photo. 

Snurkle, the photo really helped me explain it to people. The first one is a pretty good representation of what I see too....Scary stuff. I think the vision things make it that much harder to feel a part of the world since its all so distorted. Hoping we both make it. I know there was an old group on here of people all around the same time off, I would like to start a new one but not sure how to title it or if it would take off. Theirs was called the jumping buddies group, but since we are 5 months out, I'm not sure what to name it, would be nice to get a group of people around the same time to bounce stuff off each other and support.

I see they have a 1-6 month off group already in the support groups section, and a 6-12, and a 12-18 so we could always post in there.  Yeah, this morning I was looking around and I felt like I was on weed, or maybe a low dose of really bad LSD - really surreal feeling and seeing all these colored dots and flashes and I'm thinking, 'how the hell do I explain this to anybody else?' and here you are posting the phenomenon on BB.  Thanks CP!

Mike ? sounds like you are licking the streets off hell like I did.....but I can

assure you its temporary. honestly....

 

In regards to timing...it seems to go in six month cycles from what I've

experienced , some of my cold turkey friends do agree...

 

I used to drink gallons of ginger tea, fresh one cut in slices..

bring to the boil...after ten minutes put honey and some cayenne pepper,

works wonders...

 

I couldn't join BB until I was seven months off, I was in such a mess...

was a lurker when I went through hell.....

 

In my case a lot of sxs left between 9-12 months off....another turning point

was around 18 ....so you see it can be a drag, a painful journey but it does get

better.....it is temporary...

 

If it wasn' for nerve pain, head pressure etc. ...I would have recovered by now...

in my case its like a neurological injury which takes time to heal....

 

How do I know ? cuz I can feel it....I've accepted and no longer look

for answers....cuz there is no logic to this crap....

 

Stay strong Mike....keep going...those of us who went through real hell

deserve a medal.

 

Thanks Claudia, means a lot coming from you. I know how hard you have battled and still continue to. One thing I haven't lost from my memory is that you were the first one to greet me when I joined over 14 months ago, your picture was what I am assuming was you dancing I think. It meant a lot and began what would be my clinging to this site and its amazing members for hope and strength after finally figuring out what was wrong with me. This site has saved my life more than once, I just hope I can make it to a point where I can pay it forward.

 

 

Just looked, you were the only one to greet me, besides Magrita. Here it is lol

 

Hello CrazyPants,

sounds to me like you have decided to go for a new start in your Life,

i believe you will succeed. it won't be easy but you will get plenty of support here.

Benzo wd can be like dancing with the devil, but won't last forever. i am keeping

my fingers cross for the appointment, lets hope the neurologist is a good one.

warm welcome

claudia

 

You know what Mike ? I'm crying now.....this is so touching , thank you.

I'm so happy , proud of you ....you are off this poison.

 

Your memory is excellent, at 7 months off ....I had to write Magrita's

name down....cuz I would have forgotten it.

 

Way to go Mike....you are a trooper...you will get there.

 

 

Mike-Your memory is great and your writing is wonderful. These are signs that you are going to heal!!

 

Morrweg-lovely post

It must be intense that some "professionals" won't know or believe your condition.

(but the suits at big pharma know)  And some pdoc might tell you that it's

psychosomatic symptoms from repressed memories.

 

Important for those with heartburn:

don't eat within 3 hours of bedtime. If you do, the acid gradually damages the

lower esophagus, leading to acid leaking upward any time of the day, and

trouble swallowing food (severe at times).

I cured my problem just by not eating close to bedtime for a few months.

 

Important for those with heartburn:

don't eat within 3 hours of bedtime. If you do, the acid gradually damages the

lower esophagus, leading to acid leaking upward any time of the day, and

trouble swallowing food (severe at times).

I cured my problem just by not eating close to bedtime for a few months.

 

good research, knowledge.

It's a bit disconcerting how hardly anyone seems to relate to my condition....Possibly the post is too long and many didn't read it?

It's a bit disconcerting how hardly anyone seems to relate to my condition....Possibly the post is too long and many didn't read it?

 

Apology...I read your post a couple of times, you are describing your

sxs ever so well....I find it difficult to get into details about each one...

cuz like you just... said the post is too long.....my poor Benzo brain...help.

What have you been doing to help your recovery? Educate yourself on functional medicine. Whats your nutrition like? Have you studied up on triggerpoint therapy to help with all the spasms and muscle buzzing? Time will heal but there are things you can do along the way.

What have you been doing to help your recovery? Educate yourself on functional medicine. Whats your nutrition like? Have you studied up on triggerpoint therapy to help with all the spasms and muscle buzzing? Time will heal but there are things you can do along the way.

I've been doing all I can for a over a year now....light exercise (can't do that right now though) and balance exercises, diet is super clean and basic and has been for a while, take proper supplements and have been for a while, i try and stimulate my mind, with very mixed results, can't meditate on my own and following the audio of one is impossible. Not sure what more I could be doing.

Nothing helps, and when I say nothing, I mean nothing....I've been at this over 18 months, I'm a professional at this point on all the knowledge and supplements and medications that are supposed to relieve some of this and have tried almost all of them in the past. I have more information than I care to on this subject as it has consumed every ounce of my being since I can remember.

Mike-May I ask you how many times you c/t'd? Perhaps you should update your signature.

Mike-May I ask you how many times you c/t'd? Perhaps you should update your signature.

I ct'd once and rapid tapered once. My signature is updated. About six months use, only 3 of which was everyday, cted....made it to 7 months off, reinstated for 2 months and have now been off for a little over 5

I'm writing this to find some reassurance as well as update those that have messaged me with concern that I haven't been posting. I'm not well, I haven't been for a while, I'm not seeing progress, it only seems to be getting worse. I realize I'm early on, but keep in mind it's been about 18 months of suffering for me already due to reinstatement, so I'm more than a little weary and hopeless. I've been avoiding the forum, it's a great place, but is not good for my mind at the moment since it seems to just grab anything and spin it up into repeating thoughts of negativity hopelessness and despair that twists unabated every single waking hour.

 

Where I'm at: I'm sitting here writing this covered in sweat, not because I'm hot, but because my body just thinks it is, I alternate between this and cold chills. I'm buzzing all over, mostly in my legs. I can barely see the screen, its like looking through uneven glass, all I can really see is the computer screen but there is a strange splotchy blurryness to it that I have only found described on dp/dr websites, everything else is a black type of tunnel vision, its as if my brain can no longer process light and blend it properly. In the dark areas I see all kinds of colored static and strange lights, also if I move my head there are glowing or black shadowy residual images of whatever I am looking at. I see all kinds of sparks, shapes, patterns and flashing whether my eyes are open or closed, when I look at the floor it looks bent up towards me or too close, I feel shorter than I am due to my perspective being warped, also, every thing is slanted to the right, except me, sometimes things flex and warp as I move my head, and others its as if my vision is a handheld video from a camera, this eye stuff is all mostly constant 24/7.

*These images help me to illustrate some of the visuals*

Daily sight, without added disturbances

http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j70/Flick_Starz/depersonalization_disorder_by_bdoguitar-d63hzd1_zps0ldj9mau.png

Static in dark and with eyes closed (not this extreme, but close) http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j70/Flick_Starz/visual-dark_zpsbkt548lv.jpg

 

My eyes are heavy and feel dry, yet they aren't dry at all, they water regularly. My face is squeezing, I think others describe this as pressure, but this isn't pressure, it feels like my skin is being sucked into my bone and pulling inward trying to suffocate me, I also get this on my throat, which literally tightens my canal and makes sucking sounds when I breathe, feels like I'm being strangled. I throw up stomach contents into my mouth once every 10 minutes, my throat is raw from being burned with stomach acid so repeatedly every day despite the fact I'm on Prevacid. My stomach is in a constant knot and my stomach and bowels are distended to the point I can't suck in, this is all made 10 times worse by eating or drinking anything.

 

My entire upper body rocks visibly back and forth and side to side, sometimes in small circles all day, when it gets really bad I feel like I am doing flips or in an earthquake or falling backwards. Laying down is no help, neither is closing my eyes, as my eyes are constantly darting around or doing circles and unable to focus on a single point. My entire left side is a strange kind of numb that is not in sync with my right side, it feels dead, and not my own, my left arm is the worst and most disconcerting (probably because I am left handed) it feels like a useless club, an afterthought, wrongly attached to my body from a donor. All movement is clumsy and shaky, there is no smooth action, its as if I am trying to flop around a limp crash test dummy of a body.

 

All my muscles shake and twitch uncontrollably at random, sometimes slow and pulsing, sometimes incredibly fast. My joints all pop and crack and ache all day. My left ear rings so loud it hurts my ear as loud sound would, sometimes it changes pitches so rapidly it makes me feel like I am flipping, when this combines with the vertigo I can't find my proper place in my own body its so disorienting. My other ear rings too, but not as loud. There is a pressure and thumping in my ears to and I am sensitive to any sudden or high pitched sound, it hurts to hear and sends an electrical pulse through my entire body that is incredibly uncomfortable.

 

I have trouble walking, my legs don't feel right, they are rigid and feel useless and uneven. I have all sorts of burning stabbing bruising cramping twisting pulling tingling hot cold stinging ripping electrical sensations all over my body, none of which I have ever felt most of which I can't even properly describe, anywhere, at any time, usually in the morning, but sometimes all day. My brain is mush. I still can't follow tv, I just sit and stare blankly at it, hoping to one day absorb something. My mind is a black hole, I have no recollection of who I was or how it felt to be me, or real. Everything feels so far away, including things in the room with me, the outside world doesn't even exist, I know its there, but I can't even comprehend it. My mind is just a spinning obsessive swirling vortex that is consumes with my condition. Yesterday is a million miles away, and tomorrow, writing this will be as well. I am never present, yet the present is the only time I'm able to hold on to. Some of the things my mind have been doing are unexplainable, as in its so strange I can't describe it even to myself (hard to even explain) I have random memories with no purpose darting in and out all day, mostly from long ago, but they are only flashes, they don't stay in tact (its like trying to remember spotty fuzzy dreams, but my whole mind and memory is like that)

 

Every day is horrible, waking is the worst. I when I wake up I feel as if I am in a massive electrical storm and am spinning and flipping and falling and my body is rigid and twisted numb and detached, yet painful all over, my mind is out of control and confused spitting all kinds of random thoughts and images at me that are not my own. It is the most horrible feeling I can imagine, especially just coming out of sleep. I look forward to going to bed, as it's my only relief, yet dread the second I wake up. This brain dump is only half of my symptoms, these just happen to be the ones bothering me the most at the moment.

 

Every day is a living nightmare I spend sitting on the couch clutching a pillow in a strange and totally uncomfortable tense malfunctioning body. No part of me has been spared, mind, body or soul. Just typing this has sapped all my energy and brain power for the day. This all feels so permanent, there are no fluctuations, no ebb or flow, not a single thing has changed, new things have cropped up, but I can't think of anything that has stopped aside from the 6 months of daily repeated soul spilling sobbing attacks that started after reinstatement.

 

According to medicine, I am perfectly healthy (which I am grateful for, although I can't enjoy it) I never even had a twinge of any of this my entire life, I was a thrill seeker, no anxiety, so physical issues, not a single care. I originally took benzos for no reason at all for a couple months, I had no idea this was even possible. I used to be a social, outward, creative, physically strong person. Now I can barely walk to the bathroom and haven't left my house in a year and a half.

 

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that this is what is truly wrong with me and trying to trust that I can heal. Every single day I want to pour drugs down my throat to make it stop, yet somehow every day I haven't for five months now. I went into this with nothing left in my strength from my last CT, now I am so weary the slightest breeze might knock me over. I'm hoping it gets to a tolerable point soon. I don't expect to be healed, but I need some hope and relief.

 

Sorry this is so long, I've been a prisoner in my own mind for so long now, I barely speak anymore, I miss my friends, I miss just casually sitting on the couch, or surfing the web, or watching a documentary, or going outside and actually FEELING the world without it all feeling strange, or off or, separate.

 

Thanks for reading, I would appreciate any replies from those that can relate, and even moreso from those that can relate and have gotten some degree better from at where I was. Providing timelines would be helpful too, I know we are all individual, but even just for my own personal hope, hearing that it got a little better at 6 months etc...helps me push forward.

 

Holding on for dear life.

 

-Mike     

 

 

Mike.....I could have written this, but would never have been able to describe it as well as you have. The physical is absolutely ME 100% - what tests have you had ( medical diagnostic tests ) Private message if you like.........I would love to talk with you.

Hey Mike,

 

I was just wondering how bad off were you at the 7 month mark before you re-instated? It must have been bad for you to go back on.