Am I on the road to hell or route 66?????

Well benzo amigos still struggling to live with W/D the pain the anger and the guilt. ...thing is iv accepted im depressed.....iv been on my medication now for 7 weeks.  This road I go down been down this road before its no ones fault but my own its the path iv chosen to go. ..some days feels like I'm on the road to hell and other days feels like iv tutned a corner and and heading straight fown route66. I think route sixty six is everyone's dream of a rd trip.  I was discussing with a fellow buddies and I tried t lighten up the hell we go through and  tried to think of it as an experience bit because it is an experience not many will go through this this is an endurance testit istretch us to our limits physically and also mentally.  . Feels like someone has put me on a desert island with no supplies. Iv forgotten what itfeels like to be normal as normal is. I just want to get out and enjoy mmy time out and I know no one can do this for me and no one can do it for you. Is the answer really to sit this out amd one day we will get up and be well because no matter how much I fight against theae isolating moment and panic attacks things never seem to diminish.  How frustrating is it for those who actually build the courage up to go out every day and it doesn't get easier. Then there's the inability to prepare cooked meals even doing chores becomes a mental challenge I feel like a *** lab monkey.  Starting from birth at 38. Me I try  to be as positive as possible even throwing a bit of humour in there sometimes just to make sure im not totally dead inside . It's easy to sit on a couch and wait the day out but it get really *** boring and predictable and I wonder how long my friend will tolerate this groundhog day she can't understand why im like this almost everyday.  And truth be told neither do I I know its benzos but im clean now so how can a pill take over your brain and body so easily there should be an antidote for benzo s and they're effects.  Anyway I don't like to comedy on here and make you all miserable life's hard enough without listening to someone else's hopeless thoughts.  I want to live and I want life but my friend says that I want it yesterday and that not healthy she says because I set myself back everyday.  And im scared this is what I am doing but I feel I have no control over my benzo brain even when I try to stand uo to it. Right ill leave you all alone now have a good day or night.  Ching ching

 

 

 

Edit Removed disguised profanity

Hey Muk,

 

Ya, it does feel like we've been lab rats, doesn't it?  Especially with your situation...that should never have happened.

 

It's only my first day after my jump and the smooth transition I was hoping for doesn't look like it's going to happen.

 

This thing realy does play a number on the brain..

 

Most of the times, I just sit here in front of my computer and tv.  Other than my morning walk/jog I don't really go out.  I need to force myself like you, to get out.  You're a brave man, mate and I know this pill won't take you down.

 

Keep your chin up and your shoulders back.. you'll beat this thing.

 

 

Love the avatar matt stewie is the shit.....what a wee sex fiend lol.  Thanks for the moral bud you'll beat this bloody thing to the moral is we have to wd got no choice how easy or how hard it is. Some will go down the road to hell others will go down route 66. As long as my road leads me to better things.  Its gonna be a journey I just hope its a return and not a single one way. Fingers crossed. 

I am reading all this and thinking, "such a shame. all these wonderful sensitive souls being medicated with toxic pills". Wish we all resolved our original traumas and wounds before getting on this stuff.