What's helping me during taper, as I drop 10%/10 days from HIGH DOSE

I wrote today in a PM, but thought I'd share here, as I continue my cut/hold - ten percent, every ten days, using scale.  I cut again yesterday, down to 2.35mg Klonopin from 7/8mg (after 13+ years on it, and awful tolerance withdrawal).  Will continue this until .125 and then jump.  I started taper at the end of February, and has not been too rough of a ride, I'd even say a POSITIVE JOURNEY, so tossing out some tools I've used, and encouragement to my fellow BBs who may need some today. 

 

Mindset: Symptoms = healing.  10% cuts are safe, and I do not fear protracted withdrawal.  I assume I will heal and feel better as I drop and GREAT when I get off.  We were putting a lot of poison into our bodies (I was hovering between 7-8mg when I started).  Think our bodies will be really thankful not to have to filter out this toxin anymore, and our brains will repair well.  K/benzos have side effects that impact our entire body, as we know - our whole CNS, our livers, kidneys, heart, digestive system...  I believe anxiety and most of my problems were a result of high doses of this poison, so my 'wise mind' (and body) says "get it out!".

 

Diet: I avoid anything my belly does not seem to like, and it tells me by bloating.  So, gluten, sugar, soy, and processed foods = out.  I drink a lot of water.  I take a probiotic in the AM, and drink kefir most days.  I avoid all alcohol.  Three meals a day and two small snacks.  Have lost weight, but not too much. Still have a healthy BMI.

 

Deficiencies?:  I had a complete blood panel done in first month of taper, and all was fine, but VIT D very low (20), which Pdoc explained was likely due to Klonopin.  I now supplement 3000IUs daily, with magnesium powder (two must go together, she says, b/c D can deplete M).  Right off, felt so much better!

 

Body aches/anxiety/sleep: I take epsom salt baths 3x week (magnesium + sulfur).  Works great, detoxifies, gets mag into your whole body, muscle aches go away, even headaches.

 

Exercise: Even when I don't want to, I take at least a two mile walk per day.  If I feel crummy, I just take it nice and slow, but commit to this.  If I feel good, I do more.

 

Acupuncture and TCM, my lifesavers:  TCM= Traditional Chinese Medicine.  I see acupuncturist, who makes formula especially for my needs, then sends "Rx" to TCM pharmacy, and has delivered to me in granular form (herbs crushed, so easier to take, just spoonfuls in hot water 2x/day).  Has helped tremendously with most of my symptoms, and as new ones pop up, formula is adjusted, b/c body is changing as I drop.  Is not a "bandaid", but more like a parachute, working to repair body from the inside out, so a good thing - keeping me healthy as I taper, less stress on body/brain, getting my body in balance (homeostasis).  The last symptom I had that bothered me was heart palps (resting heart rate high, and I have no previous heart issues).  She added herbs to address this, and heart palps went away, resting heart rate back to where it should be.  Also took care of insomnia, muscle aches, blurry vision, headaches, etc - all symptoms I had when I started.  Still have some anxiety, but manageable, and only flares with external stress (not from taper).  If insurance doesn't cover, or too expensive, there are many great community clinics.  You can go here to find one near you (US and Canada).  https://www.pocacoop.com/clinics/

 

Stress:  I avoid what I can, and when I can't, I am extra mindful of what body needs (more rest, more nutritious foods, all above-acu 2x week, for example).  This month is the first I lowered my cut to 6% twice b/c father is dying, and cat, and have deadline at work, so needed to avoid potential w/d, and it worked.  Now don't have to think about taper, b/c symptom free.  I do not wish to be symptom-free throughout.  I think working to address symptoms as I go is making me a healthier and stronger person in body and mind, and preparing me well for my post-jump.

 

Meditation:  When I do feel anxious or can't sleep, I meditate.  I do simple breathing exercises (inhale through nose, with long exhale, until I can't get any more breath out). This is supposed to work your vegas nerve, and really calming.  Can be like taking sedative, for me.  If sleep is a problem b/c I have a lot running through my mind, I use guided meditation, on youtube, like this one:

 

Yoga:  I don't go to class, but do it in my livingroom.  Find simply stretching body helps to relax me, just makes me feel better overall.

 

Attitude: I accept I'm doing something that is not supposed to be "painless", and is is a teachable moment - sometimes sitting with discomfort, and not reaching for an Rx to soothe anymore.  I understand my body/mind more now than ever before, feel more in control, hopeful, and confident.  I do not run from fear, pain, anxiety, symptoms, but accept them as part of the healing process, and look at them inquisitively - like, what may my body need?  Water, nutrients, rest, a good laugh, some time alone to breathe and center, music, etc. 

 

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:  This I implemented early on, realizing that if I did not eat well, sleep, care for basic needs, I wouldn't be able to function well with other things, like work, or caring for friends and family, and me-me (doing things I ENJOY).  This has worked, so I just pay attention to body signals a lot, ensure I'm eating well, sleeping, etc.  Have gotten into a rhythm, and now it comes to me naturally.

 

And lastly, I never panic from symptoms.  I just allow THIS to BE, what it IS - I am tapering, which is a good thing, and will be over soon enough!  I am so, so, so happy I am doing this, and have never updosed, never will, and will NEVER reinstate. 

 

I will be soon be FREE, the best feeling in the world - thinking about it, working toward it.  No symptom could get me off this path to freedom.

 

Thank you for letting me share.

 

In Solidarity,

WR

 

:smitten:

NYC, you sound like your doing great and i know your going thru alot with your Father and i am so very sorry about that but you seem so very strong as anyone could be so keep digging deep my friend thank you for sharing ! ~CD

NYC, you sound like your doing great and i know your going thru alot with your Father and i am so very sorry about that but you seem so very strong as anyone could be so keep digging deep my friend thank you for sharing ! ~CD

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You too, CD!  You are so close now, soon free and healed!  Your posts have helped me so much, although don't reply as often as I'd like, so will take time now to say thank you! 

NYC_- I love your attitude and your healing protocols and I hope others will realize what a great role model you are providing.  I especially like your acceptance of the unpleasantness of symptoms and your realization that this is not something we get through without a certain amount of suffering.  I agree with your idea of getting the poisons out of our systems as fast as is tolerable.

 

Your optimism puts us on the same page.  I was actually excited when I cold turkeyed my very low dose of Xanax and was slammed with symptoms.  I felt like --Eureka! I've figured it out!  I'm addicted to this crap!  Now all I have to do is not take it anymore and I'll be well!  Granted, it took longer than I ever imagined, but still, I saw it as a positive thing at the outset.

 

I, too, have been doing a bit of home yoga every day in the backyard with a carpet scrap rolled on the lawn.  I decided a little bit every day was better than an official class twice a week.

 

Good luck!

Second the acupuncture. During my first taper, in hindsight, I went way too fast. I wouldn't have been able to tolerate the side effects if it wasn't for acupuncture.

Very nice post. I'm right there with you on most of it, especially the acceptance that this is what it is. And this process has forced me to find ways to cope instead of taking a pill. I'm glad you are doing so well and I'm very sorry about your father and your cat.

Very nice post. I'm right there with you on most of it, especially the acceptance that this is what it is. And this process has forced me to find ways to cope instead of taking a pill. I'm glad you are doing so well and I'm very sorry about your father and your cat.

 

Thank you for thoughts about dad and cat.  Cat is dying first, so tending to him now.  He has aggressive cancer and was a surprise.  Is very, very heartbreaking; I love my fur companions so much.  Then fly accros the country to be with dad, also cancer.  All the while, have huge deadline to meet, that i must, bc am consultant, and it is a big project, what puts roof over head, food on table.  If I had not gathered and used these tools during taper, I would be stalled with a long hold or updosed or sxs flaring like nuts, but it is not so. 

 

Someone mentioned learning radical acceptance, which goes into what you were saying FJ.  I guess that's another thing I'm learning, or another way of describing what I have. Not just about taper, but life.  There was a moment last night, after going to vet to have the talk about home euthanasia, and everything started spinning through my head...'what will life be like without my dad? My furbaby? How will I get work done? Should I care about work or duck out of project? Am I doing enough, too much???....'. I cried for awhile, and the head noise stopped.  I breathed.  I realized I was with my cat now, so would be with him, not elsewhere, and sat beside him calmly.  When I went to bed, it dawned on me five months ago I would have definitely taken an extra mg or two of klonopin, likely an extra pill "as needed" throughout both father and cat's death.  Four years ago, I would have done the "rescue doses" along with pint of vodka, passed out and woke with hangover...wd sxs from alcohol on top of my tolerance wd from klonopin.  Ashasmed, even more depressed,  anxious.

 

Whoa! Feeling things, like emotional pain, is a gift for someone like me, on this crap since 2000, and above 3mg since 2002. The rawness and realness of life, bring present for the cycles of life, out of myself/head so i can feel true empathy for others, not get caught in webs of escape, fear, confusion... that is good medicine!!!

 

 

 

NYC-  yes, I am coming out of this so much more able to "be in the moment."  Before this, just a cliché, but now, with such a long rollercoastering period, I have gotten really good at seizing the good times and appreciating them since I know very well I might not feel so hot the very next day!  Now, when I look back on the time I've been sick, I'm grateful to myself for what I did manage to accomplish.

 

Sorry about your father and your cat, but life keep going on around us while we are in the middle of this and we have to deal.

 

Rooting for you!

NYC-  yes, I am coming out of this so much more able to "be in the moment."  Before this, just a cliché, but now, with such a long rollercoastering period, I have gotten really good at seizing the good times and appreciating them since I know very well I might not feel so hot the very next day!  Now, when I look back on the time I've been sick, I'm grateful to myself for what I did manage to accomplish.

 

Sorry about your father and your cat, but life keep going on around us while we are in the middle of this and we have to deal.

 

Rooting for you!

 

Yes it is true, life keeps going, and we can slow down a bit, but not too much, bc it is a taper...we do not have cancer! Not speaking to you fJ, but partly why I wrote post, to help some folks who seem really frightened.  We aren't dying, and you only suffer as much as you allow, to some degree.  I can talk myserlf OUT of a symptom, or distract myself out of a symptom, or breathe myself out of a symptom, and think everyone on here can too, if they weren't cold turkey'd (only say this bc not knowledgable about what damage it does to CNS).

 

I have a day of taper sx wallowing, sure. But a day is the limit, then I get freaked out, know my mind is making me sicker than I am.

 

My cat can't do this.  My dad can't do this.  They have cancer eating painfully away at their brain, lungs, bones. 

 

We do not.  We are simply tapering, with a load of tools at our disposal to make it a smoother and healthier ride. One that will not kill us, but make us stronger, wiser, more joyful/peaceful people if we allow. 

 

In solidarity,

wr

 

 

Hi NYCWaverider-I am so sorry to hear about your dad and your cat. You sound as if you are doing really well. Keep up the good work. 

What a nice post, WR. I'm very sorry about your cat and your dad. I lost my dad recently and also lost my two dogs. It was very painful but I kept up with the taper. I am doing a lot of what you mentioned and I think that has helped me a lot. Especially acceptance! Good for you! :thumbsup: 

Bets

Wow you really hit it on the head. I had a light bulb moment during my taper when I thought about my dad, who died from als. It slapped me in the face. Despite how bad it gets, I will survive and get better. My dad did not have that. It was a good reminder. I wish you the best in the days ahead. They are not going to be easy. Keep on being strong.  Big hugs

I agree that it helps keep things in perspective to remember that people with cancer and other deadly diseases do not have nearly the positive prognosis we are constantly given.  Some people get bent out of shape because of the attention sufferers of cancer get from society as a whole.  I've thought of this too, but I wouldn't swap.  How does a person who's had issues with anxiety think they'd cope with the uncertainly of cancer and the possibility of recurrence?

 

NYC--I think you're going into this with exactly the right attitude.  Just promise you won't beat yourself up too bad if the going gets rougher and you can't always feel so upbeat.  That's par for the course too.  We'll be here for you.  

What a nice post, WR. I'm very sorry about your cat and your dad. I lost my dad recently and also lost my two dogs. It was very painful but I kept up with the taper. I am doing a lot of what you mentioned and I think that has helped me a lot. Especially acceptance! Good for you! :thumbsup: 

Bets

 

Ah, good to 'see' you, bets!  I am so sorry to hear about your father and dogs passing. 

 

You are so strong, have helped me so much. Thank you, bets, my fellow long timer/high doser taper warrior.  Looks like you are ready to leap soon!

 

:smitten:

I agree that it helps keep things in perspective to remember that people with cancer and other deadly diseases do not have nearly the positive prognosis we are constantly given.  Some people get bent out of shape because of the attention sufferers of cancer get from society as a whole.  I've thought of this too, but I wouldn't swap.  How does a person who's had issues with anxiety think they'd cope with the uncertainly of cancer and the possibility of recurrence?

 

NYC--I think you're going into this with exactly the right attitude.  Just promise you won't beat yourself up too bad if the going gets rougher and you can't always feel so upbeat.  That's par for the course too.  We'll be here for you.

 

I will come crying, but honestly never from symptoms.  It is not easy breezy, and I have waves and windows and waves and waves and windows and waves as I've dropped.  I've had the worst symptoms listed before getting on TCM herbs, and endured crushing anxiety and depression while in tolerance withdrawal.  I've overcome obstacles so much harder than this I my life.  It is hard to fathom 'worse', or coorelate lowering/jumping with a negative spin,  even if sxs reemerge, new ones pop up, or existing ones flare. Maybe i am a nutcase with high threshold for discomfort.  Two hours ago, i had inner vibrations/trembling and burning legs, but i just thought 'oh this. Sigh, i am stressed'.  So i meditated and then watched a show and it was gone.  When I would get bad sxs before,  often thinking i needed ER bc swore dying ftom x,y,z symptom, i realized how closely it correlates with stress/anxiety. Perhaps another reason why i feel better as i drop...never had anxiety disorder before klonopin, but developed as side effect after years of use.  Maybe brain is repairing as i go down...was on 7-8mg for six+ years, above three mg for 12 yrs. Just can't imagine any new symptom being too much.

 

Life right now is sad though, yes. Am going to cuddle cat now, get off Bb.

 

Xoxo

Wr

I love your fighting spirit!

Well, everybody's story's different, and if there are people who get off this stuff without any problems at all, there's no reason you couldn't turn out to be the person who has already seen the worst of it.  Hope so.  I like your spirit too and it will serve you well in days to come. 

Well, everybody's story's different, and if there are people who get off this stuff without any problems at all, there's no reason you couldn't turn out to be the person who has already seen the worst of it.  Hope so.  I like your spirit too and it will serve you well in days to come. 

 

Thanks. I am not typically one to believe strongly in the power of positive thought bc always a pragmatist, and see suffering for what it is ...suffering. My job for fifteen years has been working with people who suffer greatly hour to hour, day to day.  They inject heroin into their toes, sleep under fruit stands, live with HIV/diabetes/hep c and a host of other diseases and illnesses they have a hard time treating bc they need to find money to cop for drugs before they get dope sick which means selling sex for money or doing things they don't want to do bc desperate, really feel tangled in a web.  They are shunned by society, live off of nothing but still manage to laugh, show strength, compassion for others, make small changes that show me they have compassion for themselves.  They have friends die month after month; from overdose, from hep c, from untreated HIV/AIDS, from heart attacks.  They still keep their spirit, they still pull up bootstraps, come to the places I have worked to learn, survive, thrive...whether to get acupuncture, see a doctor, case manager, watch a movie, see a therapist, take an art class, or do yoga in the tv room.  They come!  I hold them also, so many people I've met along this journey in my career, as an inspiration for my taper.  Perspective about suffering, and the attitude I *need to have* when the going gets rough, because it does, but only to a degree. That is key...perspective, which I know can be HARD with anxiety, but I am learning to control it vs it controlling me. I can list off a million things I'm grateful for, in the midst of a terrible wave.  I am grateful now I just woke from a comfortable bed, my cat seems okay, I have kefir and berries and nice coffee for breakfast, and an acupuncture appointment at 11am. 

As a cancer survivor I have always been a VERY positive person. I have stayed 100% positive through my entire recovery and I know that has helped expedite my healing. If I can survive cancer I can heal from a Benzo. Ain't no stopping me now:)

THIS is a great post and thread. As a cancer survivor, too, I know I'm just lucky to be here! What is your line of work, NYC that you care for people who are suffering so badly?

I love your fighting spirit!

 

Thank you : )

 

This is what my acupuncturist said to me today too.  That I am a fighter, my mind is strong, and it shows clearly in my body - each time I see her, she notices how much I am healing, healthier.  Hair has stopped falling out, skin is glowing again, heart rate normal, eyes clear, vision normal again (no blur), weight is steady now, no tears and despair visits like before.  I mentioned burning legs, inner vibrations from last night, and she said CNS taking a bit of a beating from stress from cat, dad, work - added some 'cooling' herbs to my formula, and said to call her in two days if it didn't resolve.  The cooing herbs work on my heart (spirit), and the burning/vibrations come from an imbalance there.  Nothing major adjusted, juts a little extra help to get me through this month, then will reevaluate again. 

 

Off topic, but she also mentioned diet.  Suggested coconut oil as a good supplement for detoxing from benzos - although high in saturated fats, the ones in C oil are good for heart/brain. One tsp in Am, one tsp in PM.  She also suggested chlorophyll, added to water - just straight chlorophyll, nothing added to it (so, not green energy powder crap, but liquid chlorophyll.  Says it also helps cool and clear blood, what many of us need.  I buy from this manufacturer, and actually used while in tol w/d years ago, and recall it helping greatly w/anxiety, mood.  http://www.wachters.com/catalogitem.php?keywords=chlor&x=0&y=0&catID=5360&channel=chlor

 

Feel like this is turning into a little WR blog.  May start that instead!

 

WR

 

 

As a cancer survivor I have always been a VERY positive person. I have stayed 100% positive through my entire recovery and I know that has helped expedite my healing. If I can survive cancer I can heal from a Benzo. Ain't no stopping me now:)

 

Ah, Fran!  You are a fighter, indeed. 

 

No taper can stop you, no way!

 

Big hugs and high fives to you!

 

THIS is a great post and thread. As a cancer survivor, too, I know I'm just lucky to be here! What is your line of work, NYC that you care for people who are suffering so badly?

 

Oh, wow - so good to hear you beat cancer too, and now beating this poison on top of it!  Hooray to heath and healing in mind/body/spirit!

 

I work in harm reduction/public health.  The people I work with are mostly injection drug users, most with Hepatitis C, and many with HIV.  Majority are homeless, living in the street, large number with severe mental illnesses.  Right now I am out of direct service/program management, and writing harm reduction/public health materials (quit my job as director of one program in prep for my taper b/c a very stressful line of work, and wasn't sure what I would be able to handle, and knew both clients and staff needed me 100%). I will go back to it when it is over, but writing now is good for my brain,  exercises it, without the chaos of day-to-day program management.  Because most of these folks are suffering badly, the places I work are a stepping stone for them, so offers everything under one roof, does not charge medicaid, and is client-centered, meaning they can choose from a menu of options (with guidance, but nothing is forced or solutions prescribed).  So, syringe exchange (what gets them in the door first, typically, and is first step toward caring for themselves - ensuring if they are using, they are doing it safely), referrals to drug tx if/when they want, OD prevention, psych, therapists, art groups, support groups, drop-in center, hot meals, acupuncture, case managers to assist with housing/benefits, HIV specialists, HCV specialists, nutritionists, HIV/HCV/STI testing, working with people who do survival sex, so ensuring they have access to free condoms, support groups for them to keep each other safe.  The rule is no judgement, reducing harm where we can, working with the stages of change theory, so having them elicit change within themselves, steer their ship, while we provide tools and support and guidance and compassion.

Sounds like a fabulous program and one that we need in all cities! Kudos to you for being an angel in a harsh world.

xoxox SC

I love your fighting spirit!

 

Thank you : )

 

This is what my acupuncturist said to me today too.  That I am a fighter, my mind is strong, and it shows clearly in my body - each time I see her, she notices how much I am healing, healthier.  Hair has stopped falling out, skin is glowing again, heart rate normal, eyes clear, vision normal again (no blur), weight is steady now, no tears and despair visits like before.  I mentioned burning legs, inner vibrations from last night, and she said CNS taking a bit of a beating from stress from cat, dad, work - added some 'cooling' herbs to my formula, and said to call her in two days if it didn't resolve.  The cooing herbs work on my heart (spirit), and the burning/vibrations come from an imbalance there.  Nothing major adjusted, juts a little extra help to get me through this month, then will reevaluate again. 

 

Off topic, but she also mentioned diet.  Suggested coconut oil as a good supplement for detoxing from benzos - although high in saturated fats, the ones in C oil are good for heart/brain. One tsp in Am, one tsp in PM.  She also suggested chlorophyll, added to water - just straight chlorophyll, nothing added to it (so, not green energy powder crap, but liquid chlorophyll.  Says it also helps cool and clear blood, what many of us need.  I buy from this manufacturer, and actually used while in tol w/d years ago, and recall it helping greatly w/anxiety, mood.  http://www.wachters.com/catalogitem.php?keywords=chlor&x=0&y=0&catID=5360&channel=chlor

 

Feel like this is turning into a little WR blog.  May start that instead!

 

WR

NYC, Your sounding very good for all you have going on right now i guess you have found a way to pull from the inner strength that we all have in us and i myself am trying as i know it`s not easy! Know i wish you the best during this very hard time in your life ~ CD