6 Weeks Clonazepam Free & Struggling w/ New Symptoms After Inner-Ear Problem

Hi Everyone,

 

  Thank you for being here. Please tell me that I am going to feel better. I am just crying my eyes out anxious and scared that I will never feel myself again and that I won't be a good wife or mom precious family. Not to mention that I want to be good to me too. As other wd smptoms get better, the depression and anxiety are getting worse. Then I have periods that are great. I just want to stop struggling on everything. I am afraid to go to the doc bc he might suggest more pills. I hate pills!!!! There has got to be a another way.

 

  Crying helped.

 

  Here is what happened ... after a tough 1st year w/ my younger son crying much of the day and night, my wonderful Dad became terminally ill w/ a kidney problem and he passed. We were very close and I always knew his death would be tough, but when the time came I was surprised how well I did. 6 weeks later, a week after finishing the major work on his house, I woke up w/ my head spinning on Nov 7, 2007. It got so bad that we called 911 and I was barely concious by the time they got me to the ambulance. I was diagnosed w/ benign positional vertigo, given some valium and sent home. I shook so bad and was so dizzy that  I could barely function. The first ENT seemed scared of me, 2nd the positional vertigo diagnosis and sent me home "hoping that the anxiety symptoms would go away in a month." I could barely walk. He had to hold my head still because it was uncontrollably shaking to even look at me. I went to my therapist (had battled anxiety in the past, emotionally & verbally abused as a child, anorexia) and she suggested that I go to the med school in Dallas because I seemed to have an usual case. She had seen me battle anxiety in the past and agreed that this was vertigo, not anxiety. One day I had to lie down on the floor and almost passed out. Had to call the neighbors to come get me and my younger son. I was always on the go and now this. What was the matter??

 

  5 weeks after the big vertigo, we saw the 2nd ENT at the med school. He agreed on the positional vertigo and prescribed 0.5 mg clonazepam for 30 days to help me get a handle on the dizziness and shaking. He also sent me to a physical therapist for rehab. I saw my Mom take lots and lots of pills (including tons on valium) and never ever wanted to take anything. Not even tylenol. I really did not want to take anything, but was desparate and tired. I googled clonazepam and saw the Ashton Manual, but decided to take the clonazepam since I was only supposed to take it for 30 days. The most stupid decision I ever made!!!! I think I am terrified that I will make another really, really bad choice.

 

  The clonazepam did help and I was able to start functioning again, but I still constantly felt like my head was floating above my body and I would shake some everyday, so the Dr. suggested that I stay on the drug after 30 days. The PT was very sure: "Keep taking it!" At this point, I totally forgot about being on it for a short time and just kept muddling through. Looking back, I think I was already hooked. I definitely was not thinking clearly. I think that tolerance wd symptoms were already showing up: lightheadedness, hypoglycemia, not clear thinking, unreality.

 

  I was somewhat dizzy almost constantly until July 08, when looking at a HDTV made me horribly nauseaous, I shook very hard for 30 min and then the dizzyness was gone totally. My ear doc said that the original vertigo had caused my brain to stop using my inner ear for balance and used my eyes and sounds instead to make me balanced. The TV overwhelmed my system and my brain snapped back to using my inner ear, which is what all the shaking was about. A few days later I had severe hypoglycemia and was back in the ER. By the time they saw me and drew blood, I was already feeling better so of course they were puzzled and found nothing. They did a CT scan of my head and I was so relieved that I didn't have a brain tumor. The next week I was at my primary doc and he spent an hour w/ us listening to whole long story. He was so nice! He wanted to help me heal my brain naturally. He put me a vitamin regimen (multi, b complex, c, complete greens & fish oil) and suggest a low-simple-carb-diet to prevent hypoglycemia. This helped immensely. 

 

  I told him how much I wanted to get off the clonazepam bc I am sure that my Mom was a prescription drug addict and he told me not to worry about this "baby dose" of clonazepam. That there was none in my system when I woke up in the morning and he was not sure how such a small amount could have helped me w/ my dizziness. He told me that addiction would mean that I would need more and more. Looking back I think I already had tolerance wd and didn't know. Then he told me I could come off any time I wanted to and to take 0.25 mg clonazepam every night for a month, then stop. (The ENT who originally prescribed it, said to take a full pill every other night for a week and then stop. I am so glad I didn't do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

  I stopped crying. It is good to get this story out. I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

 

  So on March 21st, I took my first half-dose, did that for 4 weeks and then jumped off. The first thing I noticed is that I could actually get up in the morning. I loved that! I felt less tired and foggy and loved that too. I was extra sensitive to noise and somewhat anxious. My whole inner body (I think all my nerves) just pulsed and throbbed constantly.  I felt that constantly until 5 weeks after I jumped off and now I feel that only sometimes and not as much.  I would wake up in the middle of the night, shake, scared and not able to get back to sleep. I went to an ENT closer to my home to get my ears cleaned (the other one "released" me since he thought I no longer had an ear problem) and getting the wax out was a tough experience. The suction made me so dizzy. He didn't understand why I was so sensitive. I could barely speak and did not even think of telling I was a week into my taper. Got through it and my wonderful husband drove me home.

 

  Then I read the Ashton manual and realized that I tapered too fast. I promptly gave the pills to my husband and told him to hide them. I asked my psychologist and she said I tapered too fast and we'd have to wait and watch and that I might need to get back on it. I do not want to take any more clonazepam! How do I ease the withdrawal that I do have? I know I can do this.

 

  2 weeks after I jumped off, the significant hypoglycemia just stopped (I had to eat every 2-3 hours or risk having a significant attack). I also got my appetite back and started to lose weight. I think my metabolism was picking back up. Colors looked so much more bright and beautiful. Especially purple. I would go to the store and enjoy the wonderful scents in the produce section. I was feeling so good! Yea, I am glad to be off that drug!

 

  Then a few days later, PMS hit, I was a little stressed over a trying afternoon w/ the boys and an evening meeting, then I got a little dizzy. Different from the vertigo, but it scared me to pieces. I muddled through my meeting a did a horrible job and felt very weak, alot scared and upset and extremely tense. Sometimes I had that moving feeling again and being pulled to left, but I would look in the mirror and would be shaking and leaning to the left. Alot of that "dizziness" I felt last year, I think I was shaking was tolerance wd. I felt every little movement. Eating,breathing, I just couldn't be still. Sitting still in a noisy restaurant seemed like a huge ordeal. I a little more dizziness a few days later when we had a tornado warning here. That few seconds just scared me to pieces. I was totally miserable and down until my period started 5 days late.

 

  Things were better: my nerves were constantly throbbing and I was scared to death of any more dizziness. Distraction helped, but hard to keep it going. I was so exhausted. I had terrible tension in my neck and back of my head and my eye ball and eye lids would twitch. Sometimes I would feel lightheaded, but always felt the tension first. Most things were a struggle.

 

5 weeks into being benzo free, the constant whole body throbbing finally stopped during a yoga meditation (which I have started doing again). That was a fabulous feeling! The throbbing comes and goes now, usually w/ stress. But when I move, I still felt like I was leaning to the left. But then I had this terrible tension. I was able to do more until PMS hit again, then everything was a huge struggle until 2 days ago. Going to the preschool, the store. Noise just make me shake.

 

  Now the throbbing is usually gone and a lot of the muscle tension, but I still feel bad. I feel sometimes like I am leaning to the left (although I have tension there). I am worried that I will bring on the vertigo. I know I need to do yoga, but am so scared that I will get dizzy. When I stretch those neck muscles I get lightheaded.

 

  As the throbbing and tension are getting better, my depression and anxiety are getting worse. It is all I can do to go anything and I am terrified of being in noisy environments. Yesterday, I was scheduled to give a talk to 100+ people at a local university and was terribly scared. I've been scared for weeks. I am usually a little nervous (I think in a normal way), but not this shaking, scared alot, freezing hands, hope that I can make myself get on the stage and not run away stuff. Totally not like me. I am so proud that I did go and kept going. It was not my best talk, but it was not horrible. I usually feel a high after public speaking, but yesterday I just wanted to get out of there. I never had that good feeling. That really concerns me because I usually enjoy public speaking so much. My wonderful husband and kids took me yesterday bc it was so far from here and I wasn't sure that I had the energy to drive that far. I was very tired afterwards. Emotionally and physically worn out and just cried and cried. I don't want to get dressed, take a shower or eat. I do not want to start taking anti-depressants. What do I do?

 

  Now that my wd symptoms are getting easier, I am having more dpression and anxiety. I guess this is part of the wd, but it feels like it will never be over. Please, please tell that I will feel better and that it won't always be such a struggle to just get up and do normal stuff. I don't want to scared of the grocery store and restaurants anymore.  I can barely eat. I know that is not good either.

 

  Now that the physical symptoms are easing am I having such a hard time w/ depression and anxiety? I am so dissapointed in myself. I have a wonderful family, I have overcome so many things, but now I am really struggling. I feel like such a loser. Please tell me that this will get better. Is this the dark before the dawn?

 

 

Janet

 

Hi Janet,

 

Welcome to the forum. I"m sorry for all you have had to endure these last couple of years.

 

Let me just say in a word, Yes! You will get better. It won't take forever. The amount you jumped off, 0.25mg klonopin, isn't terribly high. Yes, a bit fast, it probably would have been better to half it again and jump off 0.125mg, but it's done, and I would not recommend going back on to do it slower. You will be ok.

All of your symptoms are normal for benzo wd, and it sounds like you are having windows-periods of feeling relatively well. 6 weeks is still a very short time off. You will slowly see improvement as time passes. You'll get back to yourself and your family.

 

As for the vertigo and inner ear problems, did they diagnose you with Meniere's Disease? My brother has this. They prescribed him valium but he rarely takes it, only when he has a bad flare up every few months.  His symptoms have improved greatly over time.

 

If you have any more questions, just ask! Others will be by to offer support and feedback.    

 

Hi things will get better. After all that's what everyone here tells me! How long were you on the klonapin?

Hi,

 

  Thanks. It is so good to hear somebody who has been through this tell me that it will be ok. I believe that I am strong enough and that I will get through this. I was on 0.5 mg clonazepam for 16 mos and see lots of benefits of being off it. I am just so tired of the struggle right now and scared. The med school ENT was sure that I did not have menierre's because I had no hearing loss (and had the test done while I was dizzy). I think I had labrynthitis  - swelling of the canals which inflames a nerve and can cause positional vertigo.

 

  Thank you so much!  It is so good to have benzo buddies!!

 

  How much should I push myself? I know I have to push to get better, but also need extra rest. I have 2 young children who don't nap and find them wonderful, but tiring.

 

Janet

 

Hi Janet,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!!

 

That was quite a story!! I woke up in the middle of the night with vertigo and thought I was having a stroke. I had no idea what was wrong with me so I called the ambulance. They didn't know what was wrong with me and I felt better so I didn't go to the hospital. I went to my GP that morning still having problems walking. She gave me motion sickness pills and said it should clear up in a couple of weeks. It did, thankfully!

 

In another matter, I was put on Clonazepam after experiencing a panic attack and was not warned about its dependent nature. I only took it for 8 weeks and I sloooowwwly tapered it over 9 months due to thyroid issues also causing physical problems.

 

I am now over 6 months benzo free and feel great!! You will get there too!! It may take time and patience but you will get better!!

 

 

T2

How much should I push myself? I know I have to push to get better, but also need extra rest.

 

I believe since benzos suppress the nerves, your CNS is very sensitive now after being off them for 6 weeks. Doing too much and having too much stress can rev up symptoms so it is best to try and do things in moderation and rest when you can.  Slowly increase activities and see how things go. 

Hi Janet,

 

I was on 1.5 mg klonopin a day for dizziness from vestibular nerve damage from an advanced stage Lyme infection.  I saw an ENT who specialized in dizziness and he did a lot of testing to rule out other causes of the dizziness.  He explained dizziness to me this way:  In most "dizzies" only one side of the vestibular system is affected.  If the signals from the two vestibular nerves are very different because one side is not normal, the brain can't sort it out and you get dizzy or in the extreme vertigo.  Benzos work by attenuating the signals from both nerves.  When they are closer to each other the brain can sort it out.  The dizziness is not caused by anxiety and the benzo helps because of its ability to dampen the nervous system.  It sounds like your dizziness was caused by a temporary condition - a lot of times the cause is never found but a common one is a viral infection in the inner ear. 

 

Many of my other neurological deficits from Lyme have slowly resolved over the years so about a year ago I decided to try getting off the klonopin to see if I still needed it.  Did a slow taper with a lot of withdrawal symptoms including dizziness, but it was clear that I didn't need it for dizziness anymore because each time I stabilized at a lower dose my balance would be fine.    I got all the way off and was benzo free for two weeks.  Then I stopped my two beers a day habit abruptly and had anxiety like I've never experienced before.  So even though I never took klonopin for anxiety or experienced anxiety as I tapered off, it hit me hard when I finished.  The c/t from alcohol was likely also a factor.  I reinstated the klonopin at a lower dose so I could stay functional enough to work.  The anxiety is gradually retreating and soon I'll start to taper off the remaining Klonopin.  I don't recommend that you reinstate your Clonazepam.  You were on a relatively low dose for a relatively short time and some weeks have passed.  It can be tough but you are doing great.  I wanted you to know that the post withdrawal anxiety is not unusual  and it will get better with time.     

 

Steve

Hi,

 

  Oh, this is so helpful. It so good to hear that I am not alone and that others who have been there think I will be ok. I am not so scared.

 

  Steve, thanks for sharing your dizziness. It all makes alot of sense to me. I think I had something viral in my L ear -- I was the 4th case of vertigo in the ER that morning. Nobody has ever explained that one to me, but my husband and I are sure that it is part of the puzzle. My inner ear and eyes haven't matched up. Visual images and jarring sounds use to make me dizzy, but that seemed to have stopped -- did you ever have trouble w/ sights & sounds? I still have a big stress response to them. Thank you so much for your help and support!

 

  Another question ... when I meditate and visualize myself back to normal, that thought scares me.  Anyone else had fear of not being sick?

 

 

Thanks,

Janet

 

Hi and welcome!  Sounds as though you are on the right track.  Stay the course and you will slowly heal and reclaim your active life.  Six weeks is a relatively short-time, so try and be patient and know that your body is healing.

 

On a slightly different tack, it may not be a coincidence that your symptoms first began after your Dad passed away.  And for sure, there may have been more than one thing going on at that time (like an ear infection, as you said).  I say this for two reasons:  you said that you came from a difficult childhood with violence and abuse.  Closing the door on a piece of that history may have stirred things up in your subconscious.  The subconscious has a marvelous way of bringing things to our attention.  And the second reason that I mention this is your remark that when you imagine yourself well, you feel frightened.  Of course, this could be for a number of reasons, too.  But our childhood fears can return when we are vulnerable, but also when we are older and able to face them. 

 

This all may seem far-fetched, I understand.  But I always think that going back to the very beginning of my symptoms can tell me alot.  And since your symptoms, as you describe them, began exactly at the time that you were closing the door "to your father's house", there may just be a clue to true healing there. And then again, this all may be a coincidence.  So take what you like and leave the rest.

 

The important thing is that you are in the early stages of healing and you are doing well.  Enjoy the windows, accept that they will come and go, be patient through the hard times, support your body as much as you can (eating regularly, for example) and know that you are healing every day!  You will get through this!  I wish you good luck!!   

Sight and sound connections.  Balance is a complex function that uses visual cues, even more so when the inner ear function is compromised.  So visual induction of dizziness is pretty easy to get - for example the iMax movies on flying!  The sound connection is because the auditory nerve and the vestibular nerve pass very close to each other.  I forgot the technical term, but there is a well known phenomenon where a sudden loud noise can cause brief vertigo.  Usually only happens when the nervous system is very sensitive - like in withdrawal.  When I was at my worst, sharp sounds like dishes being stacked could make me feel like I had been spun around.

 

Meditation.  Perhaps visuallizing yourself well is making you fearful (anxious) that you won't get there? Try watching for the thoughts that accompany your fear.  I doubt that fear is coming from an image of you healthy.  It is coming from thinking.    I have been meditating daily for years before going through the benzo withdrawal and experiencing this new anxiety.  The anxiety caused a step change in how much "chatter" was going on in my head.  I was used to getting to the place in my meditation where I could observe my thoughts come and go one at a time while focusing on my breath.  Everything slowed down and just observing without judgement.    Within a couple days time my meditations shifted to something more like standing on the road in the middle of a six lane highway with the cars (thoughts) whizzing by.  Its getting better though.  The good days are almost like it used to be and the worst days are more like a two lane highway.  :-) 

Hi Janet,

 

You have some great posts from people who have had inner ear problems but I thought I would mention that withdrawing from a benzo can also cause hyperexcitability to sight, sound and smells.  You are newly off the benzo and withdrawal symptoms are very common at this stage.  Just keep focused with a positive attitude and you will eventually have your life back.

 

Patty  xo

I too was prescribed benzodiazapines for balance problems, and like Stevenator above felt that the only way I'd completely recover my vestibular function was to get off them.  Long story short, I was completely off benzos for over 6 months until I relapsed because of alcohol use - but my balance was almost completely back to normal after I was off for 2 months.  It flared up like crazy during the withdrawal, though, which was to be expected.  Have you considered vestibular rehabilitation physical therapy? I did a six week program last year and I feel it helped a lot.  This time around, while I'm having withdrawl symptoms, I don't feel particularly dizzy, which is a huge relief!  In my case during withdrawal when the dizziness would flare up I would tell myself that it was my nervous system healing - if you stop suppressing the vestibular system with benzodiazapines the brain seems to have a self correcting mechanism where it gets less sensitive to the dizzy sensation, like it's saying "I can't take this anymore."  Sure enough, I discovered that if I could ride out the times when I felt very dizzy, later on or the next day the sensation wasn't there.  Those windows of time would gradually get longer and longer! 

Hi,

 

  Thanks so much! What a difference a day makes. No depression this morning, some bad nausea and then weakness and now some low level symptoms. It is nice to not feel so low.

 

Y'all have really helped me. I didn't expect the sx to come back and I panicked a bit when I felt them again. It is so good to hear that I am doing ok since I have been so frustrated w/ myself. The windows are getting longer and I am enjoying them. It seems like this won't end, but I believe you that it will. I went to the grocery store yesterday and did ok. That was a big boost.

 

  Hawkeye, I think you asked some very good questions. There must be some connection in the timing of all this. I just called my therapist to get in this week. I need to talk w/ her about this. Thank you for bringing this up.

 

  Steve, thank you for giving me more dizzy info. Very interesting. Especially the part about the 2 nerves being near each other and your experience w/ the plates. It explains some things and makes me less scared that I will ever be that sick as I was that morning in Nov 07. I also appreciate you sharing about your meditation. Very helpful.

 

  Sorrow, thank you for sharing your story. It is so important for me to hear. I am glad to hear that your dizziness is so much better and that those feelings would go away. It seemed like I had more trouble w/ sights in the 1st 2 weeks after jumping off then it promptly stopped. Now to keep myself from worrying when I see/hear things.  I did vestib. rehab. last year and it did help alot. I am going to wait and see if I need to do it again. Life w/ my 2 young, active, non-napping children stretches my horizons and gives me lots sensory input. I feel a bit weak to handle the rehab right now too.

 

  Thank you so much for your help and support.

 

 

Janet

 

The interesting thing is that the improvement I made in balance function while I was off benzodiazapines seem to have persisted, even though I relapsed and am tapering off again.  Did you do your vestibular rehabilitation while you were taking benzodiazapines, or off them?  If you were taking them at the time, it may be wise to do the rehab again now that you're off.  I think the compensatory mechanisms may work better when the vestibular system is not being suppressed. 

 

Another thing I find that helps is to keep a log of my symptoms, giving the best objective ratings I can to various symptoms as the day goes by.  I actually have an Excel spreadsheet that I fire up each where I rate my symptoms three or 4 times a day, morning, afternoon, evening, and bedtime.  It's often difficult when you're in the thick of it to think you're any better if you don't have a reference, and when you go through a stretch of bad time one can get locked into a thought process of "I'm screwed, I've been like this forever and always will be."  If you have the log, though, you can look back and hopefully see an improving trend, and often you can see patterns in your symptoms that you wouldn't if you just tried to remember how you were doing say 2 weeks before.   

Thanks for the great ideas.

 

Janet