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Depression bad


[Mi...]

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I read and read and read so many posts here in so many different categories.

 

I appreciate the inspiration, fear the horror stories, sometimes feel connected to you and sometimes don't.

 

I'm having bad depression today. Feel like I can't take another day of no pleasure,  struggling to eat when I have to avoid losing weight, trying to relax, - you know the drill - each moment is a challenge. And I'm still early in my taper and haven't even hit headaches yet. One spell of derealization the other day that scared me bad.

 

My doctor says to slow my taper, but I'm already crawling at half what Ashton says. This will take three more years! No, no, no, no, no. I've got no acceptance today.

 

And I've tried everything - exercise (revs me up, but I can't and don't want to stay in bed for years), trying meditation or at least deep breathing and thinking relaxing thoughts, distraction - nothing distracts me, call a friend - even I'm tired of my pitiful whining.

 

Somebody please hold my hand. How do I get through this day?

 

MirandaJane

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Find the strength to meditate daily. The benefits don't come after one day...rather, it's a buildup.

 

After my first few times meditating, it actually made me more anxious, but just keep hitting it.

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Thank you SO MUCH for your reply.

 

I will try meditating again. Try, try, try, that's all I do with everything every day.

 

I see you are taking gabapentin. The doc gave me that and I had an opposite reaction - hyper to the max. My body is so different - I can't tolerate any kind of meds, if seems, or any nutritional supplements. My body just goes haywire. Will my GABA receptors ever normalize, or is that just a fantasy? And what about the depression I had pre-benzo?

 

I'm not going to off myself - I don't even have a way to do it - even if I took all the pills I  have I would just end up in the hospital where they would do terrible things to me.

 

But I SO don't want to go on living. I want to be free.

 

MirandaJane

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