Author Topic: Mentoring - those who are well (or better) reassuring those who struggle.  (Read 86786 times)

[Buddie]

Hey, I'll be getting a reputation round here!!

Sorry, folks, but a few months after meeting the widower who lives 200 miles away, I became extremely ill and was numb from the waist down for a year.  Definitely not funny.  That has gone but sexual feelings/functioning [...] have not come back.  I am very disappointed!  :(  Widower and I are in touch every day though.  He is very kind and supportive considering we only met a few times. 

Glad you have a husband, [...]!!  :thumbsup:

Mozart - I think suffering makes us more understanding of others and allows us to help others.  That is the only meaning I have found.  You will be that funny, talented, gregarious, intelligent, sexy woman again.  :thumbsup:  She has just taken a break, but she will be back.

Hi [...]!  ;D  Hi [...]!  :laugh:

Hugs

[...]  :smitten:
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[Buddie]

Sorry to interrupt this senior meeting  :D

(Just kidding)  :P

Great thread!

After some weeks of good mood and feeling healing was near, I sort of relapsed and depressed again a little. I´m in one of those "will I ever heal?" days. Thanks for the encouragement.  :'(
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...], no, definitely not funny. I  already deeply respect your attitude. You certainly are not wasting time on feeling sorry for yourself, despite [...] being in bed with this. I'm curious as to what your thought process is. This is the stuff that truly helps people. Tell us what you do to remain positive.  8)

[...], no such thing as an interruption here.  :hug:

We will endure with you as you wait out this trough. The crest will come again. It will.
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[Buddie]

Thank you, [...], as always you're thinking about ways to support others and you do it so eloquently.  I want to mark my place here, too, as I am well and happy again like you. 

Do you have any links for the EMDR therapy for people to check it out?

Love always,
[...] 
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[Buddie]

Thank you!

I had a very stressing and painful surgery one week ago and all that stress, pain killers, antibiotics triggered this new wave.

I´ve always wondered how you make that hug emoticon!  :o

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[Buddie]

Thank you!

I had a very stressing and painful surgery one week ago and all that stress, pain killers, antibiotics triggered this new wave.

I´ve always wondered how you make that hug emoticon! :o

Just click 'quote' and copy it…  :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Here's the main EMDR link, [...].

http://www.emdr.com/client-stories/61-my-story--sexual-abuse-sexual-addiction-recovery-and-[...].html

It has been amazingly effective for PTSD in military trauma, accident, horrific loss, sexual trauma, even that hard-to-reach childhood sexual trauma. Let me be clear by saying it is a therapeutic technique and it does not replace therapy. These things [...] need to be processed. What it does is takes the punch out of the emotion of it once it is out in the open.

You, maybe more than all of us put together understand loss and horror, [...]. You are a pillar of resiliency. I [...] you will feel moved to tell us your story here, but if you can't, then I understand.
 :smitten:
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[Buddie]

Hi [...]
I followed your progress while I was tapering and found it very helpful. I'm fine now. Thank you for all you do.
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Here's the main EMDR link, [...].

http://www.emdr.com/client-stories/61-my-story--sexual-abuse-sexual-addiction-recovery-and-[...].html

It has been amazingly effective for PTSD in military trauma, accident, horrific loss, sexual trauma, even that hard-to-reach childhood sexual trauma. Let me be clear by saying it is a therapeutic technique and it does not replace therapy. These things [...] need to be processed. What it does is takes the punch out of the emotion of it once it is out in the open.

You, maybe more than all of us put together understand loss and horror, [...]. You are a pillar of resiliency. I [...] you will feel moved to tell us your story here, but if you can't, then I understand.
 :smitten:



Sure, [...].  Just the thought has the faucets going…too close to [...]'s Day.  Let me just repost my blog entry about it instead:

I was prescribed Temazepam (generic for Restoril) at age 30 and it worked for the insomnia that started in my late twenties. 

Fast forward twenty years to age 50 ([...] taking Temazepam) when I saw my doctor for job stress and was prescribed .25 Xanax as needed.  I didn't question the doctor's recommendation, and [...] remember the instant relief taking just half a tablet...a miracle. 

As the years went by, the dose crept up slowly as I became tolerant.  I [...] didn't question it.  My sleep problems were diagnosed in a sleep study as RLS (restless legs syndrome) and I was prescribed the correct medication, so I went off the Temazepam. 

Enter marital problems, separation, divorce, court, attorney letters and bills (just seeing an envelope with his letterhead was stressful), mediation and a custody battle...as ugly as it gets.  Up went the Xanax dose again.  I didn't question it.

Extreme drama came next.  5:30 p.m. October 25, 2003.  I got a phone message that my 77 year old [...] had been hurt in a home invasion robbery in the house my parents raised us, a safe and affluent neighborhood where no one locked their doors.  She'd been taken by ambulance to Stanford Hospital with injuries. I made the 200 mile drive to Stanford by 10 p.m.  I didn't recognize my [...].  She'd been beaten and choked.  Every single bone in her face was broken, her neck was broken, her ribs were broken, bleeding from mouth, nose, eyes and ears.  When I finally went home that night to her house, my family's home for 50 years, it was to find a large pool of her blood in the middle of her white living room carpet where they [...] her.  The police had tossed a throw rug over it.

I took indefinite leave of absence from my teaching job and stayed with her in ICU as much as the nurses would allow.  She became unresponsive within days.  I had to make decisions about support.  Breathing tube, then a feeding tube, drilling holes to relieve pressure in her head, watching the nurses tie her hands to the bed to keep from pulling them out, bedsores.  She was extremely agitated, especially in the wee hours of the night.  She had regularly used benzodiazepine sleeping pills.  They were already giving her Ativan and said that would cover any issues related to the use of sleeping medication.  I [...] it did, but looking back, I wonder.

During this time, my ex-husband tried again to get custody of our daughter, though I had arranged for someone to stay with her in our home and that's where she preferred to be.  My [...]'s physician upped my Xanax and added Lexapro.  I found my [...]'s sleeping pills in her bathroom cabinet and took those until they were gone. 

After five weeks in a coma she developed pneumonia.  I made the decision to end life support per her written instructions.  I held her hand until her breathing stopped.

During her hospital stay, there was an ongoing police investigation.  TV, newspaper and radio interviews, rewards posted for information...and finally three arrests made two days after her death.  Three murder trials in the next two years required my testimony because I'd found DNA evidence in her bedroom. 

I cried more tears in a few years than most people cry in a lifetime.

I went off the Lexapro after awhile...it was rough.  I don't think I knew to taper off.  Xanax became my lifeline to sanity.  I was careful to keep some with me at all times.  I knew when my prescription needed filling and was at the pharmacy the day it was to be refilled.  I bought a fake Chapstick on eBay that hid a few days' worth of Xanax because I didn't want to keep a bottle in my purse.  I was afraid to lose even one.  I gasped if one went down the sink.  I counted them to make sure I'd make it until the next refill and breathed a sign of relief when I picked up each new refill in its orange plastic container. My physician refilled without question and without seeing me.  When I saw him for some other issue once, he said, "Xanax isn't my favorite drug.  Do you want to [...] something else?"  I said no because I thought it was working just fine for me and he never mentioned it again.  Anxiety and sorrow were constant companions and only Xanax kept me functioning. 

I retired in 2010, [...] on Xanax.  I worried that I was forever changed.  I couldn't think clearly and problem solving was noticeably more difficult. A lifelong reader, I had lost the ability to follow a plot.  I had bizarre dreams that didn't coincide with the events that actually happened.  I woke up every morning drenched in sweat and extremely anxious.  They were the first clue I had that the Xanax might actually be causing the problems I was [...] having. 

In 2011, a late refill prompted a meltdown at the pharmacy.  Tired of being controlled by my prescription, I decided to [...] to take control.  Looking back, that was a pivotal moment in my recovery.

I started experimenting with the Xanax to see if it was causing the problems I had.  I couldn't tell for sure,  so I began to cut my dose in August 2011.

Fast forward again...cutting my dose, holding, cutting, holding, quit at .25 in February 2012 on the advice of a drug counselor.  I had typical "too fast taper" w/d...BP spikes, tremor, headaches, incredible anxiety, startling at light and noise, racing heart.  I reinstated and as I taper now at a slow pace, I am feeling much better.  I am reading avidly again.  I am not anxious anymore.  I don't have bizarre dreams anymore.  My withdrawal symptoms are tolerable.

I will get there.  And I'll be fine.
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[Buddie]

Hello my dear friend [...] - I've heard your call, and here I am to lend support.

I have just passed my 4th year anniversary of c/t from [...]/diazepam. Like you I have my old pal tinnitus hanging around with frequent "pressure" headaches that I've never had before the last 5 months or so. I have had a few hours here and there when the tinnitus shuts of completely, just like a faucet. Those are great moments!

There will always be a debate about which is better, a fast or slow taper, but one thing we all seem to agree upon is that c/t withdrawal is brutal and dangerous, and is not recommended for anyone. That being said, some of us who do go this route feel that we had or have no other choice. I have come through everything that the freak show of c/t w/d can offer and here I am, fully functional and present in my life!

Of course, support from wonderful people like you made ALL the difference in the world for me. Those nights when the sizzling buzzing running up and down my CNS, you were there to listen and let me know that I wasn't alone.  No matter what your own strugges were (and they were mighty), you have been the back bone of support here for hundreds of buddies.

There is another "debate" here about which is worse, physical or mental, and for me, the two are the same thing.  All the emotional, mental sxs torture was yet another personification of the very physical act of w/d itself, followed by the ongoing healing aspect, which again, is all linked to physical, chemical changes going on within our bodies.  It always makes me kind of sad when I see people debating such things, as I see it as a waste of time.  Our CNS and our brain are located in our physical bodies, and our entire body is working so hard to right itself, to heal.  To everyone who [...] come this way looking for words of wisdome, my contribution here is to repeat what I've often said:

Nothing can make this process better, easier or faster. There is no magic supplement or drug that will make your own body do its repairs more efficiently or less painful.  Your body needs to do what it needs to do to re-wire all the suppressed neurological responses that have been temporarily damaged by benzos.  There are things that can make recovery worse such as eating or drinking ingredients that rev up your system. This is something that you will find out for yourself. I was able to have small amounts of caffeine all the way through, some people cannot. I could not take any supplements whatsoever for about a year, and then I [...] had to be cautious about omega-3 for a little while longer.

Now some people will disagree and say, but I take velarian  and it helps me sleep; well, good! No one can tell you that your own personal experience is wrong. I just get sad seeing so many people desperate to find some kind of medication or supplement that will get rid of their sxs, or help them sleep and it can cost a lot of money and lead to disappointment after disappointment in their quests.  As for insomnia - I think that this is the number one fear of buddies, that they will never sleep again, even though they are assured over and over again that they will sleep normally again, maybe better than before benzos, after their bodies have healed enough and normal sleep responses are able to return.  YOU WILL SLEEP AGAIN, I PROMISE YOU!! As [...] knows, I spent well more than a year without normal sleep. In fact, I would often have days at a time with no sleep at all! I never panicked about it though; older buddies had written that sleep does return, and this made sense to me, so I waited for it.

One underrated feature here on BB is the search function.  When I first joined up, it was because I was able to quietly able to find out on my own what the heck was going on with me.  I would rapidly experience one freak symptom after the other, look it up on the search function, and realize, "a-ha! this is "normal" in bezo w/d!!!" There is a rich history right here on this wonderful forum where hundreds, no thousands, of people who have come before us have [...] their indelible words of wisdom, faith and trust for us all to read and use.  I wish more new buddies would utilize this great resource! Sometimes it's hard to get a prompt response in active posts; it [...] be a certain day or time of day when particular buddies are just not around. I've seen to many buddies take little to no response as a personal insult when they should never!  Just do a search and you will most likely find many, many great posts that have been written just for your situation.

I have been working at the same job now for nearly 2-1/2 years. When I was first here, I had just lost my job of over a decade, and I wasn't sure that I would ever be able to work again. My benzo paranoia had convinced that no one would hire me, and my dp/dr convinced me that I could never handle it even if I could get a job.  Buddies were always here to support and guide me for each excruciating job interview, and they were here celebrating with me when I finally got my full time job.  It wasn't easy in the beginning, and I feel that I only regained my full intellectual capacity within the last few months.  I have been able to completely restructure employer's work place, and he has been generous in compensations for it.  I don't know if I'll ever be as financially rewarded as I once was, but since the Great Recession, a lot of things have changed.  Which leads me to this one thing: Not everything is benzos or benzo withdrawal. 

Because of w/d I was able to rebuild my life in ways that are much better suited to my own spirit. I look at this whole entire thing as a chance to learn and grow within myself,and therefore, I will always call my w/d experience a gift. Every single horrifying moment and subsequent victory over those tortures; A Gift.

All my best wishes and hopes for every single buddie who [...] come this way. Hang on, your best is yet to come!

M.  ;D
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.