I've failed....

So after my encounter with alcohol and not being able to sleep or eat for days, and so much muscle twitching, and a seizure, I ended up in the ER in a full blown unstoppable scared of dying panic attack.  They gave me a 0.5 mg lorazepam on the spot to stop it, and want me to start taking Seroquel again along with a small amount of diazepam.  I'm so dizzy and sleepy and wired and miserable, I don't see that I have any choice. I have to try to get some sleep.  I'm also wondering if I need to go to an inpatient psych ward to sort this out, as I'm really scared as well, I don't know if I'm going to live or die.  All that hard work tapering for nothing. 

((((hugs))))

SE,

 

You haven't failed! You've had a setback. It's ok to do what you need to do right now. You need to get feeling better, and there is no failure in that. Just stabilize and don't beat yourself up. You are not going to die, you are going to live. Your tapering was not for nothing. The effort alone is worth a lot. You will be able to do it again. Just get some sleep and let go.  

The hard work you did to taper is not for nothing, your accomplishment is still in tact.  Just because you were given the drug that one time and advised to go back on doesn't mean you're back where you started from.

 

You can make the choice right now, tonight not to go down this path again.  You do not have a condition that requires you to take the benzo.  All that happened is because you drank and it set off your withdrawal symptoms again.

 

It's not too late to say no, the drugs you've taken in the last few days are not enough to undo everything you've accomplished.  You won't be starting from square one if you choose to say no to this advice.  You won't have to endure everything all over again if you stop now.

 

Please give this some serious thought and stop before you start.  

 

Pam

So after my encounter with alcohol and not being able to sleep or eat for days, and so much muscle twitching, and a seizure, I ended up in the ER in a full blown unstoppable scared of dying panic attack.  They gave me a 0.5 mg lorazepam on the spot to stop it, and want me to start taking Seroquel again along with a small amount of diazepam.  I'm so dizzy and sleepy and wired and miserable, I don't see that I have any choice. I have to try to get some sleep.  I'm also wondering if I need to go to an inpatient psych ward to sort this out, as I'm really scared as well, I don't know if I'm going to live or die.  All that hard work tapering for nothing. 

 

Sorrow Expert,  

 

You will get through this! You just needed to break the vicious cycle of not sleeping/eating. The tapering was not for nothing, you can still get back to where you were before this set back!  

 

T2

Thank you for your kind replies.  I think these symptoms I'm experiencing are so much more severe because when I tapered, I had the long half-life Diazepam in my system to ease them.  Now that the withdrawal symptoms have recurred, I have no defense against them, and it's ten times as horrible.  I think if I can stabilize on 2 mg Diazepam I will be in good shape again, as tapering down from 2mg to nothing was nowhere near as bad as this is.

I think that will work for you. When you feel good and stable, you can go for it again, slow and steady. Try not to wait it out too long though, so you don't get into a tolerence situation. 

Hi Sorrow,

You most certainly have not failed. Treat yourself as a friend, you would NEVER tell your best friend going through what you are, that they failed. You have friends, US, we will be here for as long as you need and for what you need. I'm sending you a huge hug. Cut yourself some slack you deserve it! I hope tomorrow brings a smile to your face. Kel

Oh Sorrow!    I'm sorry to hear about this!

You havent failed! You've had a minor setback. Do what you have to do, there's no judgement  . You've done it before and you will again! Make sure your learning everything you can about controlling anxiety and helping insomnia so that your as prepared as possible. Knowledge is power!

Take care and keep us posted!

 

Amanda 

A mere setback....DONT beat yourself up.... Your doing GREAT!

Sorrow - how are you doing?

I'm still hanging in there.  The acute anxiety has left me, but I'm still having some serious depersonalization and derealization from the flareup I had.  I'm trying to stabilize on a low dose of Diazepam.  I've had these feelings of dp/dr before from anxiety, but never as intense or as long lasting.  It really sucks going through each day where you feel totally disconnected from the world, and even your own face in the mirror looks strange.  I understand intellectually that these feelings probably come as a reaction to the extreme anxiety I experienced during the relapse I had - but now I'm terrified that I'm going to be like this forever.  I've been tempted to go higher on the benzos as the small amount I'm taking doesn't seem to have any dramatic effect, perhaps I'm in some kind of chronic tolerance withdrawal state? Perhaps I've damaged my brain?  These are the thoughts that are constantly going through my head.  :'( Right now I'm just trying to take each day as it comes, stay out of the psych ward, and perhaps each day that nothing catastrophic happens will lead to improvement and will allow me to start tapering again. 

Hi Sorrow Expert!

Glad the severe anxiety has eased up. I know dp/dr is a terrifying symptom but it will go away. You havent damaged your brain! Try not to think like that, it will only make things worse. I believe getting off and giving yourself time to heal is the way to go, I dont think up dosing will be helpful. Try to stabilize on your dose and continue with a sensible taper.

 

Hang in there!

 

Amanda 

Hi Sorrow,

d/p d/r is my worst syptom...it has lifted at the lower doses and there is hope....you will get there...and if you have to go to the ER thats okay...we all need to be safe and sometimes we need help ASAP!  When I first c/t the ativan I told my mom I needed to go to the pyche ward that I was going crazy...she wouldn't take me and I'm glad she didn't...I like you was put on ativan for a med condition not a pyche condition and she just new it was the meds...she was right...this can't make us go crazy...it just makes us feel like we are!  Sorry about the lime...that is really bad luck...you will get through this!  :)keep at your plan you will get stable on the low does of V and you will be okay!!!!!