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when you feel you can't do this anymore?

 

I'm at .75 mgs. of Klonopin a day. I went 6.5 weeks without a panic attack. Then a week ago Friday (4/17) I started having them again. I've had 7 of them since then....... 1 of them less than an hour ago. I don't feel like I can do this anymore.

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when you feel you can't do this anymore?

 

I'm at .75 mgs. of Klonopin a day. I went 6.5 weeks without a panic attack. Then a week ago Friday (4/17) I started having them again. I've had 7 of them since then....... 1 of them less than an hour ago. I don't feel like I can do this anymore.

 

Maybe you're cutting a little too fast?? I'm not sure about your tapering schedule. If you can, it would be great if you could add a signature line so everyone can see where you are on the benzo journey. Here are the directions, when you get time...http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=9432.msg119713#msg119713

 

Most people here either want to get off these meds cuz of how they now make them feel or some have to get off these drugs because their doctors cut them off, they're in tolerance and don't want to take more and feel worse than when they were first put on them.

 

You will have occasional panic attacks while tapering, but they are usually far worse than if you were off these meds all together. Others will be by to let you know how they deal with their attacks, hang in there. In the meantime, have a look at at this post Jeff made today on the Anxiety and Panic board.... http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=13001.msg180729#msg180729

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Hi Theresa- I actually haven't cut down in a while. I have had a stress overload though.

 

On 4/9 my sister got very sick. On 4/12 - Easter Sunday - found out that her appendix burst. They removed her appendix, part of her intestines and part of her colin. I'm so blessed that she is even alive. I've had to take over almost 100% of the household duties, including caring for her girls and taking care of her. She's in a lot of pain and refuses to take her pain meds. She's been very critical which has made everyone else stay as far away from her as possible. However, I can't just up and leave her. She's my baby sister. It's always been my job to take care of her.

 

Also, I'm trying to decide if my husband and I should get back together and work on our marriage. If we do, that means that I have to move from CA to IN.

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You really have a lot to deal with, Roberta, that's for sure.  :-\ Why did you decide to get off the klonopin?  Were you having tolerance withdrawal symptoms?  If not, you might be better off delaying your taper for a while or slowing it way down; maybe even titrating.  I was having panic attacks while on lorazepam because I had reached tolerance. I knew I wasn't going to feel better until I got off. And, as it turns out,  I actually have much less anxiety off the benzo than those last few years on it.  All the time I was tapering I did work on all kinds of techniques to nip those panic attacks in the bud, though; it wasn't something that was going to happen on it's own IMO.
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I'm getting off the Klonopin due to tolerance and abuse issues.

 

I have a panic disorder. I might have it the rest of my life. Klonopin got to the point where it wasn't helping unless I increased the dosage........... that meant that I had to also do some illegal things to get it. Unfortunately, I have a history of drug abuse. Thankfully, I have a wonderful Saviour, awesome church and NA.

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hey Roberta,

 

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of these issues right in the middle of trying to taper.    :hug:

 

If you are in tolerance the only way to feel better is to continue cutting in my opinion.  I don't know when is the last time you cut, but if you havn't cut in April that could possibly be part of the problem.  If you really dont' want to dry cut any lower, you may want to consider Beeper's suggestion of titrating.  That may work a little better for you.

 

The husband situation is a really tricky one.  I've seen several of us who have butchered our marriages while on benzos, me on the top of the list!  I'll just give you the advice everyone gives me.  Don't make any major decisions while you're doing your taper.  If I would have listened to mr benzo I'd be divorced and alone going through this.  Instead, I have someone else around (for what it's worth) and the lower I get on my taper, the better the odds of our marriage surviving gets a tad better.  The lower doses have definitely helped me to tolerate things from him that my benzo'd brain would fight about.

 

Praying for you and your family!    :hug:   

 

Just remember Roberta, you CAN do this!    :thumbsup:

 

 

Phyllis    :smitten:

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I'm getting off the Klonopin due to tolerance and abuse issues.

 

I have a panic disorder. I might have it the rest of my life. Klonopin got to the point where it wasn't helping unless I increased the dosage........... that meant that I had to also do some illegal things to get it. Unfortunately, I have a history of drug abuse. Thankfully, I have a wonderful Saviour, awesome church and NA.

 

Hi Roberta! When was your last cut?

I'm glad you've decided to come off and better your life! I have had a couple small panic attacks since coming off but compared to before I'm 95% better (with panic attacks. anxiety is still high somedays but it's manageable)!

You do have alot going on and that's definitely contributing to how your feeling. Since your not able to do anything about this added stress make sure your doing some relaxation exercises, rest when possible, eat healthy and try to get in some exercise.

Hang in there!

 

Amanda  :smitten:

 

Amanda  :smitten:

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Unfortunately, I have to make the decision about my marriage now. As of the end of the school year, my daughter and I will have no place to live. I can't afford any place. If I do get fanancial help, they'll want some sort of lease.

 

I saw my pdoc today. I told her about the increase in stress and the panic attacks. She told me that it was up to me if I wanted to do another cut. She raised my Paxil. I haven't bothered to tell her that I haven't been taking it.

 

I'm not sure what a titrating is again? (Sorry, brain fog.)

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Roberta I'm sorry to hear about that. That must be rough! I hope you can come to a decision that makes you happy! So sorry your going through this!

 

Amanda  :smitten:

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Hey Roberta,

 

Sounds like the marriage issue is pretty much decided for you at the moment.  If you have to move back in with your husband, try to approach it with the same optimism you're putting into the benzos.  I dont' know the situation behind your separation, but is he the type of person to give support to you?  Could he possibly be helpful in any way? 

 

This is the "Titration Tapers" section of the forum.  There it gives all the information to explain titrating.  :thumbsup:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=56.0       

 

Good luck whichever way you go! 

 

 

Phyllis    :smitten:

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Hey Roberta,

 

Sounds like the marriage issue is pretty much decided for you at the moment.  If you have to move back in with your husband, try to approach it with the same optimism you're putting into the benzos.  I dont' know the situation behind your separation, but is he the type of person to give support to you?  Could he possibly be helpful in any way? 

 

I don't know for sure. I left him due to emotional abuse. However, to be honest, I'm pretty much in the same situation here...... only there are also illegal activities going on in this home.  He has been getting counseling.

 

This is the "Titration Tapers" section of the forum.  There it gives all the information to explain titrating.   :thumbsup:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=56.0       

 

Good luck whichever way you go! 

 

 

Phyllis    :smitten:

 

Thank you Phyllis.

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Hey Roberta,

 

Just wanted to check on you and see if you've made any decisions regarding going back home, and to see how you are feeling.

 

I know the emotional abuse all too well.  Maybe since he's getting counselling, it's a good sign he's willing to make an effort!    :thumbsup:    Staying there, if it isn't any better wouldn't be the best thing for you either. 

 

Keeping you in my prayers for a speedy recovery, and a peaceful and loving home to live in!    :hug:

 

Hope you have a good weekend!

 

 

Phyllis    :smitten:

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Thank you Phyllis. I really haven't made a decision yet. Having to wait on my sister hand and foot really hasn't given me much time to think. When I do have the time to think, I'm so worn out that I can't get my mind to think clearly.
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Hey Roberta,

 

I'm hoping you've managed to find some "me time" since your last post.    :hug:

 

Sending lots of prayers and good thoughts your way!

 

 

Phyllis    :smitten:

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Hi Phyllis, I haven't really found any alone time and I'm having a hard time because I have to sleep on the couch. I'm not getting enough sleep because my sister's boyfriend stays up and makes snacks, watches TV, etc. Their friend who lives here does the same things. Also, they let their daughters sleep where ever they feel like it and half the time that's on the living room couch. I have had to get on them about that in the past. When I get upset they start respecting that boundary for a time, then they eventually go back to ingoring my needs for sleep.  :-[

 

No time for alone time today. My sister's youngest is turning nine today. I told her that I would make her whatever she wanted for supper, but so far she hasn't told me what she wants. It's 5:40 pm here. I have a meeting that I'm supposed to be to at 7:30. It's an NA meeting. It doesn't look like I'm going to get to go because I haven't even been able to start supper.  :'(

 

[move]:oXo:[/move]

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How much longer do you think your sister will really need you??      ???

 

I know it's hard to think of leaving if she needs your help, but you also have to think of Roberta! (not to mention your daughter!)

 

If your sister has a boyfriend, and a 9yr old, why can't anyone else take over?  Once the worst part of her recovery is past, they couldn't help her the rest of the way??  Who is supposed to take care of you when you are the one run down?

 

I sure hope something works out soon for you!

 

Keeping you in my prayers!    :smitten:

 

 

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How much longer do you think your sister will really need you??      ???

 

She really doesn't anymore. I refused to lift a finger today and she has done just about everything by herself.

 

I know it's hard to think of leaving if she needs your help, but you also have to think of Roberta! (not to mention your daughter!)

 

She told me that I have until the end of the school year to find another place to live. We're leaving, I'm just not sure where we're going.

 

If your sister has a boyfriend, and a 9yr old, why can't anyone else take over?  Once the worst part of her recovery is past, they couldn't help her the rest of the way??   Who is supposed to take care of you when you are the one run down?

 

I sure hope something works out soon for you!

 

Keeping you in my prayers!    :smitten:

 

 

 

Living here is:

 

her 45 year old boyfriend. He does not work, he does play in a band. He sleeps all day and does drugs most of the night.

45 year old friend of theirs. He gives the girls a ride to school in the morning and picks them up in the afternoon, he cleans house once a week and mows the lawn. She fills up his gas tank, pays his car insurance and gives him money. She is under the impression that he babysits the girls for her. He gets free room and board and she doesn't seem to mind the drugs that he brings into this place. In fact, the truck that he drives was a gift from her for all the things he does for her.  ::)

Me, I'm 44 and do most of the babysitting, laundry and cooking and a little of the housework.

My 16 year old daughter who goes to school and works. She does her chores as willingly as most teenagers do.  :-\

Her 11 year old daughter who goes to school. She's not any better at doing her chores than my own is.  :-\

Her nine year old daughter who is ADHD and just plain mean.  >:( She goes to school.

 

I don't know why none of them can help her.

 

 

[move]Roberta  :oXo:[/move]

 

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Hey Roberta,

 

She told me that I have until the end of the school year to find another place to live. We're leaving, I'm just not sure where we're going

 

What is the status on you moving back in with your husband?  Have you put more thought into that one?  It sounds like your sister has quite the little zoo there.  :-\    I hope moving back in with your husband is an option.

 

Be sure and make time for you.  :hug:  Between living with a 45yr old, an 11yr old and a 9yr old, that house should be functional without you by now.  Especially if you think your sister can handle things by herself! 

 

I hope you can get some rest and get the moving situation figured out.  You sure don't need additional stress right now!

 

Keeping you in my prayers! 

 

Phyllis    :smitten:

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If we moved back in with my husband, it wouldn't be until around the first of August. I just found out that my daughter signed up for some courses at the local JC and she won't be done until the end of July.

 

There are actually two 45 year old men living here. I was talking to the 45 year old friend today. He was mentioning how much money he could be making if he went back to his old line of work. I asked him why he didn't go back. He said it was because he makes out better financially here and doesn't have to do nearly as much work. Well, to run the girls to and from school, clean house once a week, mow the lawn once a week is not all that much work. Sis fills up his gas tank, pays for his truck insurance, gives him about $300/mo spending money, room and board. He's got it pretty cushy.

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If we moved back in with my husband, it wouldn't be until around the first of August. I just found out that my daughter signed up for some courses at the local JC and she won't be done until the end of July.

 

There are actually two 45 year old men living here. I was talking to the 45 year old friend today. He was mentioning how much money he could be making if he went back to his old line of work. I asked him why he didn't go back. He said it was because he makes out better financially here and doesn't have to do nearly as much work. Well, to run the girls to and from school, clean house once a week, mow the lawn once a week is not all that much work. Sis fills up his gas tank, pays for his truck insurance, gives him about $300/mo spending money, room and board. He's got it pretty cushy.

 

I know saying "it's ok and it will be better" is what I'm supposed to say, but your situation sucks girlfriend!  :pokey:  I wish I had something positive to just spit out and make you realize how good life is.  :-\  Unfortunately I'm in a mental funk myself.  Instead I'll include a few more words to "the man" on your behalf!    :thumbsup:

 

I know it doesn't seem like it when in the middle of a trial, but he will show you a way!  ::)  Alot of people pray for healing and cry he isn't listening.  Then one of those waves of "healing" slap them in the face and most don't even realize their prayers are being answered!  Whether it slaps you in the face or not, he will answer so keep your eyes open!    :hug:

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 Alot of people pray for healing and cry he isn't listening.  Then one of those waves of "healing" slap them in the face and most don't even realize their prayers are being answered!   Whether it slaps you in the face or not, he will answer so keep your eyes open!    :hug:

 

So very true!! :thumbsup:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Just an update. As of June 11th my daughter and I will be homeless.

 

There are a lot of problems with the guys who live here doing drugs. I mentioned it to my dad because he owns the house. My sister denied it could have happened on the property. My dad believed her.

 

We could go back to my daughter's father in Indiana. We could attempt to make the marriage work. He talks to my family all the time now. They tell me that he has changed. It was an abusive marriage. I'm not sure if he has changed and I'm just holding onto resentments, or if these are red flags that need to be taken seriously.

 

I'm at .5 mgs. of Klonopin a day.

 

[move]:oXo:[/move]

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:therethere: I'm sorry Roberta!

There are programs out there that can help you and your daughter until your back on your feet. I'm sure you could get some kind of assistance. I'd hate for you to have to go back to your husband just because you have no where else to go, especially if it could be an abusive relationship.  :(

 

Keep going on that taper! Your doing great  :thumbsup:

 

Amanda  :smitten:

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Hey Roberta,

 

My heart goes out to you right now -- no one should have to face homelessness. I found this info for the San Fran Bay area should you need contact info:

 

CONTINUUM OF CARE (CoC)

Homeless Assistance Programs - Bay Area

San Francisco Regional Office

600 Harrison Street

San Francisco, CA 94107

415-489-6400

415-489-6601

 

I used to work for a supportive housing non-profit and do know that there are resources out there to help you and your daughter. Best wishes and many blessings.

 

Kelley

 

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