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Hello people❤️ How are you all feeling? It's been quite a while since I have updated and I just wanted to say hi!

 

I got my first vaccine dose last week and I felt terrible for 3 days. I think I got really unlucky cause my period came exactly the same day I got vaccinated and as if that pain wasn't enough I had 3 college exams so I'm feeling pretty exhausted.

My only current symptom is tremors. If I stay still I can see my arms vibrating at a low frequency. In a few days I start my holidays so I hope I can get some rest.

 

I still get the usual "is this really withdrawl I'm having?" and the "I'm never gonna recover" type of thoughts but I try not to let them dictate my actions.

 

Praying for a window soon☀️

 

Hi,

 

I hope you’re feeling ok. Sorry you are suffering,  what vaccine did you get? I hope you’re being kind to yourself.

 

:))

 

Hi Bess55, I got Pfizer since my whole family has got this one.

 

Hi, thanks for the info.  I’m booked in to get Pfizer at the end of this month - yikes! Hope it goes ok. There is currently an outbreak in the city where I live so I kinda have to get the vaccine.  How are you doing? Hope you’re ok.

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So I’ve think my main symptom now is a very huge light sensitivity, like artificial cold lights and even natural light gives me headache and confusion, I bought also a supplement for the eyes and I’m taking also vitamin c and omega 3 and I want to add also NAC. Is there something else I can do?
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So I’ve think my main symptom now is a very huge light sensitivity, like artificial cold lights and even natural light gives me headache and confusion, I bought also a supplement for the eyes and I’m taking also vitamin c and omega 3 and I want to add also NAC. Is there something else I can do?

 

Not sure on this EnzoIt.  Sounds like you are doing what you can for the sensitivity. 

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Hello all.  I wanted to drop by and offer an update as things have been pretty darn good for me and want to offer up some encouraging news. 

 

I am certainly not healed but I have had a very nice run for the past few weeks.  I had a darn near perfect day on the 4th of July but that evening had an "uh-oh, here we go again."  It was one of the no sleep nights and I had some moderate head symptoms with dizziness, cog-fog, and some of that derealization.  Thankfully I recovered very quickly, with only being tired and a little "off" the next day.  It was more of a blip on the radar event than an actual wave event.  Very encouraging indeed especially considering that since then my symptoms have been relatively mild, with only small flares that last minutes or hours (the flares are usually my head symptoms).  Neuropathy and some fasciculations are still pretty constant, along with some muscle tightness but they have been mild sensations, more of a nuisance or a reminder that I'm still in this marathon. 

 

This improvement and the duration of it has allowed me to enjoy life again, to engage in family outings and be fully present.  We actually have gone out to dinner twice now--me, sitting in the restaurant!!!!  What a most welcomed shift.  I had a full hair appointment last week--highlights and all--and managed to run errands afterwards, including Costco (BY MYSELF!).  While I could definitely feel the uptick of some symptoms for a couple hours later that evening, it was completely manageable and there was no fallout the next day.  I have been walking most evenings with my husband 2-3 miles, and within the past week I did 2 HIIT workouts again (they are SOOOO modified and low intensity they likely don't even qualify as HIIT, but I'm not risking jumping back into things too fast and hard like I did a few months ago). 

 

Healing is happening. 

 

I am cautiously optimistic. 

 

 

 

 

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Wow sunshine that is amazing!  Sounds like you are well on your way.  Being fully present with family is such a great way to enjoy life again.  Hair appointments can be healing in and of themselves, haha.  And working out HIIT. Excellent!!

 

So happy for you right now.  This gives us all so much hope!

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Hello everyone!

It's been a few weeks since my last update. I managed to finish my university course and now I'm on holiday. My ear nerve pain finally stopped. I also started exercising again and I think I'm getting my weight back up.

The internal tremors and muscle twitches are still the only constant reminding me that this hasn't ended yet. My intrusive thoughts have also increased but I'm used to them after all. I have been told the tremors always take the longest to go away. I just want to wake up one day and have my body be still, I will wait patiently for that day in the mean time.

 

I hope you're all better as well and wishing you all a good summer.

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Ugh !!! What a crazy month and some it's been!!!

 

First off, last time I was in here I mentioned the words "Success Story" and left y'all hanging, prolly wondering "THE F??"

 

That day, my dad was readmitted to the hospital with a severe bronchitis (he also has a rare form of Leukemia) and I have been busy helping my mom and family. I thought it would send me back into a wave but surprisingly it did not.

 

I am in my 7th month and feeling awesome. I have tiny sx's like headaches and vertigo but other than that I'm free from benzo hell.

 

Secondly, I'll write the actual success story in a bit.

 

Sending love

Andie, xx

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Andie.  Incredible.  I am so glad you made it through this hell!  Congratulations!  Now you can get on with life.

 

How is your dad doing now?

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anyone had to deal with balance issues, feeling like u are on drugs, unfocused vision and spells like you are about to pass out?  I've been doing a very low taper after  being a month on K 0.5 ,

was kindled ....  so tired, on top tired mmj and made things worst

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anyone had to deal with balance issues, feeling like u are on drugs, unfocused vision and spells like you are about to pass out?  I've been doing a very low taper after  being a month on K 0.5 ,

was kindled ....  so tired, on top tired mmj and made things worst

 

I do have balance issues and unfocused vision but that seems more related to brain fog. I feel my balance is off especially when I close my eyes or when I go from a room with light to one dark

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Hello everyone!

It's been a few weeks since my last update. I managed to finish my university course and now I'm on holiday. My ear nerve pain finally stopped. I also started exercising again and I think I'm getting my weight back up.

The internal tremors and muscle twitches are still the only constant reminding me that this hasn't ended yet. My intrusive thoughts have also increased but I'm used to them after all. I have been told the tremors always take the longest to go away. I just want to wake up one day and have my body be still, I will wait patiently for that day in the mean time.

 

I hope you're all better as well and wishing you all a good summer.

 

Sounds like you are making progress, trendym3!  Congrats on finishing your course and I hope your holiday goes well.  The exercising is such a great move forward.  I was doing well, then had that setback where I couldn't exercise again, but I'm back doing some light cardio and weights again. 

 

I understand that feeling of those constant little reminders, and sometimes my patience runs thin, but we are getting there.  One day we can just be still.  Won't that be grand?!

 

Ugh !!! What a crazy month and some it's been!!!

 

First off, last time I was in here I mentioned the words "Success Story" and left y'all hanging, prolly wondering "THE F??"

 

That day, my dad was readmitted to the hospital with a severe bronchitis (he also has a rare form of Leukemia) and I have been busy helping my mom and family. I thought it would send me back into a wave but surprisingly it did not.

 

I am in my 7th month and feeling awesome. I have tiny sx's like headaches and vertigo but other than that I'm free from benzo hell.

 

Secondly, I'll write the actual success story in a bit.

 

Sending love

Andie, xx

 

Ummm, Andie?!?!  This is AWESOME!!!!!  About you, that is; I am ever so sorry about your dad and am sending healing love and light.  I am, however, so very happy for your progress and to know that you are doing so darn well right now.  WOOHOO!!!!  I love this update so much.  :smitten:

 

Please keep us posted my friend. 

 

 

anyone had to deal with balance issues, feeling like u are on drugs, unfocused vision and spells like you are about to pass out?  I've been doing a very low taper after  being a month on K 0.5 ,

was kindled ....  so tired, on top tired mmj and made things worst

 

bonty, every once in a while I get a moment of what feels like derealization and I sometimes describe it to my husband like I've had a little too much to drink but without the "fun" feeling.  It's certainly unsettling but it's so minor when it happens now and doesn't last long for me.  It was really bad during my rapid taper and destabilization.  It's one of those sxs that has just slowly faded for me.  You are still tapering though, yes?  Hopefully these sensations will ease off more too once you are off.  Keep strong!

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In my case the balance issue and visual problems I think are a consequence of extreme fatigue because they always appear when my brain feels very tired, so I can’t wait to finish my tapering and hopefully I’ll start to feel less fatigue
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18 months since jumping. Logically I know I’m getting better. The non linear healing is driving me batty. Woke up at 3am this morning after having a crazy dream. Oh healing window that never closes where you be.
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Bess, did you ever get back to sleep after your 3am wake up?

 

Buddies, I need some help.  I've now been off K as long as I was on it, which was an important milestone for me.  Acute was hell, obviously, but then I had some really good months.  Last month I thought I was healed and thought about writing a success story. 

 

This month has not been good.  Specifically, I've got a return of insomnia.  A few nights of 2-3 hours sleep, but always always waking up at that 3-4 am cortisol surge and usually not able to get back to sleep.  That has spiked  my anxiety as well.

 

I guess I'm agreeing that this non linear healing is very frustrating.  Has anyone else has a long break only to have issues again?  Does anyone else still struggle with sleeping after 3-4 am?

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  • 2 weeks later...

It was all a lie.

 

Back in a disgusting wave. WILL IT EVER END?

 

 

Oh no.  Sorry Andie!  This will end.  The amazing news is that you had a strong and long window!  You will get that back.  Do you have any idea what caused it?

 

Im having strong windows and waves too.  I know now some of my triggers - stressful day, taking a med, staying up too late are some. 

 

Stay strong.  You will get through this!

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Hello all,

 

I am approx 8 month off short term use of Ativan (5 weeks at 1mg/dstay, then 4 weeks of tapering, last tiny dose Jan 1st, 2021).

 

My acute was months 1,2 & 3, where I had 15-20 symptoms almost daily (intermittent insomnia, strong vibrations, inner tremors, waking up in terror with air hunger, anxiety and palpitations to the roof). Also had windows during acute, about 3-4 days/week…

 

Months 4, 5 & 6 were the best, truly felt a linear healing, no more insomnia, no more waking up in terror, tremors and palpitations almost gone. Felt healed at 95% most days.

 

Months 7 & 8: a few nasty waves (not as bad as first 3 months) but longer milder waves, where the lightheadedness, anxiety, fear of fainting, some tremors would come and go throughout the day. The one thing that scared me in month 8 was I had some palpitations with skipped heartbeats that lasted about a week. Saw a cardiologist, he said all is normal. Insomnia has not returned, but I still have nights waking up 3-4 times, however I am able to fall back asleep without issues.

 

We’ll see what month 9 will bring… I am still waiting for full healing, meaning I have not yet experienced a full month of window… so far, the best windows for me lasted 1-2 weeks at most… I definitely get very anxious when I get lightheaded all of a sudden and then my heart starts racing, and then it calms down.

 

Bottom line: my symptoms remaining feel like are initiated from the head: starts with head or ears pressure, lightheadedness/obtained, sometimes palpitations, definitely causing health intermittent anxiety…

 

Still waiting for that final healing…

 

Karla

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Hi bonty,

 

Yes I feel lightheaded and boatiness and like I am about to pass out frequently, about every other day… it’s kind of scary for me, but I’ve gotten used to it, and thinking positive that it’s all getting closer to the end of the healing…

 

Hang in there, try to distract, and hopefully it’ll all end soon for good.

 

Not sure why even the short users get a long healing process, but typically and from what I’ve read, we should be completely healed by the 1 year mark if no other issues arise… this is also dependent on whether other medicine is being taken during the healing. I have taken absolutely nothing since the jump except for a Tylenol for a mild headache 1/month.

 

Wish u all fast recovery,

Karla

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Hi bonty,

 

Yes I feel lightheaded and boatiness and like I am about to pass out frequently, about every other day… it’s kind of scary for me, but I’ve gotten used to it, and thinking positive that it’s all getting closer to the end of the healing…

 

Hang in there, try to distract, and hopefully it’ll all end soon for good.

 

Not sure why even the short users get a long healing process, but typically and from what I’ve read, we should be completely healed by the 1 year mark if no other issues arise… this is also dependent on whether other medicine is being taken during the healing. I have taken absolutely nothing since the jump except for a Tylenol for a mild headache 1/month.

 

Wish u all fast recovery,

Karla

this is the second time I take a benzo short term, first time 3 times a week and cted some ssris being positive  is a big plus

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It was all a lie.

 

Back in a disgusting wave. WILL IT EVER END?

 

Oh, Andie.  The benzo lies are the worst.  You see some signs of freedom and normalcy only to be dragged back into that nasty pit feeling like it will never end.  Hugs my friend.  I hope the wave has settled for you.  🤗

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Hello all,

 

I am approx 8 month off short term use of Ativan (5 weeks at 1mg/dstay, then 4 weeks of tapering, last tiny dose Jan 1st, 2021).

 

My acute was months 1,2 & 3, where I had 15-20 symptoms almost daily (intermittent insomnia, strong vibrations, inner tremors, waking up in terror with air hunger, anxiety and palpitations to the roof). Also had windows during acute, about 3-4 days/week…

 

Months 4, 5 & 6 were the best, truly felt a linear healing, no more insomnia, no more waking up in terror, tremors and palpitations almost gone. Felt healed at 95% most days.

 

Months 7 & 8: a few nasty waves (not as bad as first 3 months) but longer milder waves, where the lightheadedness, anxiety, fear of fainting, some tremors would come and go throughout the day. The one thing that scared me in month 8 was I had some palpitations with skipped heartbeats that lasted about a week. Saw a cardiologist, he said all is normal. Insomnia has not returned, but I still have nights waking up 3-4 times, however I am able to fall back asleep without issues.

 

We’ll see what month 9 will bring… I am still waiting for full healing, meaning I have not yet experienced a full month of window… so far, the best windows for me lasted 1-2 weeks at most… I definitely get very anxious when I get lightheaded all of a sudden and then my heart starts racing, and then it calms down.

 

Bottom line: my symptoms remaining feel like are initiated from the head: starts with head or ears pressure, lightheadedness/obtained, sometimes palpitations, definitely causing health intermittent anxiety…

 

Still waiting for that final healing…

 

Karla

 

Karla, you seem to be doing really well with such long windows!  Happy to hear of your positive progress.  Hang in there and it will come.  :)

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So I'm 5 months off now after 4 months of use and the last week has rivaled my first week of acute for terribleness.  I just had a hour long panic attack where I thought I was having a heart attack and considered going to the ER. 

 

I know healing isn't linear, but I had hoped to not revisit acute quite like this.  At one point earlier this summer I even considered writing a success story.  I was sleeping 8 hours a night and even trying a beer now and then and feeling good.  Now, I'm down to 3-4 hours sleep, chest-crushing anxiety, panic attacks, tinnitus, and most other things that came with acute.  Very demoralizing.

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Is there anyone years off short term benzo (prescribed for sleep) but has had acute setbacks all along the way?  That would be me.  I am over 6 years off.  I think I took a total of 85 pills including my taper.  I have had 5 hellish setbacks that have been almost worse than tapering.  The mental torture in my last two setbacks has been the worst.  I am now entering my 9th month of this severe setback...still can't feel pleasure or joy, severe depression, very fearful of every day, severe fatigue, have to force feed, no interest or motivation for anything, dread everyday of having to face the unreal fear.  I have been damaged from this medication longer than I even took it.  If this would not of happened to me, I would not ever believe it is real especially since I never took any other medications ever and took benzos only for sleep.  If I would have known better, I would have recognized that just after 4 or 5 pills in one month they were what started my body to feel anxious inside.  Instead I thought it was my hormones since I was stretching my hormonal pellet at the time.
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I’ve had three setbacks so far after the initial withdrawal. Two caused by alcohol and one by some meds I was given. 10 months, 4 months, and 5 months respectively. Sorry you get knocked down too after so long. Sucks to have to keep dealing with it over and over again.
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