Whatalife's escape from klonopin

thanks Patty,

 

I feel that the fear comes with the anxiety...

 

did any of you get that morning rush in the morning ...feels like you have to get out of bed and move around no matter what cause the anxiety is so great?

 

did you notice that the lower you go the worse this gets or the better?

 

I try to stop that feeling and it grows so much and does not supside til about time for bedtime...what the heck is this?

 

 

The more you try to stop the anxiety the worse it will get.  Just flow with it and do some breathing exercises.  I journaled alot to take my mind off me.  Really, Gail, once you are off the benzo for a month or so you will start feeling so much better.

 

Patty  xo

Patty,,,does this mean that the lower I go on the benzos the more anxiety I will get? it is so intense now...horrible...it is chemical and my chest and arms burn.

 

is this normal to feel this much of it ?  this is the feeling I had in ct...and I yet have 60% more to come off of so what do I do from here? 

Beeper...I am frightened...I have a lot of that morning anxiety and it lasts through the day and evening now and it is so intense that my arms and chest burn from the anxiety and I cant' sit still.

 

I am worried as I am only 40% off and some say to go faster and some say slow up I am going too fast...I am so confused...will this anxiety get even worse as I lower or should I hold...it is so uncomfortable and I am sweating a lot and worried.  do I keep tapering at a slow rate?

 

would lyrica or something for nerves be good for me to take to help me off this hell?

 

how long til that feeling goes away..that horrid anxiety?

 

Gail 

 

I really don't have anything new or different to tell you that what I and others have already posted.  I know some of your feelings of anxiety are caused by the benzo - probably being in a state of tolerance withdrawal - but I also believe that it is being made much worse than it needs to be by the way you are dealing with it.  And the more you worry about whether or not it will be worse as you go lower, the worse it gets, right?  While the physical symptoms underlying the anxiety - like sweating, rapid heart beat, shaking, etc - will go away, I don't think the anxiety itself just "goes away" on it's own.  For me, it's more about my state of mind now; I can get myself really upset and miserable when life happens and I don't have a little pill to numb me out through the rough times or I can do controlled breathing and take a walk. The choice is mine. 

 

Learning how to lower your anxiety is key; I think I mentioned this the first week you were here.  Whether you slow down or speed up will not affect your anxious feelings as much how you decide to handle what comes.  I hope that makes some sense.  Maybe you've already responded to this, but have you tried getting some talk therapy to learn to calm yourself?  There's only so much an online forum like this one can do. 

Thanks Beeper....um ok...well I have also heard that some suppliments work to calm someone down if need be but I heard two thoughts to this...some say NEVER take even a asprin or a beta blocker for your heart..as it makes the body harder to heal...I dunno ...some say suppliments help and it is ok to take them.

 

I know what you mean about the state of mind...I do feel tho that a lot of the anxiety is from the dang benzo cause it has suppressed my nervous system for 12 yrs and I did not have an anxiety disorder but the pill has caused it.

 

I am now 40% off and I get frustrated as to go or hold or what the heck...I am sweating a lot more and dunno if it is the dang drug coming out or like you said my self induced anxiety but I do think that the most of the anxiety is from the pill being removed...casue in ct both times I got hit with it hard and many say they did too so it is the pill being released from the nerves...............and yes it then scares me when I am more anxious and goes in circles til I get so worked up. 

 

deep breaths.............this is horrible...............

whatalife,

 

Just from my own experience............I have had to take both aspirin and a beta blocker, twice a day.      Since leaving pain management ct, I have to use something and have used baby aspirin.  I also had to get on a beta blocker, twice daily due to heartbeat going over 120 from ct xanax withdrawal.    The beta blocker helps with anxiety.............and it keeps my pulse at around 65 so it is much more calming.  I am not saying run out and get on one, but just that it has been good for me.................

 

Regardless, this is horrible and I have spent the day crying as I am missing out on my MOther's day because of all this poison!

 

prayers to all,

Karen

Hi, I couldn't agree more with what beeper told you.  Yet it seems as though you barely slow down your thoughts enough to take it in. 

 

When we tell ourselves "This is horrible" we make it worse.  We have an incredible amount of control over how we perceive our own experiences. 

 

When someone tells you this, do you feel as though they just don't understand your particular situation?  I don't think that is the case.  Everyone has suffered mightily on a forum like this.  And no one gets any gold stars for being deemed the person with the 'worst' symptoms.  It's not a competition.

 

I think people here understand your situation.  I think most know how 'horrible' it is for you.  Of course, no one will ever truly know your experience.  The point is that you are not using every tool available to you to improve your situation.  Rather than defend against the help that is offered, perhaps you can begin to consider it it for more than a few seconds before dismissing it.  I really think it would help you. 

 

We all want you to feel better.  And lots of us believe that our state of mind effects our healing process.  It doesn't cost anything, it's not a pill.  It is free for the taking.  Tell yourself "This feels bad now.  But I know myself to be strong.  And I know that nothing lasts forever."  It takes a lot of effort and attention.  But like anything else, with practice that kind of thinking will become a way of life. 

 

Looking outside of yourself isn't the answer.  You have everything you need to handle whatever comes your way.  Please begin to believe that.  Eliminate words like "horrible" from your vocabulary.  You will feel better right away.  You truly will.

I could not agree with you more hawk. What good words for all of us!

Hawk,

 

Thanks, I needed to read that myself..................I have very little support, my husband just isn't interested in what dealing with and my son, who is 16, well doesn't even speak to me anymore..............I am so alone and suffering is so hard alone, but I am strong, and God is ALWAYS as close as our breath.    He's the only one I have. nobody seems to try to understand or want to be around me, everyone had walked away, and I am terrified to be alone and was NEVER like that......................

 

Thanks for your words of encouragement..........

 

Karen

Karen,

I am so sorry that you are having a sad MOther's day...I wish I could hug you.  I have no mommy or I am not one either...and I am not getting support here either so I feel for you! we are on the same drug.  I have propranolol so I hope that helps..I am afraid to take it so I will take it and see if it helps any with the horrid morning anxiety rush.

 

Hi samantha....xoxoxoxo

 

Hawkeye..you seem to be so spiritual and good advice for me xoxoxoxo thank you.

 

Folks..this is what scared me today..I am going so slow off this drug as I feel I am ...and what this person who does not belong to this site but she is smart with benzo wd's she said if  am getting worse as I lower the drug and holding is not helping then the taper is not workin for me and I could end up sicker as I go lower...like more anxiety and more sx's that woud come and by the time I cut through the pain and get through the end if I can even get there...I can be sick for years..I am so frightened now...

 

 

 

Gayle,

 

Do not let anyone scare you.............I will pray for you and you pray to God that he remove this drug from your body!    He IS thy great physician!!!!

 

 

I am sorry you are having a sad day and have no support either.............the no support is soooooooo heartbreaking, especially since I have a husband and son right here with me.    They wonder why I cry and am depressed, don't they see if they supported me, I would NOT be depressed, I am sad!!! 

 

Karen

karen...xoxoxoxoxo ok we are friends xoxooxxo

Hawkeye..you seem to be so spiritual and good advice for me xoxoxoxo thank you.

 

Folks..this is what scared me today..I am going so slow off this drug as I feel I am ...and what this person who does not belong to this site but she is smart with benzo wd's she said if  am getting worse as I lower the drug and holding is not helping then the taper is not workin for me and I could end up sicker as I go lower...like more anxiety and more sx's that woud come and by the time I cut through the pain and get through the end if I can even get there...I can be sick for years..I am so frightened now...

 

Hi!  Thanks for your kind words and I truly hope my words to you are helpful. 

 

Let's face facts, here.  Any of us could be struck by lightening tomorrow.  Zap!  A little poof of smoke..... Gone!  And while most of us don't play golf in a lightening storm or slide down metal gutters asking to be struck, for the most part it is unpredictable, right?  So most of us choose not to spend our days worrying about it. 

 

And the fact is that you could get more anxiety as you taper.  Or you could get more anxiety if you stop tapering.  Or you could be sick for years.  Or decades.  Who knows???  Things could get much worse than they are now.  Much, much worse.  But does worrying about what might happen in the future help you in any way?  I submit that in fact worrying about all the eventualities in life will definitely make things worse!

 

So why subject yourself to thoughts, opinions and worry if doing so will make you feel worse?  You are tapering sensibly, right?  Do you believe that you are?  Are you examining credible evidence that suggests you need to make a change?  If it feels right to you in your heart, then make the change.  I believe that there is no really "wrong" way to do a slow taper.  Most ideas are simply variations on a slow taper. 

 

I believe that our bodies prefer consistency and gradual changes.  It is that simple.  Whether you should taper @ 10% every 7-14 days or whether you should titrate a small amount daily is a choice as arbitrary as fashion.  It's a matter of personal preference and should fit your body. 

 

Please don't scare yourself.  The adrenaline rush is just not good for you.  Listen to your body.  Tune in to what it is telling you.  Breathe before you make changes.  Make any changes slowly and deliberately.  These are all life lessons that you can either learn now or later.  Why not now?

thanks hawkeye for your wonderful words of wisdom..yes you are so right that worry is unproductive.

 

ok so my MD is not gonna support the valium cross over and he says that he thinks I should hold for 2 months and let my body settle down at .3 where I am and my body should get used to the dose and the anxiety should calm down and then I can go forward.  do you think that will work even when I started off reinstating in tolerance wd and unstable and would holding for 2 months here help me or make me worse?  hell this is confusing.

 

he gave me a script for lyrica too if I wanted to use it as in europe he says it is used off lable for anxiety and it helps with sleep so I am afraid of that too...do you know ? 

 

anyway that is what is at the moment...thanks again.

I dont agree with holding for 2 months.When tapering I believe 3 weeks is too much. I do not believe it will help, I think getting off sooner would be much more helpful, only then will you begin to heal and feel better.

I also dont agree with adding in other meds unless there is severe depression. Going through this naturally, though tough, is the best in my opinion. It's really up to you but I havent seen much improvement on here when something's added in.

 

Let us know what you decide.

Have a good day!

 

Amanda 

I also do not agree with holding. Two months will set you right back into tolerance. I belive slow and stead and consistent wins this race. Meaning, every week you need to keep up with whatever taper plan you are implementing. It is the only way to be rid of this and start healing and you are really close to the finish line. Closer than you know.

ok thanks samantha and paxton....

 

ok I will go more.....I heard some people say it is best to hold and some not to ...me oh my...what a mess.

 

ok I will go slower and keep lowering the dose ...if I did this...take off a tiny amount daily for 3 days and hold 2 and 3 and hold 2...etc.....as I daily water titrate very slowly?

 

I am afraid the lower I go the more anxiety I am gonna get and scared to death. 

 

someplace I read that says there is no such thing as too slow...my head is spinning.

 

does your brain heal a tiny bit each amount of drug you remove ...meaning the body is learning how to live with less drug and taking over from the pill? 

 

I have read where people go very slow and even slower at the end down to crumbs and literally walk off without sx's.  what do u think?

I have read where people go very slow and even slower at the end down to crumbs and literally walk off without sx's.  what do u think?

 

These people didn't have 2 c/t's. I think that can make the difference in how you are feeling. You may not stabilize by holding or feel any better by going really slow. You just have to see what works best for you. Sorry I don't have a definitive answer. 

hi Gayle,

I haven't spoken to you in awhile. Sorry about that, I've been really busy. please don't be afraid. You are going to get through this. Everyone experience is a little different. You need to listen to your body and follow through with what works for you. You have come a long way. You still have further to go, but you will. I know you will. I'm thinking of you, and wishing you all the best. Kel

thx Kel & theresa

yes this is so hard to figure out how to go lower ....since the 2 ct's and my cns is a mess...I am frightened...afraid I go lower I will get sicker..dunno if holding or going slow or fast or what the heck to do...

 

I know I stay in fear and anxiety mode the whole time and think on this 24/7 cuz I remember I ct'd at .25 and thought I was gonna die and reinstated both times and I have more to take off before I reach the .25 and having weirdo sx's like my feet get numb...the anxiety in the morning is super high and stays with me..wondering if it will get worse or lower as I lower my dose of hell.  worried if I will be feeling better or worse the lower I go...just frightened..I feel Iam tiptoeing off this and I want to run off but afraid of PAWS and I may get it anyway since I did 2 cts'.....just frightened. 

 

dunno how to get off the rest of this?

 

thanks for your support everyone.

 

xoxoxo

thx Kel & theresa

yes this is so hard to figure out how to go lower ....since the 2 ct's and my cns is a mess...I am frightened...afraid I go lower I will get sicker..dunno if holding or going slow or fast or what the heck to do...

I know I stay in fear and anxiety mode the whole time and think on this 24/7 cuz I remember I ct'd at .25 and thought I was gonna die and reinstated both times and I have more to take off before I reach the .25 and having weirdo sx's like my feet get numb...the anxiety in the morning is super high and stays with me..wondering if it will get worse or lower as I lower my dose of hell.  worried if I will be feeling better or worse the lower I go...just frightened..I feel Iam tiptoeing off this and I want to run off but afraid of PAWS and I may get it anyway since I did 2 cts'.....just frightened. 

 

dunno how to get off the rest of this?

 

thanks for your support everyone.

 

xoxoxo

 

How long have you been at .333mg, Gayle?  From that dose, I assume you are titrating which is the gold standard for getting of benzos in my book.  I think you should continue to reduce your dose according to your schedule as long as you aren't reducing more than 1ml/day. You can try stretching times between reductions to see if your symptoms stop getting worse but I think the worsening of your symptoms has been due largely to your worrry and fear and fretting about whether or not you are going to get sicker.  Obviously, that is something  you can learn to control so you support your healing rather than unintentionally sabotage it.

 

Was it Colin who created the schedule for you or did you do it yourself.  I know Colin always gives the member a link to post in their signature box so we can all check where you are on the schedule when we are trying to answer questions.  If you can find that link and put it in your signature box, it would be a big help.

OMG you nice folks...I am terrified....ok I will update my sig line later...I am so frightened right now I am having a difficult time.

 

I was sitting on 40% off  .3 for a while and I only reduced my dose last month 2% which is pathetic...cuz I had tried 1/4th of a lexapro and that made me ill and I also stopped my estrogen for 4 days and then started it again...

 

then I did a stupid thing and updosed for a day and then went back to the reg dose .....I felt horrible.  so then that settled down and I then took 5 days to take off 1% off this shit.....I am at .298 and I am really getting sicker now..I am not able to sleep and I have all along taken asprin and melatonin and sometimes 1/2 unisom and sometimes 5-htp so I don't think this is bothering me...and I take magnesium.

 

I have been waking in the mornings and all night long where before I could get a decent sleep ...but have been sweating like crazy...horrible sweats...and burning up then get cold...ok I had all my blood work done...I just had blood work done yesterday and urine to ck for high cortisol and adrenal and petutitary tumors....cuz i do not know why I have so much stress and anxiety to where I can't stand it.

 

the mornings are horiffic....this morning was the worse ever...nerves vibrating and muscles in arms legs bellly diaphram neck back all tight...head pressure ..wretching ...just terrified!  I figured I could come off this slowly and it is really getting me bad still....

 

I drove to the accupuncturist and he said if I can't go lower or I will fall apart...can't go higher or I will fall apart or stay the same or I will fall apart....and the only way out is deep breathing and eft...hell I have tried that and it doesnt touch benzo wd.

 

what the heck is wrong with me that I am feeling this bad..? it could be that I really messed up with my ct's and I figured going slow would not be this horrific but it is and I am wondering what to do from here?  I hate my life and I feel like taking the klonopin and saying screw this...but I am afraid it will make me sicker and it may now work for me now. 

 

I feel I am gonna snap or die or have a heart attack from the stress...wondering if I go lower how will this work for me?  I am so scared. 

 

I have taken dramamine to calm down...and ashwaganda to try and calm down...works for a few minutes and then it does not work anymore...I am petrified...how do I preceed from here?

 

I have been told in the past to switch over to valium but I do not see how that could help?  I am on a low dose of k.  and vailum is another benzo to come off of....dont' see how that would benefit me..I am water titrating so slow ...the only benefit I see is you dry cut the pill right? 

 

oh man do I feel bad....and scared....don't know what to do...what is gonna happen when I go lower?  yikes.............

I am glad you are having blood work done. I felt horrible too around the same place you are at. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and had anxiety awful even trying to make really small reductions made me sick. They found out it was my thyroid. I don't know if it could be for you and sorry if I mentioned this before. I hope you feel better soon! I know how horrible it is but you are going to get through this just as I have! 

hi whatalife,  I am so sorry that you are struggling so.  I wonder if the things you have tried or are still taking to help you, like the 5htp, etc., might really be contributing to the problem.  I am trying very hard to gradually stop taking everything that I can not get from food.  At least it simplifies the situation so it can be more accurately tracked. 

 

I know I may be repeating myself and I apologize if this is the case, but I truly believe that there are many, many things that we all can do to help ourselves feel better.  To tap into these things, we first have to believe in their power to help us.  I think many of us have been told since we were kids that we can find answers to our "problems" with something we can only find outside of ourselves.  When really, the answers are inside of us.

 

Whatever your particular answers are, I don't know.  Whether it is a belief in a power greater than yourself, or trusting your inner strength, or talk therapy, or learning skills (CBT,DBT, breathing, meditation), I hope you will search there and find what works for you.  The answers you find will not include any quick fixes, I'm afraid.  It will likely take patience and focus, time and deliberation.  And practice. 

 

Even if each of these skills or techniques or beliefs only relieve your symptoms by 1%, I believe that it would be a solid 1% that you can count on over time.  And hopefully build on and add to.  Eventually your symptoms will be manageable.  Not gone, but manageable.  I really hope that helps you!

Hi Whata....

 

So sorry things seem so bad right now.  You seem to be stuck between a rock and a hard place! 

 

You know, when I was tapering and at .25 mg -- and less -- in many ways I felt MUCH sicker then, also with worse sleep.  Almost as if having any drug at all in my system was causing some of the sickness.  Being that you've also gone up and down and all around (like I did), this could be the case with you too...?

 

After I got off completely, some things actually felt better.  Why not give it a try?  (i.e., taper a little faster and just get off, at this point).  What have you got to lose, if you feel this bad? 

 

--adelia