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You Will Heal - Believe it!


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Hello! I hope this finds you receiving relief! I am starting to write this success story at the end of my 5th month, so that should give you an idea of how the improvements are, even if I don’t post for several months…the 5th month was good enough for me to feel I could start this!

 

I loved reading success stories and wished there were more of them!

 

In the early summer of 2013 I found myself having “funny” feelings of lightheadedness while at work. I even told a co-worker on several occasions that I was feeling this way and didn’t understand what was happening to me.

 

By August I had taken a leave of absence and was told I needed my gallbladder removed. On September 9th I had my gallbladder surgery and within a week my back had gone out severely, with a bulging disc pushing on the sciatic nerve. On October 1st I had back surgery. Prior to the surgery I was told I needed to stop all medications I was currently on and that I could resume them after surgery. I thought that if I was going off of them I would just not continue them after the surgery was over. This is where all hell broke loose! After my FMLA leave I quit my job, I didn’t know what was wrong with me!

 

I never abused any drugs including the benzos, and only occasionally drank a glass of wine or had a margarita. I had many of the typical symptoms and started looking on the Internet. This is when I found out that there was a problem! I had been on 4 mg of Lorazepam and immediately cut to 2 mg. I contacted my doctor’s office and was told by his nurse that my doctor did not support me getting off this medication and that I should just stay on it. I was told that he said I could have a heart attack, seizures, or die. I instantly said to myself, “Oh, hell no, I will not be controlled by a drug!” I knew right then that I would quit.

 

In November I began my taper directly off the Lorazepam and finished on February 12th, 2014.

 

The symptoms I had (no specific order):

 

ANXIETY/PANIC/INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS (this was the worst and lasted longest)

Suicidal thoughts

Insomnia

Restlessness (Horrible in acute phase, had to keep moving, moving, moving)

Pain in left shoulder and forearm

Lightheadedness

Cold most of the time

Morning “ick” from cortisol, with internal chest/left arm vibrations

Gastrointestinal issues

Heat palpitations

Tinnitus (this is why I was prescribed Benzos to begin with)

Muscle aches

UTI within a month of quitting

Floaters in eyes

Shaking/Tremors in muscles

Breathing – can’t take in a deep enough breath

Prickly feeling on calves

Dysphoria – emotional disconnect

Memory issues

Trouble swallowing

Heightened sense of smell

Sensitivity to light

 

Here is how the healing went for me:

 

Taper: SO bad! Little to no sleep! All of the symptoms were very bad!

 

Month 1: SO bad! Little to no sleep! All symptoms were bad!

 

Month 2: A nice window opened for about 2 weeks, so I thought I was healed! Drank about a ¼ glass of wine only to be thrown back into hell! Rest of the month was bad! Sleep returned to normal! Symptoms were bad, maybe a tad better!

 

Month 3: Mostly waves with some windows coming and going. The bad was still bad, but better than earlier. Windows were short. Good sleep!

 

Month 4: Some waves with some windows. Again, the bad was bad, but still less intensity than previously. Windows got a little longer! Good sleep! Anxiety bad in the waves, had to breath deep.

 

Month 5: Beginning of the month was in and out of waves and windows. Bad was still bad, but even better than the previous bad episodes. The windows were better than previous windows. From July 16th to the 29th I was in a good window the entire time and felt “normal”! The 30th went back into a wave, and it felt really, really, bad, trouble taking a deep breath, anxiety.  After that just felt “so,so”. A couple of weeks of insomnia early in the month, then sleep returned to normal. The morning “ick” feeling and the lightheadedness went away the end of the month!!

 

Month 6: I felt excellent the beginning of this month! Went for an allergy shot and had a reaction, was given 40 mg of Prednisone…two days later went into a wave that lasted about a week…don’t take Prednisone! At six and a half months I had been feeling good and decided it was time to go back to work. Applied for a full-job and got it a week later! Still having emotional disconnect, left shoulder issues, and some anxiety/fear, but I feel I can control it to a certain extent, where it used to control me. Still some sleep issues, but this is intermittent.

 

Month 7 thru 11: Just continued with waves and windows…windows got longer. Month 9 brought the WORST wave ever, just horrid and lasted about a month! The depression was terrible, and I had never suffered from depression in my life up until this point! That has been the last wave I had up to this point and I feel SO wonderful! My sleep has improved greatly! Month 11 was almost wave free!

 

Month 12: No waves! So happy!

 

I still get on this site daily, as there is one person that I have messaged with since very early on. They are a couple of months behind me and I can hear healing happening through our messages! I will continue to give back and I can’t wait to hear about the healing!

 

I drank coffee throughout the entire process and I did not stick to any specific diet. I took melatonin early on, which seemed to help, then quit early in the 4th month. Once the insomnia came back I tried the melatonin but it did not work this time. When sleep was really bad I tried diphenhydramine, with a little success. I took an antihistamine when the anxiety was very severe and it eased it. Other than that I tried not to take anything and just let the healing process happen.

 

Prayer helped me immensely! I talked to God constantly! I understand not all people choose to turn to God, that’s ok! You find what works for you and run with it!! You are an awesome person and you deserve to, and will, be healed!

 

Do not compare your situation to others! You don’t know what they did or did not do or for how long! We are all so different! Don’t read stories about the people who take longer to heal and believe that will be you. It may take you longer than some or less time than some, but I believe keeping a positive attitude will aid in your success!

 

You will heal! Do not keep telling yourself this is your new “normal” and that this is how you are going to be forever when you are still healing! It’s just not true, you WILL heal, it just takes time!

 

Thank you to everyone in the 6-12 month thread, the Jumping Buddies thread, the Let’s Chat thread, and the 12-18 month thread! I couldn’t have done it without you! Thank you to Collin for creating this site!

 

This site is awesome! You are awesome! You will heal!

 

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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Hello! I hope this finds you receiving relief! I am starting to write this success story at the end of my 5th month, so that should give you an idea of how the improvements are, even if I don’t post for several months…the 5th month was good enough for me to feel I could start this!

 

I loved reading success stories and wished there were more of them!

 

In the early summer of 2013 I found myself having “funny” feelings of lightheadedness while at work. I even told a co-worker on several occasions that I was feeling this way and didn’t understand what was happening to me.

 

By August I had taken a leave of absence and was told I needed my gallbladder removed. On September 9th I had my gallbladder surgery and within a week my back had gone out severely, with a bulging disc pushing on the sciatic nerve. On October 1st I had back surgery. Prior to the surgery I was told I needed to stop all medications I was currently on and that I could resume them after surgery. I thought that if I was going off of them I would just not continue them after the surgery was over. This is where all hell broke loose! After my FMLA leave I quit my job, I didn’t know what was wrong with me!

 

I never abused any drugs including the benzos, and only occasionally drank a glass of wine or had a margarita. I had many of the typical symptoms and started looking on the Internet. This is when I found out that there was a problem! I had been on 4 mg of Lorazepam and immediately cut to 2 mg. I contacted my doctor’s office and was told by his nurse that my doctor did not support me getting off this medication and that I should just stay on it. I was told that he said I could have a heart attack, seizures, or die. I instantly said to myself, “Oh, hell no, I will not be controlled by a drug!” I knew right then that I would quit.

 

In November I began my taper directly off the Lorazepam and finished on February 12th, 2014.

 

The symptoms I had (no specific order):

 

ANXIETY/PANIC/INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS (this was the worst and lasted longest)

Suicidal thoughts

Insomnia

Restlessness (Horrible in acute phase, had to keep moving, moving, moving)

Pain in left shoulder and forearm

Lightheadedness

Cold most of the time

Morning “ick” from cortisol, with internal chest/left arm vibrations

Gastrointestinal issues

Heat palpitations

Tinnitus (this is why I was prescribed Benzos to begin with)

Muscle aches

UTI within a month of quitting

Floaters in eyes

Shaking/Tremors in muscles

Breathing – can’t take in a deep enough breath

Prickly feeling on calves

Dysphoria – emotional disconnect

Memory issues

Trouble swallowing

Heightened sense of smell

Sensitivity to light

 

Here is how the healing went for me:

 

Taper: SO bad! Little to no sleep! All of the symptoms were very bad!

 

Month 1: SO bad! Little to no sleep! All symptoms were bad!

 

Month 2: A nice window opened for about 2 weeks, so I thought I was healed! Drank about a ¼ glass of wine only to be thrown back into hell! Rest of the month was bad! Sleep returned to normal! Symptoms were bad, maybe a tad better!

 

Month 3: Mostly waves with some windows coming and going. The bad was still bad, but better than earlier. Windows were short. Good sleep!

 

Month 4: Some waves with some windows. Again, the bad was bad, but still less intensity than previously. Windows got a little longer! Good sleep! Anxiety bad in the waves, had to breath deep.

 

Month 5: Beginning of the month was in and out of waves and windows. Bad was still bad, but even better than the previous bad episodes. The windows were better than previous windows. From July 16th to the 29th I was in a good window the entire time and felt “normal”! The 30th went back into a wave, and it felt really, really, bad, trouble taking a deep breath, anxiety.  After that just felt “so,so”. A couple of weeks of insomnia early in the month, then sleep returned to normal. The morning “ick” feeling and the lightheadedness went away the end of the month!!

 

Month 6: I felt excellent the beginning of this month! Went for an allergy shot and had a reaction, was given 40 mg of Prednisone…two days later went into a wave that lasted about a week…don’t take Prednisone! At six and a half months I had been feeling good and decided it was time to go back to work. Applied for a full-job and got it a week later! Still having emotional disconnect, left shoulder issues, and some anxiety/fear, but I feel I can control it to a certain extent, where it used to control me. Still some sleep issues, but this is intermittent.

 

Month 7 thru 11: Just continued with waves and windows…windows got longer. Month 9 brought the WORST wave ever, just horrid and lasted about a month! The depression was terrible, and I had never suffered from depression in my life up until this point! That has been the last wave I had up to this point and I feel SO wonderful! My sleep has improved greatly! Month 11 was almost wave free!

 

Month 12: No waves! So happy!

 

I still get on this site daily, as there is one person that I have messaged with since very early on. They are a couple of months behind me and I can hear healing happening through our messages! I will continue to give back and I can’t wait to hear about the healing!

 

I drank coffee throughout the entire process and I did not stick to any specific diet. I took melatonin early on, which seemed to help, then quit early in the 4th month. Once the insomnia came back I tried the melatonin but it did not work this time. When sleep was really bad I tried diphenhydramine, with a little success. I took an antihistamine when the anxiety was very severe and it eased it. Other than that I tried not to take anything and just let the healing process happen.

 

Prayer helped me immensely! I talked to God constantly! I understand not all people choose to turn to God, that’s ok! You find what works for you and run with it!! You are an awesome person and you deserve to, and will, be healed!

 

Do not compare your situation to others! You don’t know what they did or did not do or for how long! We are all so different! Don’t read stories about the people who take longer to heal and believe that will be you. It may take you longer than some or less time than some, but I believe keeping a positive attitude will aid in your success!

 

You will heal! Do not keep telling yourself this is your new “normal” and that this is how you are going to be forever when you are still healing! It’s just not true, you WILL heal, it just takes time!

 

Thank you to everyone in the 6-12 month thread, the Jumping Buddies thread, the Let’s Chat thread, and the 12-18 month thread! I couldn’t have done it without you! Thank you to Collin for creating this site!

 

This site is awesome! You are awesome! You will heal!

 

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

GMIT!!!! So happy for you! You feel great, you're healed!!!! God is so good!

 

Thank you for your constant reassurance that this is all temporary! You're such an inspiration. Month 9 has been the pits! But praying 1 day soon I will turn the corner for good!

 

Much love to you!!!  :smitten:

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Oh G, I am SO happy to see you posting your success story and I'm thrilled for you. You've been through so much yet you never lost your positive spirit and attitude.

 

I'd like to thank you for all your support. Many mornings I'd wake early wondering how I'd make it through myself, you were always there with a kind word and encouragemnt. You have no idea how much it meant to me. Thank you.  :hug:

 

YOU are awesome :smitten: now go fishing  ;)

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[24...]
G!!! You did it! This has been the light at the end of a very challenging day for me! Thank you for all your advice and encouragement, my jumping buddy! Now like Saga said, go catch some fish!  :smitten:
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Hi there

 

So very pleased that you are doing well.  Thanks for posting your story.

 

Used to love bumping into you in Courage Cafe.  ;D

 

All the best for the future.

 

LF  :smitten:

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G... I knew your success story was in the works.  So glad to know it's posted & you're well on your way to enjoying the benzo-free life you (and all of us) deserve  :D

 

Thanks for your support here!  :smitten:

 

With love,

Serenity

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This is so wonderful, just what I needed to read as I'm constantly worried that this is forever!! I have all of the symptoms you listed and others too so it is so nice to hear they will really stop!! I also pray constantly! Thank you so much for writing your success story & so very happy for you!!  :smitten:
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G,

You were there for me so  often,

Giving hope and reassurance.. I'm so happy to read your success story.

 

You are engaged in life again, there is joy and enthusiasm in your words..

Bless you in all you do.

 

Thank you for helping us again with this story.

 

Love rose :smitten:

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:yippee: :yippee: :yippee:    !!!  Amazing, amazing, amazing  !!!  :yippee: :yippee: :yippee:

 

Huge congratulations, G, I've been waiting expectantly for this for a while now!  You were one of the first couple of people to welcome me when I first joined BB and it meant a lot, I've always remembered it.  And all your support and encouragement on the Jumper's thread too!

 

Thank you so much for everything and wishing you only good health and happiness for the future!  :smitten:

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I was also placed on benzos for tinnitus.  Did yours resolve or did you learn to cope with it?

 

Unfortunately, the tinnitus is still there. I just deal with it! I think after benzo wd the tinnitus (although so awful) is nothing!!

 

I wish you well!

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