Jump to content

Hope Realized


[ho...]

Recommended Posts

It is three years today that I realized it was the Ativan that was slowly destroying my life and that I needed to get off it.  That was the day I stopped my occasional use of the prescribed drug.  And the hell really began.  I was very fortunate to find Benzo Buddies shortly after, which saved me.  I will be forever grateful to Colin and his team of compassionate volunteers for this site.  I am also grateful to all the Buddies who have traveled this journey with me.  Each of you will forever hold a place in my heart. 

 

I rarely come on this site anymore.  It used to be my lifeline in the seconds, minutes, hours and days that I suffered through not knowing what was going on with me and then finding someone or lots of someones here experiencing the same symptoms. 

 

My worst symptom was dizziness – from head spinning to the feeling of getting off an amusement ride.  I continue to have a bit of this and expect it to hang around for a while longer. 

My most frustrating symptom was the horrid insomnia.  I became friends with lots of different types of sleep music.

My scariest symptom was the immense anxiety of being alone.  Showering was terrifying.  It was simply the worst feeling to be that out of control of my feelings.

My weirdest symptom was the sensation that my face was misshapen.  It would feel like half of my face was missing or that it morphed into some Picasso-like form.  I would have to go to the mirror to assure myself that it wasn’t real. 

My most painful symptoms were the GI issues.  Sometimes it felt as if I was going through labor the pains were so intense.

I had many other symptoms that I coped with and distracted my way through.  If you’re interested, please read through my blog. 

 

I wanted to come here today to let you all know that even in the darkest of dark moments there is hope. 

 

You will heal.  It may take you months or years.  I know how daunting that can seem.  It is a hellish experience. 

 

Please know that so many others have traveled this same journey and came out alright at the other end. 

 

You can do this.  Stay strong.  Stay calm.  Trust your body and the process.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hope56, I remember you from my tapering days and early recovery here.  I'm so glad to know you're doing well.

Thanks for coming back to post a Success Story.  It will be read over and over by many people who need the reassurance.

 

Take care,

Challis  :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Hope,

 

I am so glad to hear that you made it to the other side. Please come back and post again when you are 100% so we know that all the symptoms do go away.

 

I am still struggling, but hoping that the little improvement I have had is an indication that this will end one day.

 

Thank you for coming back and sharing your success.

 

Love and healing,

Causing

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hope

 

I was delighted to see that you left a post today. Then I saw that you had written your success story.

I am so happy for you.  I remember your despair. I was commiserating with you.

In a few weeks I will also be 3 years off. I had hoped to write my success story then but I think that I will hold off for a while longer. The sensitive CNS and a few other things are holding me back.

 

I wish you years of skating!

Come back and visit from time to time.

Love Carol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  Dear Hope I am at a loss for words right now, I cried when I read your success story knowing the suffering you went through.. We really do heal, so happy for you.. I am still waiting my turn, but you just made my day a whole lot brighter..  xoxo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hope56, I remember you from my tapering days and early recovery here.  I'm so glad to know you're doing well.

Thanks for coming back to post a Success Story.  It will be read over and over by many people who need the reassurance.

 

Take care,

Challis  :smitten:

 

I remember you too!!  You are so very welcome.  Thank YOU for all you are doing for the BBs suffering here.  This is such an important source for true recovery from this horrid experience we fell into.

XOX

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Hope,

 

I am so glad to hear that you made it to the other side. Please come back and post again when you are 100% so we know that all the symptoms do go away.

 

I am still struggling, but hoping that the little improvement I have had is an indication that this will end one day.

 

Thank you for coming back and sharing your success.

 

Love and healing,

Causing

 

Thank you Causing.  Hold onto that hope.  It will all end.  Trust that.  Be gentle with yourself.

 

I realized my life had turned around when I was no longer focusing on my symptoms, but my life.  That I could go through a very full day and sleep through the night.  This is what I had hoped for, had dreamed of and cried about for sooooooo long.  And it happened.

 

Stay strong.

XOX

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hope

 

I was delighted to see that you left a post today. Then I saw that you had written your success story.

I am so happy for you.  I remember your despair. I was commiserating with you.

In a few weeks I will also be 3 years off. I had hoped to write my success story then but I think that I will hold off for a while longer. The sensitive CNS and a few other things are holding me back.

 

I wish you years of skating!

Come back and visit from time to time.

Love Carol

 

Carol!!  My dear BB.  Thank you for all of your support through this miserable journey.  You are right behind me.... 

 

Skating - oh yes!!!  I've finally gotten the joy back into my life and so importantly for me in my skating!!  Back to lessons with both of my coaches, back to struggling with jumps and moves and dances.....  I love it!!! 

 

You know you are going to get here too.  It takes so much patience  ... for me a "calm acceptance" of what was happening.  Knowing that this is not how a normal body responds and that mine was healing from a horrid poisoning.  It is miraculous how our bodies are capable of healing.  It just takes time.... so very much time. 

 

I know it's too cold to golf now, but come spring!!!

XOXOXOXO

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Hope, thanks for coming back and sharing.

After my hellish detox experience you are giving me hope, i wish you well. :smitten:

 

Hi Morreweg,  You are welcome.  Please hold onto that hope.  Trust it.  You will heal from this.  Stay strong.

XOXOX

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  Dear Hope I am at a loss for words right now, I cried when I read your success story knowing the suffering you went through.. We really do heal, so happy for you.. I am still waiting my turn, but you just made my day a whole lot brighter..  xoxo

 

Hi Dear Moe!!!!

You always made my day brighter.  I remember when you were able to finally be alone.  It gave me so much hope!!

I know you are right behind me.  Stay strong Moe.  (((((((HUGS)))))))))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Woohoo Hope!  Thx for posting.  I'm in my seventh month and just had a great four day window where I felt normal. My GI stuff which is newer returned last night.  I can see, feel, and believe in the healing but sometimes it seems so far away.  Again...congrats!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Woohoo Hope!  Thx for posting.  I'm in my seventh month and just had a great four day window where I felt normal. My GI stuff which is newer returned last night.  I can see, feel, and believe in the healing but sometimes it seems so far away.  Again...congrats!

 

Congratulations on the window.  That is a great sign! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Awesome post Hope! I've looked at the history of your posts and we have very similar paths in the sx department so its great reading you're on the other side! I'm almost there- windows getting bigger and longer with some occasional night anxiety but getting more manageable. Thanks again for posting!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Awesome post Hope! I've looked at the history of your posts and we have very similar paths in the sx department so its great reading you're on the other side! I'm almost there- windows getting bigger and longer with some occasional night anxiety but getting more manageable. Thanks again for posting!

 

Hi CoACO,

Thanks for your reply and I'm glad my posts are helpful to you.  It is great news that your windows are getting bigger and longer.  Stay strong.

XOX

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Congratulations Hope :)

 

im glad you've recovered :thumbsup:

 

Thank you!!!  How are you???

It's nice to hear from you, it's been a long time!

I love Gardenias!! :)

XOX

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hope,

 

Followed you all along, so happy to read your thread.  The best is what you wrote about yourself, and to share that with others, to give HOPE, and you have!  The very best always to you!

 

Pattylu

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hope,

 

Followed you all along, so happy to read your thread.  The best is what you wrote about yourself, and to share that with others, to give HOPE, and you have!  The very best always to you!

 

Pattylu

 

Thank you Pattylu!  Wishing you and your hubby the best always also!!

XOX

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Hope…I came on the BB site to see if you had posted your success story and was pleased to see it here. I really like the way that you did it, and it's making me think about doing mine.

 

It brought back many memories of all of the terrible struggles that we went through. It shows how strong we can really be when faced with this type of adversity. We've come a long way my friend, and now it's time to begin celebrating our well earned victory.

 

It's time for us to get back to life.

 

All the best in the future,

Bill

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Hope!!!

 

I haven't been on BB for several months but decided to check in today and saw your SUCCESS STORY!!!! I am so happy that you have made it to the other side!!!  I can't tell you how much your support meant to be in my darkest and most horrific days of BW. I hope we can stay in touch through BB. :)  Even though we have never met, I can tell you are such a kind, warm, brave and STRONG person!

 

I hope your remaining dizziness fades away over time. I am so happy you are enjoying your life once again! :)

 

Tina :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am new here, but always like reading the success stories so that I know that there is hope--pun not intended but appropriate! :)

 

Hope does Spring Eternal.... hold onto it --- it is real.  You will heal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Hope…I came on the BB site to see if you had posted your success story and was pleased to see it here. I really like the way that you did it, and it's making me think about doing mine.

 

It brought back many memories of all of the terrible struggles that we went through. It shows how strong we can really be when faced with this type of adversity. We've come a long way my friend, and now it's time to begin celebrating our well earned victory.

 

It's time for us to get back to life.

 

All the best in the future,

Bill

 

We have come a long way Bill and you have been a faithful supporter to me the whole journey.  I will always be grateful for your wise counsel.  I felt safe with you leading the way!!! 

One of these days we'll get that skate in too!!!

XOX

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Hope!!!

 

I haven't been on BB for several months but decided to check in today and saw your SUCCESS STORY!!!! I am so happy that you have made it to the other side!!!  I can't tell you how much your support meant to be in my darkest and most horrific days of BW. I hope we can stay in touch through BB. :)  Even though we have never met, I can tell you are such a kind, warm, brave and STRONG person!

 

I hope your remaining dizziness fades away over time. I am so happy you are enjoying your life once again! :)

 

Tina :)

((((TINA))))))

So good to hear from you.  Yes, finally I made it.  I am living my life again.  Skating, working, loving it all...

 

How are you?  Please tell me you are doing much better also. 

XOX

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...