Author Topic: Hope Realized  (Read 6622 times)

[Buddie]

Hope Realized
« on: November 07, 2014, 10:19:41 pm »
It is three years today that I realized it was the Ativan that was slowly destroying my life and that I needed to get off it.  That was the day I stopped my occasional use of the prescribed drug.  And the hell really began.  I was very fortunate to find Benzo Buddies shortly after, which saved me.  I will be forever grateful to Colin and his team of compassionate volunteers for this site.  I am also grateful to all the Buddies who have traveled this journey with me.   Each of you will forever hold a place in my heart. 

I rarely come on this site anymore.  It used to be my lifeline in the seconds, minutes, hours and days that I suffered through not knowing what was going on with me and then finding someone or lots of someones here experiencing the same symptoms. 

My worst symptom was dizziness – from head spinning to the feeling of getting off an amusement ride.  I continue to have a bit of this and expect it to hang around for a while longer. 
My most frustrating symptom was the horrid insomnia.  I became friends with lots of different types of sleep music.
My scariest symptom was the immense anxiety of being alone.  Showering was terrifying.  It was simply the worst feeling to be that out of control of my feelings.
My weirdest symptom was the sensation that my face was misshapen.  It would feel like half of my face was missing or that it morphed into some Picasso-like form.  I would have to go to the mirror to assure myself that it wasn’t real. 
My most painful symptoms were the GI issues.  Sometimes it felt as if I was going through labor the pains were so intense.
I had many other symptoms that I coped with and distracted my way through.  If you’re interested, please read through my blog. 

I wanted to come here today to let you all know that even in the darkest of dark moments there is hope. 

You will heal.  It may take you months or years.  I know how daunting that can seem.  It is a hellish experience. 

Please know that so many others have traveled this same journey and came out alright at the other end. 

You can do this.  Stay strong.  Stay calm.  Trust your body and the process.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Hope Realized
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2014, 11:16:01 pm »
[...], I remember you from my tapering days and early recovery here.  I'm so glad to know you're doing well.
Thanks for coming back to post a Success Story.  It will be read over and over by many people who need the reassurance.

Take care,
[...]  :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Hope Realized
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2014, 12:00:01 am »
Hey Hope,

I am so glad to hear that you made it to the other side. Please come back and post again when you are 100% so we know that all the symptoms do go away.

I am still struggling, but hoping that the little improvement I have had is an indication that this will end one day.

Thank you for coming back and sharing your success.

Love and healing,
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Hope Realized
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2014, 12:06:26 am »
Hope

I was delighted to see that you left a post today. Then I saw that you had written your success story.
I am so happy for you.  I remember your despair. I was commiserating with you.
In a few weeks I will also be 3 years off. I had hoped to write my success story then but I think that I will hold off for a while longer. The sensitive CNS and a few other things are holding me back.

I wish you years of skating!
Come back and visit from time to time.
Love Carol
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Hope Realized
« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2014, 09:29:20 am »
Dear Hope, thanks for coming back and sharing.
After my hellish detox experience you are giving me hope, i wish you well. :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Hope Realized
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2014, 02:13:20 pm »
  Dear Hope I am at a loss for words right now, I cried when I read your success story knowing the suffering you went through.. We really do heal, so happy for you.. I am still waiting my turn, but you just made my day a whole lot brighter..  xoxo
« Last Edit: November 08, 2014, 02:19:25 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Hope Realized
« Reply #6 on: November 08, 2014, 02:59:56 pm »
[...], I remember you from my tapering days and early recovery here.  I'm so glad to know you're doing well.
Thanks for coming back to post a Success Story.  It will be read over and over by many people who need the reassurance.

Take care,
[...]  :smitten:

I remember you too!!  You are so very welcome.   Thank YOU for all you are doing for the BBs suffering here.  This is such an important source for true recovery from this horrid experience we fell into.
XOX
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Hope Realized
« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2014, 03:02:57 pm »
Hey Hope,

I am so glad to hear that you made it to the other side. Please come back and post again when you are 100% so we know that all the symptoms do go away.

I am still struggling, but hoping that the little improvement I have had is an indication that this will end one day.

Thank you for coming back and sharing your success.

Love and healing,
[...]

Thank you [...].  Hold onto that hope.  It will all end.  Trust that.  Be gentle with yourself.

I realized my life had turned around when I was no longer focusing on my symptoms, but my life.  That I could go through a very full day and sleep through the night.  This is what I had hoped for, had dreamed of and cried about for sooooooo long.  And it happened.

Stay strong.
XOX
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Hope Realized
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2014, 03:08:39 pm »
Hope

I was delighted to see that you left a post today. Then I saw that you had written your success story.
I am so happy for you.  I remember your despair. I was commiserating with you.
In a few weeks I will also be 3 years off. I had hoped to write my success story then but I think that I will hold off for a while longer. The sensitive CNS and a few other things are holding me back.

I wish you years of skating!
Come back and visit from time to time.
Love Carol

Carol!!  My dear BB.  Thank you for all of your support through this miserable journey.  You are right behind me....   

Skating - oh yes!!!  I've finally gotten the joy back into my life and so importantly for me in my skating!!  Back to lessons with both of my coaches, back to struggling with jumps and moves and dances.....  I love it!!! 

You know you are going to get here too.  It takes so much patience  ... for me a "calm acceptance" of what was happening.  Knowing that this is not how a normal body responds and that mine was healing from a horrid poisoning.  It is miraculous how our bodies are capable of healing.  It just takes time.... so very much time. 

I know it's too cold to golf now, but come spring!!!
XOXOXOXO

 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Hope Realized
« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2014, 03:09:59 pm »
Dear Hope, thanks for coming back and sharing.
After my hellish detox experience you are giving me hope, i wish you well. :smitten:

Hi [...],  You are welcome.  Please hold onto that hope.  Trust it.  You will heal from this.  Stay strong.
XOXOX
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.