Depersonalization

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalisation

 

I have a hard time even putting into words the living Hell that near constant depersonalization/derealization is like, but those of you eho have experienced it will know what it's like. Apparently long term (more than fourvweeks) benzo usage even at low doses is a huge factor in causing this. Lately my depersonalization has been so bad that I can't even do simple things like going to the gym, hanging out with friends, driving or even being a passenger in a car or even taking a shower or going outside some days. How the hell do people function when you feel detached from your own body and/or the outside world? I just want to feel like myself again and I'm really not sure how much longer I can live like this. These meds have ruined my life and nothing that I do seems to make any positive difference whatsoever.

Please don't give up hope.  Statements like "these meds have ruined my life." can give you a victim-like outlook.  You will get your life back.  It just takes a little time.

 

How to survive intense DP/DR?  I tried to just keep doing what I had been doing.  I won't say that I always did it very well, but I made an effort to stay active and engaged.  Sometimes people spoke to me, and I had no idea what they were saying.  But I looked at them, nodded my head, and pretended to follow them.  On one occasion, I even managed to teach a class feeling like that.  Sometimes I'd say that I hadn't slept well, and that I was a little bit spacey (a huge understatement, but at least people can relate to that and won't pressure you too much).  Slowly, my brain returned.  Yours will too.  Hang in there.

I agree with badsocref. Thinking of yourself as helpless and hopeless wont help you get through this. You don't have to be a victim, if you refuse to think about your situation in that way. You could choose to think of yourself as a survivor!

 

DP/DR are quite common for us. I got through it by staying busy. I hardly went out of my house for months, but inside, I kept busy doing all sorts of things. The DP and DR have mostly left now, but the habit of staying busy has stayed, and I like it.

east

Thank you for the support (I can't believe you taught a class with bad DP! That's truly amazing...). There was a time when I was extremely upset and blamed the doctors who prescribed my first Ativan without talking about how easy it was to become addicted and how terrible it is to come off of (not to mention how hard it is to get medical professionals to help with your taper). But, I realize that that type if thinking does nothing positive, I'm just feeling very frustrated lately because doing even the simplest of things have become so difficult in addition too the fact that lately I don't even feel like myself in my "safe zones" (at home, with friends, etc). It can be hard to keep the faith when it often feels like a battle of one.

I understand. I was extremely angry early on. I wrote my prescribing doctor a long letter and actually mailed it. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment doing something so simple, and it helped me to start to forgive and forget. Something I personally had to realize was that I had some responsibility in the whole matter...it wasn't just the doctor's fault.

And yes, this is kind of a battle of one. Good way to put it. I have had very few people I can talk to about it except for my BB friends. And my 'in person" people soon tired of hearing about it, but my BB friends didn't.

Keep writing, FuzzyD. We will be here.

east

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalisation

 

I have a hard time even putting into words the living Hell that near constant depersonalization/derealization is like, but those of you eho have experienced it will know what it's like. Apparently long term (more than fourvweeks) benzo usage even at low doses is a huge factor in causing this. Lately my depersonalization has been so bad that I can't even do simple things like going to the gym, hanging out with friends, driving or even being a passenger in a car or even taking a shower or going outside some days. How the hell do people function when you feel detached from your own body and/or the outside world? I just want to feel like myself again and I'm really not sure how much longer I can live like this. These meds have ruined my life and nothing that I do seems to make any positive difference whatsoever.

 

Hello FD

 

Are you off benzos now and all the other drugs you list ?

 

I can't work out if your still on or just off in August?

 

I have suffered from severe DP DR as my worst symptoms since I came off and no every word you speak and get your description to a tee, I don't know how you survive it you just have to somehow..

 

Read my posts and you will find lost of threads on DP DR

 

Sorry for your pain, I've had every symptom in the book and some not ever mentioned they are that bizarre but still nothing compares to the mental torture and despair of DP DR for me!!

 

Best Wishes

 

Woofs

Sorry, I haven't changed my sig in a while. I'm still onKlonopin, I stupidly started taking 1.5 a day when things got really bad for a little over a month but I'm finally on a steady taper plan and I'm now at 1.25 and will be cutting to 1.0 next week. I also recently came off of 15 mg's of Lexapro (cut down to 10 then 5 then jumped). The nurse practitioner that I see wanted to INCREASE the Lexapro to 30 mg a day (when 20 is supposed to be the max) and then put me on Gabawntin befire she would even consider a taper. At this point I'm pretty anti-SSRI as they've really done nothing for me (and in people without severe clinical depression are no more effective than placebos) and call me crazy, but I'd rather taper off of one hellish med than THREE! So yeah, I'm trying to stay optimistic and doing what I can to stay healthy (daily meditation, cutting out drinking entirely) but this constant DP/DR is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. Even worse than when I was having daily full blown panuc attacks.

Fuzzy,

I personally agree with you about the SSRIs. However, some people feel they help, and that is their right, to take them. I wont ever again. They didn't work, and I came to realize that most of my depression was actually tolerance withdrawal from the benzo I was on.

I think you're doing fine. Im confused about one thing - are you now on Gabapentin? Or was the spelling correct, and if so, what the heck is Gabawntin?

Daily meditation, not drinking...both are excellent and I commend you. I stopped drinking, too. It was making me worse in every way.

Keep distracting yourself from the DP/DR. It isn't always easy to do, I know. But you are headed in the right direction.

east

Thank you for the reply and the kind words of support regarding my recovery. I am not on Gabapentin (the autocorrect on my new tablet is the worst haha), my prescriber just thought that before I started my klonopin taper, I should be on 30 mg's of Lexapro as well as Gabapentin. From my own research and personal experience, I disagree with her and feel like it makes a whole lot more sense to come off of one drug slowly, rather than three and experience all the fun side effects that come with them. I've been on the medication carousel for long enough, and I'm determined to get off of it for good.

 

That being said, I realize that everyone is different and everybody's bodies and minds react uniquely to different meds. So just because I personally didn't have a good experience with SSRI's, I know that there are lots of people out there who genuinely need them. I personally just feel that they are way over prescribed, especially by primary care physicians, people who don't specialize in mental health and should not be making that call in many cases IMO.