I am loosing it! Feel like an idiot.

Hello benzo budiies,

Hell i do not want to write here. I want to write only in recovery section. It has been how long, maybe 33 days since c/t. I have not been feeling such an idiot before. It is like my cognitive functions are gone. I am depersonalized totally losing grip with reality. It is like i am not myself, i feel hopeless, childish, not in handle with my self. Feel like people are judging me, thinking of how stupid and inadequate i am. I hope it is not permanent and it will pass. Probably i should tell to my self exactly this. I will get better, day by day i will recover.

 

 

Edit: offensive word changed

And i have not taken that much Klonopin. I really do not know what to do. Sorry if someone going through the same thing reads this. I know it is discouragable to read bad things, as you think they will happen to you too. Hopefully i will receive an answer from someone successfuly recovered.

Im not recovered by any means, but it is getting easier for me! Klonopin is a long half-life benzo. So, it takes a while to both feel the effects and recover from them. From doing research on my own, people typically experience relief around the 6 week mark leading up to several months. This forum is kind of the exception, where the people that have extreme difficulties getting off the drug and withdrawing end up. I know the success stories of relief after two years must be scary. But, remember that these are like 50 or so people out of the hundreds of thousands of people that take benzos. So, dont focus so much on the how long. Focus on the recovery. Klonopin was my benzo and Im right there with ya. If you want some re-assurance, I have read that on average people take 6 weeks to a few months to heal on quite a few websites! This is not the BenzoBuddy average, this is as a whole. I scared myself many a times by reading peoples posts and thinking that I wouldnt be healed in two years time. Is it a possibility? Yes. Am I thinking that that is going to be me? No.

 

And I know it can be scary. Believe me. Ive had a lot of symptoms come and go over the past 5.5 weeks for me. Heart palpitations, POTS, excessive sweating, paranoia, fear, shortness of breath, panic attacks, generalized anxiety, vomiting, etc... Most of which were not a problem pre-benzo.

 

You just have to know that what you are experiencing is the drug and your brains attempt at achieving homeostasis. I know it sucks, but do your best to try and distract yourself. Do whatever you can handle. If you feel that it is too much, then move on to another activity until you find something that you can handle.

thescamp, 33 days is very early out! You are barely past the acute stage. Everything will get better, but you have to give it time. Even as you are feeling so rotten, you are slowly healing. You may not feel it right now, but you will eventually.

Do not be ashamed of writing here! That is why this forum exists, to give us support when we truly need it.

Yes, you would do better by telling yourself that you WILL heal, that you WILL be your old self again. In other words, try to be a little positive and hopeful, even if it feels fakey at first.

When you feel this awful, try to only live in the here and now. You may even have to live minute to minute. But try not to look into the future, because right now you will not see how wonderful it may be! Focus on distracting yourself from how you feel, too.

You are going to make it, scamp. And keep writing, keep talking to us. We will get your through it.

east

Thank you very much. It is big relief to hear from you. It made me thinking that the time we live in, with the access of internet, other people, is a huge advantage in coping with the difficulties we are facing. Imagine if we were living 10-15 years ago, going through this hell alone, without anyone helping you except the doctors who had prеscribed you this in first place. Probably telling you it can not be withdrawal, because you have been on it for too short of a period. I can see now why people have taken this poison for 10-15-20 years. Because quiting this yourself , not having a clue if it is going to get better or not is too much. Feeling everyday worst than the one before. I personally see the past as better, when it was not. God bless you and I hope you will heal at 110 percent, being much better than before even the start of the benzos. And sorry if i get out of temper, sound angry or not thankful.

I am sorry you are feeling so horrible. Stopping benzodiazepines cold turkey can be brutal. It sounds like you are in the acute phase of withdrawal. This is when the worst symptoms rear their ugly heads. This phase is only temporary.  For me it lasted 5 to 6 weeks. Yes, tell yourself everyday that it will get better each day because it will. Also, you are not a idiot. My best advice is distraction.

Im not recovered by any means, but it is getting easier for me! Klonopin is a long half-life benzo. So, it takes a while to both feel the effects and recover from them. From doing research on my own, people typically experience relief around the 6 week mark leading up to several months. This forum is kind of the exception, where the people that have extreme difficulties getting off the drug and withdrawing end up. I know the success stories of relief after two years must be scary. But, remember that these are like 50 or so people out of the hundreds of thousands of people that take benzos. So, dont focus so much on the how long. Focus on the recovery. Klonopin was my benzo and Im right there with ya. If you want some re-assurance, I have read that on average people take 6 weeks to a few months to heal on quite a few websites! This is not the BenzoBuddy average, this is as a whole. I scared myself many a times by reading peoples posts and thinking that I wouldnt be healed in two years time. Is it a possibility? Yes. Am I thinking that that is going to be me? No.

 

And I know it can be scary. Believe me. Ive had a lot of symptoms come and go over the past 5.5 weeks for me. Heart palpitations, POTS, excessive sweating, paranoia, fear, shortness of breath, panic attacks, generalized anxiety, vomiting, etc... Most of which were not a problem pre-benzo.

 

You just have to know that what you are experiencing is the drug and your brains attempt at achieving homeostasis. I know it sucks, but do your best to try and distract yourself. Do whatever you can handle. If you feel that it is too much, then move on to another activity until you find something that you can handle.

 

This is such a good post Orionbash, you've really learned a lot in the month you've been here.

 

Molly

I use to tell people on BB it felt like my head was stuffed with cotton, the head symptom can be so strange but they do go away.  And everybody deals differently trying to explain this stuff to friends and family.  I remember always asking my husband "did I do ok"  when we had been around other people.

 

Molly

Im not recovered by any means, but it is getting easier for me! Klonopin is a long half-life benzo. So, it takes a while to both feel the effects and recover from them. From doing research on my own, people typically experience relief around the 6 week mark leading up to several months. This forum is kind of the exception, where the people that have extreme difficulties getting off the drug and withdrawing end up. I know the success stories of relief after two years must be scary. But, remember that these are like 50 or so people out of the hundreds of thousands of people that take benzos. So, dont focus so much on the how long. Focus on the recovery. Klonopin was my benzo and Im right there with ya. If you want some re-assurance, I have read that on average people take 6 weeks to a few months to heal on quite a few websites! This is not the BenzoBuddy average, this is as a whole. I scared myself many a times by reading peoples posts and thinking that I wouldnt be healed in two years time. Is it a possibility? Yes. Am I thinking that that is going to be me? No.

 

And I know it can be scary. Believe me. Ive had a lot of symptoms come and go over the past 5.5 weeks for me. Heart palpitations, POTS, excessive sweating, paranoia, fear, shortness of breath, panic attacks, generalized anxiety, vomiting, etc... Most of which were not a problem pre-benzo.

 

You just have to know that what you are experiencing is the drug and your brains attempt at achieving homeostasis. I know it sucks, but do your best to try and distract yourself. Do whatever you can handle. If you feel that it is too much, then move on to another activity until you find something that you can handle.

 

This is such a good post Orionbash, you've really learned a lot in the month you've been here.

 

Molly

 

Haha, thanks. Hopefully I wont be here for support soon and I will be able to support others. Im really, REALLY hoping that due to my short-term use, I will be a short-term success, so that people in the same boat as me have some hope.

That hope is what keeps us going and besides that it's true! 

 

Molly

Dunno if this will help you, but it certainly has helped me! It explained a lot of what I am feeling and I have pretty much followed this course exactly! Ive found this information on several websites. And, again, remember that this is the average out of all documented withdrawals. Not just BB.

 

"Klonopin withdrawals are different for everyone, though it will likely be intense at the beginning and then they will gradually lessen. Symptoms typically develop within 24 -72 hours and become their worst after about 5-7 days. The average length of Klonopin withdrawal is about six weeks, though in some people certain symptoms can persist for months. The symptoms often run a two-phase course where they seem to get better after a week, but then they intensify the next week. The physical symptoms are usually present at the beginning of the withdrawal, while the more psychological symptoms appear later."

 

My withdrawal isnt actually severe compared to others. I just have symptoms that change, but none are so debilitating that I cant function at home (Its the fear of not knowing what to expect that makes me unable to leave the house or work at the moment ). But, there were times where I doubted it could be withdrawal because it was so all over the place. But, once I read that, it all started to make sense.

You sound just fine to me, thescamp. A lot of us feel some anger, when we go through this - anger at our doctors. We feel like victims, but no one recognizes what we are going through. I don't know why this is so, and I worked for many years in the medical profession. Doctors and nurses just do not know how bad benzo withdrawal can be. It really isn't because they are vindictive, or cruel - they are ignorant, and WHY is the big mystery to me. I even worked in a Detox program and it wasn't known there, even though we had many patients in benzo withdrawal. We treated them like any other "addict", be it heroin, alcohol or cocaine. There was no special protocol for benzo withdrawal, which to my mind, is crazy.

But because I know that doctors just don't know, I stopped blaming them and feeling so angry all the time. I had better ways to occupy my time....such as learning to distract myself from the rotten way I felt.

Hang in there, scamp - it will all work out in time.

east