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Is your glass half full or half empty?


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Dear Buddies

 

The boards are very quiet tonight so have to keep myself busy!!!!!!

 

I am compiling a list of positive thoughts about my current situation and for each positive thought I have put a corresponding negative thought. I could list many more. I could dwell on the negatives but choose not to. Or is it really a choice?

 

Can we control our thinking? Does depression and anxiety make it impossible to be positive?  Am I just lucky that I can be positive?

 

What do you think?

 

Positive thoughts  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

(1) I feel physically better than I did a year ago

(2) I can do more in bed than I could a year ago

(3) I can get out of bed more than I used to

(4) I can spend hours on the internet now

(5) I have good friends

(6) I can chat on the phone, text, email

(7) I can cope on my own, housework isn't important

(8.) I can do word puzzles

(9) I sleep quite well even if it is during the day

(10) I am only 60. I could have years ahead of me

(11) Retirement is a good time to do benzo withdrawal

(12) I get lots of support on BB

(13) My life has been hard but I have quite a lot of good memories

 

Negative thoughts  >:( >:(>:(

(1) I never feel right

(2) I can hardly do anything

(3) I am stuck in bed most of the time

(4) My brain is addled

(5) My family hardly get in touch nowadays

(6) I rarely see anyone

(7) I can't do my housework

(8.) I can't read or do crosswords

(9) I can't sleep at night

(10) I am getting old

(11) I am wasting my retirement

(12) I get no help from doctors

(13) Benzos have ruined my life

 

Hugs

 

LF  :smitten:

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Good list of accomplishments, LF  :thumbsup: good idea, as it's sometimes easy to take gradual improvements for granted until we write it out.

I think to know if the glass is half full or half empty, we need to know the prior state of the glass  ;) if all was well and went south, I might say the Glass is half empty, having lost contents...but you can only go down so far until  overall is more positive.  I'm definitely half-full glass here, after coming up out of allot of crap. I'm reading and learning again, being a more attentive spouse (I think), able to sleep normally most often, and seeing how all of the small baby-steps I've taken and continue to take, are really adding up to form a much better present moment than I used to live in.

Let's keep improving! I'm sure it keeps getting better from here  :)

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Can we control our thinking? Does depression and anxiety make it impossible to be positive?  Am I just lucky that I can be positive?

 

I wouldn't say that depression/anxiety makes it impossible to be positive.  It can make it more difficult, but I believe that a person with a positive outlook will be able to move forward (even when times are tough) more easily than a person with a negative outlook.

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Good list of accomplishments, LF  :thumbsup: good idea, as it's sometimes easy to take gradual improvements for granted until we write it out.

I think to know if the glass is half full or half empty, we need to know the prior state of the glass  ;) if all was well and went south, I might say the Glass is half empty, having lost contents...but you can only go down so far until  overall is more positive.  I'm definitely half-full glass here, after coming up out of allot of crap. I'm reading and learning again, being a more attentive spouse (I think), able to sleep normally most often, and seeing how all of the small baby-steps I've taken and continue to take, are really adding up to form a much better present moment than I used to live in.

Let's keep improving! I'm sure it keeps getting better from here  :)

 

Hi Tor

 

So glad you are in a better place now. I sure hope things keep getting better for both of us.

 

All the best

 

LF  :thumbsup:

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Can we control our thinking? Does depression and anxiety make it impossible to be positive?  Am I just lucky that I can be positive?

 

I wouldn't say that depression/anxiety makes it impossible to be positive.  It can make it more difficult, but I believe that a person with a positive outlook will be able to move forward (even when times are tough) more easily than a person with a negative outlook.

 

Hi Badsocref

 

Yes, I think so too.

 

LF  :smitten:

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You have a great list, LF!!

 

I was watching something about Oprah Winfrey, and she was saying that when things are going badly (I'm paraphrasing as I don't remember exactly what she said - I haven't been remembering things well lately), she thinks about what she's grateful for. Today my feet were hurting like hell, I'm worried about my finances, and I was having a hard time hearing a baseball game. After cursing for awhile, I started thinking about things I'm grateful for. It really changed my outlook. I need to do that more often.

 

It's easy for me to keep focusing on the negative since I go through daily aches and pains, etc., but I'm doing A LOT better than I was at this same time last year!!

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Hi Terry

 

Glad you are doing better. It is true, focusing on the negative can become a habit. So can thinking about the positives. It does not change what is happening but it sure feels better.

 

Here's to the sunnier side of life.  >:D:D:laugh:

 

LF  :smitten:

 

 

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Hi LF.

 

I am compiling a list of positive thoughts about my current situation and for each positive thought I have put a corresponding negative thought. I could list many more. I could dwell on the negatives but choose not to. Or is it really a choice?

 

Can we control our thinking? Does depression and anxiety make it impossible to be positive?  Am I just lucky that I can be positive?

 

What do you think?

I think it is possible to make the choice, but I'm not saying it's easy if our only reference is inside our own minds. I think we have to develop methods to look outside ourselves and see what good is around us. My preference is to look at the glass half full but there are times of isolation where the glass is so empty that there may as well not be a glass. I'm terrible when I get to that point, but I somehow manage to get back out of it by looking outwards.

 

In my mind it isn't positive thinking that helps much, I think it's looking for the real positives that's essential if we're prone to depressive thinking. I think these are two different things with hugely different results.

 

 

Lost :thumbsup:

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Hi Lost

 

I am intrigued by the way you differentiate between real positives and positive thinking. I suppose the latter is trying to see the positive side of what can be viewed as a rather negative situation. Real positives suggest no negative side. The real positives in my life are

 

Good friends

Nice home

Financial security

No particular worries (I don't really worry about my health, assume it will get better)

Peace of mind

 

I wonder how many people have those whether a BB or not.  I am so fortunate. Guess my glass is already pretty full.  :thumbsup:  Material possessions are only one part of life but they do provide a sense of security. Friendship and peace of mind are priceless.

 

Only negative is really benzo withdrawal.  I never forget that my life is pretty good  apart from restricted functioning and at times feeling quite ill.  These are of course not unique to benzo withdrawal and in that sense are nothing special.

 

Lost, I truly hope you never again have to feel there is no glass for that is so terrible.  If you do, there will always be a life jacket nearby even if it takes you a while to spot it.  I sure hope your glass continues to fill up with good things and never becomes empty again.

 

Hugs

 

LF  :smitten:

 

 

 

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Hi LF, thanks for your kind post peppered with interesting thoughts.

 

I think I'm too spent to give a proper reply right now but I wil l get to it once I've managed a few hrs sleep.

 

Take care LF.

 

 

Lost :hug:

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Yes to have all those material things would make this 100 percent easier for me. Add to that the stress that I have the responsibility of providing a home and financial security for others makes this wd much more stressful. It would have been nice to have had the option of putting this off until I retired but too late now I guess. I worry and stress about this daily making it tough to remain positive.

if I was rich or had no family to support things would likely be much easier for me or at least I think they would. Plus a couple financial mistakes I made in the past couple years are constantly sources of ruminantion  and distress. Primarily because of ny family. If I were single I wouldn't be do worried about it.

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Hi Bobo

 

I am sorry you are under a lot of stress. I could not have gone through this ordeal while working. I would have lost my job. I had not intended to stop taking nitrazepam but my GP was keen that I should. Anyway I'm glad that I have started this journey.  It is definitely easier being on my own and being retired. I hope you can forgive yourself for any mistakes you have made. Guilt does not help our recovery.  What's done is done and it can't be changed.

 

All the best.

 

LF  :thumbsup:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Yes, thank you.  Every time I post something about this folks tell me to forgive myself and not live in the past, which of course I know is the best course.  It is so hard to do though.  I look at my wife's picture and feel like crying.  She is so sweet and put all her trust in me and I screwed up.  It is so hard for me.  Especially since the financial errors and the benzo use are interelated, IMO.  Benzo lethargy caused procrastination which caused the financial errors and if I wasn't sick from the benzo withdrawal I could fix the other problem to some degree.  But I'm stuck.

 

 

 

It is so tough when two decisions made differently a couple years ago would have given me the perfect life now, instead things are all messed up.  Plus I knew at the time to a certain extent I was screwing up, but I was just so "overrelaxed" I floated on through. 

 

I was a ruminator before and now it is just terrible.  Oh well.

 

 

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Hi bobo

 

I know it is hard. I guess we all make mistakes in life just because we are human. Perhaps we were weak or stupid or  self deluded or whatever but we have done it and we can't undo it. Would you forgive your wife if she made a big mistake? Or anyone else you love? We tend to forgive others' mistakes more easily than our own. We seem to have different standards by which we judge ourselves which is crazy really.

 

I hope you can get past this as it would be one less burden for you to carry. It seems you have enough burdens without it.

 

Throw one burden in the sea or wherever.  :thumbsup:

 

LF

 

 

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The glass is always full!

 

It's just a matter of what fills it.

 

Sometimes it's 80% water and 20% air, or any variation.  Why should we overlook the value of the air?  After all, we can survive without water far longer than without air.  :laugh:

 

Looking at the glass this way, it is always full to overflowing, brimming with an assortment of 'gifts', each unique.

 

This is how I approach life. Ain't benzos a great gift!  ???  I will never look at life the same again. I sure won't be taking it for granted, ever again.

 

Drink up, folks.  :thumbsup:  Everything we have is just on temporary loan for a given period of time.  It's what we do with it that matters.  :smitten:

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Hi OneLove

 

I admire your optimistic outlook and appreciate the metaphor of air and water.

Although, I think I am pretty positive most of the time,  after 40 years of unhappiness on benzos, I can' t quite see it as being a gift.  :'( :'( :'(

 

Life is a gift for sure but people all over the world are enduring terrible things right now -I can't see how one's glass can be overflowing when starving to death or being  caught up in a war zone.  :'( :'( :'(

 

Perhaps you did not mean to generalise as I am doing.

 

Even limiting the idea to BBs, the suffering here is excruciating and to suggest that one's glass is always overflowing is a tad insensitive.

 

As Lost said earlier, sometimes there is no glass. It is heartbreaking to hear that and even worse to experience it.

 

We need more than air and water to sustain us, I'm afraid.

 

Keep being positive. It is a great way to be.

 

LF  :smitten:

 

 

 

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