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The one thing you won't miss: FEAR


[a8...]

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I am so scared. As my Physchiatrist said that I am suffering needlessly. He insisted that I start lexapro at 20mg because my anxiety is becoming debilitating. I am 4 months off valium at 20mg a day. And cold turkey ed seroquel.  Went off 1800 mg of gabapentin in less than two months. I have had anxiety all my life but never this bad. He said that I need something to help me. I am scared.
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  • 2 months later...
  • 3 years later...

If I had a magic wand I'd wave it over everyone who has ever suffered at the hands of Big Pharma and end your pain. Trusting a doctor and a prescription took the wrong turn for us somehow...like a bad b-rated movie, we find ourselves lost in a maze of confusion. Like a bizarre conspiracy we cannot escape....a personal attack on our body and brain. Really, nobody can understand the desperation unless they lived it. The benzo tornado roars in like an F-5. It's beyond all human comprehension. It's beyond all reason. How unbelievable to think any legal drug could wreak such havoc even after months or years after the last pill.  Why me? Right? Why not me? There is a purpose to suffering. I do know that. Suffering produces perseverance, endurance, and hope.

 

I think back to that time with disbelief. I look at my life now in disbelief. The entire experience was not of this world. But, it ends. As bad as you feel now with the body-wide pain, anxiety, DP/DR, tingling, insomnia, panic, depression, hopelessness, burning, fear, numbness, nausea, bad thoughts, and everything else...you do know none of these things are normal. Nobody can be this sick from nothing. This stuff doesn't just fall from the sky. They come directly from benzo drugs. These symptoms make no sense yet we face them every day, every night, terrified of tomorrow. What a ridiculous way of living...just waiting...and waiting...and waiting. But, our waiting isn't in vain.

 

One day, the waiting is over. And, the old you knocks on your door and says, "I'm back!"

 

Hello stranger! Welcome home!

 

I needed to read this today. I'm sitting at my computer sobbing just praying that this recovery is in my future. God bless you for being the encouraging ear that so many of us need.

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  • 5 months later...
[7d...]

Bumping this for those who, like me, really wrestle with fear:

 

 

Once your brain becomes clearer and the numerous familiar symptoms start to subside, so does the fear. It's almost as if we are born again and life, with all it's beauty, returns. Fresh air smells good. Watching the waves break onto the beach is exciting. Hearing the everyday sounds of life seems new and unfamiliar. Children playing at the park seems like a vision from yesteryear. Was I really a playful kid like them at one time? It's like seeing the world for the first time. Fear turns to hope and thankfulness when we get a second chance. We awaken from the benzo coma and want to do so many things we missed out on...

 

Everyone's journey is different and each recovers on a different timetable. But, from everyone I speak with or email, everyone gets better. You will, too. I never believed I'd be normal again...not for one second. But, I was wrong.

 

...May you all glean hope from him and those who walked thru this valley of death to the other side. You will be forever changed. Your eyes have been opened to a world many will never see. Use your suffering to help others. Know there is a divine purpose in brokenness. Crying comes for a while, but the day will come when your tears will be wiped away. No more shame. No more pain. No more fear. Just peace in your body. Praise God that you all were determined enough and smart enough to figure it out. Many never do and stay stuck in the hamster wheel. You are remarkably brave. You have a very unique testimony and your humility blesses me. God bless. Stay committed.

 

Hugs and healing to you all.

Love to all, Denise :angel:

 

Wishing peace for all of us.

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Congratulations on your success! I just came from a trip to visit the National Shrine of John Paul II in Washington D.C. and it was so heart touching for me. As soon as I entered it, I was overwhelmed with an intense emotion of peace, love, and peace that brought me to tears to hear him say: Don't Be Afraid! Fear is also an intense emotion, and it can serve us well in moments of great danger when we need to run for our lives for example. However, the fear that we self-generate and is not real, we should try to avoid it at all costs. This is where Faith, Hope, and Love should override any fears that we may experience in life. Going through a brutal withdrawal can be one the scariest experiences we can experience; and yes, it is real. In my case I had to learn how to deal with it because one cannot block it just like that. What has helped me are positive affirmations that we just need to trust completely in God not matter the outcome. Meditation and yoga help be present in the moment and liberate negative energy and thoughts. Praying brings my anxiety to complete peace and acceptance. I am glad to say that after nine months I am almost healed. I am sorry, I don't mean to write my success story on top of yours. My message to all is: Don't be afraid! Surrender to God completely, Trust in the Lord!

 

 

Peace, Love, and Much Healing your way!

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  • 3 weeks later...
[7d...]

I am glad to say that after nine months I am almost healed.

 

Solyluna - Just wanted to say how happy I am for you!!! You've come such a long way...

 

Thank you for all your lovely contributions here. Really looking forward to reading your success story. Blessings to you!

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Thanks for bumping this Ruby!  My worst remaining symptom is by far the impending doom, fear and agoraphobia.  I can still only drive to work, grocery store and bank.  Brain fog and my mind being filled with a thousand thoughts at one time also troubles me.  Most of my physical symptoms are mostly gone.  I pray everyday that I will wake up and be healed.
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Thanks for bumping this Ruby!  My worst remaining symptom is by far the impending doom, fear and agoraphobia.  I can still only drive to work, grocery store and bank.  Brain fog and my mind being filled with a thousand thoughts at one time also troubles me.  Most of my physical symptoms are mostly gone.  I pray everyday that I will wake up and be healed.

 

Hi Keith,

 

How long have you been going through withdrawal? I’m at 14 and a half months and I have constant brain fog that hasn’t let up at all the whole time being in withdrawal, and I have really bad depression. Have you noticed any improvement in your brain fog? Do you have issues with your memory? I can hardly remember what I ate for breakfast.

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[7d...]

Thanks for bumping this Ruby!  My worst remaining symptom is by far the impending doom, fear and agoraphobia.  I can still only drive to work, grocery store and bank.  Brain fog and my mind being filled with a thousand thoughts at one time also troubles me.  Most of my physical symptoms are mostly gone.  I pray everyday that I will wake up and be healed.

 

Keith, you're very welcome! My situation is similar to yours. We'll get there.

 

Wishing healing for everyone on here.

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Hellbutrin-  Going on 15 months in two weeks and my brain fog is pretty bad as well, some days its not as bad as others.  My memory is all over the place, as I have so many things popping into my head at all times.  As far as depression goes, I get depressed when I realize how long I've been going through this withdrawal and seeing only minor improvements. 
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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 5 months later...

September 9th marks eight years free of benzo beast for me. The one thing that nobody misses is the paralyzing fear of never recovering. The fear of staying sick and feeling alone will vanish. You will recover and the crippling fear will subside. Many horrific symptoms accompany this experience, but the one that is most disturbing is the hopelessness and fear of staying sick. Those of us who have recovered can testify to you that your symptoms will go away at some point. The fear will go with them. Fear is not from God. It is from the enemy. Don't give up hope. Don't ever let the enemy win. Ever. Your miracle is waiting for you. I know it!

 

FEAR= FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL

 

Perfect love casts out fear. Thank you for the reminder.

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I've just started my journey and reading success stories at night gives me hope that this pain and fear of not not recovering will go away one day.

One day I'll wakeup symptom free.

One day I'll enjoy my Life!

 

That day will come, if God has written it in my destiny!

 

Thanks for giving us hope.

:smitten:

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I've just started my journey and reading success stories at night gives me hope that this pain and fear of not not recovering will go away one day.

One day I'll wakeup symptom free.

One day I'll enjoy my Life!

 

That day will come, if God has written it in my destiny!

 

Thanks for giving us hope.

:smitten:

 

 

This is a wonderful,  hopeful thread and I truly enjoy reading some of it. I am well healed now but went through several years of WD crap (scuse my language!) I can tell all of you that you will heal but until you DO, you wont quite believe me. Healing can take some time .That was what surprised me the most. I had NO idea that benzo WD could take so long or be so severe. Now I know. I know now that all one has to do is hang on tight and try to learn how to cope with all those miserable symptoms.

 

Raiz, the pain and fear you are feeling is completely normal. You are experiencing normal withdrawal symptoms. Benzos are very powerful drugs, as they work on your brain. Benzos numb your fear center, the amygdala. When you go off benzos by any which way, the amygdala goes a bit crazy for a while, producing awful symptoms of severe anxiety, fear, insomnia, etc.

You just have to hang on and get through this, because you WILL heal unless you reinstate. This particular group of people should do better than most, because it seems you guys are determined to beat benzos and are being very sensitive to all of the issues we go through. Do not give up. You will make it through the Benzo Maze of Horror.

east

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you for writing this

 

Feels like my "golden years" are to be spent white-knuckling thru the rest of my life

 

This is no life

 

You made it to the other side...but it still seems far away from here.

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Cookie, I am not young either. I turned 69 this month, God help me. But I don't look it or feel it, because getting off benzos turned out to be affecting my health in some truly horrible and surprising ways. Getting old is not fun and it is scary enough without benzos on board. I have read a lot and have never read that older people have more difficult healing from benzos. In fact, it seems to me that older people are more resilient and have learned a lot of life's lesson which help them get through BWD.

Getting old is NOT for sissies!

east

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  • 1 month later...

Hi all. I'm 4.5 years off and 99% healed. I have a tiny bit of tinnitus left, but I barely notice it and only occasionally at night. I haven't been on BB in almost a year but someone sent me a message and I just thought I'd check in and offer some hope.

 

I had a million horrible sxs and at one time I counted over thirty hitting me all at once. THEY ALL GO AWAY!!! You won't even look back on them. You will be able to live a perfectly happy, normal life. The fear, pain, anxiety, just disappears. In many ways my life is better for this experience. My relationship with my wife of 34 years is stronger than ever. I learned a lot about health, whereas before I just trusted the doctors and took whatever pill they prescribed. Now I know better. My diet is better, my health is better, and at 55 I feel great. Hang in there, lean on your loved ones, pray if you believe in a God, and reach out here on this site. You will meet some real angels here that will help you through. I know I did and I thank God BB was here. Wishing speedy recovery for all of you!

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  • 1 month later...

Hi all. I'm 4.5 years off and 99% healed. I have a tiny bit of tinnitus left, but I barely notice it and only occasionally at night. I haven't been on BB in almost a year but someone sent me a message and I just thought I'd check in and offer some hope.

 

I had a million horrible sxs and at one time I counted over thirty hitting me all at once. THEY ALL GO AWAY!!! You won't even look back on them. You will be able to live a perfectly happy, normal life. The fear, pain, anxiety, just disappears. In many ways my life is better for this experience. My relationship with my wife of 34 years is stronger than ever. I learned a lot about health, whereas before I just trusted the doctors and took whatever pill they prescribed. Now I know better. My diet is better, my health is better, and at 55 I feel great. Hang in there, lean on your loved ones, pray if you believe in a God, and reach out here on this site. You will meet some real angels here that will help you through. I know I did and I thank God BB was here. Wishing speedy recovery for all of you!

 

thank you so much for writing this. I'm so glad that you are feeling so well and this gives me hope.

I was having a bit of a window yesterday, but today I'm caught again in the benzo fear of never healing and it just feels so so real. This WD is truely just strange.

Anyway, I'm glad I found this forum and kind people like you are posting about their experience and their healing  :smitten:

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