Author Topic: The one thing you won't miss: FEAR  (Read 8782 times)

[Buddie]

Re: The one thing you won't miss: FEAR
« Reply #20 on: September 05, 2014, 04:57:56 am »
thank you so much for coming back here with such great encouragement denise!

i always say this lately -- 'there is no way i can feel God with an altered brain chemistry that is not in it's natural state"

i am going into my 25th month and just starting to see the light. still with many symptoms that keep down and bed ridden but had a 3 day partial window where the brain squeeze's finally lifted for the first time. do you know what it is like to live with a brain that is constantly squeezing down with a horrible vibration running through it without it ever stopping? i couldn't believe it! i went back into a bad wave again today but i knew that something finally changed. i look for change even if i am still with symptoms.

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Thank you for your encouraging post.  I am in my 15 th month off after only 5 months of use and I spend everyday in fear of never recovering.  At my age , I don't have too many years left to fully recover and look forward to a long life after so it's harder for is older folks to be positive I think.
But I try.  The sxs that scare me the most is leg and muscle weakness, loud ear ringing, some insomnia, tummy issues and crying.  I walk everyday but my legs don't get stronger.  I shake inside.  I seem to be traumatized to some degree by just my experience of the last year plus.  I had really thought I would be so much more improved by now.

I am so happy you are healed and I wish you the best.  Bless you.
[...]


[...],

your post spoke to me. i remember how i felt at 15th months. i too felt the muscle weakness in my legs no matter that i walked everyday and shaking inside.

i can promise you it will get better for you. if it can for this cold turkey girl, it will for anyone. :)

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: The one thing you won't miss: FEAR
« Reply #21 on: September 05, 2014, 03:57:12 pm »
Thank you for your words of hope - it helped me feel better today. I miss the person that I know as the real me. :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: The one thing you won't miss: FEAR
« Reply #22 on: September 05, 2014, 05:12:58 pm »
God bless you all. I feel so bad for you. I know the darkness all too well. I lost five years and can barely believe any of it. Three years on Ativan for a bladder problem, of all things. Then another 20 months of withdrawal. Total insanity.

May the God of creation bless you with his mercy and touch your weary bones with his peace. May you all glean hope from him and those who walked thru this valley of death to the other side. You will be forever changed. Your eyes have been opened to a world many will never see. Use your suffering to help others. Know there is a divine purpose in brokenness. Crying comes for a while, but the day will come when your tears will be wiped away. No more shame. No more pain. No more fear. Just peace in your body. Praise God that you all were determined enough and smart enough to figure it out. Many never do and stay stuck in the hamster wheel. You are remarkably brave. You have a very unique testimony and your humility blesses me. God bless. Stay committed.

Hugs and healing to you all.
Love to all, Denise :angel:
« Last Edit: September 05, 2014, 05:20:14 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: The one thing you won't miss: FEAR
« Reply #23 on: September 06, 2014, 10:08:11 am »
Denise... I certainly hope we all look as radiant as you do when we recover from this.  You look so peaceful and happy.. that's a testimonial in itself!   :)

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: The one thing you won't miss: FEAR
« Reply #24 on: September 06, 2014, 01:11:20 pm »
God bless you all. I feel so bad for you. I know the darkness all too well. I lost five years and can barely believe any of it. Three years on Ativan for a bladder problem, of all things. Then another 20 months of withdrawal. Total insanity.

May the God of creation bless you with his mercy and touch your weary bones with his peace. May you all glean hope from him and those who walked thru this valley of death to the other side. You will be forever changed. Your eyes have been opened to a world many will never see. Use your suffering to help others. Know there is a divine purpose in brokenness. Crying comes for a while, but the day will come when your tears will be wiped away. No more shame. No more pain. No more fear. Just peace in your body. Praise God that you all were determined enough and smart enough to figure it out. Many never do and stay stuck in the hamster wheel. You are remarkably brave. You have a very unique testimony and your humility blesses me. God bless. Stay committed.

Hugs and healing to you all.
Love to all, Denise :angel:

Denise, you are an angel to come back after 8 years off with such a wonderfully, inspiring message of hope.  Thank you so very much.
I'm pushing almost 3 years off and am stuck in the "so much better, but not all better" stage.  I'm in the mindset that this how I'll be forever.  Your message renewed my hope that this fear is unfounded.  I need to continue with my "calm acceptance" of my current situation and have patience that my future will be the "old me" come knocking.... that will be a glorious day!!!! 

Thank you for the lovely prayer.  I'll be printing that one and reading it often.
Many blessings to you dear BB.
XOX
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: The one thing you won't miss: FEAR
« Reply #25 on: September 12, 2014, 07:15:27 pm »
I am so scared. As my Physchiatrist said that I am suffering needlessly. He insisted that I start lexapro at 20mg because my anxiety is becoming debilitating. I am 4 months off valium at 20mg a day. And cold turkey ed seroquel.  Went off 1800 mg of gabapentin in less than two months. I have had anxiety all my life but never this bad. He said that I need something to help me. I am scared.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: The one thing you won't miss: FEAR
« Reply #26 on: September 12, 2014, 10:09:10 pm »
Thanks again Denise.  Your posts keep giving many hope.  God bless you.

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: The one thing you won't miss: FEAR
« Reply #27 on: November 24, 2014, 09:31:07 pm »
Thanks again Denise. Your words are such a comfort.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: The one thing you won't miss: FEAR
« Reply #28 on: February 15, 2018, 04:24:53 pm »
This is a great post!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: The one thing you won't miss: FEAR
« Reply #29 on: February 16, 2018, 08:25:46 pm »
If I had a magic wand I'd wave it over everyone who has ever suffered at the hands of Big Pharma and end your pain. Trusting a doctor and a prescription took the wrong turn for us somehow...like a bad b-rated movie, we find ourselves lost in a maze of confusion. Like a bizarre conspiracy we cannot escape....a personal attack on our body and brain. Really, nobody can understand the desperation unless they lived it. The benzo tornado roars in like an F-5. It's beyond all human comprehension. It's beyond all reason. How unbelievable to think any legal drug could wreak such havoc even after months or years after the last pill.  Why me? Right? Why not me? There is a purpose to suffering. I do know that. Suffering produces perseverance, endurance, and hope.

I think back to that time with disbelief. I look at my life now in disbelief. The entire experience was not of this world. But, it ends. As bad as you feel now with the body-wide pain, anxiety, DP/DR, tingling, insomnia, panic, depression, hopelessness, burning, fear, numbness, nausea, bad thoughts, and everything else...you do know none of these things are normal. Nobody can be this sick from nothing. This stuff doesn't just fall from the sky. They come directly from benzo drugs. These symptoms make no sense yet we face them every day, every night, terrified of tomorrow. What a ridiculous way of living...just waiting...and waiting...and waiting. But, our waiting isn't in vain.

One day, the waiting is over. And, the old you knocks on your door and says, "I'm back!"

Hello stranger! Welcome home!

I needed to read this today. I'm sitting at my computer sobbing just praying that this recovery is in my future. God bless you for being the encouraging ear that so many of us need.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.