Things that have not yet come to pass

One of the biggest issues in withdrawal, is the anxiety. Anxiety is a state of nervousness about things (most of the time) that have not even happened yet. It is safe to say that talking about the future is not the greatest thing to do while in withdrawal, but I want to do something a little bit different here...

My head is constantly filled with things like:

Is this actually withdrawal? or is this how I am forever?

Will I recover? Am I ever going to be able to handle stress again? Will I be able to blow arguments off?

Will my relationship work between my girlfriend and me? Will my family be strong again? Will I ever have kids and be a successful father?

Will I be able to go to school again someday and actually be immersed in my studies?

Will I find a job that I like waking in the morning to do?

So right now, I just wanted to write about my future, fill my head with good anxiety.

I see myself running, lifting weights and sweating. I see a full workout done and myself laying on the floor with a smile on my face as I breath deep. I get in my car and head home from the gym to my beautiful wife. She's cooking some form of pasta which I love. She yells at me softly as to not wake my baby girl in the next room. "You left for the gym and I had to rock your daughter to sleep for the past hour and a half!" I smile and grab her and plant a huge kiss on cheek. She is so beautiful. Her cooking is just a beautiful. I love it when she is angry 

Work calls. "Hey, it's _____. Don't worry about coming in tomorrow. I don't need ya. Take the day to relax." This is perfect because I have a 3 page paper to write for the class that I am taking currently at the university. The wife is happy because this means she can sleep in.

The baby is asleep in the other room and isn't waking up anytime soon. Time to watch a good ol' movie. The wife loves the Godfather. It's one of her favorites. I love it because I first saw it in the Fall of 99'. I took a break from watching it and went outside. The cool fall air fills my nose now. Great memories. I start to actually drift off to sleep I am so comfortable. I get shaken awake though, "Let's head to bed."

It's just myself, my wife and my baby girl lying between us...suddenly, I remember withdrawal. Gosh it's been so long since I thought about it. All that pain was worth it, to come out clean on the other side now. My life is beautiful and I can see it now. Like sparkling diamonds on the sunset horizon...

Stress isn't stress anymore, it's an "I got this" opportunity. It's a wall to be climbed and learned from.

Whats better, is my future will probably turn out better than I think! I challenge everyone reading this, to post your beautiful future below. It's ok to cry as you type. I did.

Everything is going to be ok 

 

Stress isn't stress anymore, it's an "I got this" opportunity. It's a wall to be climbed and learned from.

 

Whats better, is my future will probably turn out better than I think! I challenge everyone reading this, to post your beautiful future below. It's ok to cry as you type. I did.

 

Everything is going to be ok 

I love this! I can't do it at my desk but will come back to type something up! 

We're on the road again, me and "Mr"

We're heading to the cabin five hours north of us that we were unable to go to this past year, due to withdrawal. I'm driving for Mr for a change, giving him a break from behind the wheel. I glimpse around along the drive and just drink in the scenery. I am entirely at peace, and all is right in my world. I have no fear of anything anymore; I sit back and realize how much I've grown in the past year. I say yet another prayer of thanks and smile in the warmth of the sun. Withdrawal is merely a memory at this point; I don't even relate to the person I was during it. I am a much better person because of it, and am grateful for the "end product" so to speak. My husband's hand rests on mine; I sigh in amazement at his commitment and strength through this whole process. I am grateful to be able to give back to him again, 100% as it should be. What a partner he's been; I am grateful to be 'paying him back' now! I realize that life still has its challenges and changes, but I know that there is nothing that can rock my boat now. My life, my spiritual walk, and my attitude have been forever changed for the better. Life. Is. Good.

Onward! Thank you for this thread