Working while going through withdrawal

I would prefer that people be completely honest with me and not sugarcoat this:

 

I'm down to the last little tiny pebbles of Klonopin, and the withdrawal effects are really starting to take hold. Today, for example, I have the day off work... but I needed to run a couple quick errands. I had felt okay although not great, while at home, but running the errands ramped up all the anxiety and physical side effects. I only spent maybe an hour or less but it was like torture and a race to get back home. Work involves driving around all day and going in and out of people's houses (often people who are less than happy and rude or argumentative). Although right now I am so very fortunate to have a trainee with me who has been shouldering much of the load, I'm still getting to a point where I don't even want to leave the house.

 

Those of you who continued to work while tapering and going through the withdrawal, was there ever a point where it just ended up being too much and you had to either take time off, or go on disability? I'm getting scared that I am going to be crippled by anxiety and the physical side effects when it comes time to stop taking the Klonopin altogether (that would be Jan. 12). This week has been bad enough and I'm not even off the medicine yet, I keep holding out hope that in a few weeks or months at least the worst of it might be over, but at this point I don't know what to expect. I'm fairly confident that if I didn't have someone riding with me, I would have already thrown in the towel. Problem is I can't afford to go on disability, and I don't want to use all my vacation time hoping to ride out the worst of it. 

Hi azdamay,

 

I see that 11 people have read this thread and apparently no one had an answer for you so I'm going to tell you they way I see it.

 

I had to stop working when I was in tolerance so my story is different from yours.  But even if someone does the exact taper as you it doesn't mean the two of you would have the same wd experience.  Even though we all walk the same trail our journeys can be very different. 

 

If I were you, knowing what I know now, I would work as long as I was remotely able.  I think people heal faster if they are working, it keeps their mind focused on something other than wd symptoms and it helps to keep the self esteem up and the fear down. 

 

Those of you who continued to work while tapering and going through the withdrawal, was there ever a point where it just ended up being too much and you had to either take time off, or go on disability?

 

I don't have a clear answer to this, hopefully someone else will come in and help you with this.  All I can advise is for you to listen to your body.  If you need to stop working you will know it, but as long as you can have a trainee with you and you can do it I say keep going.

 

TS

Yeah, I guess I kind of asked a question I already know the answer to. I have to work unless it becomes unbearable to do so. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, which is why I wonder how I will be able to keep things going.

 

Up until recently, work itself kept my mind focused while I was working, but the rest of the day in between calls is where I was feeling worse. Now even working is not keeping my mind off this. During a call my mind will wander off the task at hand and to the anxiety and panic when a physical side effect pops up out of nowhere. Looking back, as I've progressed through the taper, there's been good days and bad days, but the overall trend has been toward an increase in the physical side effects and naturally that is upsetting even though I guess I knew it was coming sooner or later.

 

God only knows what the future holds, I know it doesn't help anything to worry about what's around the corner, but sometimes I can't stop myself from the "what-if" thoughts.

 

Thanks for the comment, I appreciate it. 

Hi Adz., I don't know if this would help, but for me I can now sort of predict how bad a spell is going to be. I get good days and they last longer if I'm doing something. I know I need to keep as much of my life around me to keep the good days. That said when I need to crash I need to crash. So maybe you could work flex-time or something? It seems like even if you had some extra sick days it might be enough. You will be getting better soon......so maybe?    

Thanks WW. That's the problem with my company, they aren't flexible. We get 5 sick days per year and that's it. Once you use those, you don't get paid for days off unless it's approved vacation. Right now I have 120 hours of vacation time, but I'm worried that I may end up burning through that in this, the first month of the year. And it's not a great time to be less than a team player, because our jobs are on the bubble and the company is watching everything we do with a critical eye. I sure hope that I will be able to measure my progress post-benzo in weeks or a few months, not many months or years.

 

The thing that sickens me most is knowing I took a "low" dose and for a much shorter time than many, and yet, my body is responding to the removal of this drug like I'd been depending on it for years. 

I hope it's just weeks for you too! I know it is so hard to plan a future with this crap. Doing what is best for your health first seems to be the only answer. Sending you good thoughts and luck!

Hi,

I worked the whole time. I work in a hair salon that does both kids and adults. It's very loud. I also have a big clientel of autistic children, they are my favorite. Why I bring this up is that it can be so hard for them to get their hair cut, to some it is very painful. I've worked really hard to build trust with these kids and make them feel safe. I would get myself so worked up that I would let them down that I would make myself have panic attacks. You have to try really hard to not do that to yourself. There were also days I was extremely dizzy. Thank god not to many. Mostly when it was around my period. So if you get those days, you may want to let your trainee drive. You have to let what ever happens during your day bounce off.

 

You can do this. If you need to take some time take. Just don't assume it's all gooing to be horrible. It may work out OK. I hope it does. Kel

You can do this. If you need to take some time take. Just don't assume it's all going to be horrible. It may work out OK. I hope it does. Kel

 

I hope it goes OK too. I didn't respond to this earlier because I was having kind of a long extended panic attack this evening, but it seems to have passed and I'm feeling better. I'm an impatient person, this whole process has really tried my patience and given me a new perspective on what it means to BE patient. Thanks again everyone for your responses, this site has been so helpful. 

I'm an impatient person, this whole process has really tried my patience and given me a new perspective on what it means to BE patient.

 

I know what you mean.  I stayed p.o'ed for so long, I finally realized it wasn't doing me any good and not making anything move along faster so I had to learn some patience.  And I also had to realize that wd is one problem I can't solve.  I solved the drug/tolerance problem by going cold turkey, but wd has it's own rules, and that is there are no rules. 

 

TS

I don't "work" per se. I teach a few nights a week, but only for a few hours, so it's not like I have a real job to go to. However, it's a physically demanding teaching position, as I teach Tae Kwon Do to three, four and five year olds and it's Hellishly demanding. In this respect, I've been on and off. Thankfully, I can get easy coverage, but I loathe having to call in, which I've had to do a lot. Feeling dizzy and nauseated, being in constant pain due to lack of sleep, well, you can see how that wouldn't work for teaching martial arts...

 

If I had a 9-5 day job, I don't think I could have done it.

 

-Pete

 

 

 

 

 

If I were you, knowing what I know now, I would work as long as I was remotely able.  I think people heal faster if they are working, it keeps their mind focused on something other than wd symptoms and it helps to keep the self esteem up and the fear down. 

 

 

  All I can advise is for you to listen to your body.  If you need to stop working you will know it, but as long as you can have a trainee with you and you can do it I say keep going.

 

TS

 

Tropicalsoul has so much wisdom.  She is right on.  My experience has been to stay as busy as possible.  I ALWAYS feel better when I am not focusing on how I feel

I do not work outside the home.  I am a sahm who also homeschools 3 children and am secretary/treasurer for my husbands  building business.  At the beginning of the school year, I was bad off.  I really didn't think I could do it.  BUT my husband said, do what you can and we will deal with the rest.  Great advice.  We are 1/2 through the school year and I have to say it has been one of the most productive years for us.  (Been doing this for 18 years )  I have HAD to be more organized just to keep going.  It has been good for me.

 

So, you listen to your body and try to keep at it.  Let us know how you do.

Thanks everyone. Today was back to work for one day before the weekend, and while the side effects were there, and sometimes pretty rough, I made it through. One day at a time for now. 

Thanks everyone. Today was back to work for one day before the weekend, and while the side effects were there, and sometimes pretty rough, I made it through. One day at a time for now. 

 

That's all any of us can do....one day and then the next.  We will get through this!

I just thought I would update this periodically, on the small chance that someday someone might be searching this topic and want to know how well it worked to go through withdrawal while continuing to work.

 

Today is day two of working benzo-free. Day one, not so bad. Unpleasant but I made it. Day two has been rough. Really felt downright sick by early afternoon. Dizzy and feeling unstable, one minute I'm hot then the next I'm cold, felt nauseous and with a massive headache and muscle pain throughout my body, topped with a nice helping of anxiety and all the associated physical stuff that goes with it. I was having trouble driving towards the end of the taper but could tolerate riding in a car, now even riding in a car seems to be exacerbating some of the dizziness and nausea. Hungry but sick to my stomach at the same time, hungry but having difficulty swallowing so I almost dread having to eat or drink. Honestly pretty hard to concentrate on anything, and hard to care about anyone or anything other than myself.

 

I went two weeks on the last cut of .0625/.0625 and then went two days taking the little "remainders" from uneven 1/8 cuts... I could feel everything withdrawal-related starting to rear its ugly head during that last two days. The first few days of each cut I have made have been the worst, so I still hold out hope that a week or so might have me feeling better.

 

I have no Klonopin left and no desire to get more; right now is living by the MINUTE, not even the day, and just hoping for a few minutes here and there of relaxation and relief. There's a good chance I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow and probably start using some vacation time REAL SOON.

I noticed you are on Remeron and Buspar.  Just a thought that perhaps some of your symptons are related to those drugs, perhaps tolerance or side effets of these drugs.  Even if you have taken them for a while, they can still become ineffective and "turn on you".  My husband was also on a low dosage for a brief time, but after being benzo free symptons continued.  After 5 months we decided to taper off Celexa after I read about the many side effects antidepressants can cause - mimicing anxiety and other symptons.  After w/d off Celexa, symptons started to disappear. Probably the Celexa was causing this all along, but the benzo masked it.  He had started both at the same time.  Now just has a very light undercurrent of adreneline feeling.  Also he began taking fish oil (cod liver oil for vit. d that is in it) and also niacinimide.  These did not help while on the benzo, but after being free, they have certainly helped along with other supplements (magneisum great, b vitamins,) etc. for health building.  Also, no no no coffee, sweets, low carb diet helps lower cortisol spikes that can cause the nervousness.  Protein much better. Just a thought....you may want to research these drugs and their side effects. 

Thanks for the thoughts. I have researched both, and there is apparently a school of thought that the Remeron may prolong withdrawal off benzos, but for now I am still determined to tough this out. The Remeron is the only thing that lifted a very deep, near-suicidal depression, so that is part of why I don't know if now is the best time to discontinue using it. Buspar is specifically for anxiety and has an almost non-existent side-effect profile - I sometimes get dizzy and have a tingling tongue after taking it, but that's it. From what I've read it's highly unlikely to cause a paradoxical effect where anxiety is increased.

Hi azdamay,

 

The first 3 weeks were pretty rough on me, too, but month by month the symptoms get less intense.  You WILL get through this and be very proud of yourself for having the fortitude for this entire process.  Arms are around you.

 

Patty  xo

Thanks Patty. I hate taking time off from work (sick days at least) because all they do is reschedule every customer for the NEXT day, they don't take it into account that I might call in sick AGAIN.  Nevertheless I took today off and I think it was worth it. Today was less miserable, I mostly had vision weirdness and a lightheaded dizzy feeling. I still have a "trainee" riding with me and hopefully I can keep that going for a few more weeks.

Hi everybody! Day 7 off the poison and bit by bit, I can feel things getting better. Still plenty of anxiety, tight throat feeling, difficulty swallowing, lots of smaller and less annoying side effects. BUT, cautiously optimistic that just a week off is beginning to lift the tremendous weight I felt on my shoulders, the burden of anxiety feels lighter now! I know there will be setbacks along the way, even "normal" people have anxiety or panic attacks, so I have to keep things realistic. But still working while doing this! And even dealing with angry, mean-spirited customers who threaten to sue my company and get me fired, and practically having FUN doing that because I relished the challenge of being "withdrawal compromised" and still able to tell that guy to stick it where the sun don't shine. 

Hi everybody! Day 7 off the poison and bit by bit, I can feel things getting better. Still plenty of anxiety, tight throat feeling, difficulty swallowing, lots of smaller and less annoying side effects. BUT, cautiously optimistic that just a week off is beginning to lift the tremendous weight I felt on my shoulders, the burden of anxiety feels lighter now! I know there will be setbacks along the way, even "normal" people have anxiety or panic attacks, so I have to keep things realistic. But still working while doing this! And even dealing with angry, mean-spirited customers who threaten to sue my company and get me fired, and practically having FUN doing that because I relished the challenge of being "withdrawal compromised" and still able to tell that guy to stick it where the sun don't shine. 

 

I knew you could do it!!  I'm happy to hear you are doing so well and that you kept working...I think it made a difference for you....

 

TS

Thanks TS! It's funny, I feel so good right now it's almost like being high, after spending so much time feeling awful. A natural high I guess. I just have to temper the enthusiasm with the knowledge that I'm not out of the woods and there is still much ground to be covered. But darn it, feeling good feels so GOOD. 

Thanks TS! It's funny, I feel so good right now it's almost like being high, after spending so much time feeling awful. A natural high I guess. I just have to temper the enthusiasm with the knowledge that I'm not out of the woods and there is still much ground to be covered. But darn it, feeling good feels so GOOD. 

 

:clap:   That makes my night!!!  Congratulations!  It really good to see someone off and so happy!! 

Thanks TS! It's funny, I feel so good right now it's almost like being high, after spending so much time feeling awful. A natural high I guess. I just have to temper the enthusiasm with the knowledge that I'm not out of the woods and there is still much ground to be covered. But darn it, feeling good feels so GOOD. 

 

I'm so happy for you, too!!  :yippee:

Thanks! I'm really glad I found this site when I did, everyone here has been tremendously helpful and supportive. 

 

Everything happens for a reason, I don't think it's by chance that I happened upon this forum. Here's to hoping everyone has a great 2009! 

You've done a great job, azdamay! 

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