why cant she just pull herself together and go to work

Believe it or not, I felt exactly the same way. Maybe its in retrospect, maybe not...but I honestly believe that keeping busy did provide a little bit of relief for me. I suspect it does for you, too....maybe youre just not ready to know this.

But I am glad you're doing those things, GG. Very glad. Please don't stop.

east

Thanks all. I must be different. I drive my car, watch comedys, cuddle with the dog, make food, read and i dont ever not feel not how i feel. I want to die while doing it. I dont know anymore. I am sorry. I really am and i am really trying to do this.

 

Do you have a lot of ruminating and obsessing thoughts while you're doing on those things? Are you able to concentrate on what you're reading?

If you feel like your going to give up then you have to be your own advocate.  Many people takto education to help them.  I'm not telling you to, I'm just letting you know that there's nothing to be ashamed about.  We are all scared of medication now because of  what the benzo did to us.

 

You are doing great but I know that doesn't take your pain away.  I try to stay out of my room and come in the den all day and watch children's Disney movies with my twins because if I stay in my bed I focus on the withdrawals.  I understand you completely about still feeling bad when your trying to distract.  Sometimes we try and distract and the thoughts are there no matter how hard we try.  You are not alone its normal. 

 

I'm so very proud of you.  You inspire me!  You just need to do what's best for you.  Keep on keeping on.  Take it second by second.  That's how I'm living.  The Ativan took my memory away so I'm freaking out much of the day.  We all have something to deal with, right?  We just need to find coping mechanisms.  Your doing great.  I'm really proud of you!  You are in my prayers and I want you to know that God loves you and He has a purpose for this.  You are going to better than ever and your life is going to be awesome once you get through this.  You will look back on this and be so thankful of what you have learned through this experience, even though you don't feel like it now.

 

Keep pressing on!  You are doing this and will continue to do his.  Healing is coming your way!  Have faith!

 

Love and prayers,

Deborah

Sorry about the first sentence it's supposed to say many people take medication to help them get through and that's nothing to be ashamed of.

 

I just want you to not feel like a failure if you do decide that route.  I'm not suggesting that you take any.  I want you to do what's right for YOU!  Only you know!

I dont think medication will help and then what? Come off that too?

I feel like death and dying. I can not concentrate because it feels like death is in me. Its so brutal and i dont think its normal anymore. I am so weak i can barely speak. There is something wrong.

GG, if you really think it isn't normal, you need to go to the hospital and get checked out. I know how much you dislike hospitals, but its the only way you might set your mind at ease.

east

I cant check anymore than mri. No way to check how my brain works. You cant check feelings or whatever. Nothing is getting better.

You can check your GABA levels and other neurotransmitters.  You can get someone who specializes in natural supplements to test you or order a test online.  That way you would know if there is a chemical imbalance that you could take natural supplements for.

 

 

That sounds expensive, and I do not think those tests have been officially accepted as giving reliable results.

east

Gg, stop looking for answers. The constant search will drive you mad. The truth is that there is no answers, time is the only constant truth in all this and its proven that it works. The only way this will not go away is by giving up. I know you need this forum for support and every little bit can feel like it helps, maybe take a break from the internet for a couple weeks and instead of being on the constant search for answers, let them come naturally. Nothing is more powerful than your own brain. Ease up on fighting the intrusive thoughts let them go. If things get to hard again were always a couple mouse clicks away. You will get better. Keep on keeping on.

Merger i think that is a good idea!

I have one more question i will ask on a new thread then i will try not to come back for a while.

What an excellent post, Merger!!!! I like the way you said that. "Time is the only constant truth" IS the truth. Amen.

east

God, i cant take this anymore. It feels so permanent and like death is sitting on my chest. There is no way i can endure this for however more this will go. I cant hear you will turn a corner soon. Its been nearly full 8 months in hell. I need out!!!!! Whwt if my brain in programmed like thjs now and cant change. I dont even know what i am feeling anymore. Its just hell in my body.

I cant live like this anymore. Knowing i wont be healed tomorrow or next week. I need hope and relief or this wont work and i will get so many meds in me that i will be doomed for life. It scares me soooooo much that i dont even have a 2min break.

Hi gg

 

I just found a success story here by someone called Eckhart whose story was much like yours. They were on ativan 1.5mg for 3 months and came off it in detox. I thought it might help you to read it.

I cant find it. Just one saying he wants to stop in again.

I am so terribly freaked out and terriffied again today. I need this to stop i cant. Take it anymore i will go insane. I cant stay calm there is nothing comforting about this. My brain is going havoc. No meditation or whatever calms me. I need this to stop. I think i have to take somethibg or i am going to loose it. But i dont knoe what!!!!!!!

Sorry, maybe that was the one. It seemed he was doing better.

 

I know how you feel. Sending a hug.

Thanks chaffinch hugs to you too, i am terriffied beyond believe. I am really loosing it. I think i am crazy. I will never find my way back. I will be a looney forever. I need to believe in healing but. Cant because i have no imropvement, i know people tell me i am not damaged but i cant stop thinking that i am. I feel that my brain is stuck in this state. I am absolutley hysterical today. Oh my god. All of you are so annoyed with me and i just cant shut up. I hate my dr so much. I didnt need this stuff. All because she read the hospital letter wrong.

 

"Thanks chaffinch hugs to you too, i am terriffied beyond believe. I am really loosing it. I think i am crazy. I will never find my way back. I will be a looney forever."

 

Okay. Now, take these sentences and write down the exact opposite. "I am not terrified." "I am not losing it." "I WILL find my way back." Go on, GG.....DO IT. Write down your own answers.

 

 

" I need to believe in healing but. Cant because i have no imropvement, i know people tell me i am not damaged but i cant stop thinking that i am. I feel that my brain is stuck in this state. I am absolutley hysterical today. Oh my god. All of you are so annoyed with me and i just cant shut up. I hate my dr so much. I didnt need this stuff. All because she read the hospital letter wrong."

 

Yes, you can believe it, if you wish to and try to. You may not see any improvement for a while, you know. Your brain IS stuck, right now. It isn't permanent. No one is annoyed with you! Frustrated, maybe, because we are trying to help you and it seems we aren't. I understand anger at your doctor, but wasting energy on it is just wasting YOUR time. Come on GG, try to snap out of this. You can do it.

east

You are always helping me everyone is.....i just cant do this for much longer this is a insane life at home away from reality....so scary it makes me feel so ill, sad and sorry. My day of joy is so distant....thanks east

GG, did you do what I suggested?

east

I do everythibg thats suggested. But i dont think a able to do this anymore. I am terriffied of tomrrow already.....

Then stop thinking about tomorrow, GG. You have to try to live "in the moment." And distract yourself every time you start worrying and fussing over anything but the moment. Come on, GG, you can do it.

east

update:

 

migraines, sleep went down to 10-20 mins. Depression and anxiety and fear 150%. Beginning month 9. I am too exhausted to do this. I dont know what to do anymore.

update:

 

migraines, sleep went down to 10-20 mins. Depression and anxiety and fear 150%. Beginning month 9. I am too exhausted to do this. I dont know what to do anymore.

 

If you go to http://cepuk.org/recovery-stories/ and watch the video, "Jo cold turkeys 60mg of Diazepam" or whatever, she went 9 or so months before getting her first window. Doesnt say how long she went before she felt fully normal. But, it happens to some people.

I know i saw it. I just cant do it. Anymore in this severity. There must be something wrong.