I want to start tapering, but I have to do it on my own

So I have been using for over a year.  During the week I take between 4-6 mg.  On the weekends I binge.  No one knows I'm using, and I'm actually prescribed 4 mg a day, I buy the rest from a dealer.  I need to start tapering, but can't risk having to go to rehab or detox because my job is too important to me.  I need a friend who will help me with a plan.  I can deal with some nervousness and discomfort, but I don't want the seizures.  My first step is going to be to drop my dealer.  I have to do this on my own, otherwise I would just admit i have a problem and go to rehab.  I figure start the taper at the 4 or 6 mg.  All thats important to me is I'm able to sleep during it, and don't hallucinate or any of the BS with comes from going cold turkey.  Can someone be that friend?

Forgot to mention the benzo I'm taking is Xanax

I'm sure there are lots of us who will 'friend' you during your taper. 

Do you think you can start at 4mg? 

I can handle 4 mg a day.  I'm gonna finish my "extras" and then start the taper.  I'll be a bit uncomfortable, but 4 MG is doable.  Especially because I use in a weird way.  i really only truly abuse Saturday's and Sundays.  I don't know if that will make it easier or harder. 

When I was in rehab years ago, they weened me in a week using librium.  But I have no idea the dosage or any of that.  I just know I didn't withdraw at all. 

If you follow a slow and careful taper, paying attention to your symptoms, you can do this.  It's important to stick to a routine for dosing and not to cut too much at any one time.

You know, for heroin they have things that help, like suboxone and methadone.  Its a shame there is nothing like that for Benzos

Lots of things have been tried, but time is the only proven healer so far.

Someone told me to check out the ashton manual.  But that's all about using valium instead of Xanax.  To me thats like switching seats on the Titanic.  First of all, I have no access to Valium, and I would just wind up hooked on that. 

If I start at 4 mg, is being totally off of it by the end of the year realistic?

Someone told me to check out the ashton manual.  But that's all about using valium instead of Xanax.  To me thats like switching seats on the Titanic.  First of all, I have no access to Valium, and I would just wind up hooked on that.

 

It's my opinion that it's better to taper from the Xanax rather than cross over if possible.  I did it, a lot of other people here have done it as well. 

If I start at 4 mg, is being totally off of it by the end of the year realistic?

 

I don't really think so, to be perfectly blunt.  It took me nine months to taper from 2mg and I wasn't working.  Slow and easy wins this race…it's worth it to go slowly.

If I start at 4 mg, is being totally off of it by the end of the year realistic?

 

It depends on your level of dependency, but I'd say it's highly doubtful if there is any serious level of dependency.  Especially since you work. 

 

As an example, I tapered off of 3mgs and this took me a good, solid nine months.  And my taper was considered pretty fast by most folks on this boards standards.  There is a link to my detailed taper schedule in my signature, if you'd like to take a look.

 

I'm glad you decided against rehab, if you are truly dedicated to stop.  A fast detox is not a good idea in my opinion, of a good way to stop a benzo.  Detox centers are more equipped to deal with alcohol and other drugs, not benzos.

 

Valium is an excellent benzo for folks who experience interdose withdrawal that can't be alleviated by breaking up and spreading out the days dose of benzos like Xanax and Ativan.  So, I don't see a switch to Valium as changing deck chairs on the Titanic, but a viable means for some folks to be able to taper off, when they might otherwise fail.  But I preferred to stick with Xanax, since I knew how my body tolerated the med and also I did not suffer from interdose withdrawal like many Xanax folks do.

 

You're going to be fine.  But I would avoid aggressive cuts and I'd take my taper slowly and carefully.

 

The first step I would do is stabilize on 4mg per day with no more as-needed dosing or "using" as you call it which I interpret to mean you feel that you were abusing.  After I had stabilized on 4mg for 10 days or so, I'd begin reducing by more than .25mg, every 8 to 14 days, until I hit 2.5mg.

 

Then I'd consider dropping my cut size if necessary.  I tapered in 25mg chunks a little lower than 2.5mg, but in hindsight this almost derailed my taper because my symptoms became difficult.

 

Small cuts in my opinion are better than larger cuts and longer holds.

 

Please keep asking questions and posting for support. 

Honestly, Im hoping working helps with  the process.  a good distraction, something to keep me busy.  Last time I went thru withdrawl my biggest problem would be googiling symptoms which would make them worse.  When I have nothing to do is when I take more.  When I'm busy I'M ok

I have the 2 MG sticks, which makes it really hard to start my taper at .25 mg.  Breaking them in 4's leaves me with 4 .5 mg's.  So my taper my start with .5 mg

Can you ask for smaller tablets when you get your script filled  next time?

Not with a narcotic.  They don't deviate.  I may just have to wait and see my Dr. and tell him I'm weening.  But then he just might write me a script for less and I'll wind up having to use my dealer to taper. 

Is this a crazy way to detox yourself?  Just sweat it out till you can't take it anymore, and take one, and repeat.  Won't eventually the time between needing one increase till you don't need one at all.  Or is that a dumb idea?

Is this a crazy way to detox yourself?  Just sweat it out till you can't take it anymore, and take one, and repeat.  Won't eventually the time between needing one increase till you don't need one at all.  Or is that a dumb idea?

 

Even though it's not easy, it's the best way.  If you get on a schedule and stabilize there, you shouldn't be having to 'sweat it out til you can't take it anymore'.  I started with three times a day dosing schedule and tapered one dose at a time…took a small bit off the morning dose for two weeks and then took a small bit off the middle dose for two weeks, etc.

Lots of things have been tried, but time is the only proven healer so far.

 

And luck.

This is the most scared I have ever been.  When I got sober once before it was just from alcohol, and the occasional ativan, like once every two weeks, so obviouly I hadn't become dependent on them.  So I just went to AA.  I had 18 months of sobriety at one point.  It's so important for me to get off these and I know legally I could go to rehab and my job couldn't fire me for it, but if I did that they would find another reason.  I would have had 4 years June 27'th if I hadn't f'd it all up.  It makes me so depressed, which just leads to more pill popping. 

The 'pill popping' might be what's leading to depression…depression is often brought on by benzos.  Another good reason to get off them.

Are you committed to this, Brad?

Brad,

 

What are you taking and how much?

 

If you were able to have 18 months sobriety, then you CAN do it.  That past is the past.  What do you want your future to be......

 

There is a lot of support here.    And, you control the process so you're comfortable.

 

Try

Yes.  Have i started yet, no.  But when I pick the day I start I'm all in.  Please don't shun me because I haven't begun yet.  I need to be ready in my head.  And I know right now I'm not ready to start.  My next refill from my Dr. I'm going to mention it, and see if he will keep me on the same dosage but give me the 1 mg pills so it will be easier to break them to .25's. 

I'm just taking SO much on weekends that I almost feel hopeless