Hello again ... it's been far too long.

I'm not sure if I'm posting in the correct forum (it's been a while) so here goes.

Honestly I'd just like to hear your thoughts and opinions for now.

3 years ago I started to reduce my diazepam from 60mg to 30mg with the help of my GP and a healthcare 'expert' who I didn't exactly see eye to eye with (some of you may remember the fun I had).

Then for personal reasons I stopped my reduction plan and continued on 30mg diazepam daily from April 2012 onwards. My GP has happily prescribed this for the past 2+ years.

However my life has taken a considerable turn for the worse (triggered predominantly by the sudden death of my Mother 11 months ago) and I've been experiencing very bad panic attacks, agoraphobia, racing head, almost constant crying for the past 3 months.

I did ask for Bereavement Therapy but somehow wound up seeing a psychologist who is adamant that my new symptoms are a result of developing a tolerance for my current dose and she wants me to start back on my reduction plan again. I disagree. Considering that I'm suffering abnormal grief now isn't the time. I didn't feel this wretched when I was in withdrawal.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

x

in my experience any therapy is pointless whilst one is still on benzos, apart from some simple cognitive therapy, and I personally think your psychologist is right - how amazing to find a psychologist with awareness of benzo effects, how lucky for you……

I understand your grief but I also know what benzos can do.

I don't think prolonged grief is "abnormal" at all, what you may be suffering from though is Complicated Grief and yes, a trained counselor may be able to help you access your feelings.

I too suffered the lost of a Loved One in fact that is why I decided to come off my benzo of many years, so that I could access my feelings.

I saw a psychologist who specialized in grieving and it helped to have someone to talk to.

I am sorry for your loss.

Chinook 

in my experience any therapy is pointless whilst one is still on benzos, apart from some simple cognitive therapy, and I personally think your psychologist is right - how amazing to find a psychologist with awareness of benzo effects, how lucky for you……

 

I understand your grief but I also know what benzos can do.

"In my experience any therapy is pointless whilst one is still on benzos." Here here! You still have emotional blunting that would keep you from expressing your grief from your heart/brain or any other problem for that matter. You have to get your emotions back before starting therapy. How can you "let it out," when you aren't able to just let it out? Bets

Hi Snixx,

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your mom. Mine is 94 and I can't even imagine a world that she isn't in. Especially now that I have been seeing her almost every day for almost 3 months after an acute illness.

I did ask for Bereavement Therapy but somehow wound up seeing a psychologist who is adamant that my new symptoms are a result of developing a tolerance for my current dose and she wants me to start back on my reduction plan again. I disagree. Considering that I'm suffering abnormal grief now isn't the time. I didn't feel this wretched when I was in withdrawal.

Some people (including psychologists) do not understand this strong attachment some of us have to our family. I saw a young woman therapist a few years ago who simply could not understand the anguish I felt about the loss of closeness with my three adult sons. She couldn't understand the concern I have for the possible extinction of koalas (and the cruel and inhumane treatment of other animals). She told me she'd like to see me stop reading all that stuff and said, 'Well, if koalas did die out, so what?' (not in those words but to that effect).

She was astounded that I was facebook friends with some of my children (who isn't?  ) I was starting to think that I was the biggest sap on the face of the earth until she finally let something personal about herself slip out. She only saw her mother about once per year and her husband and only small child were going to spend Christmas ALONE.

I started to think that she maybe needed therapy more than I did because if being 'happy' means not caring about anyone or anything but myself, give me depression any day. I used to leave the sessions doubting myself and feeling worse.

I am not aiming to make this post about me - just trying to illustrate that no one knows you like yourself. And there are plenty of hopeless psychologists (and other therapists) out there. Some 'counselors' do not even have any formal training. In this country (Australia) the term can legally be used very loosely.

You are still grieving for your mother after 11 months and I don't think I would be the only one to think that it is perfectly understandable. I don't think that is 'abnormal' at all. I will be a basket case when my Mum dies and look how normal I am. 

And of course you have to factor in that psychologists often have an abhorrence for using medication too. I am taking a risk saying this here  but I probably wouldn't have even been able to force myself to go to a psychologist without taking some Xanax. When I was seeing a psychiatrist (who I liked a whole lot more), initially because this psychologist suggested a 'medication review', I used to tell him I sometimes had to take an extra dose of Valium to even get there. By this stage I was on my Valium taper that he started me on after ditching Xanax. We'd have a bit of a laugh at the irony of it. He always made me feel better after seeing him. If I confessed to a slip up, he would say, 'Oh well, you've gotta do what you've gotta do. And we are looking at the big picture here.' I would say I was fearful of 'getting into trouble' and he would look at me and say, 'When have YOU ever got into trouble?' He was a kind human being.

Sorry for being so long winded.    I just think that maybe you could find a proper bereavement counselor who would help you feel better. And I agree with you that the time for the resumption of your taper is not now. And I am so, so sorry that you feel so bad you are constantly crying. I am a big crier and it really makes me feel debilitated and desperate. I'm sure it would be making you feel physically sick and weak.

By the way, good for you in halving your diazepam dose.There's plenty of time to have a crack at the other half when you are feeling a bit better (or a lot better).

Feeling for you.

Xana