Anyone else find night time cruel and deceitful?

At night I'm now generally in a good mood, uplifting and enjoy a bath and a cigarette (Still amps me up but its nice!). I'll be-bop around with no shirt on and feel so good, but then I know as soon as I manage to go to sleep, which is hard but the toxic naps have finally turned into panic when i star to doze off, I'ts the same roller coaster when I wake up. 5-10 minutes of feeling restful followed by a panic attack.. Any tips on how I should think about this? btw kindling sucks, I've felt like this in previous c/t attempts, just never really as rough. FIGHT IT OUT CAUSE NEXT TIME IT WILL BE WORSE!

I've felt this way lately too! I see my family sleeping peacefully and it makes me miss the zonked out sleep I got on the benzos, but I know it isn't the answer anymore! I've been drinking yogi stress relief tea and bedtime tea it has kava root so I pretend it's like a smashed up klon and try to imagine it being one...placebo effect I guess? I also take a beta blocker when I get really amped up but most nights I just take unisom which kind of helps! I'm only a month out and I keep wanting my body to just go back to normal but after 8 years of benzos it just doesn't work that way. Be kind to yourself and if you can't sleep try to just read and listen to youtube mindfulness meditations and relax. Try to stay in the moment and just "accept" the insomnia versus fighting it and giving it power. I find that doing that helps leaps and bounds. Good luck and hopefully you will get rest tonight!

I relate. After I quit cold-turkey in 2012 (having no idea this was a problem; having a doctor tell me I could stop anytime - no mention of taper!) I had the problems you describe for quite a long time. It was very tough. I am back on and tapering and I have a hope this is not in my future.

 

The insomnia/panic attack "jerk awake" is not going to kill you or me. It is just very unpleasant. I wish I had known there was a pharmacalogical reason this was happening to me. I thought I was just a messed-up weirdo with problems that couldn't be solved!

 

Best of luck and hope you have a lovely sleep onset soon!

I've been going through this off and on for 9 months. Makes me scared to go to sleep!

Nights are rough. I tend to sit in bed and breath in and out, if in a wave with head pressure I put a wet towel on it and pay attention to my breaths. That and recently massaging scalp helps. More healing to you. I was a Sinatra impersonator before all this and pretty successful who worked out everyday and want to get back to music and working out.

Night time is nasty. I was actually put on Xanax when I told my doctor I was having difficulty "shutting down my brain" at night to sleep. Xanax was her solution. I didn't question her judgment. I didn't know anything about Xanax back then. I trusted that she knew what she was doing. She never told me that I would eventually become an addict. It sounds naïve, but I had not even heard of Xanax until that day. Now I cannot sleep at all. The irony!  I have tried everything in my arsenal tonight: Calms Forté, Sleepytime Extra tea, AND Zzz Quil. Still wide awake. Worse than wide awake. I have found myself realizing moments when I'm not symptom'ing and for a fleeting second I feel amazing. Then the reality of it all comes rushing back and the uncontrollable twitching starts all over again. I really hate the uncontrollable twitching.  :-(

I can relate to this. I used to hate nightime because I feared so much I could not sleep, and now, there is no more fear about not sleeping. I am able to accept the fact that some nights I can't sleep, but I prepare myself in advance what I will do, if I can't sleep. After 12 weeks CT, it is easier, to accept the possibility of not sleeping every night, it is ok.

 

 

I can relate to this. I used to hate nightime because I feared so much I could not sleep, and now, there is no more fear about not sleeping. I am able to accept the fact that some nights I can't sleep, but I prepare myself in advance what I will do, if I can't sleep. After 12 weeks CT, it is easier, to accept the possibility of not sleeping every night, it is ok.

 

 

I agree with you 100%!!! Accept it and don't fight it! I sit up and read and eventually I usually end up falling asleep. 

I think given time and you're brain coming back online it's a lot easier to accept a lot of things lol.

Night time is my best time of day, except for my numb arms they get worse at night?

Night time is my best time of day, except for my numb arms they get worse at night?

 

Oh man I'm sitting here right now in bed with a heating pad wrapped around my forearm and elbow! I have been having a ton of joint pain and soreness on my right side. SOOO weird!