The Long Hold Support Group

Hi Boo

I'm so sorry about your Mom ☹️

Did you get her a second opinion? I know it's so difficult to find a knowledgeable Dr when it comes to benzo wd. I can't imagine how awful going cold turkey must have been for her. I suffered horribly, unimaginable sxs when I reduced a tremendous amount, forced by a Dr who thought I could get off Xanax after he had me take it for years, in just 6 to 8 weeks. He almost killed me. Luckily I was fortunate to get another Dr who was much more sympathetic.

I would seriously consider getting another opinion for her. Hopefully, someone here will have better advice. ❤️

 

Prayers for your Mom 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

 

Trishy

 

Thank you Trishy, for your well wishes. Its been both terrifying and heartbreaking to see her like this.

 

I'm not too sure about second opinions at this point, alot of doctors ive seen have been so dismissive of  the idea of benzo withdrawal, and are more than ready to suggest that something else is going on / stick another label on her. It's so exhausting and frankly traumatic to constantly have to recount to new doctors the things weve had to endure and then be totally dismissed and gaslit into thinking that we're wrong. Happened way too many times... the worse ones were the ones who confidently tell you they know exactly what they were doing, only for them to do a fast 1 week taper right after reinstating ber in the hospital.  even imgetting anxiety from dealing with them.

 

Not too sure what doctors can do at this point either... they tend to be more interested to treat the symptoms than finding out the cause, and the only choices they have to offer are either more drugs, updose, or ECT, all of which just seems to be adding more complexity to the situation. Her current pdoc is supportive enough to at least hold her on the diazepam until we're ready to taper her off, though she's not supportive of updosing and would rather just other meds or ECT to help, but holding is good enough for now. Was hoping she'd stabilize enough to at least be functional for a slow taper but not even sure if thats possible given how rocky a start she had.

 

its hard not to despair as id have thought she'd be alot more stable by now. Alot of things did go away though, such as her morning and evening akathisia that came back around may, after the ECT wore off, and things arent really as bad as last Dec when she needed help to do almost everything and wasnt responsive to anything or anyone. At least now she's still oriented to where she is and what she needs to do when prompted(toilet, meal time etc) and her actions are more goal oriented than random. Still, the mutism is abit concerning but i suppose she's just in some deep dp/dr as well as feeling depressed, hopeless and fatigue. I know i wouldnt be talking much either if I were suffering so much. That first window i witnessed on tuesday lasting til wednesday was so bizarre though, how it came and went so quickly. it was nice being able to talk to her so normally and see her laugh and smile again and fuss over making sure i eat as well... just being her usual self. So disappointed to see her on thursday extremely fatigued in bed and spaced out/emotionally detached/ mute again... but it is what it is. She's currently out of fatigue today, but I just sent her to bed... who knows what tmr will bring.  :sic

 

Anyway, im  glad you found a doctor that's supportive and i wish you all the best and hope for a smooth taper for you ahead. Xanax seem pretty rough from what Ive read around here, so I hope youre not having too much trouble on it.

 

Sorry for rambling on, have a great Saturday ahead. It's the end of the day over at my part of the world, so it's good night for me.

Oh tt, read my cards! I'm v irgo! Please! Only if you still do it!

 

I have to catch up I got my hair done. Woohoo! I dont mean to skip ppl!

Oh boo, I am so sorry. I was ctd a few yrs ago. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I knew it was not me though. I went for help and was dismissed and polydrugged. Everytime I mentioned the benzo I was told no. This went on for 3 yrs till i got here. At one point at the er the dr said ect. I flipped out and said no. So much to it. I cant even talk about it much. Not to mention family didnt believe me and I was insulted and put down sndexpe Ted to work. I did work and it was horrible. Anyway, I'm glad you are here. If she wasn't like this pre benzo then it's most likely the benzo. She's lucky to have you.

what happened to Oscar?

what happened to Oscar?

 

Looking through his old posts it looks like he was on a long hold and doing pretty well. My guess, he didn’t feel the need to come back here while finishing his taper, but that’s pure speculation.

TG... that is soooo accurate! Can you give me the link to that?

 

Kits I got you down for the 8th 

 

Anyone else? I'll call it our symptom tracker.....

Finished mine last week. Get to go to my ob/gyn this week for routine check up - oh yay....

what happened to Oscar?

 

Looking through his old posts it looks like he was on a long hold and doing pretty well. My guess, he didn’t feel the need to come back here while finishing his taper, but that’s pure speculation.

 

or he never finished his taper and is suffering from non stop panic attack...

(sorry i am so scared right now)

Hey mm,

How is the weather were you are? I'm watching the news and they are talking about a hurricane were you live! Nooooooo

Hey mm,

How is the weather were you are? I'm watching the news and they are talking about a hurricane were you live! Nooooooo

 

Hey DD , hey everyone!!  We wanted that hurricane to hit the coast aa little higher north so it would provide us with some rain.  It's been either in the 100's or over for 3 weeks and no rain for a long time.  My backyard looks like a dessert  .  It's not a terrible hurricane, just a cat 1 and my sister lives a lot closer and I am sure they felt like us, wanting the rain and darker days just for a break.  Corpus Christi is where Tim and I met  .  Unless something changes, everyone should be fine as long as it doesn't get any stronger.  I really wanted that breeze and rain though.  . 

Hope everyone is okay and having a better day.  I love to read how you guys support each other.  Thank goodness for bb  :smitten:  Mary 🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼.  💜🙏😘😷💜🙏😘😷

Hi Jasmine. I'm glad most of your symptoms have gone away. I think most of us understand what you're going through. I was a vegetable when I CTd Vicodin and Valium. I agree with D. Just because supplement are natural doesn't mean they won't affect you adversely. You need to start slow and add each one gradually. My supplement plan came from my Integrative doctor after many (I mean tons) of tests. If you can afford it I would recommend seeing one. Mine was a MD but unlike traditional MDs they believe in finding the underlining cause of your problems rather than treating the symptoms. The company is Holistic Health International, All in One (multivitamins and minerals).

 

JWL

did you ever feel after 10 years on valium that you needed to increase the dosage to calm your anxiety?

 

i am worried of needed more and more of it, you know like a drug addict if it takes me 10 years to taper.

 

Yes i did because like any drug it quits working and you need more of it. It took a full blown breakdown for me to realize what a dangerous path I was on. Once I realized the only way out was through, I accepted the fact that I needed to put up with my anxiety and all the other symptoms if I was ever going to heal. That's not to say I didn't updose a few times but I did it grudging with a firm commitment to get off of it.

 

that is scary... how bad was your anxiety? and after how long did you have to updose?

how fast did the tolerance build up? i don't see myself going through a taper again. i have nothing left in me.

 

Hey Jasmine, I didn't mean to scare you. My breakdown was from CTing Vicodin not Valium. It was a wake up call as to how dangerous these drugs are. Like I said I never experienced tolerance in the sense where my anxiety and other sx got worse and I needed to increase my dosage. My up dosages were from when I tapered too fast. I know you feel like you can't taper but you will once things begin to settle down. I agree with V. Maybe in your condition it may do more harm than good to start taking supplements. But once you stabilize and start healing it might help you like it helped me. BTW I'm 65

I remember Oscar from when I first started posting In 2015. I'd like to think he tapered successfully and no longer felt the need to visit BB. I took a 3 year break because things were going pretty smoothly. Now that I'm about to tackle my last 1 mg I'm back because I need all the support I can get. I guess what I'm trying to say is just because someone stops posting doesn't mean things went badly for them.

V you are too funny. You'd be styling in that outfit

Oh Thank god mm! I'm glad you got some rain. That heat is unbelievable! It's been hot here too. In the 90s and one day close to 100. It's a hot summer this year. I've heard of Corpus Christi. Hope you and Tim are having a nice peaceful weekend.  I like rainy days sometimes too. It relaxes me. Lol. Stay safe! Ly dd

Jwel, sorry you we t through so much. That is awesome you are down to 1 mg! You've come a long way!

Hi all -

Mary I was thinking about and the Hurricane.  Hope all is ok.  I caught briefly what you said but with Benzo brain I forgot most of it except you said Cat 1.  I was in a hurricane in 1989 when I lived in the US Virgin Islands.  cat 4.  Hope your area is OK with COVID.  Here in CA we are hit hard.  It’s scary.  We haven’t even hit the second wave yet. 

Jasmine- honey, my heart goes out to you.  I have experienced the cortisol and adrenaline and fear and most all the same stuff you are talking about.  I think most all of us have.  But I know acceptance works.  Monday night I had bad panic attack as a result of Maggie’s death and I just took deep breaths and gently said “it’s ok Meems your just having a panic attack.  This is ok.  You’re fine.  It’s just sxs.”  I’ve been stress triggered since the death.  Thankfully Dr is on board with me holding.  I’ve been slowly microtapering about .1 every week and a half.  And in my experience and it’s just MY experience supplements are risky.  Omega 3 supplement sent me into a tailspin one day.  Maybe supplements are ok for you.  Idk.  I think we find what works best for us.  High quality hemp Protein shakes Work wonders for me cause I’ve lost so much muscle cause of withdrawal and peri-menopause.  Hang in there sweet peach. 

 

I have no idea what’s up with the black costume but it’s kinda cool. 

 

Yesterday I was outside in the yard weeding.  It’s sunny and warm here in CA.  I think I’m gonna take up gardening.  I also talked with a pet bereavement counselor Wednesday.  She was helpful.  THEN my therapist who I don’t see anymore cause my insurance doesn’t cover her, called me out of the blue just to “say hi”.  The angels must have told her to call me.

 

Mary - your gonna hit 7.  You are.  And I’m gonna hit freaking 4.5 one of these years.  Ha ha ha ha.

 

Love to you all

Meems

Hi all -

Mary I was thinking about and the Hurricane.  Hope all is ok.  I caught briefly what you said but with Benzo brain I forgot most of it except you said Cat 1.  I was in a hurricane in 1989 when I lived in the US Virgin Islands.  cat 4.  Hope your area is OK with COVID.  Here in CA we are hit hard.  It’s scary.  We haven’t even hit the second wave yet. 

Jasmine- honey, my heart goes out to you.  I have experienced the cortisol and adrenaline and fear and most all the same stuff you are talking about.  I think most all of us have.  But I know acceptance works.  Monday night I had bad panic attack as a result of Maggie’s death and I just took deep breaths and gently said “it’s ok Meems your just having a panic attack.  This is ok.  You’re fine.  It’s just sxs.”  I’ve been stress triggered since the death.  Thankfully Dr is on board with me holding.  I’ve been slowly microtapering about .1 every week and a half.  And in my experience and it’s just MY experience supplements are risky.  Omega 3 supplement sent me into a tailspin one day.  Maybe supplements are ok for you.  Idk.  I think we find what works best for us.  High quality hemp Protein shakes Work wonders for me cause I’ve lost so much muscle cause of withdrawal and peri-menopause.  Hang in there sweet peach. 

 

I have no idea what’s up with the black costume but it’s kinda cool. 

 

Yesterday I was outside in the yard weeding.  It’s sunny and warm here in CA.  I think I’m gonna take up gardening.  I also talked with a pet bereavement counselor Wednesday.  She was helpful.  THEN my therapist who I don’t see anymore cause my insurance doesn’t cover her, called me out of the blue just to “say hi”.  The angels must have told her to call me.

 

Mary - your gonna hit 7.  You are.  And I’m gonna hit freaking 4.5 one of these years.  Ha ha ha ha.

 

Love to you all

Meems

 

Hey Meems, I am in San Antonio, the virus is very bad here too.  A couple days a go , we had 1600 new cases in Texas.  Our hospitals are having to move patients to different cities because they are overwhelmed and have no more staff or beds.  It's awful.  I told my husband today,, I want a tank that has a 7 on it, lol.    I am tapering much like you, .1 every 2 weeks.  Slow, we go girlfriend  .  Having your therapist call was so nice.  The Universe looking after you.  I will send prayers to California, I think CA, TX, and FL need to shut down and start over, we are all so out of control.  My governor is a Trump lover, so that probably won't happen here, or FL, but you have a chance.  I like your Governor, but things got away from him on Memorial Weekend and July 4th.  Those are the times that really swamped us  :(.    You stay safe Meems, LY 🙋🏼🙏😷😘

Trishy I think it's a great idea. At least you can try. You could start working on Halloween stuff. There are so many halloween addicts out there.

I don't know V.. we'll see  🎃💀👻 

did anyone go to see a fortune teller to predict their future?

I used to read tarot cards and was heavily involved in the news age. I have seen many fortune teller's through the years and hung out in a new age store where they did readings every Saturday. I had a come to " Jesus moment" a few years ago and am now a Christian so I gave all that up. I'm sure there might be other's here though that might have gone but I don't any here who have mentioned it.

Trishy

 

i wish i could know how my future will unfold. i am scared.

You're going to be ok Jasmine. Just keep holding, the sxs will wax and wane for awhile but you'll become stable. I know it's hard to just hold but it really does work. 

 

thank you Trishy. you are so kind!

:smitten:

Hi all -

Mary I was thinking about and the Hurricane.  Hope all is ok.  I caught briefly what you said but with Benzo brain I forgot most of it except you said Cat 1.  I was in a hurricane in 1989 when I lived in the US Virgin Islands.  cat 4.  Hope your area is OK with COVID.  Here in CA we are hit hard.  It’s scary.  We haven’t even hit the second wave yet. 

Jasmine- honey, my heart goes out to you.  I have experienced the cortisol and adrenaline and fear and most all the same stuff you are talking about.  I think most all of us have.  But I know acceptance works.  Monday night I had bad panic attack as a result of Maggie’s death and I just took deep breaths and gently said “it’s ok Meems your just having a panic attack.  This is ok.  You’re fine.  It’s just sxs.”  I’ve been stress triggered since the death.  Thankfully Dr is on board with me holding.  I’ve been slowly microtapering about .1 every week and a half.  And in my experience and it’s just MY experience supplements are risky.  Omega 3 supplement sent me into a tailspin one day.  Maybe supplements are ok for you.  Idk.  I think we find what works best for us.  High quality hemp Protein shakes Work wonders for me cause I’ve lost so much muscle cause of withdrawal and peri-menopause.  Hang in there sweet peach. 

 

I have no idea what’s up with the black costume but it’s kinda cool. 

 

Yesterday I was outside in the yard weeding.  It’s sunny and warm here in CA.  I think I’m gonna take up gardening.  I also talked with a pet bereavement counselor Wednesday.  She was helpful.  THEN my therapist who I don’t see anymore cause my insurance doesn’t cover her, called me out of the blue just to “say hi”.  The angels must have told her to call me.

 

Mary - your gonna hit 7.  You are.  And I’m gonna hit freaking 4.5 one of these years.  Ha ha ha ha.

 

Love to you all

Meems

 

Hey Meems, I am in San Antonio, the virus is very bad here too.  A couple days a go , we had 1600 new cases in Texas.  Our hospitals are having to move patients to different cities because they are overwhelmed and have no more staff or beds.  It's awful.  I told my husband today,, I want a tank that has a 7 on it, lol.    I am tapering much like you, .1 every 2 weeks.  Slow, we go girlfriend  .  Having your therapist call was so nice.  The Universe looking after you.  I will send prayers to California, I think CA, TX, and FL need to shut down and start over, we are all so out of control.  My governor is a Trump lover, so that probably won't happen here, or FL, but you have a chance.  I like your Governor, but things got away from him on Memorial Weekend and July 4th.  Those are the times that really swamped us  :(.    You stay safe Meems, LY 🙋🏼🙏😷😘

 

Oh Jeeze Mary that is awful about the numbers in Texas.  Yes, Your Governor and Florida Gov can go suck eggs.  There I said it.  Ya, mine opened too fast.  They need to shut down and wear a damn mask.  Luckily here in CA most people adhere.  We had to do a virtual 90 yr bday party for my mom last month.  A friend of mine who is a math statistic guy did a breakdown of cases state by state.  He posted it on Facebook but I don’t do Facebook anymore for obvious reason.  I may be in tapering world but I’m still have a mouthy teenager in this middle aged body.  Ha ha ha. 

 

I love the idea of a tank with a big 7 on it.  When you hit 7 we’re gonna have a LHSG party 🎉 for you.  You have worked so hard and are one of our Benzo warrior matriarch’s.  Just think of that.  When you feel like shit - say “I am one of the queens of the LHSG.”  Give your doggie‘s 🐶 Kisses and please keep wearing your mask and stay safe my friend. 

 

Meems😻🐶💪

What up Trishy girlfriend?    Hope your palps have gone away and you are feeling more stable.  I always felt you should keep holding.  Your holds are so much better than most of us get, really I am jealous.  You will be fine, let's get you through all this virus crap.  You are getting pretty low , we will make it together 🙋🏼💜😘🙏😷🙋🏼💜😘🙏😷

since i am new on this thread.

may i ask what is everyone ages? and living situation?

just to get to know people better

 

me- 45 years old female

2 kids-  5 and 9

happily married

not working currently, feeling too bad.

 

I am a very " young" 57 🙋‍♀️

2 kids 34-35 they are 13 months apart and that's why there are only two!  :laugh:

3 grandkids 5-6- newborn almost 3 weeks old 🥰

Happily married to a GREAT guy for 35 yrs only marriage

Worked with kindergarten age children for about 23 yrs in total. Currently not working and won't be. I'll be babysitting my new grandson. Have had to leave work twice in my years bc of wd and babysitting my granddaughter.

That about sums it up 

Trishy 

VAL as usual your commentator skills are spot on (and truly hilarious)  I already have another attire ready for your critique, but I think I better wait til Jasmine feels more stable.

 

TRISHY dusty rose for me please!  Etsy, This could be a great outlet for you!  Oh and your Synthroid note was brilliant.  I bet that is my problem.  My doctor had mentioned a decrease last visit.  I should have done it.  He just called Thursday to set up my appointment for October and a recheck on my levels.  I do have some 100s, maybe I can get away with just breaking them in half and paying close attention to my symptoms.  It only happened that once.

 

JASMINE I’m so very sorry that creeped you out.  I will wait a bit until you feel better.  It’s all in fun, but I don’t want to cause any damage to your fragile state.  By the way I am 63 and like Vang with my 20+ year boyfriend.  I’ve been divorced twice and feel no desire to marry as they were both creeps. I have one son and 3 grandchildren that live very far away.  Oh, and I have 2 dogs that maintain my sanity.

 

Hello to all here at LHSG.  I wish you all well. 

 

Awesome Gp hope that's the problem if there is even a problem bc that would be an easy fix. 

 

Dusty rose it is with lots of embellishments and oh what a beak you'll have!! I can see it in my mind's eye right now  I'm thinking..

Fluorescent purple with huge black birds stenciled on it. I think that'll be bitchin with the Dusty rose  :laugh:

since i am new on this thread.

may i ask what is everyone ages? and living situation?

just to get to know people better

 

me- 45 years old female

2 kids-  5 and 9

happily married

not working currently, feeling too bad.

 

I am a very " young" 57 🙋‍♀️

2 kids 34-35 they are 13 months apart and that's why there are only two!  :laugh:

3 grandkids 5-6- newborn almost 3 weeks old 🥰

Happily married to a GREAT guy for 35 yrs only marriage

Worked with kindergarten age children for about 23 yrs in total. Currently not working and won't be. I'll be babysitting my new grandson. Have had to leave work twice in my years bc of wd and babysitting my granddaughter.

That about sums it up 

Trishy 

 

Jasmine- I am 49, no husband or kids.  Only one cat now.  But Maggie has now sent me an outdoor stray.  I’ve been a career woman since my mid 20s working in big corporate jobs, so I never had time for the married / kid life.  Loved my freedom and independence too much.  I left my last job because of abuse and harassment which is what got me on the Benzo.  Oh it’s a long story.  I now live with my elderly mom (90 yrs) and take care of her.  It’s stressful.  I live in CA.  I started LHSG in August 2019.  It has been a godsend.  The last few months I’ve been sporadic in the group with all the world distractions. 

 

Trishy- yes, my dear you are a young 57 but a spunky lady. 

 

Jasmine- the people on this group are amazing.  I don’t venture on this website cause it scares the shit out of me.  Unless I have a specific thing I need to read and that’s usually in the support group section.  But this is my home group.  I hope you find the love, support, laughter, and compassion I have found.  And when your struggling, we all get it.  We all understand.  And the long timers who have more experience will guide you through.  We all hold each other’s hands. 

 

Love ❤️

Meems

Hi Boo

I'm so sorry about your Mom ☹️

Did you get her a second opinion? I know it's so difficult to find a knowledgeable Dr when it comes to benzo wd. I can't imagine how awful going cold turkey must have been for her. I suffered horribly, unimaginable sxs when I reduced a tremendous amount, forced by a Dr who thought I could get off Xanax after he had me take it for years, in just 6 to 8 weeks. He almost killed me. Luckily I was fortunate to get another Dr who was much more sympathetic.

I would seriously consider getting another opinion for her. Hopefully, someone here will have better advice. ❤️

 

Prayers for your Mom 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

 

Trishy

 

Thank you Trishy, for your well wishes. Its been both terrifying and heartbreaking to see her like this.

 

I'm not too sure about second opinions at this point, alot of doctors ive seen have been so dismissive of  the idea of benzo withdrawal, and are more than ready to suggest that something else is going on / stick another label on her. It's so exhausting and frankly traumatic to constantly have to recount to new doctors the things weve had to endure and then be totally dismissed and gaslit into thinking that we're wrong. Happened way too many times... the worse ones were the ones who confidently tell you they know exactly what they were doing, only for them to do a fast 1 week taper right after reinstating ber in the hospital.  even imgetting anxiety from dealing with them.

 

Not too sure what doctors can do at this point either... they tend to be more interested to treat the symptoms than finding out the cause, and the only choices they have to offer are either more drugs, updose, or ECT, all of which just seems to be adding more complexity to the situation. Her current pdoc is supportive enough to at least hold her on the diazepam until we're ready to taper her off, though she's not supportive of updosing and would rather just other meds or ECT to help, but holding is good enough for now. Was hoping she'd stabilize enough to at least be functional for a slow taper but not even sure if thats possible given how rocky a start she had.

 

its hard not to despair as id have thought she'd be alot more stable by now. Alot of things did go away though, such as her morning and evening akathisia that came back around may, after the ECT wore off, and things arent really as bad as last Dec when she needed help to do almost everything and wasnt responsive to anything or anyone. At least now she's still oriented to where she is and what she needs to do when prompted(toilet, meal time etc) and her actions are more goal oriented than random. Still, the mutism is abit concerning but i suppose she's just in some deep dp/dr as well as feeling depressed, hopeless and fatigue. I know i wouldnt be talking much either if I were suffering so much. That first window i witnessed on tuesday lasting til wednesday was so bizarre though, how it came and went so quickly. it was nice being able to talk to her so normally and see her laugh and smile again and fuss over making sure i eat as well... just being her usual self. So disappointed to see her on thursday extremely fatigued in bed and spaced out/emotionally detached/ mute again... but it is what it is. She's currently out of fatigue today, but I just sent her to bed... who knows what tmr will bring.  :sic

 

Anyway, im  glad you found a doctor that's supportive and i wish you all the best and hope for a smooth taper for you ahead. Xanax seem pretty rough from what Ive read around here, so I hope youre not having too much trouble on it.

 

Sorry for rambling on, have a great Saturday ahead. It's the end of the day over at my part of the world, so it's good night for me.

Breaks my heart to read all that about your Mom. I'm glad she's holding and has a pdoc who isn't pushing her.

I can tell you that when I was in some serious wd from cutting way too much way to fast one of my many, many sxs was feeling spaced out or more like disconnected and withdrawn if that makes any sense. It's pretty common I think, it's almost like your brain is protecting you from the trauma of the severe wd and it's trying to cope with the wd and trauma. I remember being very quiet and also having a hard time finding my words. So maybe that's part of why your Mom is mute as you say at times.

Xanax is a tough one to get off of. I was on 3 mgs at one time and now I'm slightly under 1 mg as of May 31 🙏🏻 I have a long way to go and it's going to take a few more years sadly but it is what it is.

Don't ever feel like your rambling here, we're all happy to support and listen anytime.

You take care, your Mom is lucky to have you.

Trishy❤️

Oh tt, read my cards! I'm v irgo! Please! Only if you still do it!

 

I have to catch up I got my hair done. Woohoo! I dont mean to skip ppl!

Oh DD I would read them for you but I have thrown all my cards out. I've thrown away all my crystals, pendulums, new age books..etc.

As you know I'm a Christian now and God forbids fortune telling in the Bible Deuteronomy 18 and many other places.

I wouldn't need to know your sign either. I would just need to know what your main question was. I have done over the phone readings but I mostly just read for family and friends.

I'm sorry girlfriend I would if I could. 

TT, ❤️