6-12 month thread....

Happy Halloween!

No holiday stuff for our family this year as we will be traveling to the volleyball game.  The game is tomorrow and we'll be driving about 8 hours to where we are staying tonight.  I'm looking forward to a great weekend and hopefully the girls get the win and extend their season to the final site of the state tournament!  If they win they will be in the top 8 of the state.    So proud of my daughter!

 

Keep looking forward.  I am a bit ahead of you guys, 16 months off tomorrow, and I have been feeling 99% normal for the past almost 3 weeks.  I am even waking up to my alarm and feeling NO morning rushes of anxiety!  I was still quite symptomatic and having major bouts of anxiety in September.  After hitting the one year mark my symptoms were characterized by large ups and downs, sometimes throughout the day and sometimes every other day.  It really worried me to be so symptomatic and unpredictable over 12 months!  But things are really, really good as of now and I truly believe that I am just about done, if not all the way done. 

 

You WILL get to this place, too.  I promise you that.   

Hi guys.  Happy Halloween!

The gaba thing is confusing.  We have trillions of gaba receptors all over our bodies.....it is the most prevalent neurotransmitter (?)  my therapist says and I've also read; that benzos "fill them up"  ...(not sure what she means)....but now that we are off the drug the receptors are becoming available again and we have to produce our own gaba to regulate them.  That is why we have so many body symptoms and it is so random..  they start up again but then they can't quite keep up ...like a sputtering engine.. eventually we are producing enough of a balanced gaba/glutamate ratio that the engine runs smoothly. 

Does that make sense.....my brains not all better yet....

My day...my job had a fire drill this morning. It's 40 degrees outside! The building I work in is the length of a DC city block...I had to walk down 4-5 flights, walk down a super long cooridoor, down a block to our meeting point. Sat for a minute...out of breath, spatial issues, legs wobbly and my head all over the place. Just to turn around and get back to my bldg. I almost cried...I had to stop half way and take a break before walking the rest of the journey.

 

The good news is I did it...the bad news is my body is not happy...well my head isn't it which translates to my legs  :'(

 

Better news...I could have had a panic attack, heart palps or something...I didn't. I did sit in the huge hallway thinking (how am I going to get back to my desk). Just then folks walked past me and had loads of candy and gave me some and cheered me up...it's like they knew I was suffering. Also saw an old coworker I have not seen in months (the building is just that huge).

 

This has to end soon...I need my marathon body back! I need the inner ear crap to go away...maybe this was a mini sign that things are getting slightly better.

Quick update

 

My nose stopped bleeding after an hour something and it was very scary, I have never ever seen so much blood in my life. So I freaked out but mr Sky was  a real trooper.

 

So, add to the long list of symptoms,  nose bleed.

 

do not pull  your head back, that makes things worse. I had to spit blood out from my mouth because of keeping my head back. Apple vinegar helped a lot at the end.

 

I am exhausted, now I am going to give two lessons, it will defo take my mind off things, but I feel weak and tired.

 

Sorry to have freaked out on the thread but I was really scared.

 

Everbody have a nice day.

Green, Mrs., and whoot-- thank you for the explanation, much appreciated. Very confusing for my mind, but you guys helped me understand it much more 

Gmit-- when I am in pain I have those thoughts all the time, it would make all my pain and struggling go away. Of course this is not what I truly want, but my mind does toy with the idea from time to time. Feel better!

Sky-- I hope you are feeling better. There is a member on here that was getting nosebleeds for a while (bad ones) and they were all w/d. I hope your day goes well!

My day...my job had a fire drill this morning. It's 40 degrees outside! The building I work in is the length of a DC city block...I had to walk down 4-5 flights, walk down a super long cooridoor, down a block to our meeting point. Sat for a minute...out of breath, spatial issues, legs wobbly and my head all over the place. Just to turn around and get back to my bldg. I almost cried...I had to stop half way and take a break before walking the rest of the journey.

 

The good news is I did it...the bad news is my body is not happy...well my head isn't it which translates to my legs  :'(

 

Better news...I could have had a panic attack, heart palps or something...I didn't. I did sit in the huge hallway thinking (how am I going to get back to my desk). Just then folks walked past me and had loads of candy and gave me some and cheered me up...it's like they knew I was suffering. Also saw an old coworker I have not seen in months (the building is just that huge).

 

This has to end soon...I need my marathon body back! I need the inner ear crap to go away...maybe this was a mini sign that things are getting slightly better.

 

LM,

 

I'm so sorry you are having to go through so much with benzo wd while at work. Needless to say, you are very brave. I too go through similar issues in my day to day life...yesterday, I had to drive my daughter a long, long way (freeways, major metro area traffic) to her piano lesson. I was very sleep deprived, and in that state, all of my symptoms are at their worst. Somehow, I was able to do it. Your story reminded me of this.

So good you are doing well HH.  I am coming up on 16 months.  Overall, doing better.  Still have difficult days but I am off all OTC sleep meds which is huge for me.  Most of the time I can take things one day at a time.  If I am having a tough day due to exhaustion I just try and accept it.  It is what it is.  Still a work in progress. The intrusive thoughts are still there, not as bad as a few months back.  Just my normal early morning worries that seem to fade during the day.

. 

I am going to my cardiologist today to get the results of all my tests.  Yes, I am a bit on edge.  I had the palpitations while wearing the monitor and also while doing the exercise stress test.  I am hoping for good news,  Keeping my fingers crossed.

My day...my job had a fire drill this morning. It's 40 degrees outside! The building I work in is the length of a DC city block...I had to walk down 4-5 flights, walk down a super long cooridoor, down a block to our meeting point. Sat for a minute...out of breath, spatial issues, legs wobbly and my head all over the place. Just to turn around and get back to my bldg. I almost cried...I had to stop half way and take a break before walking the rest of the journey.

 

The good news is I did it...the bad news is my body is not happy...well my head isn't it which translates to my legs  :'(

 

Better news...I could have had a panic attack, heart palps or something...I didn't. I did sit in the huge hallway thinking (how am I going to get back to my desk). Just then folks walked past me and had loads of candy and gave me some and cheered me up...it's like they knew I was suffering. Also saw an old coworker I have not seen in months (the building is just that huge).

 

This has to end soon...I need my marathon body back! I need the inner ear crap to go away...maybe this was a mini sign that things are getting slightly better.

 

LM,

 

I'm so sorry you are having to go through so much with benzo wd while at work. Needless to say, you are very brave. I too go through similar issues in my day to day life...yesterday, I had to drive my daughter a long, long way (freeways, major metro area traffic) to her piano lesson. I was very sleep deprived, and in that state, all of my symptoms are at their worst. Somehow, I was able to do it. Your story reminded me of this.

 

Robert we are some strong people...we really are. Glad you're okay too. These storms have to pass us by soon!

wow!  Lot'ss of stuff going on here....Glad the nose stopped and yes it's freaky scary when it happens.  I would have reacted the same way but that isn't much comfort.

 

HH-incredible.  I am being inspired by you all in front of me.

 

LM-very proud of you.  No panic or heart stuff

 

 

wow!  Lot'ss of stuff going on here....Glad the nose stopped and yes it's freaky scary when it happens.  I would have reacted the same way but that isn't much comfort.

 

HH-incredible.  I am being inspired by you all in front of me.

 

LM-very proud of you.  No panic or heart stuff

 

 

 

Thank you Drew! I prayed that my jello like legs would not fail me...and they didn't. Talk about prayer the whole way and back!

 

However my boss did reach out to HR and building management and told them it took a lot out of me to do all of this...next time I get to ride the elevator! Accomodation approved! But I'm praying there won't be a next time...that I will be good enough to go for it! 

Good Afternoon ...

 

I sleep in and go for a two and half hour walk and you folks fill up the thread ... 

 

Gorgeous day here ... not a cloud in the sky ... cool ... no wind ... I just kept going until I realized my legs were getting tired ... had some lunch and got the dinner going ...

 

I think I have Sky's every-other-day-cycle ... always something new to keep me on my toes ...

Mrs ... thank you for the "flagpole" thingie ... my brain is getting better ... I actually got it, maybe ... I used to try to read stuff like that and gave up, just skipped to end and looked for the punch line ...

 

Your metaphor is a really good one for me ... thanks again ...

Drew ... tummy stuff ... the bloat and gas stuff ... never went as far as vomiting ... sure felt like it many times ... and mine has not been around for a couple of weeks ... just recognized that last night ... no benzo belly ...

 

Mine never really did settle down all through this ... some days were just better than others ...

 

I used club soda and/or ginger tea when things got really "pressing" ... even worked sometimes ...

GMIT ... we just hang out ... tell our stories ... sort of like "Waiting For Godot" ... this works for me ... and I know it does not work for some folks ...

 

Hope you get some pleasant fishing in this weekend ... believe it or not I never had the "patience" for fishing ... I was always like that hyper fella ... "can you see one" ... "what colour is the bottom of the boat" ... "what does this do?" ... "where do fish go in the winter?" ... drove my uncle to distraction ... he once asked me if I knew the story of Jonah ... I asked him if there were whales in the lake ... he opened another beer ...

 

Time will heal us ... one day at a time, Buddy ...

 

 

Peace ... thanks for the link ... another one I had forgotten about ... always so good to hear this stuff does end ...

 

Hope you enjoy tonight with the little ones ...

Sky, no worries I was awake last night -- not anxious, just peacefully not tired -- so I posted a really long post, lol Mr had long since passed out, so it was just me and the TV I've actually tried to read it a couple times today,..but a but unsuccessful in spots But Nova, glad you liked it

 

Peace, are you feeling any better? Has the "monthly visitor" passed by yet for you? I hope things have settled in for you, and that working has become a bit easier to do -- and perhaps enjoyable as well!

 

Life -- YESSS!!! I was hoping, waiting, expecting that window to bust through for you! Healing is happening for sure Yeah!

 

Everyone else, take care and rest well Off to get some things taken care of this afternoon

 

Mrs.

 

Just spent an hour in the rain rooting on the SF giants at the parade.  No anxiety or symptoms at all

Happy Halloween!

No holiday stuff for our family this year as we will be traveling to the volleyball game.  The game is tomorrow and we'll be driving about 8 hours to where we are staying tonight.  I'm looking forward to a great weekend and hopefully the girls get the win and extend their season to the final site of the state tournament!  If they win they will be in the top 8 of the state.    So proud of my daughter!

 

Keep looking forward.  I am a bit ahead of you guys, 16 months off tomorrow, and I have been feeling 99% normal for the past almost 3 weeks.  I am even waking up to my alarm and feeling NO morning rushes of anxiety!  I was still quite symptomatic and having major bouts of anxiety in September.  After hitting the one year mark my symptoms were characterized by large ups and downs, sometimes throughout the day and sometimes every other day.  It really worried me to be so symptomatic and unpredictable over 12 months!  But things are really, really good as of now and I truly believe that I am just about done, if not all the way done. 

 

You WILL get to this place, too.  I promise you that. 

 

Thank you for this! I hope you are all done with the worst of it, 

HH. Enjoy your weekend and good luck with the game!

Just spent an hour in the rain rooting on the SF giants at the parade.  No anxiety or symptoms at all

 

Fantastic! 

HH: wow so happy for you. :smitten: I remember you having a rough time; gives us all hope. Enjoy you deserve every second of happiness!

  Thanks for re--posting that Peace.  I needed it today.   Someone get me off this roller coaster....ugh....everything is coming at me today. Dizzy/boaty; health anxiety; body aches (better); crying; begging...... I feel like I'm holding on to some crazy ride with my eyes closed; white knuckled waiting for it to stop.

I am supposed to go to a Halloween party tonight; here's hoping I relax enough and feel steady enough.  Going anyway no matter what.

Just spent an hour in the rain rooting on the SF giants at the parade.  No anxiety or symptoms at all

 

Congrats on no anxiety, and congrats to those SF Giants on yet another World Series in (3 times in 5 years!). That was a exciting world series, both teams really played well.

 

I lived three decades in the Bay Area, and spent many, many hours listening to KNBR (the "Giant 68") while commuting up and down the 101, 580/680 corridors each day for work.

 

Glad to hear some people had a reasonable day today !

 

I am going to bed now.

 

I am tired but most of all, shaken. I thought we had seen the worse, but wd is full of resouces. I had been shaken with the operation, with my horrifying ct, I thought I had received all the warnings of how life is short. I thought I knew how vulnerable I was, but today, I got to feel that all over again.

 

The funny thing, there always is a funny thing in really bad episodes in life, the funny thing is that when it  started I had my  hair dye on my head. so, all this was going on and I could not go to Er, because my hair dye was there and... the absurdity of it all. I had that stuff on my head for over two hours !I am lucky I still have hair !

 

I am really shaken, I may never blow my nose again.

 

But, mr Sky,the guy who is horrified at the sight of blood, saved the day once again. Sorry if I go on about this, but it really blows me away. So many people have disappointed me  in wd but he keeps being more and more amazing.

 

Ok, Hope some of you will be spending a nice Halloween. Have a peaceful, uneventful night. 

Glad to hear some people had a reasonable day today !

 

I am going to bed now.

 

I am tired but most of all, shaken. I thought we had seen the worse, but wd is full of resouces. I had been shaken with the operation, with my horrifying ct, I thought I had received all the warnings of how life is short. I thought I knew how vulnerable I was, but today, I got to feel that all over again.

 

The funny thing, there always is a funny thing in really bad episodes in life, the funny thing is that when it  started I had my  hair dye on my head. so, all this was going on and I could not go to Er, because my hair dye was there and... the absurdity of it all. I had that stuff on my head for over two hours !I am lucky I still have hair !

 

I am really shaken, I may never blow my nose again.

 

But, mr Sky,the guy who is horrified at the sight of blood, saved the day once again. Sorry if I go on about this, but it really blows me away. So many people have disappointed me  in wd but he keeps being more and more amazing.

 

Ok, Hope some of you will be spending a nice Halloween. Have a peaceful, uneventful night. 

 

Sky, if it's any consolation, dear...

 

In my lifetime, I've had tons of bloody noses.  They are VERY common in the fall, with it being dryer weather and such.  And, I don't know if you've ever heard that heads tend to bleed more than other areas of the body?  Like, if you bump your head on something and it bleeds, it tends to look worse than it actually is because of the numerous blood vessels -- have you heard that?  The nose can be similar.  I think it may be similar to the "rearend" in that, as you age, the blood vessels can get closer to the surface and bleed a bit easier than before -- in the bum area, they call them hemmoroids!  Haha, one time my dad brought me into the doctor, and they put in my nose what looked like a mini tampon, string dangling and all!!  I had to wear it -- TO SCHOOL -- and I had to deal with all the humiliating comments about being the "girl with the tampon up her nose" all day!  Bah!!

 

I can find it funny now...it certainly wasn't then!   Anyways, I hope you enjoy your evening   Take care, you

 

Mrs.

HH...  So encouraged by your post....and so happy for you. Your description of month 12 mirrors exactly my first steps into month 12. Magor ups and downs, either throughout the day or half day s/x with half day sunbreaks/windows.  or the every other day or so pattern. My windows are brighter but my waves are darker ( although for the most part shorter). .. Wed I ended up in a bright happy window..  yesterday was acute all over again...today, up and dowwn and all around. 16 months sounds very doable to me. You sound wonderful.  Congratulations to you...16 months is such a long long way...Wishing you 99% all the way home......coop

Sky...I am so so sorry that happened to you. I posted a couple of weeks ago about little clots in my nasal mucous. I was freaked out about little threads of blood and tiny little clots. I would have been going to er in 10 seconds if I had had a full blown bleed. You are very brave and strong. I am sure that you are beaten up and " shaken " from it. You are blessed to have Mr. Sky.

......Some rest will go a long way in helping you recover from your trauma. Glad you are feeling better. Soon this will all be over for all of us. ....coop