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Loving him to his finish line -caregivers perspective


[4l...]

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Tomorrow my husband runs in his first half marathon since the benzo nightmare so finally – I feel it is time to post his success even if he crawls to the finish line - LOL!  He disagrees at my timing since he still struggles with some nerve pain; however, as I remind him if he could see all that I have from the beginning he would see the success.  It is also not hard to see when you look into his eyes and see his smile.  :)  I also felt timing was appropriate with his Race, Easter and Spring – his new beginning…

 

Background: my husband took Klonepin for over 10 years- prescribed for anxiety after failed attempts at exercise, diet, therapy etc. – the pill was his last resort when his physical/mental pain became extreme and he could no longer function.  I do not fault him for taking it or the doctor who prescribed it.  I just wish we/doctor was better educated and it was used for a short time and coupled with other non-medicinal therapy. Gradually over the years, the dose was increased to 3 mg when he finally said enough.  Thankfully, he did his homework and decided to stop.  Note: he was very physically fit before stopping.

I would like to take a moment to share my perspective/experience as a caregiver:

 

When he first approached me to say he was considering stopping I said, “Great!  I was never an advocate of drugs.  Timing was good – how long will it take?  A month or 2?”  He at least had done research and found Ashton after many failed attempts with ignorant doctors and informed me it would be much longer.  I thought nothing of it and told him to go for it.  Honestly/sadly, it didn’t really affect me too much in the beginning.  I noticed more during the crossover, but valium helped him sleep more so things hadn’t got extreme yet.  I started to take note more as my non-fat husband continued to drop weight, considerable weight -30+ lbs.  I bought him Ensure shakes just so he was getting enough calories although he was eating normal if not more.  I attributed his health to a stressful job but got more involved in educating myself about Benzos around 15mg left in the taper.

 

His final 10mg decent took a huge toll – even though he was following Ashton’s taper.  Depression, anxiety, extreme muscle pain, band around the head, teeth pain, weakness/dizziness – trouble walking, night sweats/weird smell and complete insomnia.  The worst symptoms (my opinion) were constant chest pain and that voice in his head that kept telling him he was dying and not going to get better.  There were other strange symptoms too.  He literally couldn’t talk at times because the nerves would swell his voice box.  He twitched so badly it was like an electric eel when he was in bed.  His heartbeat would beat out of his chest when we would lie on the couch together -other days his heartbeat was way too slow.  He had to pee constantly.  He also said he would get up in the middle of the night and see all white -no color.  Extreme OCD too which he had never exhibited before.  Lastly, he was so antsy he could not sit still or be around too many people.  It certainly was a strange journey neither of us ever expected and left me in a spiral as to how to help him as he had quickly turned into someone I didn’t recognize.  Fortunately, education and some shear determination took hold of me and forced me to dig in deep and help me find the man I loved.  All this and he persevered. 

 

I will not say I was compassionate at all times.  I had many rolled eyes, “when are you going feel better” comments, and sadness of my own.  It can be overwhelming, lonely, and taxing on the caregivers body/mind as well. 

 

What I did to try to help him: yoga DVDs, Epsom salt baths, massages, acupuncture, listened to him, clean eating, positive notes around house/in his car, meditation classes, group counseling, short/long walks (whatever he could handle), relaxing music, pep talks, strict bedtime routines, handled all house/kid stuff to alleviate his stress, listened more, researched everything about Benzos, bought all the books, read all the literature, prayed like I never thought I could or ever did, so terribly many hugs whenever he needed them and lastly (probably the one he hated most) I made him tell me 5-10 positives EVERY morning including how far he had come for almost a year. (Side Note: chewing gum, walking- even down the driveway, and gardening helped distract him the most)

 

What I did to help me: I cried, I prayed, I exercised A LOT, and I went out with friends/family even though I hated leaving him and NO one understood.  I had to maintain a normal life for me and my children.  I also had to do those things to be strong for him otherwise I could have fell into his pit of despair quite easily. 

 

The journey took a LOT longer than we expected after the acute phase.  He had physical pain in chest, head, teeth & feet for 20 months, lessoning SLOWLY and continuing to still slowly lessen.  He also had a rare symptom: slow heart rate (never had before taper) and was diagnosed with dysautonomia.  All the many exercises, remedies, gimmicks, etc. he tried only one thing really worked: Time.  It does heal.  He is living proof.

 

What I have learned on this adventure: my husband is the strongest man I know – his body/mind endured more torture than I thought possible and he was only off work for 6 weeks (not sure how he did it).  Our faith has grown exponentially – I am not sure either of us would have survived without faith and glimmers of hope.  I also think my children have also benefited from this experience. Even though they are young they have a better appreciation for love and caring for others.  I am more conscience of what goes in my body and what a doctor thinks is best for me/him or my children. I have learned patience & compassion.  I have learned time heals. Lastly, and most importantly, I have found a greater love for my husband through this journey than I ever thought possible. 

 

Living happily ever after… 4LovofPat

 

PS: thanks to every individual on this site that encouraged me, posted successes, or simply posted positive words in their own distress.  I will be forever grateful to each of you and will continue to be cheering you to your finish line.

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What an awesome success story ! Good for him and for you ! You are an awesome wife as well to go through this difficult journey with him and stay by his side. It is really a challenge, even for very tight mates. It has surely put a stress on my marriage.

 

My name happens to be Pat also ! I am just now starting to come out of this nightmare also. Here's to a great rest of life for you and Pat !!  :thumbsup: 

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Great story!  Having a loving, patient, nonjudgmental caregiver by our sides is immeasurable help.  I'm glad you were able to take your wedding vows to heart (in sickness and in health) and now reap the benefits of that commitment.  God bless you both!  Making it to the finish line in the race will be quite symbolic for the both of you.  :)
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Great Post 4loveofpat :hug: running a marathon!! how amazing is that,I am so pleased for him. You really are a Special person.

 

Magrita

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4loveofpat :clap:

You are an angel.  And I mean that in the best possible way.  Your support, your love, your caring and nurturing were absolutely amazing but.....that is what love is.  I have been married for almost 40 years to the most wonderful man in the world.  He has stood by me through this horrible journey and he still is.  His faith, his postitive attitude about my healing has been my life saver.  My absolute anchor of love.  But I have had to let him go and also live life away from me, to get out with his friends and to forget my pain sometimes though I know it's breaking his heart.  Our love has deepened, our marriage is stronger than it has ever been I feel.  This is what w/d has done for me...appreciation, compassion, deepening of my faith...above the pain and suffering, there is love.

We are in our golden years and I'm forever sorry that this journey has taken time away from our lives but for whatever time we have left. Or whatever we have to face, I know it will be together.

 

Please congratulate him on his marathon, on his smile and his continued healing and on having you

In his life.  And thank you for telling his story of success, we all so need to read these posts. 

God bless. :smitten:

Galea

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Hello 4loveofpat

 

What a fantastic story. thank you for posting this and for giving hope to me and others going through this.

I wish you both a wonderful life.

 

Thank you! 

 

Lib 

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You showed your love for your husband in the most important way, supporting him through withdrawal. Congratulations to your husband on the half marathon, he went through a marathon of withdrawal, now it's time for a different kind of marathon.

 

My husband was my rock through this process, I can't tell you how much I relied on him and appreciated his care during my withdrawal and recovery.  I know your husband feels the same way, you are indeed a special person.

 

Thanks for sharing this with us.

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

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What a wonderful and inspiring success story! Your husband is a very lucky man. I'm sure you will enjoy/cherish the rest of your life together even more after this unbelievable challenge you have both endured. Take care and enjoy the race and the upcoming Easter holiday! 😊
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Reading that made me smile.  I lost my wife of 16 years because of this.  I know it takes an enormous amount of love and belief to make it through, but more important than that is knowledge.  Had you not taken the time to read for yourself how this affects someone, it might have scared you too much.  The real shame in all of this, and any other mental illness for that matter, is how much the professionals deny the existance of the problem or are simply inexcusably ignorant.  A little acceptance from society would go a long way in helping us accept it ourselves.  That's half the battle. 

 

Thanks for the very uplifting story.

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Dear 4,

 

Spring, Easter and a Marathon..... Yes, a new beginning and the right time, a renewal of life and a new beginning. 

 

4 is one of our Family/Supporter members that joined Puffin and myself moons ago, through the trial and tribulation of this journey in being by the side of our spouses.  You are the first to write the Success Story for you "both".  What joy when I came to this category and saw.... Aw... what joy.

 

You not only shared the journey from the beginning with your husband, his research and challenges.  But the communication he provided to you after he understanding.  Then you showed, when you saw what was transpiring, how you, his spouse, must delve into the education of this, to understand what he was up against and going through, as well as yourself and your children, and you did!

 

You did, you became the rock.  You've provided the footprint in this writing, what your husband went through, but, what you also went through.  What you needed to do and did, to help your husband through this, keeping some normalcy for yourself, as well as your children.  Though, you showed what is an educating supporting loving wife with this ordeal, a teacher for your children, and they learned.

 

What a blessing you are to your family!  What a blessing you were to both Puffin and myself, and the Family/Supporter blog we had in Buddie Blogs, as well as to the other supporters. 

 

My congratulations to you "both".  Share with your hubby the same.. and tell him, in spirit we are at that finish line cheering him through.  And, of course, we are spiritually right by your side with lots of hugs and joy!

 

With lots of Love to you both,

 

Pattylu :smitten: :smitten:

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Some people are more fortunate in life. I think your husband is recovering, mostly because it was surrounded by love and your suport. I think that the source of love is the best medicine
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Thank you so much for coming here and sharing this story.

I am going to share your story with my partner and parents......You get it..unfortunately for many of us (probably most of us), The medical community denies this is happening....and therefore our loved ones are even move confused and doubtful we are ever going to heal.....and that in turn makes us doubt we will ever heal.

 

Thank you this story of healing, especially here at Easter.

 

I am very happy for you both and I hope the healing just keeps improving all the time.

 

Much love and healing,

Causing

 

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What a wonderful story of success for all of you.  I'm so happy your husband is getting better, is well enough to do his marathon.  He might not be 100% but as someone that is almost there myself I know he will get there.

 

I also have a wonderful supportive husband and 3 young adult children that have been going through this with me, I am very blessed.  It makes such a difference to have those so close to me believing and encouraging.  When I had the doubt of healing they were always there telling me it would happen.  I remember how important it was to have my husband look me in my eyes and tell me healing would come.  He had never lied to me in our life together so that direct eye contact was my life line at times.

 

You are a special woman 4 - you didn't give up on your husband and your relationship - you are strong also - you have run your marathon too.  God bless you and your family and your new beginning.  It will only keep getting better.

 

hugs,

Sally  :angel:

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Thank you for your very moving story of true love, loyalty and faith. I find it very uplifting, and I'm wishing you many joyful years together in the future
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[4d...]

Thank you, thank you, such a moving and positive story. We are so lucky when we have partners who continue to give us so much love no matter what. Their patience must be pushed to the extreme many times.

 

I have a wonderful husband of 47 years. He has, nearly all that time, suffered with a wife suffering tolerance, tolerance withdrawal and finally the full impact of a cold turkey withdrawal. He's never left my side and gently guided me forwards to the better place I'm slowly entering. I think a part of his patience is due to the fact that he has been able to live an 'outside' life with plenty to help divert him from the horrors that have existed at home over the last 17 months. He is my rock, my salvation. We are so lucky to have wonderful people in our lives and a proof that love overrides everything.  :smitten:

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Thank you for coming back to post.  I am supporting my wife in this process and it's very similar to your situation.  Your post provides inspiration for both of us.

 

Pardner

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Thanks for all the kind replies.  To be clear, I am not the hero - he is!  He deserves the accolades.  I just deserve money for coaching - HAHAHA - kidding! 

 

As a follow up:  he had a great race this weekend and ran it in 9-10 minute miles - no stopping!  When he ran past me and our girls he was smiling from ear to ear.  He even mentioned after the race trying a small triathlon later this year.  Who cares if he does it or not!?  Him just having that thought proves he believes in himself again!  Very proud 

 

Keep believing it is possible!

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What a touching story.  It made me cry tears of joy for you and your husband.  What a special person you are for standing by him and doing all that you did to help him succeed and survive.

 

Thank you for coming back and posting your story for us.  What a great kindness.

 

Keep getting better and better.

 

L.

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Thank you so much for your post.

I have printed it out to show my husband -who has been there for me throughout,

& who is still helping me through this nightmare.

We both need to know that this will end & that I will truly recover.

Thank you for the hope & inspiration

 

margaretisabel

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