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Some good news


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I can't not share this.

 

I hit a wall a month ago, could have been an awkward cut, could have been that my cat had sudden heart failure and she had bad breathing until the vet arrived and put her to sleep, it was so sudden and obviously came as a shock, quite bad news in withdrawal but I tapered anyway, I should have known better and stopped for awhile.

 

Anyway, it has been 4 weeks since I have held my dose and I have pretty much come right and I can say that yesterday and today I feel pretty much normal, this is the longest I have held my dose in a long time but here are a few improvements:

 

My face is no longer dry

My face is no longer pale, it is now healthy and pink and pretty much glows, seriously!!!

My vision is better than it has been in a long time

My mind is not fogged

I can think clearly

I have no vibrations

I have no palpitations

I have pretty much no anxiety

 

It is the best I have felt in a very long time... if I had to live like this I almost could.

 

So, if a user of 24 years can feel this good at 2.9 mgs Valium, then it has to be healing.

 

I feel more me than I have in 24 years... even though I am not there yet, I am getting a real sense of my mind and body starting to respond to life and less benzo now and it feels great.

 

The downside is my gut is still a little irritable and I have had a few tiny waves of very, very low anxiety today but they come and go... it's not a huge deal, the other thing is I do feel a little bogged down and I suspect my adrenal function is low but other than that, I look pretty healthy, feel pretty healthy considering I am tapering and I feel very present.

 

I have a long way to go but just holding for a month is clearly what my body and brain needed but it is encouraging to know that when I cease to taper, I pretty much feel a heck of a lot better than in the past, my taper is slow and arduous but it appears to be finally paying off, not saying I am going to have an easy time of it as I taper down more but my health is starting to come back.

 

I am 85% me these days... and yes, sometimes I need a break but hopefully I will be able to eek my way down more and eventually feel more symptoms lift... it's a long road but finally I am starting to feel the good stuff, I feel pretty much human again and it is amazing how pink I look and how my eyes look brighter... I am on my way to meeting me again.  ;D

 

Recovery is happening, compared to even 6 months ago, this is like night and day... and no, I am not in a window, this is my baseline.

 

I am now increasing the effort in my diet and starting to get my fighting attitude back... yet for every bit of benzo lost now, I get a bit of me back from all those years ago.

 

I hope this helps someone.

 

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Good for you! I hope you continue to heal!

 

Thanks jennlynn.

 

I do not even have any DP/DR, the clarity I have is very good.

 

I was not well a few weeks ago and ready to throw in the towel but clearly I just needed a damn good break from tapering and stress after my cat passed away... things like that can really mess up a taper.

 

I would say, in times of extra unusual stress, hold your taper and take a break, life stuff still happens whilst we taper unfortunately but we can take a break at any time.

 

It feels great to finally be making progress... it started really kicking in mid January but now even more so...

 

I will be holding another week at least and then I will be back at it.

 

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Really glad you're doing better Oscar. Good for you!

 

Thanks Cate.

 

You know, when in a wave it can be so easy to think all is lost, I have been there many times in the past, there have been quite a few times where I have been utterly convinced I cannot do this any longer but the key is to never go on how one is feeling when in the thick of it, it pretty much always passes given time.

 

I have no headache, no tailbone pain, no stiff neck, no tight back muscles.

 

I may have had a wave recently but my overall trajectory is extremely good now I think...

 

I am really making an effort now to think of ways to keep things going smoothly.

 

I have decided to quit watching the news as it is mostly stressful and negative, we don't need that in our lives right now... I am also going to say no to anything that does not make me feel good.

 

I think getting rid of milk will help and I will be keeping a journal of how that goes and will post here in a months time with my thoughts.

 

I think about now would be a good time to start doing some breathing exercises and meditation.

 

 

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Good for you Oscar. I was just reading the long "ready to throw in the towel" thread and feeling bummed that you tapered for almost 3 years and were going to re instate. You are definitely healing and you're going to do great after you finish because of that long taper. To better days ahead !!  :thumbsup:     
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Great news Oscar!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

Sorry if I was too blunt on your dreams topic. I am always open to talk about dreams whenever you feel like it.

Keep the good work!

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Great news Oscar!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

Sorry if I was too blunt on your dreams topic. I am always open to talk about dreams whenever you feel like it.

Keep the good work!

 

Hey, it's OK, I was a bit flipped out at the time, you are right, people dream, I dream but some dreams can be a bit messed up in withdrawal sometimes...

 

It's good to feel sane again... I was probably well over due a break from this, sometimes a taper hits a bump in the road and it's never a good idea to just keep on, the brain knows when it needs a rest I guess.

 

Thanks so much you guys, I was a bit manic really, I thought I was going to have to reinstate... seems I just needed to get stable again.

 

I am going to stay away from the board for awhile and get my head into diet stuff and try and learn ways to heal more although the only true cure for this is time, it still does not deter me from trying to improve my health whilst this is going on, it certainly can't hurt and if anything, it may be helping more than I know.

 

I think I have done pretty well to get to this point without anything other than low dose propranolol and hydroxyzine after 24 years of use... 2.9 mgs is certainly a lot better than 12 mgs... I am just grateful I held enough to get stable again and I really appreciate all the support here... I never had issues on the drug and so reinstatement for me often seems wise when in fact it would be a shame as I have gotten this far... thanks everyone for putting up with my rants, this stuff can make one a tad crazy at times... so for that I am sorry.

 

 

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