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Any musicians out there feeling the effects?


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I'm new to the forum and just introduced myself in the introductions area. I'm a musician and have been a drummer for over 40 years plus I always tinkered on guitar. I decided to pick up my guitar and seriously start learning how to play better about 3 years ago. It's a great outlet for relaxation because it takes me worlds away from my w/d problems.

 

Lately what's been happening is my coordination seems to be taking a hit. The stuff I was doing with my left hand fingering on the fretboard a year ago is hard to do right now, like finger diarrhea. Sometimes my left ring and pinky fingers seem to get confused and have a mind of their own, like a general clumsiness. Also noticing it in my right foot on the drums (I normally have a lightning fast foot and only play a single kick). My right foot gets sore and tires much more quickly and I'll get an extra beat in (or miss one) every now and again.

 

Also noticing a weakness in my arms/hands, especially with my right strumming hand on guitar, not as much power as I had a few months ago and tiring easily. Some nights are good, some are bad. I know that coordination problems are one of the side effects of w/d from what I've read. Almost like the brain fog travels right down into my fingers and the brain to finger thing isn't connecting quite as 'sharp' as it was last year. Especially with the cut back to 1.75 mg of clonazepam I made on February 20th. Has anyone else encountered this? Interestingly, I also notice that my typing skills on the computer are real sloppy lately. Must all be related somewhow, yet I can can count down from 100 to 0 in increments of 7 without a mistake, brain still functioning at least  :)

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Hey there, first off welcome to the forum my friend, you've come to the right place for support while withdrawing from this crap.

 

As you can see from my name I'm a guitarist. I've been playing for over 30 years, I started very, very young you see  ;)

There's a few other buddies here who are musicians as well, this is a creative bunch of people as a whole in fact.

I used to play professionally in my 20s and 30s, then I stopped because the lifestyle didn't suit me anymore, if you know what I mean.

 

Until a few months ago I went through a period of apathy when it came to music, I would rarely play, when I did I just exercised a bit to dust off my fingers and the guitar. It's like I'd lost the enjoyment in playing, pretty sad stuff as music has always been my joy. But, guess what.. It all started to come back when I got to the lower doses in my taper. Now I play everyday, I almost feel like I did when I was a tee, I mean I'm excited again to be playing my stuff, recording, all on my own for now but I will play again with other people in the future, just for fun, I don't want to make a living, you know just for the sake of the music.

 

Anyway, it will come back for you as well, may be you body doesn't want or your mind or whatever but the passion and skills are never lost.

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Thanks for your reply, I know what you mean about the lifestyle. I played drums professionally throughout the 80s and it was a party every night. I guess I should have added to my signature that I'm 25-1/2 years sober from alcohol, those days on the road caught up real fast but life got a heck of a lot better once all the blood got out of my alcohol stream :)

 

I know what you mean about the apathy part. I find myself getting nervous before picking up my Tele wondering if I can do the things I did two nights ago. Almost don't feel like playing much sometimes. But when I do play, my fingers just don't want to cooperate because of the coordination factor. After a while (and enough arpeggios), they usually loosen up and get a bit better towards the end of a practice session which is usually 3 hours. But then I feel more sore than I normally do because I'm having to play so much harder. Maybe it's a combination of both nerves/anxiety and side effects (the clumsiness that I've read others have experienced on this forum), I don't know. I'd be interested to know if any others had the finger diarrhea.

 

Drums are always easier since I played them for so long. Guitar never came easy for me. In all honesty, it's been frightening me lately. I even notice it on my kick drum foot, go to do a double and off comes a single or a triplet instead at times.

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Hello from me,

 

I am a pianist and my skills fell off dramatically while in withdrawal. I was also very uncoordinated and shaky. It was really frustrating and my playing frankly sucked for quite a while.  I played a major work in a recital when I was about 15 months off and preparing for that was a real turning point for me.  It was a great feeling and all the good endorphins after a performance came back.

 

pianogirl

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Thank you pianogirl, you made me feel 100% better just in knowing that I'm not the only one going through the coordination problems.

 

I was trying to do a few things on guitar while sitting around here, passing the time and like you said - I quite frankly sucked. It improves the longer I play for but I guess that's just sheer determination. Thank you again for sharing your story with me. I'm glad you're doing better now, that's encouraging to hear.

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I'm definitely feeling the pinch. I still play guitar as often as I can for emotional reasons, to cheer myself up, to distract. But the weakness in both my arms and hands definitely keep the playing to a minimum, and indeed i also get clumsy and misstep a lot. You're not alone on that bit for sure.
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I am also a drummer with a double kick kit. I have been playing in bands for 20 years. For the last 1.5 years Ive been unable to play at all due to fatgue, energy. Before I hot tolerance wd I was able to thrash on my kit into a sweaty mess. Now I dont think I can play more than 5 mins of a simple beat and Im exhausted. I also pretty much just lost interest in music which is real sad.

 

I dont have the coordination problem you have described though even though I do have benzo brain.

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I also play the drums!  I have, since the age of 12 or 13, loved the drums and been interested in drumming.  However, before I knew I was in tolerance withdrawal, I could not stand to sit at my set for very long (more than 5 minutes) because of the tightness in my back and abdominal area.  I have, as a result, slowly been losing interest in playing.  Could not have imagined this could ever have happened to me, but it has.  As my stiffness/tightness slowly slowly eases over the past 15 months or so, I have been finding myself, here and there, back "pounding" on the drums, and loving every minute of it!!! 
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Thank you for sharing. darkskywaves, you hit the nail on the head with the keyword 'missteps'. I miss a lot of notes while playing lately and even forget chords when I first sit down.

 

I ended up playing guitar a little longer than anticipated this afternoon, that's the OCD part of w/d I guess, good therapy though (or so I think). I just couldn't get my left mid finger to do the hammer/pull-off on the main A sus 4 riff of Aerosmith's Sweet Emotion properly. So weak after numerous tries. I might have gotten it right about one third of the time.

 

I sat down on the drums afterward and pounded away but the fast (kick) doubles on the offbeat I was doing effortlessly last year were sounding more like singles and even triplets (with an extra unwanted note) every now and again.

 

groovejuice, maybe this isn't so much a coordination problem as it is a weakness problem after all. Concentration (or lack of) could be part of it, too. It's so hard to tell sometimes because I can still pull off some wild, intricate stuff on a good night. Doing it fast with the same coordination level is the hard part and man, that's frustrating. Benzo brain might be the best way to describe it. I'm so sorry you lost interest but I'm sure it'll come back and I can certainly relate to the fatigue, I was doing 2.5 (drenched) hours every second night last year. One hour is about all I can handle right now. No way I could go play any gigs. I see you get hand tremors in your signature -- ditto here.

 

One thing that really throws me off kilter during w/d is that I seem to have to do everything so fast, not just playing music but even handwriting and printing and other stuff. So rushed. Almost like I have a stuck fast forward button on my forehead.

 

Glad you're back pounding away labonte. Again, I can relate to the tightness in the back and abdominal area. I thought it was just me.

 

Playing music is my life as I'm sure it is for many others here. At least I know I'm not alone in this mess. Thanks again and don't let this poison take away your dreams. As frustrated as I get, I'm just gonna keep playing even if I have to slow it down to a crawl. Congratulations to those of you who have kissed this poison goodbye. I look forward to that achievement myself, one day at a time.

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I play guitar and was working on my right / left hand synchronization when I came across this thread.

 

Since starting on Xanax and the wd, my coordination has really taken a hit. So has my cognitive abilities which really show up when playing music. I have to rely on playing from the sub-conscious instead of what I have drilled in by rehearsal and memory.

 

I notice when I'm in a window, I play well, and when a wave hits I sound bad no matter how much I try to overcome. The benzos really do alter fundamental brain function.

 

I'm counting on this being temporary, and am expecting a full recovery based on the progress over the last 2 years.

 

The best part of being 20 months out is that I can FEEL music again. My emotional link to the music is back, which is wonderful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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used to be a working musician for many years up in nyc, guitar (acoustic singer songwriter really) and accordion.... been many years and I'm trying to get back into it but it is very frustrating... I have the same thing with "windows" where one day I am my old self and then the next it's like I almost never played before but I also hope that as I heal those windows will get better and I will get back out there and be able to play out again...

 

Thank you for this thread, I thought it was just me never connected the coordination issues to the withdrawl!

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I play guitar and was working on my right / left hand synchronization when I came across this thread.

 

Since starting on Xanax and the wd, my coordination has really taken a hit. So has my cognitive abilities which really show up when playing music. I have to rely on playing from the sub-conscious instead of what I have drilled in by rehearsal and memory.

 

I notice when I'm in a window, I play well, and when a wave hits I sound bad no matter how much I try to overcome. The benzos really do alter fundamental brain function.

 

I'm counting on this being temporary, and am expecting a full recovery based on the progress over the last 2 years.

 

The best part of being 20 months out is that I can FEEL music again. My emotional link to the music is back, which is wonderful.

 

I see more and more that this is a common thing for us musicians. I have to rely on the subconscious most of the time, too. Once I get going on a rough night, my guitar playing usually gets better after the second hour. On a good night, it's a blessing. My timing is really taking a hit, too, on drums as well. But I know it's all related to the same thing in w/d. I used to be a human metronome. I know it will get better for all of us, may take a while with many broken 'windows' along the way but it'll pass. I just know it in my heart.

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used to be a working musician for many years up in nyc, guitar (acoustic singer songwriter really) and accordion.... been many years and I'm trying to get back into it but it is very frustrating... I have the same thing with "windows" where one day I am my old self and then the next it's like I almost never played before but I also hope that as I heal those windows will get better and I will get back out there and be able to play out again...

 

Thank you for this thread, I thought it was just me never connected the coordination issues to the withdrawl!

 

It's not just you, I'm feelin' it, too. It will get better.

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Talking about timing - no way could I even find the beat during the waves it was so bad. Never mind about playing around the beat - just let me find the darn thing.
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I hear you. I was playing Roller by April Wine this afternoon and I just couldn't get the timing of the verses right for the life of me. After dinner (and my evening dose), went down and played it again almost perfectly. Sat down on the drums for 45 minutes tonight and sounded like my old self again. Windows. Timing. Coordination. Weakness. Concentration. Learning a lot here on my first day in the forum.
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used to be a working musician for many years up in nyc, guitar (acoustic singer songwriter really) and accordion.... been many years and I'm trying to get back into it but it is very frustrating... I have the same thing with "windows" where one day I am my old self and then the next it's like I almost never played before but I also hope that as I heal those windows will get better and I will get back out there and be able to play out again...

 

Thank you for this thread, I thought it was just me never connected the coordination issues to the withdrawl!

 

It's not just you, I'm feelin' it, too. It will get better.

 

:hug:

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I'm new to the forum and just introduced myself in the introductions area. I'm a musician and have been a drummer for over 40 years plus I always tinkered on guitar. I decided to pick up my guitar and seriously start learning how to play better about 3 years ago. It's a great outlet for relaxation because it takes me worlds away from my w/d problems.

 

Lately what's been happening is my coordination seems to be taking a hit. The stuff I was doing with my left hand fingering on the fretboard a year ago is hard to do right now, like finger diarrhea. Sometimes my left ring and pinky fingers seem to get confused and have a mind of their own, like a general clumsiness. Also noticing it in my right foot on the drums (I normally have a lightning fast foot and only play a single kick). My right foot gets sore and tires much more quickly and I'll get an extra beat in (or miss one) every now and again.

 

Also noticing a weakness in my arms/hands, especially with my right strumming hand on guitar, not as much power as I had a few months ago and tiring easily. Some nights are good, some are bad. I know that coordination problems are one of the side effects of w/d from what I've read. Almost like the brain fog travels right down into my fingers and the brain to finger thing isn't connecting quite as 'sharp' as it was last year. Especially with the cut back to 1.75 mg of clonazepam I made on February 20th. Has anyone else encountered this? Interestingly, I also notice that my typing skills on the computer are real sloppy lately. Must all be related somewhow, yet I can can count down from 100 to 0 in increments of 7 without a mistake, brain still functioning at least  :)

 

How is this thread pertinent to withdrawal and recovery?  And why hasn't been moved?  Just curious.

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I'm new to the forum and just introduced myself in the introductions area. I'm a musician and have been a drummer for over 40 years plus I always tinkered on guitar. I decided to pick up my guitar and seriously start learning how to play better about 3 years ago. It's a great outlet for relaxation because it takes me worlds away from my w/d problems.

 

Lately what's been happening is my coordination seems to be taking a hit. The stuff I was doing with my left hand fingering on the fretboard a year ago is hard to do right now, like finger diarrhea. Sometimes my left ring and pinky fingers seem to get confused and have a mind of their own, like a general clumsiness. Also noticing it in my right foot on the drums (I normally have a lightning fast foot and only play a single kick). My right foot gets sore and tires much more quickly and I'll get an extra beat in (or miss one) every now and again.

 

Also noticing a weakness in my arms/hands, especially with my right strumming hand on guitar, not as much power as I had a few months ago and tiring easily. Some nights are good, some are bad. I know that coordination problems are one of the side effects of w/d from what I've read. Almost like the brain fog travels right down into my fingers and the brain to finger thing isn't connecting quite as 'sharp' as it was last year. Especially with the cut back to 1.75 mg of clonazepam I made on February 20th. Has anyone else encountered this? Interestingly, I also notice that my typing skills on the computer are real sloppy lately. Must all be related somewhow, yet I can can count down from 100 to 0 in increments of 7 without a mistake, brain still functioning at least  :)

 

How is this thread pertinent to withdrawal and recovery?  And why hasn't been moved?  Just curious.

 

Hi baby.  :)  Since I am also a musician, I know why this thread is very pertinent to both withdrawal and recovery.  I'm both a musician and a songwriter.  I play the guitar and piano and also owned a music publishing company on Music Row for many years.  Music has been a fundamental foundation for my life as I was raised in a very musical family.  However, during my taper I stopped playing both the guitar and piano, (something I did daily since I was in the 3rd grade), because I felt no connection to my instruments and also my hands trembled a great deal.  My creative energy was completely zapped for a very long time and I stopped writing songs.  It was a form of derealization I suspect, because although I mainly continued feeling connected with most of my environment, my connection with my instruments was broken.  This has improved for me a great deal during my year off Benzos, but I'm still not feeling as connected as I was prior to withdrawing.  I guess this is one of my symptoms that I've yet to completely overcome.  Hope that helps you make the connection. 

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Hi Baby,

 

We allow anything about withdrawal to be discussed that impacts lives.  Whether it is a corporate job or a job in the music industry, if withdrawal has made it difficult or impossible it is important to be able to reach out to others who might have experienced the same thing.

 

Like Julie, music was my life since I was 6 years old. I started performing at 7 and was written up in several newspapers at an early age.  I lost my music for over two years, while on benzos and during recovery.  I still taught but it was by motor reflex after having taught for so many years.  My coordination was so bad that not only did I have bruises from running into furniture but I was unable to control my fingers on the keyboard. It all part of the loss that happens due to these drugs.

 

I'm happy to say I have regained all I lost. In addition, I think my concentration level is higher now than even before benzos because I have had to concentrate on my wellbeing for so long that I have better skills now. Music is in my head all the time now and I'm loving it. 

 

pianogirl

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How is this thread pertinent to withdrawal and recovery?

 

This was my first topic in the forum and although you'd never know it, I was actually terrified that I might be the only one stuggling with coordination problems tapering off of clonazepam. I wish you could see me trying to type this right now.

 

And why hasn't been moved?  Just curious.

 

Did you read all the replies? This thread isn't so much about music as it is the problems trying to play it while in w/d. One person said "Thank you for this thread, I thought it was just me never connected the coordination issues to the withdrawl!"

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Raymond - I think you will find that your music will be an excellent indicator of the stages of your benzo recovery.

 

Neurological and psychological testing can be difficult, but when the music coming out of you sounds good, it is an indicator of high functionality IMO.

 

 

I never thought I'd see a Flying V avatar though.  ;D    Good one.  :thumbsup:

 

 

 

River

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The neurological things really frighten me which is why I decided to join the forum. I've had tremors, twitches, balance problems, eyelids going and the list goes on. Nothing showed up in the MRI that I had last year. Also had EMG tests done and the usual "benign fasciluation syndrome" diagnosis which everyone seems to get when they've been on a med with unexplainable s/x. What do neurologists really know? Pardon the pun but neurology itself is the "grey" area, never mind the grey matter in the brain.

 

I think you're right in the fact that once my playing stabilizes, my functionality will be on its way to normalizing. A good way to judge it, I guess.

 

The Flying V was always one of my favorites along with the Explorer. Had an '82 Explorer at one time but sold it. Opted for a Tele, much easier to play sitting down  :)

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I have had, and still have, some joint aches but luckily not coordination problems (touch wood). My main issue with my playing was almost a complete apathy and lack of interest. I think I was generally depressed without realising much, apart from those moments when I felt particularly down.

Now, I'm back enjoying it, playing everyday, and more importantly for me writing some new stuff and recording which I hadn't done for ages. It's a blessing for me in recovery.

Does anyone else realise now that you were depressed in general after removing the benzos from your system?

 

Also, I've seen so far in this thread there's a few guitar players, a drummer, a pianist...We could do a jam  ;D

I'm a guitarist but also I can do bass, I've got a decent bass guitar too.

Any singers, brasses, exotic instruments here as well?

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Guitarman made me think about the time I signed up for a band formation at my old work for the company picnic.

We practiced in my front room. We had 3 guitar players, 2 bass players, 2 drummers, keys and an electric violin.

OMG it got HOT in there with all the electronics and bodys! It was a bit odd though because of the different levels of skill.

 

It was for fun so I went along with it and we did OK at the picnic, after that I bowed out though and ended up hooking up with one of the guitar players and bass player. We ended up playing together and playing out for almost 5 years.

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I have had, and still have, some joint aches but luckily not coordination problems (touch wood). My main issue with my playing was almost a complete apathy and lack of interest. I think I was generally depressed without realising much, apart from those moments when I felt particularly down.

Now, I'm back enjoying it, playing everyday, and more importantly for me writing some new stuff and recording which I hadn't done for ages. It's a blessing for me in recovery.

Does anyone else realise now that you were depressed in general after removing the benzos from your system?

 

Also, I've seen so far in this thread there's a few guitar players, a drummer, a pianist...We could do a jam  ;D

I'm a guitarist but also I can do bass, I've got a decent bass guitar too.

Any singers, brasses, exotic instruments here as well?

 

You're lucky to have been spared the coordination problems. I get lots of joint pain, especially in my knees which is a real hot spot in w/d from what I understand.

 

Depressed, yes but I'm still recording lots, interestingly the depression inspires some good songs and lyrics, albeit a little on the blue side. Some of the best tunes out there were written by people suffering from depression. My all-time favorite singer, Brad Delp (Boston) wrote the lyrics to A Man I'll Never Be when he was at his lowest point in life. Such a shame he's no longer with us.

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