...Cure from Benzo Withrawal...Slow Passage of Time!

Hello Benzobuddies, my name is Retire2010! 

 

I was a member of the BB family nearly four years ago.  August 2014 will be the anniversary of the day that I “jumped.”  I posted a recovery story a couple of years ago.  The Benzobuddies forum has been on my mind this past week. 

 

I just wanted to visit the forum and encourage those who are tapering and recovering from benzos.  I was prescribed klono by my doctor for panic attacks.  I took 1.0mg of klono for ten years.  I never misused or abused my prescription, but the drug had devastated my mind and body to what I thought was no end. 

 

One morning when I got up to workout, I had this excruciating ringing in my right ear (only).  I immediately went to a specialist.  After several tests, it was determined that I did not have hearing loss and that nothing was mechanically wrong with my hearing.  By then I had been on klono for ten years.  I searched the internet for ear ringing and found the BB forum.  Benzobuddies was a definite God-send.

 

I just want to share a brief exerpt of my recovery story.  I had just about every symptom on the benzo list, however, the symptoms that plagued me throughout my taper and recovery was insomnia, tinnitus, brain fog, and left sided numbness and tingling.  My symptoms were daily 24/7.  In addition to the horrible recovery symptoms, I had to work a full time job.  I did not have the luxury of taking a leave of absence from my job.  My taper took 4.5 months, and I worked throughout my entire taper and recovery.  Every day I went to work absolutely sick!  To add insult to injury of my zombie-like klono state, I was also thrown in the pits of perimenopause as well.

 

It took a year after my taper for the insomnia to begin to stabilize where I could sleep normally.  As for sleeping now, I sleep at will and when I want to, even naps; sleeping is heavenly.  Occasionally, I’ll awaken at night from a hot flash, but that’s a menopause story and not related to klono recovery.  The left sided numbness and tingling subsided about a year ago (after nearly four years).  The brain fog left after about 6 months after my taper.  The tinnitus was the challenge!  After about two years after my taper, the right sided tinnitus just stopped (a blessing), but I developed pulsitile tinnitus in my right ear (a long window).  Again, I went to an ENT, and the specialist said that there was no hearing loss or damage.  Was it still klono related?  I believed so.  Currently, the volume of my left ear tinnitus is very low; I barely know that it’s there unless I consciously listen for it.  Unless I’m in a very quiet room or happen to get a cold, or if its allergy season, I do not hear anything except the normal hearing (finally recovery...Yeah!!!).  Ironically, I was prescribed klono for panic attacks.  I learned during my taper and recovery that the klono was causing me to have the panic attacks, and that originally, the panic attacks occurred because I was going through perimenopause.  The very last time that I experienced a panic attack was a week after my taper.  I had three consecutive panic attacks that night.  The panic attacks were 10 minutes apart; I didn’t even have enough time to breath, and collect myself before the next one hit.  I no longer had klono to come to my aid to calm the panic attacks because I flushed all pills down the toilet when I jumped.  After the last panic attack, I uttered with a loud authorative voice “No more!”  That was the very last time that I had a panic attack, and I am confidence with my very life that I will never have another panic attack ever again.  Been panic attack free for nearly four years!!!

 

During your recovery, treat your body kind by eating a healthy diet.  I always practiced healty eating becaue I am a breast cancer survivor of 20 years.  Avoid simple sugars and excess salt.  No manner of supplements, drugs, or magic pills is going to make your recovery faster.  So my advice, don’t waste your money buying or looking for a quick pill fix; it ain't gonna happen.  Drink plenty of water.  It is a great purifier and it flushes the body of impurities.  If you are able, exercise.  Just walking made a tremendous difference in my recovery.  I have a full time job, but I’m also a personal training, and I know the great benefits of exercise.  Sweating also removes impurities.  There was many a day during my taper and recovery that I put my headset on a forced myself to walk.  I was devastatingly sick, but I walked and lifted weights (I enjoyed the weight lifting).  Sleep and rest when you can.  I truly looked forward to the weekends.  My body would never allow me to sleep for long periods because of the many jolts and jumps, but when I could sleep, I truly took advantage of it.  Family and friends who understand what you are going through will make for a great recovery help system.  Hubby and my sons were the greatest during my horrible klono days.  Stay away from negative people who do not understand, and who will hinder your recovery.  Stay on the BB forum and gravitate toward the success stories; they were a life saver for me.

 

I came here to offer words of encouragement.  The only known cure from benzo that I am aware of is the slow passage of time.  TIME was my great remedy.  I know that you are hurting and that you wish this phase of your life to be behind you, but in order for you to go through this, you must go through.  What’s the saying, “if you are in hell, keep going.” 

 

So, I say to all of my BB friends, hold on because your redemption is just over the horizon.  I feel absolutely great in my mind, body, and soul!  So, please hold on because one day this will all be a memory.  I urge you to keep fighting for your health and sanity because your benzo recovery will be just a bleep in your glorious life that is on the road before you! 

 

Finally, I’d like to say hello to Colin, the keeper of the flame.  I see Beeper and eljay are still with the forum; they are absolute guardian angels.  I don’t know if Pam is still around, but if she is, she has a special place in my heart until the day I die.  She was my life preserver throughout my klono recovery, and her words of encouragement, love, and even “tough” love, allowed me to make it through just another bad day.  If there are any Benzobuddies who are still around when I was on the forum, I say hello, and continue to be strong and supportive shoulders for the newbies; it goes without saying, they need you.

 

The trauma of all those bad recovery days has allowed me to return to Benzobuddies and share the beauty of my life now.  I have better health, peace of mind, and the favor of God.  Stay strong, because the eagle is vulnerable in the clefts of the mountain for a short while, and when he is there, he is going through a great change in his mind and body.  Once he grows those new feathers and wings, he is able to fly higher and strong than before.  You may feel weak and vulneable Benzobuddies, but surely God will soon lift you from the clefts into the blue sky.  Much love! Take care everyone! 

 

Hi Retire2010, and thanks so much for coming back and writing your success story! 

 

It is indeed true that the passage of time is the true healer in benzo withdrawal.  Although we can and do distract ourselves in countless ways, our bodies and minds need time to heal and I believe nothing can rush that process, the duration of which is different for each of us.  At more than two years off Xanax I can still feel subtle healing taking place almost every day.

 

Megan

Hey megan918,

 

    This is one journey where we all have to stay the course in order to make it through.  Continue your good work on the forum.  My prayers is for your total healing.  Take care.

Hey Retire,

 

Thank you so much for surviving, healing and coming back to tell us that the road ahead is better than we can imagine…

For many of us, especially the one's that were forced into CT Hell….The road ahead has been full of different levels of hell…

but in Month #18 I am truly hoping that I am starting to feel the healing and hope it starts being permanent soon.

Waiting for the healing is so hard.

Hopefully ALL of you that have written so many success stories are right and there is healing just down the road….All we have to do is hold on and it will happen for us.

 

Thank you.

Much love and continued healing,

Causing

Hey causingpain,

 

    Thank you for taking the time to read my healing update.  Complete healing does come in time.  I can hardly remember where I was in my healing at 18 months out, but I do know that I was farther away from klono and closer to healing.  You will experience total and complete healing, and when you do, you too will acknowlege the same.  You take care.

Hey Benzobuddies,

 

 

Hey Benzobuddies,

 

    I must correct one critical error in my update.  I am nearly 5 years benzo free August 2014; and not nearly 4 years as I reported.  Life is so great that I miscalculated the time.  Take care all!

This is an awesome story of recovery, Retire2010.  You'll never know how many people will be comforted by your story.

Thanks for posting it.  I'm going to take the link to your story over to the Protracted board. 

Challis 

Thanks for the inspiration. Your story is yet more fuel to my fire to return to greatness. Thank you !

Excellent story.  Thanks ever so much for sharing this with us.  Congratulations and be well. 

Thank you for your inspiration and promise of healing. Hope for this newbie. The best to you!   rose

Challis99,

 

    I remember very well how the success stories of other Benzobuddies was a lifeline pulling me into sure recovery.  I didn't know when I would see full recovery, but I believed that it was a reality; now I am completely healed.  I see where you jumped nearly two years ago.  Congrats!  Recovery is such an awesome reward for such a debilatating addiction.  Thanks for reading and acknowleging my updated recovery story.  Stay safe. 

Thanks for the inspiration. Your story is yet more fuel to my fire to return to greatness. Thank you !

 

Sal915,

 

    Greatness will be yours.  Take it from a previously (accidental) klono users.  I used that forbiddent substance for 10 years.  Knowledge is also fuel to recovery.  Now that I am aware of the ravages of benzo and similar prescription drugs, I guard my recovery very well.  Be at peace.

FreeofV,

 

    Contrats on being recently Valium free!  Isn't it very liberating not to be tied to benzos?  Life that is medication free is more precious than gold.  The healing continues.  Take care.

rosegal,

 

    Bloom on rosega...the sun is shining and its time to bloom.  Much love to you.

Awesome...you have brought me great comfort on a dark day. Thank you for coming back and sharing as I feel that many people, for whatever reason, do not. I wish you the very, very best in life. You certainty have earned it.

So glad that you came back to tell your story. Happy for you!

Thank you so much for coming back and sharing your story and hard won wisdom.  No matter how many times we "old hands" tell people they will heal with time, it never has the impact that an actual survivor's words do.  I'm so glad I dropped by the forum tonight if only to see how great you are doing.  I haven't seen Pam post in a long while but I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't pop in from time to time to see how the forum's doing.  You might want to pm her a link to your story in case she does check in.  I know she would be so happy for you, too. 

Wonderful to read your story. Thank you.

 

Love Jackie :smitten:

Hi Retire,

 

I remember you very well when I joined in 2010, and followed you.  What an inspiration you are to come back to the fold and encourage one and all.  This is truly so needed.  Congratulations to you in again sharing all.  The very best of all to you.

 

P 

Retire, I read the success stores all the time, they inspire me as yours truly did...Best of life to you....Jude

Hello Retire2010,

 

I remember reading your success story and it gave me much hope that there would be a happy ending to this withdrawal process. You were right, time is the great healer!    Thank you so much for coming back again to provide this wonderfully inspiring post for our members who are still in the thick of things. I wish you all  the best in your life of wellness!!

 

pianogirl 

What a lovely, positive and heart warming story.  Thank you.

Thank you so much for coming back and sharing your story and hard won wisdom.  No matter how many times we "old hands" tell people they will heal with time, it never has the impact that an actual survivor's words do.  I'm so glad I dropped by the forum tonight if only to see how great you are doing.  I haven't seen Pam post in a long while but I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't pop in from time to time to see how the forum's doing.  You might want to pm her a link to your story in case she does check in.  I know she would be so happy for you, too. 

 

Hey Beeper,

 

    It's good to see a familiar face,

 

    The one thing that I held onto during my recovery, is when other benzo veterans said that you will heal.  They were surely right.

 

    I think that I will PM Pam.

 

    Again, thanks for all that you do on this wonderful site.  Take Care.

Awesome...you have brought me great comfort on a dark day. Thank you for coming back and sharing as I feel that many people, for whatever reason, do not. I wish you the very, very best in life. You certainty have earned it.

 

 

Hey cuddlemuffin,

 

    If my story uplifted your spirits, then my suffering, as hard as it was, was not in vain.  Thank you for taking the time to read the update of my recovery story.  Keep the faith!