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Are You Glad or Sorry You Updosed or Held?


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I don't know - I am a bit split on the topic. I have only a few times updosed and more recently decided to hold my cuts longer which has helped some weeks and not so much other weeks. It is all too variable, which for me is the nature of w/d.

 

What I do NOT want to do is updose every time I am going through a difficult situation or my physical symptoms get bad as that will only serve to train my brain that I cannot do this, that or the other w/o the help of updosing. I expect to be outside of my comfort zone during this time but yes there were a couple of times I did updose but very far and few.

 

Instead of updosing I am more likely to hold my dose a bit longer to see if that helps.  I had been through this 5 years ago and cut way too fast and ended up in protracted for a pretty long time. This time around I am going slow and steady but want to see net gains in my cuts and find ways to navigate through the tough times. I am now closer to the authentic me then I have been in quite a while. I welcome the smell sensitivity because it is a reminder that I am no longer so blunted  - I did not even know I was blunted - thought my muscles spasms were the only thing that had gotten blunted. Finding light in the darkness is a wonderful thing.  8)

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Grinch, I am always supportive of others and I appreciate the support extended to me, I always have done, all I am saying is that I do not agree with anyone posting endless graphic descriptions of suffering without ever mentioning the good also... that is all I am saying, if there is good stuff and improvements share that shit too you know??? I could come on here and write endless spews of my suffering and go into great detail, trust me I like to type as most members here know by now but there is a lot I do not post on here... I have suffered a lot and half of the stuff I have been through I have not shared on here because I don't think anyone would benefit from it.
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I don't know - I am a bit split on the topic. I have only a few times updosed and more recently decided to hold my cuts longer which has helped some weeks and not so much other weeks. It is all too variable, which for me is the nature of w/d.

 

What I do NOT want to do is updose every time I am going through a difficult situation or my physical symptoms get bad as that will only serve to train my brain that I cannot do this, that or the other w/o the help of updosing. I expect to be outside of my comfort zone during this time but yes there were a couple of times I did updose but very far and few.

 

Instead of updosing I am more likely to hold my dose a bit longer to see if that helps.  I had been through this 5 years ago and cut way too fast and ended up in protracted for a pretty long time. This time around I am going slow and steady but want to see net gains in my cuts and find ways to navigate through the tough times. I am now closer to the authentic me then I have been in quite a while. I welcome the smell sensitivity because it is a reminder that I am no longer so blunted  - I did not even know I was blunted - thought my muscles spasms were the only thing that had gotten blunted. Finding light in the darkness is a wonderful thing.  8)

 

Nice. I am also finding I am more me now than I have been in many, many years and that goes to show we are healing betterdays, keep on keeping on, we'll get there... I may just have to start pushing ahead by holding in future (not pushing on down when symptomatic but holding without going back)... Seems as if the discomfort does pay off and it is not really realistic to expect to be symptom free all the time but it helps to minimize it where possible...

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Glad to hear Oscar, I could tell! Indeed the micro-taper makes it easier to recover when we are not at equilibrium. I too would get hammered if I tried .10 cuts since that terrible cut I did at 1.75 to 1.60. Luckily for me, I have been able to control and expect (mostly) what would happen if I cut too much or didn't hold long enough.
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Oscar, I like it here on bb. I never once said "get a life" in my post to you. In fact, I was being sympathetic and showing compassion of how difficult it must be to be healing and tapering yrs out. I don't know what my fate is or will be tapering off 4 mg of X without co. But I do know I will find support here on bb and I am grateful for that. And I truly hope that you cont your taper, feeling 85% right now as you said in a taper is a dream for some of us (I haven't even been 50% in the past yrs before my taper) so good for you!, and hope you reach 100%! I ll be waiting to hear all about it  :thumbsup:
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Healing DOES happen during the small tapers and that is exactly the point.

 

I agree, you should not updose everytime you have a symptom. If it is minor and workable, give it a few days and see how it goes. If it is calming down...hold longer. I preserved actual updosing to those times I knew I was not going to come out of it witrhout a prolonged-drawn out hold where I couldn't function properly.

 

My last "true" updose was going from 1 to 1.5 to 3mgs. I did try cutting from 2 down to 1.5mgs and within a day I was shot so that;s where I went to 1.75 instead. I don't really call that an updose. I just quickly changed the amount I was going to decrease.

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Glad to hear Oscar, I could tell! Indeed the micro-taper makes it easier to recover when we are not at equilibrium. I too would get hammered if I tried .10 cuts since that terrible cut I did at 1.75 to 1.60. Luckily for me, I have been able to control and expect (mostly) what would happen if I cut too much or didn't hold long enough.

 

Isn't it insane how that can even happen?

 

I suspect that there is a psychological component to how we react to cuts chrenraf... there has to be that as a factor even if it is not by much... I mean, these are small cuts but then again, I suppose the doses are small also aren't they?

 

Crazy stuff...

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Its kinda bitter sweet sometimes to realize how much of our selves that we have been cut off from. Hello and welcome to your life!

 

I get tempted to just jump when I am feeling good but did that years ago and spent a year wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Anyway....I kinda  compare w/d to lyme disease. When you kill the lyme bacteria with antibiotics you experience a herx reaction - a die off of the bacteria and you get really really sick. All your symptoms intensify but then after the herx you feel better then you felt before you treated. That is how I am trying to think of w/d. Try to hang on in the bad moments with the prize being a reclamation of my Self. I believe, for me anyway, with each de-integration I will experience a re-integration of my true Self but it is at a pretty stiff cost. Don't mean to get all philosophical but that is how I tend to manage my way through. I have not been at this nearly as long as you so it is much easier for me but I still recall what it was like years ago when I did not know what the hell I was doing and did my w/d in a month.

 

I am lucky in a sense that I did not take benzo.'s for anxiety related issues so that is not an issue for me in w/d. My demons are physical and muscular/skeletal pain which has me fighting every day NOT to take that Soma calling out my name.

 

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Glad to hear Oscar, I could tell! Indeed the micro-taper makes it easier to recover when we are not at equilibrium. I too would get hammered if I tried .10 cuts since that terrible cut I did at 1.75 to 1.60. Luckily for me, I have been able to control and expect (mostly) what would happen if I cut too much or didn't hold long enough.

 

Isn't it insane how that can even happen?

 

I suspect that there is a psychological component to how we react to cuts chrenraf... there has to be that as a factor even if it is not by much... I mean, these are small cuts but then again, I suppose the doses are small also aren't they?

 

Crazy stuff...

Hi oscar and chren,

I don't know if there is that psychological component at work with my mom because she has no idea how much or if I am tapering her.

I don't even think she cares.

When I tapered her too fast, she was getting acute sx's bad and she didn't know how if I was tapering or holding.

However, I am sure there must be to some degree for those who monitor their own taper.

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I think we also have to remember when someone updoses or holds due to their syx, it is their call on whether that syx or period of wd is worthy of doing it. Someone else may breeze or white knuckle through another person's syx while others are paralyzed by it and need to do something diff. Updosing or holding is two of those options. Everyone is diff with how they manage wd.  I just don't want someone to think because choices have been made to updose or held bc of extreme anxiety or due to extreme physical syx means they too should do the same. Everyone needs to decide for themselves if they can hang on or not and than adjust if needed.
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Oscar, I like it here on bb. I never once said "get a life" in my post to you. In fact, I was being sympathetic and showing compassion of how difficult it must be to be healing and tapering yrs out. I don't know what my fate is or will be tapering off 4 mg of X without co. But I do know I will find support here on bb and I am grateful for that. And I truly hope that you cont your taper, feeling 85% right now as you said in a taper is a dream for some of us (I haven't even been 50% in the past yrs before my taper) so good for you!, and hope you reach 100%! I ll be waiting to hear all about it  :thumbsup:

 

Thanks Grinchy.  :thumbsup:

 

You'll get there... in spite of my rants and postings, I am healing, if I did not think I was I would have given up by now... slow and steady wins the race so they say...

 

;)

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I think we also have to remember when someone updoses or holds due to their syx, it is their call on whether that syx or period of wd is worthy of doing it. Someone else may breeze or white knuckle through another person's syx while others are paralyzed by it and need to do something diff. Updosing or holding is two of those options. Everyone is diff with how they manage wd.  I just don't want someone to think because choices have been made to updose or held bc of extreme anxiety or due to extreme physical syx means they too should do the same. Everyone needs to decide for themselves if they can hang on or not and than adjust if needed.

 

Tis true.. different physical responses to w/d on the healing front and different life requirements.

I'm not happy to get so bad I'm not functional - i.e in bed - in big part because I have a three year old daughter. I don't want her first memories of me being sick. And I tend to be one of those people that are either functioning or in bed-level-not-functioning. I don't have much in-between with my w/d. My benzo cliff is steep.

Very personal

Very individual

All good for whatever works for you

xxx

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Oscar, I know in some instances there can be, especially if they have been particularly difficult, but once we get too far out of equilibrium it is going to let us know. :)  Otherwise you can be tooling along great and then bam, it just hits. I've had that happen. I mean the first time I got my taper on a roll and I went from 7.5mg down to 2 without much problem at all I thought I was golden. LOLOLOLOL.
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Oscar, I know in some instances there can be, especially if they have been particularly difficult, but once we get too far out of equilibrium it is going to let us know. :)  Otherwise you can be tooling along great and then bam, it just hits. I've had that happen. I mean the first time I got my taper on a roll and I went from 7.5mg down to 2 without much problem at all I thought I was golden. LOLOLOLOL.

 

Yep, it's been awhile since I have been on a roll... never will trust it again if it ever happens again... although it feels great being in that sweet spot.

 

 

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