Are You Glad or Sorry You Updosed or Held?

[[Buddie]]

Healing DOES happen during the small tapers and that is exactly the point.

I agree, you should not updose everytime you have a symptom. If it is minor and workable, give it a few days and see how it goes. If it is calming down...hold longer. I preserved actual updosing to those times I knew I was not going to come out of it witrhout a prolonged-drawn out hold where I couldn't function properly.

My last "true" updose was going from 1 to 1.5 to 3mgs. I did try cutting from 2 down to 1.5mgs and within a day I was shot so that;s where I went to 1.75 instead. I don't really call that an updose. I just quickly changed the amount I was going to decrease.

[[Buddie]]

Glad to hear [...], I could tell! Indeed the micro-taper makes it easier to recover when we are not at equilibrium. I too would get hammered if I tried .10 cuts since that terrible cut I did at 1.75 to 1.60. Luckily for me, I have been able to control and expect (mostly) what would happen if I cut too much or didn't hold long enough.

Isn't it insane how that can even happen?

I suspect that there is a psychological component to how we react to cuts [...]... there has to be that as a factor even if it is not by much... I mean, these are small cuts but then again, I suppose the doses are small also aren't they?

Crazy stuff...

[[Buddie]]

Its kinda bitter sweet sometimes to realize how much of our selves that we have been cut off from. Hello and welcome to your life!

I get tempted to just jump when I am feeling good but did that years ago and spent a year wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Anyway....I kinda  compare w/d to lyme disease. When you kill the lyme bacteria with antibiotics you experience a herx reaction - a die off of the bacteria and you get really really sick. All your symptoms intensify but then after the herx you feel better then you felt before you treated. That is how I am trying to think of w/d. Try to hang on in the bad moments with the prize being a reclamation of my Self. I believe, for me anyway, with each de-integration I will experience a re-integration of my true Self but it is at a pretty stiff cost. Don't mean to get all philosophical but that is how I tend to manage my way through. I have not been at this nearly as long as you so it is much easier for me but I still recall what it was like years ago when I did not know what the hell I was doing and did my w/d in a month.

I am lucky in a sense that I did not take benzo.'s for anxiety related issues so that is not an issue for me in w/d. My demons are physical and muscular/skeletal pain which has me fighting every day NOT to take that Soma calling out my name.

[[Buddie]]

Glad to hear [...], I could tell! Indeed the micro-taper makes it easier to recover when we are not at equilibrium. I too would get hammered if I tried .10 cuts since that terrible cut I did at 1.75 to 1.60. Luckily for me, I have been able to control and expect (mostly) what would happen if I cut too much or didn't hold long enough.

Isn't it insane how that can even happen?

I suspect that there is a psychological component to how we react to cuts [...]... there has to be that as a factor even if it is not by much... I mean, these are small cuts but then again, I suppose the doses are small also aren't they?

Crazy stuff...

Hi [...] and chren,
I don't know if there is that psychological component at work with my mom because she has no idea how much or if I am tapering her.
I don't even think she cares.
When I tapered her too fast, she was getting acute sx's bad and she didn't know how if I was tapering or holding.
However, I am sure there must be to some degree for those who monitor their own taper.

[[Buddie]]

I think we also have to remember when someone updoses or holds due to their syx, it is their call on whether that syx or period of wd is worthy of doing it. Someone else may breeze or white knuckle through another person's syx while others are paralyzed by it and need to do something diff. Updosing or holding is two of those options. Everyone is diff with how they manage wd.  I just don't want someone to think because choices have been made to updose or held bc of extreme anxiety or due to extreme physical syx means they too should do the same. Everyone needs to decide for themselves if they can hang on or not and than adjust if needed.

[[Buddie]]

[...], I like it here on bb. I never once said "get a life" in my post to you. In fact, I was being sympathetic and showing compassion of how difficult it must be to be healing and tapering yrs out. I don't know what my fate is or will be tapering off 4 mg of X without co. But I do know I will find support here on bb and I am grateful for that. And I truly hope that you cont your taper, feeling 85% right now as you said in a taper is a dream for some of us (I haven't even been 50% in the past yrs before my taper) so good for you!, and hope you reach 100%! I ll be waiting to hear all about it 

Thanks Grinchy. 

You'll get there... in spite of my rants and postings, I am healing, if I did not think I was I would have given up by now... slow and steady wins the race so they say...

 

[[Buddie]]

I think we also have to remember when someone updoses or holds due to their syx, it is their call on whether that syx or period of wd is worthy of doing it. Someone else may breeze or white knuckle through another person's syx while others are paralyzed by it and need to do something diff. Updosing or holding is two of those options. Everyone is diff with how they manage wd.  I just don't want someone to think because choices have been made to updose or held bc of extreme anxiety or due to extreme physical syx means they too should do the same. Everyone needs to decide for themselves if they can hang on or not and than adjust if needed.

Tis true.. different physical responses to w/d on the healing front and different life requirements.
I'm not happy to get so bad I'm not functional - i.e in bed - in big part because I have a three year old daughter. I don't want her first memories of me being sick. And I tend to be one of those people that are either functioning or in bed-level-not-functioning. I don't have much in-between with my w/d. My benzo cliff is steep.
Very personal
Very individual
All good for whatever works for you
xxx

[[Buddie]]

[...], I know in some instances there can be, especially if they have been particularly difficult, but once we get too far out of equilibrium it is going to let us know.   Otherwise you can be tooling along great and then bam, it just hits. I've had that happen. I mean the first time I got my taper on a roll and I went from 7.5mg down to 2 without much problem at all I thought I was golden. LOLOLOLOL.

[[Buddie]]

[...], I know in some instances there can be, especially if they have been particularly difficult, but once we get too far out of equilibrium it is going to let us know.   Otherwise you can be tooling along great and then bam, it just hits. I've had that happen. I mean the first time I got my taper on a roll and I went from 7.5mg down to 2 without much problem at all I thought I was golden. LOLOLOLOL.

Yep, it's been awhile since I have been on a roll... never will trust it again if it ever happens again... although it feels great being in that sweet spot.