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Seeking help next week


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I am on day 25 of a hold and I am not really getting stable yet, a better day up until early evening and then I had a bout of catastrophic thoughts and got scared.

 

I talked to the friend I live with and had a meltdown, crying and said I was terrified, which is true.

 

My stomach is again making churning sounds and the anxiety waves are still coming, they are mild but even so, they are there, I am obviously not stabilizing yet and this is starting to get ridiculous.

 

If this is the result of 33 months tapering from just 12 mgs Valium and I am at 2.9 mgs, I don't honestly see how I can possibly get off this drug now, I am going to keep trying but this is a major wall.

 

My skin is dry on my arms

I am losing weight again

I have even been short of breath the last few days

 

My face feels better (not so dry) and my eyes are not sore today, so in some ways I look better (my friend noticed this today)

 

However, mentally I am not too good, the slight derealization I have mixed with the organic fear waves make me feel quite mentally unstable and I hate it, I expressed my concerns with my friend and for now I am just trying to get stable.

 

I think I will have to go and see a Doctor this week at some point because I can't see this working out and in any case, after so many years on this drug, the chances of me being protracted after such a problematic withdrawal are pretty high, I don't want to be in some derealized state for years.

 

The crazy thing is 3 weeks ago I was doing fine and now I don't feel at all able to make any progress.

 

If the tiniest cuts are going to be torturous all the way down, I am not going to make it anyway, I will end up in a bad depression and I am not prepared to put myself at risk to try and get benzo free, I am going to have to seek some help and see what my options are because this no longer seems to be working.

 

I cannot kid myself any longer, this is not working, I will give it a few more days but it is looking likely I will have to updose.

 

 

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Thanks Grinch.  :smitten:

 

I'll hold for another 2 days, no improvement in my mood/gut/anxiety, I am going back up a little.

 

Then I am seeking help.

 

 

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