Jump to content

FLIP'S FREEDOM


[Fl...]

Recommended Posts

Flip, Thank you for coming back....ya can't imagine how ya give me perspective on my own healing.  You are tough.  Much admiration!!  Thanks so much for continuing to support us here.

 

So welcome Doveluv,

I am eager to log on when I find the time. You guys are all heros!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Fliprain,

 

Just wanted to tell you that, while I never knew you, I still link people to your success story, as well as your thread when you brought back other recovered folks to advise those in still struggling, and I tell them about your goal of helping other people after your own healing. Also, I share your advice of helping others as a powerful way to make this experience meaningful and to aid in one's own healing. I have very ambivalent feelings about people who go through this and then just go back to business as usual when they heal. I hope other's follow in your path. Mine is an angrier one, but it is deeply informed by your words.

 

I'm sure it doesn't make it worth it, because it was never your burden to carry, but I think the pain you endured may be the reason some people are still alive on this earth.

 

So that's something.

 

quiet

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fliprain,

 

Just wanted to tell you that, while I never knew you, I still link people to your success story, as well as your thread when you brought back other recovered folks to advise those in still struggling, and I tell them about your goal of helping other people after your own healing. Also, I share your advice of helping others as a powerful way to make this experience meaningful and to aid in one's own healing. I have very ambivalent feelings about people who go through this and then just go back to business as usual when they heal. I hope other's follow in your path. Mine is an angrier one, but it is deeply informed by your words.

 

I'm sure it doesn't make it worth it, because it was never your burden to carry, but I think the pain you endured may be the reason some people are still alive on this earth.

 

So that's something.

 

quiet

 

Hello Quiet,

You know me, even though we've never talked until now. You know me because I poured out my depths on these threads and that was life saving for me. Now I know you a little and look forward to knowing you more. Your affirming words are powerfully meaningful to me on this Sunday morning and I thank you for them.

 

The longer I am on this journey, the more convinced I become that it is connection that both heals us and makes this life beautiful. I now have the immense privelege of sitting with people who hurt and helping them find a sacred space to heal. There is even some new research that when, as an adult, we are deeply seen and deeply accepted, we experience the release of the neurotransmitter oxytocin which is the same feel good substance released when mother and initially child bond. When we can experience this as an adult, it can be transformational. I think that is what makes this forum so unique; there are some very meaningful and authentic conversations here, and even though we all have never met each other, we share a bond of hope.

 

I feel very honored that you point people to those pages of real conversation and I feel quietly humbled that my journey might help others. I also think it was worth it if these things are true. I also understand why some people just resume life as they can. I equate it to holocaust survivors who stepped back into life and never spoke of their unspeakable suffering again, or of returning soldiers who cannot talk about what they saw and experienced. We are all unique and we all express in different ways. You say you are angrier. That part of me probably never showed up here because I started having connections that were (gasp) FUN! Who knew one could have fun in hell. But I did. I think I saved the anger for therapy, which also taught me so much.

 

Wishing you a day of acceptance, peace and hope, Quiet. Thank you for your beautiful post.

Flip

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

It’s 8 years today since taking my last teeny dose of Valium. I wanted to stop by and reaffirm that things are still better and life on the other side is good.

 

Remaining symptoms are light to moderate tinnitus and I am unable to tolerate alcohol.

 

I did that school thing I wanted to do and I am working as a telehealth counselor in Oklahoma while also caring for my now 99 year old mother and for my husband who had a stroke a couple of years ago.

 

I’m 66 now. When my doctors and peers evaluate my health, I’m considered healthy. I’m a normal BMI, moderately active and have a joy in being alive and functional that I don’t see in just everyone around me.

 

The benzo decade+ did rob me of years, yes. But the things I learned in that decade are priceless. I have no doubt that I would not be so profoundly grateful for ordinary functioning had I not been through those years. So using the “Yes And” model, Yes, benzos stole over a decade from me AND my life is richer now. Most days I can say I am living that passionate, conscious journey that Michael Meade speaks so eloquently about.

 

If you’re still in the middle of this struggle, take heart because you will recover and your life will be richer when you do.

 

Wishing everyone a happy Thanksgiving, hope in this confusing year of a global pandemic, and a patient endurance and a knowing that all will be well - all manner of things will be well.

:smitten:

Flip

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have just read through your success story and as an older person of 75, started on diazepam by my Doctor at almost 73, sad to say,  I am so much in need of re assurance that we do get better.

 

I have had a hard journey off  4mgs of diazepam  that I took for only 4 months, and then tapered a long taper from 4mgs to zero

 

I am now almost 12 months off  and still struggling a great deal.

 

I am beginning to feel I am one of those who wont heal but your success story gives some hope. 

 

It's so encouraging to read that you have recovered from all you went through

 

I have extreme tinnitus and worry it wont fade, especially as I lost my my hearing in my 30's. If it were to reduce to mild or moderate, that would be so much easier.

 

Once again, thank you for your inspiring story and for returning to encourage others with you recent update, 

 

Jen

aged 75

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for this wonderfully intimate and detailed post, Flip!!!!

I'm just starting my journey and your post has brightened my day!

Keep going, sister! Love to you and yours!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Chinchuck - Hi. I feel your despair. I remember your despair. I can’t tell you the tinnitus will go away for you, and feel so empathetic with you as well as admiring of your courage.

 

Sometimes when mine gets annoying or when I begin believing it will always be there, I get sad, probably something near grief that that last little piece of me will never be normal again. I’ve learned to allow myself that grief. I’ve learned how important it is to sit with our real emotions. Then I find that if I allow it, show myself some self compassion, that I feel more resilient and like I can live just fine with it. On great days, I even use that little whine inside my head as a type of touchstone, a reminder of how utterly, horribly brutal the recovery was and now this is all that is left. I can live with that. It would be harder if I had an additional hearing loss though. I’m interested in where you go internally in order to cope. Please hang in there. ❤️

 

Soulandara - Thank you! Best, best, best to you on your journey. Sending positive energy your way. ❤️

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Flip

 

Congratulations to you...8 years... wow girl...how time flies!  Thank you for always returning with your wonderful uplifting supportive posts, you are such an inspiration.  I am happy to hear your working,  "telehealth counselor"  what a great job for you!    We go back a way you and me,  I remember some really tough times, but there was always laughter too.  It was like a tonic, and somehow helped all of us through the pain.

 

Happy Thanksgiving,  Love to you always and the family, a big hug for (((Mom)))

 

Margo mini-graphics-hearts-683379.gif

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Margo. My heart melts with your post. You were always so, so supportive to all of us, and I see you still are. Bless you for remaining a moderator here on this life-saving forum. When we all went to those depths of pain, we found something pretty incredible where we were able to laugh with the pain. We didn’t minimize it, we just transcended it. Still to this day, I think I have never found the same quality of relationship as I did here with you and others.

 

Having a thanksgiving lunch today with mom and I will say hi to her. She is still completely alert and “with it” at 99. It’s only her little body that has betrayed her and she needs a lot of help to get through the day.

 

Best to you my dear friend,

❤️

Flip

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 years and you still have tinnitus?  I'm so depressed.  Tinnitus has been my worst symptom.  I'm only at 4-1/2 years off Clonazepam and can't imagine living like this the rest of my life.  I'm 61 years old and don't have much time left.  :'(
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I guess I see it differently iwsth in that I’m grateful to be able to leave the house interact with people happily and to feel pretty terrific in my body most days. I try to accept the tinnitus as a type of battle scar and feel lucky that I escaped with so little by comparison to what was.

 

Although I know we are different and I do not minimized your suffering. I’m very sorry and I wish you peace. It’s is still very possible that you will receive full healing so don’t despair! Plenty of people report the tinnitus going away.

Have hope,

Flip

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

Bump for inclusion in the study.

 

Update -

9 years and a few months out from my last teeny dose.

I’m still feeling well. My mental ability is still improving and by that, I mean I feel sharper and sharper. I am 67 right now and above the curve both physically and mentally  for my age group in so many ways. I kind of doubt that would have been the case without the hellish experience of Benzos. I feel pretty sure I wouldn’t be this determined to live my best life if I hadn’t been through that despair, so while I still feel like a decade plus was taken from me, in an odd way, life is better now because of it.

 

I’m also pretty excited right now because even though I did get that counseling license, I haven’t been able to effectively work with people who were having to taper or recover from a benzo simply because it was “outside my scope of practice”. BUT, I have an interview with a company who specializes in this issue and does have a medical team. I’ll report on that as I know more.

 

I salute and honor and applaud everyone who is still in the awful foggy tunnel of this process. Please take heart, treat yourselves well with clean everything and give your minds, hearts and bodies time. Let them work their miracles.

❤️

Flip

Hi Flip  :-* thanks for coming back to give hope to those of us still in the trenches its really appreciated :hug: its lovely to see you for a good reason  ;D

 

                                              Love and  much respect to you  :mybuddy: Nova xxxx  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fliprain,

 

I just read your success story and your followup comments. Wow, thank you so much! I really needed to hear your words today. I appreciate the thorough documentation of what you went through as well as the raw honesty behind it. I've been through some similar things to you. I just turned 60 back in November and I'm now 7 1/2 months off of all meds.  I'm having a tsunami of a wave right now and reading your words is helping to keep me from despair. Thank and I hope your counseling and other life activities continue to keep you excited, young and bright. 

 

Gratefully,

Helen

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nova - very curious on your “good reason”. ;)

 

Helen - I am sorry for your suffering. You are early in your freedom journey, but HUGE congrats for being off. It is only brighter from here. Be patient and be kind to yourself. It will get better and better. Sometimes is so discrete you don’t even notice until you look back. Sending lots of hope your way. ❤️

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nova - very curious on your “good reason”. ;)

 

Helen - I am sorry for your suffering. You are early in your freedom journey, but HUGE congrats for being off. It is only brighter from here. Be patient and be kind to yourself. It will get better and better. Sometimes is so discrete you don’t even notice until you look back. Sending lots of hope your way. ❤️

Not because of benzos  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...
[a6...]

Congrats Flip!

 

So happy for you and your success.

 

One question for you, I found an old post from 9 years ago that said you had a very dry nose that was very painful!!

 

I’m encountering that myself right now, did this issue resolve itself now and did you have it the entire length of your taper or healing time. I’m finding it very painful!!

 

Thanks.

Winnie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...