Author Topic: Am I already in acute, possibly? Warning depressing post.  (Read 791 times)

[Buddie]

Re: Am I already in acute, possibly? Warning depressing post.
« Reply #10 on: April 14, 2014, 04:18:42 pm »
Hey [...],

All I can say about tapering is that sometimes when I hit a particularly nasty spot, I would hold for several weeks and if I did not get the relief I expected, I would make another small cut anyway and it would often times help.  I don't have an explanation for it, it's just the way it worked out for me. During the rough spots, I know how easy it is to get caught up in thinking "I was on for too long," or "my dosage was too high" and we start making assumptions about future results that may or may not happen. I know all too well how things start to spiral down when we look back at how sick we were, and how we still don't feel well know, and how much farther there is to go. It starts to feel inevitable, and the fear feeds the fear.

I have been so fearful of what will happen after I jump, but my personal truth is that things are not where I'd like them to be NOW while I'm still on, so I have to either keep moving forward or back up completely.  When I think about reinstating, I think about how terrible I felt taking 1 or 1.5 mg of klonopin/day.  I felt NOTHING good -- no love, no elation, no joy.  I have pictures of how completely awful I looked in 2010 - 2011. Could barely keep my eyes open, skin looked like crap. I look and feel worlds better now.  Although I didn't take benzos for years and years, I did take quite a bit of klonopin and drank heavily while taking it which presents its own set of challenges.

I don't know you that well because I don't post so often, but have you considered possibly upping your tapering schedule?  I felt pretty symptomatic from 4mg v down to 2 mg.  Less so from 2mg to 1mg, and really started to get some good relief <1mg.  Now, despite a couple negative posts last week, my life is closer to 75% good vs. 25% bad.  I even managed to get on an airplane last month to go to Puerto Rico! Never would have been able to do that two years ago while on 4mg v. I am learning real, actual coping skills because I have to.

I do still have fairly strong symptoms, but they are punctuated by the fact that I am actually feeling so much better most of the time. My baseline has improved to a point where when I get stuck amidst some heavy DR, it bothers the s*** out of me whereas before I lived in it 24/7. I am trying to get my head on straight so that the next time it comes around I don't let it bother me as much. Either way, I'm not giving up, and neither should you. When I think about reinstating, it's only while in a wave and it's this imaginary lifting of all symptoms.. the reality is that my life on benzos was no life worth living, and even if going back on would alleviate some symptoms, I would not really be there to enjoy it.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Am I already in acute, possibly? Warning depressing post.
« Reply #11 on: April 14, 2014, 04:52:36 pm »
I only have one thing to say.... :yippee:.....now remember this and don't let that nasty benzo ever win!!!  :oXo:

Great job my dear   :thumbsup:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Am I already in acute, possibly? Warning depressing post.
« Reply #12 on: April 15, 2014, 11:01:35 pm »

That is a great post Brooklyn... I agree with pretty much everything, being on benzo's is the easy way out but a life on benzo's is not much of a life at all long term, although I was OK on mine, I knew it was taking the joy out of life... hard to describe but I was flat and always wondering when life was going to get good again you know?

I am going to hold on to the hope it gets exponentially better at 2 mg and below... at some point it simply has to...

I think you are doing a great job and I wish you all the best.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.