Better than Ever at Two, now THREE Years off Xanax

I'm now two years off Xanax and doin better than I have for many years!  Though Xanax did wonders for my panic and anxiety, I didn't realize until recently how much it had taken away from my life.  Once a successful painter, I lost all desire to paint while on xanax.  My senses were muted to the point that I missed much of the beauty in life.  I was apathetic and inactive.  I gained a lot of weight.  I had memory and cognitive problems which worried me a great deal, and I began to think that these might be permanent.

 

Once I was finally off Xanax, it took over a year for most of my symptoms to subside.  Only one was left, but it was the most frightening of all as far as I was concerned - cognitive problems and brain fog.  I was 63, and deeply afraid that this would never leave me.  But, as I passed the 18 month off point a miracle began to unfold.  The mind-fog started to lift.  Things became clearer and brighter.  My creative urges slowly reawakened.  I'm experiencing a personal renaissance of sorts.  At 24 months off this miracle is continuing, and I'm starting to paint again!

 

Getting off, and staying off Xanax has been the hardest thing I've ever done, but it has been worth it.  I continued to heal well past the one year mark, and even past the two year mark.  If I can do this, you can too!

 

 

This is my "One Year Off Xanax" success story, from March 2013:

 

In the late 1990's I started to experience palpitations and tachycardia, which in turn generated panic attacks

that got worse and worse as time went on.  I soon developed an intense fear of the panic attacks

themselves, anticipatory fear, which is common in "panic disorder."  When I was prescribed xanax for the

first time in 1999, I thought it was a gift from heaven.  It worked beautifully, no more palpitations and no

more panic attacks.  I took it for many years before I developed tolerance, which I first noticed when i began

to run out of pills before the end of each month.

 

To make a long story short, I eventually realized that xanax was a double-edged sword which was sapping

my mind and my creativity.  I'd been a successful painter (animals, birds, plants), even making a living from

my art.  But while on xanax I lost all desire to paint, or do much of anything.  I made two unsuccessful

attempts to get off xanax in 2005 and 2009, reinstating at a higher dose each time.  Then finally, in early

2012, I rapidly tapered, crossed over to valium, and off on March 18, 2012.  My prescription had been cut

off, so I couldn't do a longer taper.  But the taper went smoothly, and I only had symptoms once I was off.

They were overwhelming:

 

 

Withdrawal Symptoms at 0-5 months off:

 

 

Anxiety:        Extreme anxiety in the mornings, waking at 4 am, hypervigilance, out-of-the-blue panic

 

Senses:        Altered, distorted and extremely acute hearing, smell, taste, hyperosmia

 

Eyes:            Red, painful, dry,  Visual distortions, minor hallucinations, floaters, etc.

 

Head Sys:      Congestion, pain, cog fog, head zaps, earaches, headaches, sinus problems

 

Body:            Extreme flushing, sweating, chills, pains, temp. hair loss, vertigo, insomnia, vivid dreams

 

Muscles:        Stiffness, pain, twitching, facial tics, hand tremors, restless leg syndrome

 

Nerves:          Raw, exposed, "open wound" feeling all over--absolutely excruciating!

 

Mental:          Depression, obsessive, intrusive thoughts, morbid thoughts, racing mind, agoraphobia,

                      DP/DR, and  extreme hypochondria with countless imagined health issues!

 

Starting in month 5, my symptoms began to lessen, and slowly but steadily got better.  I had windows and waves.

A non-linear rollercoaster ride, but in general I still felt worst in the morning and much better by evening each day.

 

When I started having severe mental symptoms I desperately looked for a way to regain "control."  I found it in

self-distraction, which I applied obsessively at first.  It became an ingrained habit, and I began to look forward

to my favorite distractions.  I began to relax a little, and during months 6-12  the healing really accelerated.

 

Besides distraction, I've done meditation and other spiritual practices.  All of these took my mind off my symptoms

for awhile.  In the afternoons when I started feeling better I'd relax, read, nap, or watch tv.  Nothing strenuous.

I eat what I want and drink half/caff coffee (helps the cog-fog). 

 

 

Remaining symptoms at one year off:

 

Head symptoms, though slowly improving, are still with me.  The zaps have stopped, but congestion, foggyness,

and at times, pain, remain, especially early in the day.

 

Physical symptoms:  almost all gone, with the exception of occasional restless legs, and rarely, mild vertigo.

 

Mental symptoms:  mostly gone, but  I still have occasional racing thoughts when in a "wave,"  My anxiety level

is now much lower than it was before benzos.  This is remarkable since I was prescribed xanax for anxiety!

 

When I took my last benzo a year ago I didn't really have any faith that I could do this.  I'd tried it twice before and

failed. But with the help of BenzoBuddies, I finally managed it.  At three months off I got rid of my stash of xanax,

and I never took a "rescue dose."  The hardest thing for me was learning how to live and cope with my

anxiety without xanax.  I never thought I was a particularly strong person, but now I know I am.  I've proved it!

 

If I can do this, you can too!

 

:smitten:

 

 

This is soo encouraging. I'm in the process of tapering of of xanax as well and can't wait to get where you are! I would love to hear more about your distraction techniques.

Hi Lov3,

 

I found the best remedy for obsessing about my anxiety and other symptoms to be almost constant self distraction, using anything that took my mind off my fears for a little while, then moving on to a new distraction.  Use whatever works for you.  My favorite things were old movies, books, games, pets, and short trips or errands.

 

That’s a very inspiring story. It gives me great encouragement. Good luck to you

MEGAN what is your current situation with palpitations and tachycardia? Was it a cardiac issue or sx of anxiety and panic? I ask because that exact thing drove me to my first benzo.

 

I'm now two years off Xanax and doing better than I have for many years!  Though Xanax did wonders for my panic and anxiety, I didn't realize until recently how much it had taken away from my life.  Once a successful painter, I lost all desire to paint while on xanax.  My senses were muted to the point that I missed much of the beauty in life.  I was apathetic and inactive.  I gained a lot of weight.  I had memory and cognitive problems which worried me a great deal, and I began to think that these might be permanent.

 

Once I was finally off Xanax, it took over a year for most of my symptoms to subside.  Only one was left, but it was the most frightening of all as far as I was concerned - cognitive problems and brain fog.  I was 63, and deeply afraid that this would never leave me.  But, as I passed the 18 month off point a miracle began to unfold.  The mind-fog started to lift.  Things became clearer and brighter.  My creative urges slowly reawakened.  I'm experiencing a personal renaissance of sorts.  At 24 months off this miracle is continuing, and I'm starting to paint again!

 

Getting off, and staying off Xanax has been the hardest thing I've ever done, but it has been worth it.  I continued to heal well past the one year mark, and even past the two year mark.  If I can do this, you can too!

 

 

This is my "One Year Off Xanax" success story, from March 2013:

 

In the late 1990's I started to experience palpitations and tachycardia, which in turn generated panic attacks

that got worse and worse as time went on.  I soon developed an intense fear of the panic attacks

themselves, anticipatory fear, which is common in "panic disorder."  When I was prescribed xanax for the

first time in 1999, I thought it was a gift from heaven.  It worked beautifully, no more palpitations and no

more panic attacks.  I took it for many years before I developed tolerance, which I first noticed when i began

to run out of pills before the end of each month.

 

To make a long story short, I eventually realized that xanax was a double-edged sword which was sapping

my mind and my creativity.  I'd been a successful painter (animals, birds, plants), even making a living from

my art.  But while on xanax I lost all desire to paint, or do much of anything.  I made two unsuccessful

attempts to get off xanax in 2005 and 2009, reinstating at a higher dose each time.  Then finally, in early

2012, I rapidly tapered, crossed over to valium, and off on March 18, 2012.  My prescription had been cut

off, so I couldn't do a longer taper.  But the taper went smoothly, and I only had symptoms once I was off.

They were overwhelming:

 

 

Withdrawal Symptoms at 0-5 months off:

 

 

Anxiety:        Extreme anxiety in the mornings, waking at 4 am, hypervigilance, out-of-the-blue panic

 

Senses:        Altered, distorted and extremely acute hearing, smell, taste, hyperosmia

 

Eyes:            Red, painful, dry,  Visual distortions, minor hallucinations, floaters, etc.

 

Head Sys:      Congestion, pain, cog fog, head zaps, earaches, headaches, sinus problems

 

Body:            Extreme flushing, sweating, chills, pains, temp. hair loss, vertigo, insomnia, vivid dreams

 

Muscles:        Stiffness, pain, twitching, facial tics, hand tremors, restless leg syndrome

 

Nerves:          Raw, exposed, "open wound" feeling all over--absolutely excruciating!

 

Mental:          Depression, obsessive, intrusive thoughts, morbid thoughts, racing mind, agoraphobia,

                      DP/DR, and  extreme hypochondria with countless imagined health issues!

 

Starting in month 5, my symptoms began to lessen, and slowly but steadily got better.  I had windows and waves.

A non-linear rollercoaster ride, but in general I still felt worst in the morning and much better by evening each day.

 

When I started having severe mental symptoms I desperately looked for a way to regain "control."  I found it in

self-distraction, which I applied obsessively at first.  It became an ingrained habit, and I began to look forward

to my favorite distractions.  I began to relax a little, and during months 6-12  the healing really accelerated.

 

Besides distraction, I've done meditation and other spiritual practices.  All of these took my mind off my symptoms

for awhile.  In the afternoons when I started feeling better I'd relax, read, nap, or watch tv.  Nothing strenuous.

I eat what I want and drink half/caff coffee (helps the cog-fog). 

 

 

Remaining symptoms at one year off:

 

Head symptoms, though slowly improving, are still with me.  The zaps have stopped, but congestion, foggyness,

and at times, pain, remain, especially early in the day.

 

Physical symptoms:  almost all gone, with the exception of occasional restless legs, and rarely, mild vertigo.

 

Mental symptoms:  mostly gone, but  I still have occasional racing thoughts when in a "wave,"  My anxiety level

is now much lower than it was before benzos.  This is remarkable since I was prescribed xanax for anxiety!

 

When I took my last benzo a year ago I didn't really have any faith that I could do this.  I'd tried it twice before and

failed. But with the help of BenzoBuddies, I finally managed it.  At three months off I got rid of my stash of xanax,

and I never took a "rescue dose."  The hardest thing for me was learning how to live and cope with my

anxiety without xanax.  I never thought I was a particularly strong person, but now I know I am.  I've proved it!

 

If I can do this, you can too!

 

:smitten:

Hello Joy,

 

I have no cardiac issues that I know of, and no longer have palpitations.  Now, I do have high blood pressure which is controlled by medication, one of which is atenolol, which is also effective for slowing the heart rate.  My anxiety rate is lower than it used to be.

 

Hi Megan

You were the first one to welcome me to Benzo Buddies when I came on this site. I had written as I was concerned about a taper for Lorazepam. I was at that time only on for 10 days and wanted to get off. I was put on it for severe insomnia due to being sick.

 

Well i stayed with them and am now sorry I did but am still ill. And having more symptoms being on the Lorzaepam. I have been on about 5 weeks now. I am 52 and was so inspired by your story as I will be wanting to taper very soon. It was my choice to get off not being forced but my body does not feel right on them. I feel like I am going thru withdrawls durning the day as I am only taking them at night for sleep. I take anywhere between 1.5 mg to 1.75 mg a night. I know you recommend  a 10 percent taper and continue to cut from there.

 

But I am new to all this and could use a friend and some advice before I start. How do I know what 10% percent is when cutting. What type of scale do I get. Talk to my Doctor about the Ashton taper. He doesn't believe in it.  Although he does believe in tapering off them.

 

Any advice or help you could give me would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your time

Angelmom

Hi Angelmom,

 

It sounds like you might be tolerant to your dose, developing tolerance is common in longer term users.  I really can't advise you on taper details, since I've never done a slow benzo taper.  Later, I did taper very slowly off citalopram, using a small $22 scale from Amazon.  You can get better info on scales and taper schedules here, on the General Taper Plans Board:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=56.0

 

Most doctors don't seem to know, or care frankly, how important a slow taper is for most people.  This is common, and it is why most here plan and control their own tapers.

 

This is very inspirational for me. Well done you.

 

Hi Megan

 

I appreciate your success stopping and gaining your life and creativity back! I want to quit this too and see this is going to be a long process. I am stabilizing on 2 mg/day. Then implementing my taper. So far I feel like anxiety, panic, anger, confusion have been weaved together as a new feeling for me. Just a small reduction in medication and this feeling appears. I quit coffee and alcohol. Going to stick to my plan and get through this.

 

Take Care

Thank you very much for your story and my best wishes for being free and good!

I have more than 13 months off and I still do not see the day when I can write my success story. I have not had windows or I have had them I have not recognized them, yes, better moments especially when I have been distracted!

Hello Megan,

It's great to read stories like yours. They are inspiring and brings hope to those who have started our healing journey...

Thank you!

Thanks, everyone!  Time flies, and I'm almost 7 years off now.

 

I haven't had a panic attack in years, and since I no longer fear them, wouldnt care much if I did have one.  That may sound strange, but people who suffer from panic attacks often become so afraid of them that that fear creates a vicious cycle where it causes more and more attacks. 

 

I moved to a new house in the country last year, overlooking a lake, where I live with my two cats, and feed a gang of  hummingbirds who live here year round even though its quite cold in winter.  I'm almost 69 now, and am so glad I got off Zanax when I did. 

 

Good luck to all of you!

 

Thanks, everyone!  Time flies, and I'm almost 7 years off now.

 

I haven't had a panic attack in years, and since I no longer fear them, wouldnt care much if I did have one.  That may sound strange, but people who suffer from panic attacks often become so afraid of them that that fear creates a vicious cycle where it causes more and more attacks. 

 

I moved to a new house in the country last year, overlooking a lake, where I live with my two cats, and feed a gang of  hummingbirds who live here year round even though its quite cold in winter.  I'm almost 69 now, and am so glad I got off Zanax when I did. 

 

Good luck to all of you!

 

 

So glad to hear you're doing better.  I am almost 3 years and 6 months off of Klonopin.  Still recovering, however.

That’s excellent. At the moment I can’t see how l’ll get from 5 months to 12 months. If I could get off this wave I might see it. Well done

Megan918,

 

I’m reading success stories, yours is inspirational.

 

Thank you, SaraSue 

Your story helped me a lot!!! Hugs!

Megan918,

 

I’m reading success stories, yours is inspirational.

 

Thank you, SaraSue 

 

Your story helped me a lot!!! Hugs!

 

Congratulations on your great success! I hope you continue to heal--Good Luck!!

Megan,

 

Your post is beyond encouraging. I'm really happy that your brain fog has lifted and you're able to paint and unleash your creativity without the "benzo monster" getting in the way

 

You're an inspiration to us all (as cliche as it sounds), taking into account you're the admin and I cannot imagine how much responsibility you're encumbered with (though I'm sure you're doing it out of genuine concern for everyone). I really wanted to look into your benzo history because of that.

 

P.S. Xanax is probably the worst diazepam to taper/c-t from. Wow.

 

Best wishes,

Georgi

Megan,

 

Your post is beyond encouraging. I'm really happy that your brain fog has lifted and you're able to paint and unleash your creativity without the "benzo monster" getting in the way

 

You're an inspiration to us all (as cliche as it sounds), taking into account you're the admin and I cannot imagine how much responsibility you're encumbered with (though I'm sure you're doing it out of genuine concern for everyone). I really wanted to look into your benzo history because of that.

 

P.S. Xanax is probably the worst diazepam to taper/c-t from. Wow.

 

Best wishes,

Georgi

 

Yes, Xanax is very addictive, it produces a high for a few hours, but it wears off quickly.

 

Thanks for the kind words. 

Hi just wanted to say thanks been scared that I have done permanent damage it was good to hear your symptoms have got better just wanted to say thanks

Hi just wanted to say thanks been scared that I have done permanent damage it was good to hear your symptoms have got better just wanted to say thanks

 

Really needed to read this. Thank you. Replying so I can keep track of it.

Thank you!  I needed this so much - I've been on Xanax since 1999 and my journey is just beginning. 

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