Hope - and things that are now gone. :)

.

Parker,

 

Thank you for the info. So happy for you. Maybe you don't want to talk about it, but if you do not mind, can you describe what the "psychosis feeling" is like? Did it involve body distortions and bizarre sensations? How bad was your dizziness? Did you have boaty legs, and near collapse feelings? Did you get alot of nausea and hot shaky feelings?

 

Thank you.                        Jadetortoise

Just a quick update. (not a success story).

 

I'm getting better.

 

I dont' want anyone to pay any attention to this exact timeline - but to the logic...

 

For the first year off benzos, I made literally almost no changes.  There were subtle changes physically (actually, I went from being unable to process feeling the temperature of the water on my skin in the shower - to feeling extreme pain as my nerves "woke up" and began healing).  But there were few mental or mood changes. I was tired.  I was completely dysfunctional. I lived in the bed and on the couch. That was it. 

 

From 12-15 months, I had a return of things looking "sorta" 3-dimensional - which sounds hard to explain unless you ever had dr/dp as badly as I did.  I started to have less crying in the morning (not "none" but less - from 3 hours to 1 hour or so).  But you can still tell how awful this was.  I was "doing some things" but just "by definition".  I was making myself do them. But I wasn't really "here".  Still - I have children - so I forced myself to do many things physically.  I began to focus on the changes.  I was still bad.  I began to accept that this wasn't going to be over next month or probably in the next 6 months. I started to realize how bad I had been - and the thing I just focused on were the things that were changing.  I figure if it's CHANGING, I am not stagnant. 

 

I created a logic and a reasoning to what was happening. I looked for patterns of change.  It was up and down, but I recorded the thigns that were DIFFERENT now.  I MOST wanted the d//r to leave.  It did not.   But other things improved.  I slept longer without waking.  I quit vomiting every morning and went from outright vibrating off the bed to subtle vibration.  So many things I wanted to change were not yet able to.  But I focused on the changes.  Those were the signs that showed me that my body was doing something - ANTYHING different.  Where there is change, there will be eventual healing. 

 

This was difficult because the things that MOST bothered me "did not" change. So I had to steel my mind on noticing the subtle nuances - writing about them - discarding my frustration in exchange for gratitude of what I COULD see as change.  It was hard.  I think I came here and wrote and wrote.  that helped. 

 

From 18-24 months, I could tell QUALITATIVE changes - but not "measurable" ones.  I still had dr/dp. I still had dr/dp.  I still had most things – But I was “able to do more”. I had more stamina. I could go out longer in the community.  Was I just “adjusting” to my “new normal”?  Or was I really changing?  My memory was so shot it was hard to know what was what.  I could “tell” I was improving, but it was more qualitative. Had you asked me “what is gone?”, I would only have been able to list a short, small list of things that had “left” during this time. Almost everything was just “a little less intense”. I NEVER not once had a window of reality or normalcy.

 

24-29 months.  Derealization is breaking here and there. 

 

29 months  - I’m sitting here on my laptop on my back porch typing this – at 9 in the morning.  I have no derealization and depersonalization right now.  I’m looking around with my complete connection to reality. Memory here.  Awareness here.  Slept until 7am and dreamt normal dreams.  Went to the bathroom this morning and my poop is normal.  My GI is healing. No fatigue.  Just had a cup of coffee and thinking of going on a jog if the weather holds up.

 

I will probably be back in subtle d/r tonight.  But I know now that I’m really going to heal.

 

Look how far it has taken me to have a morning without d/r.  29 months.  Look how far it has taken for me to sleep great on my own – without all kinds of awful night sweats and fearful dreams.

 

You may be only 20 months off – or 18, or beyond me.  It doesn’t matter how long the timetable is compared to me.  It matters that – look at me.. a year ago, I was NOT here.  Today I am.

 

Why do some people heal by 11 months? I am 18 months beyond that.  Why is it taking me a year and a half longer to get to where someone else was back then?  What does that say about where I was at 11 months off? 

 

I think what it says is that we have to know that healing is possible – and that what we are having “today” – while it may feel like it’s never going to change – is actually going to change.  This time last year, I was still in bed most mornings weathering the cortisol rise inside a body and brain that didn’t have enough GABA to manage that normal human morning hormone. I was waking up most of the time at 5:30 or 6 – even if I was tired. I just couldn’t overcome the small tiny rise in cortisol with any GABA.  Today – I can roll over and sleep through it if I am still tired.  How does that change happen in a year?

 

It’s healing.  Why does it take so long?  It just does.  God knows why our bodies take as long as they do to reverse the damage, but thank God they do. 

 

The big difference now in me is my ability to quantitatively say, “This thing is gone. This thing is SO much more less intense than it was.  This thing over here is still with me but sometimes gone.  This thing over here I’m not yet sure of, but I EXPECT it to go. That is the pattern.”

 

So – here are the things that I had – and that are either gone now or on their way out and so much less intense that I usually do not even detect them:

 

-Insomnia: gone

-Fear: gone (I was so fearful and agoraphobic, I could not leave the bed, much less my room or the house.  I could not go anywhere. For a year, I went NOWHERE.)

-Anxiety: gone (occasional weird quirky thing, but short-lived.  More like an adrenal shift that can happen for 2-3 minutes once or twice a month)

- Panic: gone (some subtle adrenaline rushes a few times a month that feel “iffy” but they leave pretty quickly and look to be the adrenal glands figuring out what’s what)

-Depression: totally gone

-Rage: gone

- Psychosis : gone ( total break from reality – feeling like my house is not my house but a wormhole in another dimension type stuff… have no idea who the President is and cannot remember my own phone number…yeah….totally gone)

-Fatigue: gone (but I have some tired days where I need to nap – and do)

-Head vibrating as if there is an electric waterfall going off inside of it: gone

-Head squeezing: gone

-Head feeling “tall” like it’s stretching and I can push it back down and it will spring back: gone

-Hot/cold temperature changes (from freezing to roasting): gone

Severe freezing in the bed for hours: gone

-Morning cortisol reaction: gone

-Severe neuropathy in my skin everywhere – like fire ants crawling all over me on top of pins and needles: gone

-Exercise intolerance: gone (I can feel a benefit to it neurologically but it doesn’t rev me and it improves my sleep, where at one time, I think it disturbed it through a cortisol increase)

- eardrums feeling like they are contracting like I’m underwater – gone

-headaches : gone

- benzobelly: gone except for some occasional flare-ups that may be hormones at my age.  Very mild if so – and almost undetectable if I were not looking for it like a hypersensitive detective 

- acne: gone

- weird colored red blotches on my skin: gone

- muscle twitching and buzzing: gone

- vertigo: gone – (some SUBTLE dizziness that occurs with hormone shifts a few times a month – but it corrects fairly soon – within an hour. This is my body adjusting to hormones. Normally – in a balanced system – I wouldn’t feel this. Balance is finally restoring but it’s not “in real time” yet – so I can still feel subtle dizziness)

-

 

 

Feeling like my legs, hands, and feet are being squeezed: Almost totally gone.  (This left over time. First it was all 3. Then  only my lower legs and feet. Now it only happens the 2-3 days around ovulation when estrogen is high – and when it happens, it is VERY subtle and “feet only”. This symptom was like a seizure and kept me in the bed for hours at a time waiting for it to pass.)

-Internal vibrations:  Almost gone. VERY low level and only detectable at about 4am-7am if I get up to pee.  I can feel my body subtly buzzing on the inside. Likely related to the rise in cortisol during this time and the fact that I am so still while sleeping that I can feel it. But I only notice if I happen to wake up to pee. It no longer bothers me and is SO subtle that had it not been more pronounced, I doubt I’d know what it even was.)

- D/r and D/p – leaving finally – and more often.  Still with me but the pattern is good.

- Hair loss: this did not start until 27 months off. I had a very diffuse loss in about 2-3 weeks. Hair leaving everywhere and scalp feeling like menthol was on it. NEVER had this symptom until then.  Stopped in about 3 weeks.  But then it restarted last week and is finally stopping again.  I have a feeling this is my body correcting hormones now that it is ABLE to.  This also happened to me after the birth of my two kids.  It was part of my body getting back to normal. This used to scare me. But now I have chosen to see it as another change and a necessary part of healing. And I FEEL so good that if I have to – I will get a wig!  (It’s not obvious that I have lost hair to most people because it’s diffuse – not a certain spot on the head – but my mood about it tells you how much better I feel and how – really – I don’t give a shit about this because my derealization is going away.  I feel like Demi Moore in GI Jane. Tough as nails and my personality is coming back. So I don’t care if I shave my head.  I’m starting to feel like ME again.)

-vision is STILL grainy – like subtle static. But it’s not as bad.

- colors are still off from time to time –but I can fix this with vitamin D and calcium. (These are nerve-related nutrients – so this does not surprise me – although it did take me a lot of trial-and-error to figure out that this was a way to treat it.)

- auditory hallucinations: gone except for pinpoint waves that usually occur at ovulation.  I may have those auditory hallucinations on a VERY mild scale (hearing sorta “extraneous” sound of no determined source for about an hour upon the estrogen peak at ovulation. But this symptom USED to be 24/7 for months on end. I would hear “circus music” playing. Not anymore. 

- sensitivity to MSG – improving.  I am still smart enough NOT to eat a bowl of Chinese soup – but I can eat restaurant food without much issue. Soup is a big no- no for me as it’s LOADED with MSG – so I’m just “asking for it” if I go there.  So I avoid ordering soup. But I can do food, sauces, salad dressing, etc. This just started correcting in the last few months or so. So it’s a new thing.

-sensitivity to milk leaving – and in fact, I am finding I am doing WELL with milk. This is WAY new.  I had no idea it would correct overnight like this.

- digestion WAY improved! I have been taking a probiotic this entire time – but finally -  I am digesting SO well. 

-Memory – GREATLY IMPROVED!!! Still improving.

 

 

I will probably come back and add to this list as I sit and think of the things that are better now – but this is just a short list.

 

I still have subtle VERY subtle d/r and it goes away for an hour or so at a time usually. I still have subtle vibrations. I still can get a bad wave that makes me have to sleep and where I get neurological symptoms – but they are “observable” and do not render me completely dysfunctional (although I typically choose just to rest and not push my way through them – what’s the point?) My symptoms now are mild-moderate neurological stuff and some subtle physical stuff.  My mood is normal.

 

This goes to show that it took me OVER two years for a lot of this to noticeably change. So – no matter where you are – keep in mind that my body took at least this long.  And if you’re a year behind me – realize that I made most of my “noticeable” progress AHEAD of where you are now (however –the progress is occurring now for you – even if you can’t feel it, just as it was for me).

 

And if you are a year ahead of me – realize that I was far beyond the 11-monthers who healed – and you may be ahead of me the same way – but try to notice any changes that are occurring – anything at all that is representing the fact that you are not stagnant. This was once all I had to hang on to. And these signs are gifts. They were NOT the gifts I was wanting –but they were changes all the same.

 

I have read that it’s “impossible to feel fear and gratitude at the same time.”  This is bullshit in benzo healing.  I felt both fear and gratitude – the fear was my brain –not my mind. My mind felt gratitude but it could NOT overcome the brain-related fear.  I literally just had to hold on.  But the fear left – and I tried as hard as I could to focus on the things I was grateful for so that I could just make it through. That is still how I’m operating. It is helping me to dwell on the changes.

 

I believe I rebuilt my body through appropriate supplementation and that it helped me heal. I also made many mistakes learning what helped and when to take it.  But now I am a pro at reading my body’s signals and giving it what it needs as it has symptoms.  This took time and a lot of reading about neurological healing, epilepsy, and brain-based recovery, but I do believe the magnesium, zinc, vitamin D, omega 3’s and probiotics with rhamnosus and other strains helped.  And these things DEFINLTEY helped me manage symptoms and to sleep. (If supplements helped me sleep better, and sleep begets healing, did the supplements also help me heal?)  But it still required time for my body to repair. 

 

I am not totally there yet, but I am truly getting there now. With measurable ways of seeing progress now. 

 

This was a brain injury for me. It was no different than a closed-head injury from a car accident.  Same functional outcome.

 

I know it is possible to heal because I was one of the worst cases of psychosis I have seen on the forum.  And that is all gone.

 

I hope this gives others hope.

 

Parker

 

Hi Parker

 

Beautiful update and thank you again for your response earlier to my thread.

 

Can I ask you in detail about ------ - weird colored red blotches on my skin: gone

 

I have red blotches with weird small purple thread veins all under my ribs and on my stomach area, never had this before benzos or even on them, this appeared once off and 16 months later is still here, look worse after showers, doctor and skin specialist baffled by it, the rash is not on the skin it looks more under the skin.

 

Can you tell me more about how yours looked and if they where in the same place as me?

 

Thank You

 

Woofs

 

 

Always wonderful to read a delightfully reassuring message from parker 

 

So happy to hear of your continued improvement. I share so many of the symptoms you list and you describe them so well. It gives me comfort just to read that someone else has felt these same sensations.

 

Woofs, I've just started getting weird red splotches on my body after a shower now at one year off. Did not have it earlier in w/d or any time in my life. It's all over my body but especially my arms look horrible after showering, but figured it had to be benzo w/d. I sure hope so. After an hour or so it goes away and skin looks normal again.

 

Thanks again parker for the update! I just passed the 1 year mark a couple days ago so hoping the next 12 months bring me much closer to normal. DR is still the worst symptom. Take care! 

Parker,

 

  Very Happy to hear of your continued Improvement(s). I have read your post(s), thread(s) and supplement(s) list, as you

  have shown such courage in the face of this "Benzo Frenzy" we go through.

 

  I too, have experienced a lot of what you describe. I know that I will heal, as our brain must. It is how we are "made".

 

  This is the part of your update I can relate to in detail, thank you~

 

    I have read that it’s “impossible to feel fear and gratitude at the same time.”  This is bullshit in benzo healing.  I felt both fear and gratitude – the fear was my brain –not my mind. My mind felt gratitude but it could NOT overcome the brain-related fear.  I literally just had to hold on.  But the fear left – and I tried as hard as I could to focus on the things I was grateful for so that I could just make it through. That is still how I’m operating. It is helping me to dwell on the changes.

 

  Holding on, letting go, and moving forward. We all heal, when our Brain/Body/Soul connection just gets it right.

 

  May the Peace of Easter, with Blessings for you and Your family be richly felt this year.

 

  Thank you, for being a "Beacon of Hope".

 

  Notforme

 

I love hearing about all the improvements you've made! Good luck

Always wonderful to read a delightfully reassuring message from parker 

 

So happy to hear of your continued improvement. I share so many of the symptoms you list and you describe them so well. It gives me comfort just to read that someone else has felt these same sensations.

 

Woofs, I've just started getting weird red splotches on my body after a shower now at one year off. Did not have it earlier in w/d or any time in my life. It's all over my body but especially my arms look horrible after showering, but figured it had to be benzo w/d. I sure hope so. After an hour or so it goes away and skin looks normal again.

 

Thanks again parker for the update! I just passed the 1 year mark a couple days ago so hoping the next 12 months bring me much closer to normal. DR is still the worst symptom. Take care! 

 

Hey Innadaze

 

Congratulations and well done on passing the 1 year milestone, who would believe that we would still be here, I certainly hoped I would not be but hey such is life, ya that rash baffles me and everyone else who has looked at it, I didn't have it before benzos and not even on them so im hoping it is recovery related and in time will go away..

 

Like you the DP DR are my worst symptoms, so bad ive been on here several times today, I try not to stay on long here anymore as it hurts and upsets me to be still suffering so intensely like this at 16 months off, and when I read of others further up ahead still suffering it makes me so sad....

 

I hope this will be our year and reality is just around the corner again, I cant wait to feel like 'Me' again, its all I ever think about..

 

Keep strong Innadaze, we are doing what many have tried and failed and we now have 'hopefully' good healing time behind us.

 

Best Wishes

 

Woofs

Awesome read parker. This was great. I noticed you were on Klonopin as well. Did you ever experience any "boatiness" or feeling like you're going up and down or side to side with a lot of heavy pressure when you're still/lying down? This is my worst symptom by far and I've been suffering from it for 7 months. Sometimes it's unbearable and other times it's just kinda bad. Would love to hear if you've ever felt any of this. Thanks

Wow! What an amazing writing. I share most of your very well written descriptions. I am only 2 months, 10 days benzo free. One week prior to hitting my 2 month mark a wave started and it slowly got bigger and bigger. Yesterday I had a panic attack. I'm taking a mental health break today. Home resting. Society is getting to be too much for me again.

 

I haven't been on BB for over a month and to log on to see this thread right off the bat is so serendipitous! Just what I NEEDED to see. Brought tears to my eyes because I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was running out of steam to keep my radical acceptance of how LONG this healing takes...I am grateful to come across this writing - thank you Parker for sharing and helping me to go on. You have refilled my gas with radical acceptance and that I too will heal. When I felt I was giving up hope that I would heal, I thought I may have permanently damaged my CNS and neurotransmitters and that I would live each day in some form of mental or physical pain for the rest of my life.... You have brought back hope 

 

Any kind of remedy for feeling better in the in term? I'm still early on in the process...

 

Love to all,

BT

Wow! What an amazing writing. I share most of your very well written descriptions. I am only 2 months, 10 days benzo free. One week prior to hitting my 2 month mark a wave started and it slowly got bigger and bigger. Yesterday I had a panic attack. I'm taking a mental health break today. Home resting. Society is getting to be too much for me again.

 

I haven't been on BB for over a month and to log on to see this thread right off the bat is so serendipitous! Just what I NEEDED to see. Brought tears to my eyes because I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was running out of steam to keep my radical acceptance of how LONG this healing takes...I am grateful to come across this writing - thank you Parker for sharing and helping me to go on. You have refilled my gas with radical acceptance and that I too will heal. When I felt I was giving up hope that I would heal, I thought I may have permanently damaged my CNS and neurotransmitters and that I would live each day in some form of mental or physical pain for the rest of my life.... You have brought back hope 

 

Any kind of remedy for feeling better in the in term? I'm still early on in the process...

 

Love to all,

BT

 

Bones - It was a long healing for me.  If you can go out of the house at all, you are far more ahead of the game than I was at the same time off you're at.

 

I hesitate to answer your question because I want to be sure I'm not being prescriptive.

 

But I believe that for me - physical healing was helped by certain supplements. And then again, it was trial and error for me to learn what helped, what doses, and how it affected me. And I screwed up learning it, too.  Here at my point off, I know EXACTLY what supplements help my symptoms and how to read my symptoms. But I would not have a lot of confidence that "eveyrone' should do what I am doing.

Needless to say - what I feel was a big help that I DID start taking earlier on (and wish I had taken even earlier) were omega 3's (via a highly purified product that was studies a lot in brain healing) - (Nordic Naturals Ultimate Omega), as well as magnesium and a probiotic.  It was still a a long healing. If anyone chooses to take these - know that I did not notice immediate help from these. It was many months before I could tell what help they gave me. But then I had no doubt they helped.  I could tell their impact upon taking them - so it was obvious.  But if you dont' want to mess with it and just want to eat right and rest, that is just as acceptable. But in general, certain supplements helped me and still do.

 

:)P

 

Thank you Parker. I take all three. What I am experiencing today is major pressure in my front lobe. Emotional, tired....ver confused. Can't make a decision easily....this kind of confusion and pain scares me, I feel crazy and it breaks my heart. I also have an extreme scalp issue. Not sure if anyone else experienced this...my scalp is so tight and itchy. It's a huge distraction that I can't seem to just let be.

 

Any stung gemstones for my scalp. Other issues I'm trying to relax. So anxious and emotional. Hate it!!!

 

BT

My goodness I keep getting so hot then cold...hot. I'm laughing at our spelling errors and how my iPad defaults to certain words but you understood what I was trying to say.

 

I take 400mg magnesium twice a day - I did notice that it was easing up a bit but since this wave hit me like a ton of bricks it's back with a vengeance. I feel like there is a cement block in my front lobe! I had to check in the mirror for anything putruding from my skull, my eyes feel so heavy as well. 3 Advil did nothing!!!!!!

 

I feel so weird!!!!!!

only someone who has suffered a lot  will share with others a precious and useful story like this. Thanks Parker

My goodness I keep getting so hot then cold...hot. I'm laughing at our spelling errors and how my iPad defaults to certain words but you understood what I was trying to say.

 

I take 400mg magnesium twice a day - I did notice that it was easing up a bit but since this wave hit me like a ton of bricks it's back with a vengeance. I feel like there is a cement block in my front lobe! I had to check in the mirror for anything protruding from my skull, my eyes feel so heavy as well. 3 Advil did nothing!!!!!!

 

I feel so weird!!!!!!

 

Ah YES. That happened to me ALLLLL THEEEE TIME. The cement block in the front of the head - feeling like your eyes, eyelids and frontal lobe are "blocked" and not clear.  Yes. Yes. Yes.

 

I started experimenting with vitamin D (at about 15 months off benzos) and that helped a lot. I still take it now or lay out in the sun religiously. It helps that SO much. So does sunlight or a light visor (I use the "Feel Bright Light" that can be purchased for $100 from the company that makes it). Bright light to the eyes can help clear this symptom as well.

 

I know it very well!!!  I hated it!!! 

 

Yes, yes I hate it as well! 

 

Sunlight, well Spring is almost here....still very cold. I live in the NE. Burrrrrrrrrr

 

I take 2000iu mg of vitamin D a day.....I guess I'm screwed and luckily a brilliant fellow sufferer whom has blazed the trail for me came out okay and gave me hope to have radical acceptance yet again. Looks like I'm in this for another year or so.

 

BT

Parker,

 

I am ~ 3 months off Klonopin and have spent most of my time on this forum reading but not posting. I just wanted you to know how helpful I have found your posts. They are insightful and compassionate. Although each person's journey through withdrawal is unique, I find myself reading entries to keep from feeling so alone. It is next to impossible to put this experience into words. You do a beautiful job! Thanks again.

 

WW

*bump*

*bump*

 

Thank you!

*bump*

 

Thank you!

 

 

Found his today and thought it may help others to read. 

 

Love and healing to you, NYCWaverider

*bump*

 

Thank you!

 

 

Found his today and thought it may help others to read. 

 

Love and healing to you, NYCWaverider

 

Same you you, Unicorn   

Thank you, Parker (if you ever come back and read this!) for posting such an inspiring testimony!  Absolutely wonderful for those of us going through long post-withdrawal recovery with the impression of "stagnation" - thank you thank you thank you!

I hope you are now fully recovered and enjoying life!

 

Thank you, Uni for "bumping" this thread up the boards! 

 

Hello WR!  I hope the recent wave is beginning to subside... and that it leaves a beautiful window open onto Life!

 

Big Hugs 

Julz xxx

I didnt read the whole thread, but god is the initial post encouraging, and thanks to unicorn who "bumped" it - ive always liked unicorns

 

i sincerely feel very similar to your symptoms, the depth and severity of the dp/dr, dizziness, vertigo whacky feeling.

im almsot 13 months out and im in a phase where i feel like, nope, this is NOT going away. its stayed the SAME for 3 months now, not a dip, not even some better weeks, its like these claws are dug deeply into me and they just refuse not only to ket go, but to relax. i had some slightly easier times months ago, but now its a torturously long, steady burn. man is this exhausting me.

 

ive been dizzy for 2 1/2 years, since the beginning of tolerance, like not one moment of feeling "straight" i exist in a bad acid trip. im glad yours has subsided - hopeful.

and the agoraphobia, or as i call it - "the fear of f&^%ing everything"

Ive been stumbling through life crippled, holding my job where some people in my shape would be bedridden, its been a nightmare beyond my ability to even describe here.

this post is hopeful because of the symptoms you describe, and the time frame, like someone this messed uo for this long can heal.

i so dearly hoped a long time ago that by a year post id be a lot better, and i feel lousy, life is soooooooo hard still and im broken.

i dont know if i can maintain my job and my crumbling life til month 29 though, im kinda panicking lately, ive run out of stamina.

i dont know how im going to even get through a busy thursday here as i slack at work, so shaky, agoraphobic (fear of fuckin everything - forgive the language)

 

but man, im sooo glad for you to actually see the light, you must have been hopelessly praying for some improvement. its so good to read this.

 

rambling, whiney, negative jedi mess of late,

Luke

 

 

Hello WR!  I hope the recent wave is beginning to subside... and that it leaves a beautiful window open onto Life!

 

 

Julz xxx

 

Thank you, Julia  .  Please know that I'm walking this healing path beside you, following your progress, rooting for you.  In my next window, I'll try to write a similar post to this, focusing on my healing (vs frustration and fear about symptoms that remain).  What I know is true already:  what others have said about emerging from this feeling joy and deep inner peace like never before is TRUE.  I just can't quite enjoy it yet b/c the symptoms still bring me to my knees, (like today  ).

 

All my love,

WR

Thank you for taking the time to write this. I have the red blotchy things on my skin too, and they were  freaking me out, but now not so much.

It’s so great to see this has helped you guys to read, too! 

 

Luke, I feel for you so much.  You’re a warrior.  You’ll be writing something like this soon!  This Unicorn believes in you and I admire your strength to endure what you already have.  Healing is happening.  I’m sorry you’re in that bad acid trip sh*t, I only lasted 35 days like that. 

 

Julia, there is hope and you’re doing so much!  Your feelings will return, and it’s gonna be so cool to read about when they do!!  You inspire me. 

 

WR, I’ll look forward to your post when you’re in your next window.  I’m excited for you guys because you’re so far along in this journey.  Which means your that much closer to being free!

 

Linnie, I’m glad you’re not so freaked out by the booth he’s now.

 

Parker, thank you for all you have written!  I know a lot of us wonder where you’re at now, in your healing.  Praying you’re on the other side and completely healed! 

 

You all give me hope ❤️

I'm bumping this in case anyone needs a boost. My DP/DR and cog fog have been especially horrendous lately and this made me feel a little encouraged. I'm 30 and a half months off and I really hope things start to turn a positive corner soon.

Thnx for ypur post! I am 14 months off snd is in a big wave at the moment worse than acute. But before this...I had these sxs left dr/dp 24/7 and this electric current/internal vibration 24/7. This electric crap drives me crazy. And I got burning sensation and cold feelings in my body. Time...I reallt thought I was done with these sxs that showed up again. Hope they will fade away soon!