Spunky has the last word!!!

I feel like I am doing a farewell tour - I am so emotional about all of this and all of you. My heart feels like it's going to burst. I guess I should  just start with I am on the other side now. I have made it and I am grateful!! It has been a three year journey the last two of those completely free of any kind of drug prescribed or otherwise and I am healed. I want to list the things that I dealt with during my healing so that others will know that it all goes away! Things that scare the s@#* out of you for months on end just end up stopping one day - not all at once but little by little until you have yourself back whole again, stronger in mind, spirit and body. I can honestly say I believe I can face anything that life chooses to throw at me now. I am not afraid anymore! The entire body pain is gone, no more excruciating tail bone pain or back pain. My clothes don't hurt me anymore. I can sleep again, I can lay down at night and fall asleep. No night sweats, no adrenaline surges, no panic wakings. The hives are gone. No more rashes, no more peeling skin or lips. My tongue is no longer white, my mouth is no longer constantly dry. I can bathe without it hurting and it feels so good. I am able to go to shopping malls, movie theaters, zoos and amusement parks without any issues. My diet is back to what it was before this, my weight has stabilized at 105 lbs. which what my body likes to be at. I can listed to music again. I have season tickets to our cities Broadway shows and we haven't missed one! I laugh all the time - I only cry when my thoughts go to my mom and dad and their passing. It doesn't consume me. I feel joy daily. I feel anger occasionally.  My ear ringing is seldom and just a whisper when it comes. My thoughts are fluid. I am reading books again - so many books. I missed out on two years worth of reading. I am learning new ways of dealing with stress - yoga, deep breathing and talk therapy. I have forgiven the people that left me and am going forward in new relationships too. The headaches and neck pain are gone no more restless leg or muscle spasms. I don't smell like a wet dog anymore - at least I don't think I do I haven't been to any type of Dr. since we made our move north and I have no intention of seeing any. I can tolerate scented products but find I do better without them in my world. I have gone as chemical free in my home as i am able. My diet is clean except for baked goods. I have added pastries back into my diet almost daily because I love them and so far so good. My creative juices are flowing again. I have done interior design work on three homes with great satisfaction and monetary success. This past year after my 12 month turn has basically created a new better version of who I was before all of this. I have learned so much about my inner strength which up until this had never really been tested. I want everyone who is suffering right now - in the midst of the unrelenting pain and  suffering associated with w/d to know that with time it all goes away. The CNS takes so long to heal and yet it does heal. Please don't give up, don't reinstate - I did and it only set me back. Days crawl by and the pain is consuming but it will end. The community here is amazing. i was blessed to be part of it and I will always hold the love that I was shown here in my heart. You all have helped me become a more compassionate person. It is 25 months off and I am completely healed. You are all in my thoughts! Cindy

Oh Cindy...this is wonderful! Thank you for returning to tell us of your healing. I am weepy reading your words as I know how much you suffered. Hearing from someone who has made it to the other side is very encouraging. Your story will give many the strength to do this again tomorrow...and the next day...until we join you on the other side. You are amazing!

Warmly,

Carita

Fantastic,  Im glad you are back and living your life your way.  :smitten:

Towards 

Three cheers for you! Wishing you the best! Thanks for coming back with an even better success story.

Congratulations!!  A joy to read your success story.

How beautiful!

 

I am so happy for you. Enjoy everyday Spunky you earned it ...

 

~Jenny

Ya spunky 

Enjoy yourself, and thanks for coming back and sharing 

Cindy

 

Wow, I am so happy for you! 

I am also glad to here that the night sweats have gone.

That gives me hope too.

I thought that maybe they were permanent.

 

You go girl!

Love Carol

I don't know you, but every single symptom you described is happening to me. It is encouraging to hear that healing does happen!! I am crying though because it does seem so far away...the end and the healing. Bless you for sharing and I wish you the very best in your new life!!

Emily

From 3 weeks use (according to your sig)? 

 

 

(((Spunky)))

 

What a great post and how wonderful to hear about your new life of wellness!!

 

Enjoy every minute and embrace all the things that make you happy and complete. I am so happy for you.

 

pianogirl 

Ewok- Benzos yes - 3 weeks of consistent use. I had used sporadically for acute situations prior to. My use of Ambien over the years I believe also contributed. I'm not sure why I never took that into consideration before. The Z drugs yep I had omitted that part of my story.  My lack of education regarding what I was putting in my body is embarrassing and unconscionable. I have learned so much in regards to these drugs and how my body reacts to the things that I choose to put in it. No one had a gun to my head, I could have said no, I could have chosen different ways to cope but I was happy to have someone give me a "magic" pill to help me through. Well I guess everyone of us knows where those kind of choices has gotten us. I am ashamed at my lack of education prior to this but I will never let it happen to myself or anyone I love again. I am a drug awareness advocate now. I know I had posted here before but I truly feel at this stage it is a closed chapter from the middle of my story. A plot twist that was necessary to keep my attention. Thank-you all for reading it. I hope it gives anyone who needs it the hope to keep going forward. Cindy

 

 

Thanks for sharing Spunky, it sure gives hope to continue , all the best.

Hi 

Thanks for such a great story! It is so good to read these.

So happy that you have got your life back. 

Thank you for sharing your story it is so helpful to those of us still in the thick of it.

Love from Lib x

 

 

Hi there Spunky

 

Thank you for coming back and sharing this, it is so inspiring and it will give a lot of hope to members. I am so very pleased to hear how well you are doing. I wish you the very best of everything in life, you deserve it Spunky.

 

Magrita 

Wow Spunky

 

This is an amazing success story, this is exactly what we all hope to write some day soon, like you I was a short term benzo user and im now 15 months off with no end in sight, your story is just what we all need to hear. bless you..

 

Did you suffer from DP, DR, Disassociation, Disconnection and confusion????, these are my current and worst symptoms to date!!!!!

 

I saw a Neuro yesterday (my 5th since this began) who is now the first to validate benzo withdrawal, she said for those who suffer this syndrome you should allow 2 years for full recovery, looks like her timeline was about right for you.

 

Enjoy your new life and cherish everyday.

 

Best Wishes

 

Woofs

 

 

 

 

Spunky,

 

I am so happy to hear that things only got better and better for you.

So many have come back, after they wrote their originally success story, and told us that things only got better and better.

 

These stories are all some of us have and it means so much that you came back and wrote such a great success story.

 

I am so happy for you….and good too that you are working in drug awareness. I too wish I had heard of this….I never would have taken the first Benzo. I don't think we should blame ourselves for this, as it is something that happens to people….

Not all people, but if it happens to you, you can testify about hell first hand.

 

Go and enjoy your drug free life…

Please come back and visit whenever you can….At some point hopefully it gets easier to come back as you get further away from symptoms.

 

Peace and healing,

Causing

I thought as I wrote yesterday of my forgiving those who left that I really need to work on forgiving myself.  I went to bed last night and tried to remember all of different things that  caused me pain and suffering and it was hard to do. It feels like so much time has passed and yet I know I was still having some issues just months ago. The turn at 12 months was the most dramatic and then things just kept improving. Anyone who was here when I started being a part of this forum seems to have moved on so in a way that is a success story. My sister keeps telling me not to look back but I want to always remember what it was like even if it is a soft memory because it has caused me to pay attention to the important things in life and let go of the rest. Being cut off at the knees showed me how strong I can be and maybe that's a good enough reason to forgive myself for all the choices that led me to where I got to. Learning from my mistakes...

Hi Spunky,

 

Congratulations and thanks for writing your success story! 

 

I think I need to work on forgiving myself too. I was raised knowing that it was completely safe to trust my doctor... now I've learned.

 

Could you write a little more about your recovery process?  Like what helped you with sleep?  What was your experience with Remeron like (I've tried this at 3.75mg for sleep a few nights, not sure about it... seems to make the ear ringing a bit worse... maybe I just need a better dose)? Anything that helped you with ringing ears?  Anything you tried that helped other symptoms?  Anything you tried that didn't seem to have an effect?  Did you encounter anything that made things worse?  Sorry for all the questions, just trying to learn, give my body what it needs, and make life a little easier where possible.  It takes time and everybody is different.  Any other new found words of wisdom?

 

Thanks, dbell

Remeron was one of my setbacks I would say. The sleep it brought and it didn't do it for long, wasn't worth it. The antihistamine properties were a double edge sword. Major bowel issues, inner dose problems and ear ringing that I too think was directly related to it. Looking back I was so desperate for anything...Anyway things that have helped are Silver needle tea every morning 4-6 cups it is a white tea. Dead sea salt bathes for relaxation and pain. At one point I was taking 4 bathes a day to get any type of relief. I tried all of the over the counter antihistamines and even had some of the old ones compounded but each came with it's own issues. I have been drinking fresh ginger grated tea and my stomach has benefited along with powder probiotics. I went through all of the herbs also but once I just quit thinking that something from the outside was going to make a difference and just stuck to a benign clean diet time seemed to be my friend and things began to heal. I do have to say that my move from GA to MN was at the same time my 12 month turn happened so I can't be sure if it was one or both that helped things along. My from the heart best advice is don't chase the symptoms with anything manmade. Do anything positive you can to distract yourself. I never thought the morning wakings full of fear and tears would ever end but they did.  Thinking of you, Cindy

 

Hi spunky cindy!!!! I remember you well and seen your video also. You have helped out a lot, I feel your warmth and concern for us all going through this Hell. Thank you for returning with a great success story. The best part is you are better than pre-benzos. Sending you warm thoughts and a great life.....Jude

I keep forgetting to add music - when i was able to tolerate listening to music again and finally began to enjoy it I have found that traditional Chinese music is very good for my emotional health and the instruments that are used are received easily. It calms me. I believe had I known this earlier in my recovery it would have been very beneficial.

 

Congratulations Cindy and thank you for your post.

 

Much love,

Jim

Spunky, what a great post.  It's just what I needed to read on a day like today.

 

I've seen your videos on YouTube, they were inspirational and reassuring.  Thank you for that.

 

I'm also a short term user stuck in this hell.  For me, most symptoms have lifted but I'm stuck with tail bone pain, back pain, dizziness, migraine like symptoms, neck pain, and serious food sensitivities.  Did you have dizziness and head stuff going on still around month 11?  I feel this head stuff will never go away.

 

PFG

How can we see your Youtube videos? And did you have a blog? Thanks for any advice too. So glad that you came back to help inspire all of us still going through this