What does "stable" mean to you? Unsure if I'm stable or not

I'm afraid of permanently damaging my central nervous system. I'm only on 1.25mg valium and while I can take public transportation, eat, go to the office, and sleep at night (with help from Zyprexa), I'm experiencing a lot of emotional numbing and dysphoria, at times significant depression.

How do you know if you are stable? can you permanently damage yourself by cutting too fast? I really want to be rid of the valium and want to get rid of this last amount. I know Ashton says you can jump off 1mg valium. I'm so confused by this.

On one hand I want to be rid of the drug so I can begin healing, on the other I'm afraid of getting brain damage.

What does stability mean to you, and how should I measure my own stability? Is it anything I'm willing to put up with??

Based on your symptoms, it means a controlled place with those symptoms.  It sounds like cognitively you are doing ok based on some of the activities you mentioned you are doing. A lot of what you've expressed are good signs that you are doing ok fro the withdrawal thusfar. 

Also keep in mind that the zyprexa could also be causing some side effects for you and if possible you should look to withdraw from that once you are off the Valium and stable from that withdrawal.  I'm not sure if you understand the issues with zyprexa, but there was a large lawsuit against Zyprexa in 2006-2008 that resulted in a $1 billion settlement.  It mostly revolved around the consent used to medicate people with zyprexa as it was given to vulnerable patients and the use of it to address things it wasn't approved for by the FDA, but from what I've read, it doesn't help address Depression, though it does help you sleep. 

https://psychrights.org/Articles/NYTimes080131LillyFedSttlmntTalks.pdf

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/blog/olanzapine-what-i-wish-i-had-known

I hope this helps you, I know how long a road it is watcing my wife and just want ot say you should be proud of the progress you've made against the Valium.

Thanks for your reply! when you mean controlled space, you mean that as long as my symptoms don't worsen, that is ok?

I gained a lot of weight on zyprexa and I'm taking a small amount. recently i've been taking 1mg or .5 mg at night. I try not to take more than that.

My doctors vehemently say you don't need to taper it!! Which is funny because everything I read online says it must be tapered. In general, the doctors I've seen love zyprexa for sleep for some reason. They think it's a great drug. I don't understand psych doctors whatsoever.