Fell off the wagon- so frustrated

Well I had finally tapered off ativan and was feeling good. Tried cold turkey but that went horrible.  Re instated and then tapered. Only took me about a month or 2...then I stupidly thoguht I could have "emergency" doses on hand. Should never of done that. Now I'm back to feeling stuck again. Luckily I've only been taking a very low dose of about .25 a day but I feel all my old withdrawal symptoms coming back.  Why would I ever touch a drug again that makes me feel like this?! I'm so beyond frustrated at myself 😔 tapering back down again as we speak and I just need to be done for good after this! Can't keep doin this to myself. I need to statt healing for good! This forum has been so helpful...in some ways im frustrated I'm back on here looking for encouragement and advice...cause that's usually a bad sign with me lol. Here's to moving forward and not goin backwards  ..again...✌️

I was just writing to another member about my propensity for learning the hard way, it sounds like you have a bit of that in you too.  But you know, we can eventually learn that lesson for good so don't lose heart, you can and will taper from the Ativan and the minute you take your last dose you'll know to get rid of that emergency stash because no emergency is worth the pain you're going through now.

 

It takes a long time to unlearn our old behaviors and replace them with new ones, we don't like change but there comes a point where we get tired of wrecking ourselves and we finally come around to a new way of thinking.  I've found age to be a good teacher, the older I get, the less I'm willing to put up with feeling bad so that keeps me on the straight and narrow.

 

You got this, I can tell you're ready. 

Thank u so much. Definitely learning the hard way. I really thoguht i was done last time...but told myself I still wasn't ready to "do life without it". Which is so ludicrous when i think about it. I just want my life back to before touching this crap...my taper went not to bad beofre so I'm tryin to keep positive it'll be ok this time too....here's to one last hoorah! Thanks for your reply Pamster!! Means a lot 💗

As someone who has quite a bit of experience with the phrase 'one day at a time', it strikes me that you might benefit from using it in terms of benzo's.  A lifetime without, hard to imagine but a day is doable, right?  What happens after enough one days is you form new habits, new tools, new goals and behaviors and the old ways of thinking and doing fade away and reaching for those pills no longer feels like the answer, it happens naturally.