Jump to content

Relapsed and not feeling worthy of any support


[Tr...]

Recommended Posts

Here I am. After having a successful 3ish months off of clonazepam I somehow found myself back at hell’s door step asking for seconds. Although it wasn’t out of ignorance and more so desperation, it is no excuse. After 5+ years on and roughly 3 months off I made a fatal mistake. I found an excuse to take .25mg clonazepam because I couldn’t sleep. But I don’t stop there. I began making a habit out of it. One roughly every other day. Then it stopped working as it always does so I dabbled with .5 here and there. Then I took 48+ hours off and had a jump out of bed freaking out panic attack. Luckily I document everything I take so I at least have an idea but it’s been about 5 weeks of every other day or less use. Someone else had to tell me I’ve been a miserable jerk for me to admit what I was doing to be told AGAIN that Im on pills ruining my life. Thank god because I can only imagine how much further this could have gone. I didn’t eat for about 2 days which should have been my sign that I was withdrawing but apparently I didn’t put two and two together. Anyways if you’ve read this far never turn your back on Benzos or yourself. I’ve made a really stupid mistake.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Trtguy23, 

 

You are always worthy of support, don't beat yourself up.  You are not the first to relapse. Have you been tapering too quick?  Anyway, try to put this behind you and move forward from here, do what you need to do, take it slow, don't go backwards again.  You will do it this this time, and win so don't give up. 

 

This will get better, I promise you.

 

Magrita :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're more than worthy of support and I respect your bravery in letting us know what happened, we know your pain and will never judge you for trying to stop it.  We're human and we have lessons to learn in life and this is one of them, we don't always get it right on the first try but we keep trying and that's what makes us worthy. 

 

You can do this, I know you can.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Trtguy23,

 

I totally agree with magrita and Pamster.

 

The fact that you are brave and open enough to share this setback on the forum tells me that you will not only move forward from this, but you will succeed…

 

Please don’t lock horns with yourself. There is no shame, you simply made a mistake. All those negative emotions you feel towards yourself will only weigh you down and slow you in finding your feet and moving forward again. So let go of that weight you are carrying and don’t look back. You have already learned everything there was to learn from it. Lift your head up high and move forward from here! You will succeed!  :smitten:

 

WS

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Trtguy23, 

 

You are always worthy of support, don't beat yourself up.  You are not the first to relapse. Have you been tapering too quick?  Anyway, try to put this behind you and move forward from here, do what you need to do, take it slow, don't go backwards again.  You will do it this this time, and win so don't give up. 

 

This will get better, I promise you.

 

Magrita :smitten:

 

Thanks a lot for that, I really have never been so mad at myself. My taper was pretty long and I was able to go about 3 months with no medication. I must have been in a rough patch with sleep to consider taking this crap again. Its very helpful to hear your kind words. They help me to move forward and not backward. thank you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're more than worthy of support and I respect your bravery in letting us know what happened, we know your pain and will never judge you for trying to stop it.  We're human and we have lessons to learn in life and this is one of them, we don't always get it right on the first try but we keep trying and that's what makes us worthy. 

 

You can do this, I know you can.

 

You always offer great support and I am very thankful for the time you take to reply and encourage all of us to do better. I am trying my absolute best to move forward. Thank you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Trtguy23,

 

I totally agree with magrita and Pamster.

 

The fact that you are brave and open enough to share this setback on the forum tells me that you will not only move forward from this, but you will succeed…

 

Please don’t lock horns with yourself. There is no shame, you simply made a mistake. All those negative emotions you feel towards yourself will only weigh you down and slow you in finding your feet and moving forward again. So let go of that weight you are carrying and don’t look back. You have already learned everything there was to learn from it. Lift your head up high and move forward from here! You will succeed!  :smitten:

 

WS

 

You are so right about how angry we can get with ourselves and how it holds us back longer. Thank you for reaching out with such a positive message. I can always count on this wonderful group to give the most helpful insight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is not easy and you should try and give yourself grace. You have been dependent on these meds for years so stopping them won’t be simple. You can make it through. No matter how many times you fall down, just stand back up. You can do this. We know you can.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is not easy and you should try and give yourself grace. You have been dependent on these meds for years so stopping them won’t be simple. You can make it through. No matter how many times you fall down, just stand back up. You can do this. We know you can.

 

Thank you for that, I am moving forward and doing my best. Everyone in this forum is so helpful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can do this, Trtguy23! Taper down further this time, and I bet you'll have a much easier time staying off for good.

 

Thank you for jumping in and being supportive, up until now I’ve been off for 5 days with ok times and really bad times. Still just trying to get some sleep and regroup. Thanks again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Goodness Trtguy, I think relapse is part of the recovery process for more people than not.  We have had many members here getting off benzos after being on them before and sometimes more than once.  I had 10 wonderful years off alcohol and started drinking again - I am sober for 2.5 years this time.

 

Anyway, the insomnia in withdrawl can be brutal and I'm sorry you are there.  Let us know how we can help you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...