Will I heal?

This will be my one whiney post of the day...but I'd really like some input.

Quite frankly...will I get better? 

After being on .75 Xanax for 10 years or so, at night for sleep, In august, I started having breakthru agitation during the day.  essentially if felt like overstimulation (I have been on Lexapro for quite a while without any problems.)  I go to the doc and he admits he has no idea if it's some kind of BPII Hypomania or Xanax tolerance/Withdrawal.

I am now marginally functional.  If it were not for my wife, I do not know what I would do.  She I think minimizes how badly I feel, because I fake it pretty well.

I don't feel like doing anything except hide in the house.  I make an effort to try to do things, but I just do not feel "right".

Nothing is fun.  My days are pretty much a test of endurance, just trying to make it until evening so I can collapse on the couch.

I've been off work for 7 weeks or so...and going back seems out of the question.

Luckily we are in a financial position that isn't a problem.

Symptoms:

Lack of pleasure in anything.

social Isolation, yet fear of being alone.

difficult to do things, even go outside...

Stress intolerance.  I kids Tea Party would scare me. going to the movies..terrifying

mood cycles between depressed and agitated/wired

irritable

I can only sleep as long as my last dose of Xanax, about 4 hours.

concentration difficulties

DP/DR at times

X inter-dose anxiety

Very sensitive to caffeine

I feel odd or off, just can't quite articulate what that means

I feel like I am in a hole that I'll never get out of.

I am not suicidal, but I sure want my life back.

Anyone been here and gotten themselves back?  Will I really heal from

10+ years on low dose Xanax.  I guess i had no idea how powerful Xanax was and it's hold on me...and I am somewhat dubious of the whole BP II thing..I think if it quacks like a benzo duck, it may well be one...

Hello JerryK,

I had everyone of the symptoms that you have listed and know very well how much it sux. I am sorry you are feeling so badly. I am almost 1 week benzo free and other than some ear ringing and insmonia, I am way better than I was a few weeks ago and I took benzo's way longer than you did. You are a typical benzo patient who's nervous system does not agree with the medicine after awhile. You will heal and you just need to constantly remind yourself that. This medicine has a way of telling us that we are damaged goods and may never heal, so push those thoughts out and try to stay positive.

Good luck on your taper and Merry Christmas !

Patrick       

thank you for the kind words.

I've had or still have many of the same symptoms, Jerry.

And it seems very common for people to be concerned they'll never feel better. That doubt almost seems like a withdrawal symptom unto itself.

If you read the Success Stories, though, you'll see that others have traveled this road, felt the same doubt, and did, indeed, get better. We will, too.

Was the move to Valium a good one for you?

Yes, it was, but I was in bad tolerance withdrawal on Klonopin, then I unwittingly dropped way too much, way too fast, early on. The Valium helped me get some balance … until it didn't. I started having a paradoxical reaction to it, so I've made an attempt to taper as rapidly as I can tolerate.

I still think tapering Valium has been easier for me than tapering Klonopin would have been, though, for the reasons listed in the Ashton Manual (longer half-life, lower potency).