A realization in the cold morning light

I have been awake all night thinking and reading and considering my options...

I have concluded that Ashton is right, as are many members here in that we do not really start to heal properly until off.

YES, I think I have healed a lot as I have tapered down, as Juliea said to me in a PM, could I have jumped from 12 mg to 2.9 mg overnight? The answer is NO... so absolutely healing has taken place...

BUT I see this as clear as day now... dragging the last few mgs out over an extremely long time may sound OK in theory... but the reality is that if in misery in the last mgs anyway, why prolong it for years?

The dilemma here is knowing that going faster, even at a conservative speed will be painful also... which I guess is why many eventually rapid taper off as it becomes unbearable... the realization comes that real relief will not happen past a certain point until off.

I made a *TINY* updose this morning and I am going to HOLD for a long time... after which I am going to taper VERY slowly, even slower than I am now and if I keep struggling, I will have to make a slightly bigger cut and see how I weather it...

I am also going to talk with a Doctor... it is starting to dawn upon me that, in spite of not wanting to go the anti depressant route, I may just have to try that avenue...

My gut feeling is I am highly unlikely to be able to carry on tapering slowly as I had planned... but I am going to try... but at this point it feels like I have exhausted tiny daily cuts... I am going to try slower and use a big long hold... but I am starting to realize that whilst speed is not the answer here, tapering for years is clearly only going to work if I can maintain wellness... and that seems to be becoming a real struggle now...

So, I have these things to think over...

1) Updose a little and get stable and have a good break

2) Resume taper at an even slower rate

3) Hook up with a doctor and discuss A/D use...

4) Seek answers to my fears...

5) Consider all options

My main concern, like Mr Scared, is safety... this is a big deal... and I cannot afford to screw this up now... one false move and I may end up crashing off this drug and that could potentially be disastrous...

All I know is that I want to be safe and no way can I like with this level of anxiety non stop for the next few years... I see some get lower and things do improve more... I am not there yet... I am feeling the anxiety pretty badly... and I need to know how to lose the last of this... I really do not think I can do it without some help... I will try but I need a firm plan B also... because this is getting really hard now... and I am pretty frightened...

One of my main questions to a Doctor is safety in the acute phase, what may help... will power isn't going to do this... my body is already starting to rebel at this dose now... so how the hell am I supposed to taper to zero? I am not even close yet.

I thought a taper could heal me from this... now I think that this won't get underway until I am off... obviously getting as low as one possibly can helps the post taper jump... but I can't see a way of getting there and going slower is not really going to solve this... because I am barely making progress as it is... so that just tells me, I need some help somehow... I really do.

I am not even sure it is in my best interest to withdraw any more... so that is something I am considering also... if I am to get off this drug, I need to sort out a way to do it safely... and that is what I am going to ask a Doctor about... maybe an anti depressant will take the edge off the anxiety... something has to help... otherwise I simply won't make it.

Hello I just tried Zoloft 50 mg per day after 3 days my anxiety went sky high... I was in the ER two nights ago.... Doctor said Zoloft can be too stimulating during benzo WD ..... So now I'm trying Cipralex 5 mg to start . To be honest I fully beleave in a slow daily micro taper, but my thoughts of hurting myself in a moment of panic and terror after enduring this benzo terror for the last year is weakened me . I'm current trying to get into the rehab detox at my local addiction medicine hospital ....they can detox a person up to over 50 days then put me in a 30 day treatment program. I've been to the ER soo many times and the next step would be admitting me to the phyc. Ward which would not help me. I don't trust myself any more...so rehab may be my only option. Better then killing my self in a wave of terror, I'm a very very impulsive person not a good combo in benzo WD.

Not trying to be dramatic.... I just want to make sure I'm safe and don't end my life.

I must be very honest with my self and my dark thoughts, cause nothing wrong in getting help

In a hospital and don't get out till I'm not a threat to myself... Just my opinion

Mr scared Ottawa Canada

Hello I just tried Zoloft 50 mg per day after 3 days my anxiety went sky high... I was in the ER two nights ago.... Doctor said Zoloft can be too stimulating during benzo WD ..... So now I'm trying Cipralex 5 mg to start . To be honest I fully beleave in a slow daily micro taper, but my thoughts of hurting myself in a moment of panic and terror after enduring this benzo terror for the last year is weakened me . I'm current trying to get into the rehab detox at my local addiction medicine hospital ....they can detox a person up to over 50 days then put me in a 30 day treatment program. I've been to the ER soo many times and the next step would be admitting me to the phyc. Ward which would not help me. I don't trust myself any more...so rehab may be my only option. Better then killing my self in a wave of terror, I'm a very very impulsive person not a good combo in benzo WD.

Not trying to be dramatic.... I just want to make sure I'm safe and don't end my life.

 

I must be very honest with my self and my dark thoughts, cause nothing wrong in getting help

In a hospital and don't get out till I'm not a threat to myself... Just my opinion

 

Mr scared Ottawa Canada

My inpatient doc doesnt like SSRI's during withdrawal for the reasons listed above. Too stimulating.

Please be extremely choosy in selecting the site for detox. I was on a psych ward at a top place where the institutional view is that benzos are bad and everybody comes off them.

Oscar,

Do you have any other methods for coping with your anxiety? Like a therapist or CBT or an anxiety workbook or something? Maybe something like that would help?

Joy

Oscar,

 

Do you have any other methods for coping with your anxiety? Like a therapist or CBT or an anxiety workbook or something? Maybe something like that would help?

 

Joy

CBT is not going to touch benzo withdrawal... it would be like trying to put out a blaze with a water pistol.

The last time I went too fast and hit a wall, I had huge panic attacks, thought I was going mad and literally woke every morning to a feeling of strong electricity running through my body and the fear I felt was ridiculous... I was in a constant state of terror.

I totally agree wt you O. CBT I tried doesnt help my benzo WD one bit when my terror comes on I just barely hold it together for hours on end. I'm now trying Cypralex 5mg and after just 3 days my anxiety is threw the roof , I don't know how any one can put up with this for 3 or 4 weeks until the AD kicks in and helps. I can barely handle the anxiety I have most days never mind the added anxiety fr the Cipralex..... Just a insane bad circle

Mr scared